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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU- Dog vs neighbours allergic child !

999 replies

Henryhoover12 · 08/07/2021 14:45

Please can someone tell us if we’re being unreasonable or our neighbours are. We moved to a new house and really got on with our neighbours they are very lovely and we spend lots of time speaking to them. We mentioned that we were purchasing a dog In which they had mortified looks on their faces and explained their DC is extremely allergic to dogs (e.g can’t be in class with anyone who owns a dog etc has been in hospital) we kind of brushed it off and said we can speak about it closer to the time.

After that everytime we bumped into them they kept asking if we “changed our minds” which we found so awkward but in the end we told them not getting a dog wasn’t an option is we have always wanted one but are happy to work things out so it’s safe for their child. They took this badly and didn’t speak to us for a while. Closer to us picking up the dog we went around and asked what they would like us to do to ensure safety for their child.

One of the (long list of) rules was that we didn’t let the dog out while their child was in the garden. This seemed fine at the time until we realised their child is ALWAYS in the garden. And I mean always they have a little treehouse type thing that they play in so come rain and sunshine they are out there. At first we tried to play ball like if our dog wanted to wee we would walk him to the park 10 minutes but now it’s just getting ridiculous so we have started letting him go to wee when it’s raining outside because we really can’t be asked to walk 20 minutes just for that. The last time we did the mum came our and shouted at me saying I’m going to kill her child. AIBU to think that our dog has every much right to use our garden as the child? Our poor dog loves to be outside but is trapped inside because of this and I’m starting to think it’s really unfair

OP posts:
Lysianthus · 08/07/2021 22:49

OP I have read all your posts. You are clearly a very thoughtful person. You are entitled to (legal speak incoming) enjoy your property.
It is not your problem. It may be sad/awful/tragic but it is not your problem. If the neighbours have a child with a life threatening allergy (no one has heard of) it is sad but not your problem. That’s my input! I would continue to be courteous and sympathetic but your dog needs to pee, and will do so in its garden. Best of luck.

PerveenMistry · 08/07/2021 22:50

@campingfever

Well, you are within your 'rights' to get a dog, and not to comply with their rules, but I can't quite get my head around the fact that you went ahead and bought a dog, knowing that it could actually kill their vulnerable child. Sounds like their child already has a very restricted life, and it just got more restricted when you bought the dog. If you hadn't, you wouldn't be in this very difficult situation. Honestly, in your situation I'd rehome the dog, or move. I know it isn't reasonable of your neighbours to expect this, but I wouldn't want to be responsible for the death of a child when I could have prevented it.
Why didn't they purchase a more isolated house??
Original poster
Henryhoover12 · 08/07/2021 22:51

Why am I being made to be the evil person, if something is so dangerous from your child YOU move to somewhere safer (I e detached in the middle of nowhere) not cross your fingers that nobody moves in with a dog next door. Even if I moved chances are the next person will have a dog. It’s the duty of the parents to protect the child not me

OP posts:
Newkitchen123 · 08/07/2021 22:53

What happens when the dog is suddenly sick or has diarrhoea? Do you have to go to the park?

Bargebill19 · 08/07/2021 22:53

@Henryhoover12

Why am I being made to be the evil person, if something is so dangerous from your child YOU move to somewhere safer (I e detached in the middle of nowhere) not cross your fingers that nobody moves in with a dog next door. Even if I moved chances are the next person will have a dog. It’s the duty of the parents to protect the child not me
Glad to see you’ve seen sense!
blahblahblah321 · 08/07/2021 22:54

Oh can you imagine OP sticking the house on the market?

"Can I ask why you've moved out so soon?"

" oh because our neighbours couldn't deal with us not obeying to their rules.."

Those with dogs, need not apply.. HmmGrin

Guavafish · 08/07/2021 22:54

You agreed

You can’t back track now!

Original poster
Henryhoover12 · 08/07/2021 22:54

The RSPCA predict that 44% of households own dogs- so chances are the next person who would move here would also have a dog

OP posts:
campingfever · 08/07/2021 22:55

@Henryhoover12

Why am I being made to be the evil person, if something is so dangerous from your child YOU move to somewhere safer (I e detached in the middle of nowhere) not cross your fingers that nobody moves in with a dog next door. Even if I moved chances are the next person will have a dog. It’s the duty of the parents to protect the child not me
I know you don't want to hear it OP, but I do think it is the moral duty of everyone to prevent children dying whenever we can, not just the parents.
Bargebill19 · 08/07/2021 22:55

@blahblahblah321

Oh can you imagine OP sticking the house on the market?

"Can I ask why you've moved out so soon?"

" oh because our neighbours couldn't deal with us not obeying to their rules.."

Those with dogs, need not apply.. HmmGrin

Yep and the neighbours actions have made it pretty much unsellable.
Original poster
Henryhoover12 · 08/07/2021 22:56

Honestly thank you to everyone who has made me see sense, I feel for the child I really do and I feel for the parents but it’s gone on too long. Will never maliciously go out of my way to hurt the child but my car will be on my drive and if they want to park elsewhere fine. My dog will play in the garden if they want to move her play den inside then be it. I don’t understand how they will protect her from this forever

OP posts:
blahblahblah321 · 08/07/2021 22:56

In fact, aren't you meant to announce if there are arguments between neighbours?

Bargebill19 · 08/07/2021 22:57

@campingfever
know you don't want to hear it OP, but I do think it is the moral duty of everyone to prevent children dying whenever we can, not just the parents.

By being unable to fully use their own property - ? NO.
By not running them over with a car outside of school - yes.

Original poster
Henryhoover12 · 08/07/2021 22:57

@campingfever and I have, for a whole year have followed every thing on that list to protect that child, but it comes a time when you think…. Actually the parents need to protect their kid not me. What if we weren’t so understanding what would they do then? Move? Then maybe that’s what they need to start thinking about

OP posts:
dancinfeet · 08/07/2021 22:58

My DD is likely to go into anaphylactic shock if any dohg saliva or dander were to get into her bloodstream (through a dog bite, or an existing cut) as she is very allergic to them. However, your neighbour is utterly batshit. Ignore and do your thing, just make sure that the dog is very secure and cannot escape the garden into theirs, other than that they are being completely unreasonable.

PerveenMistry · 08/07/2021 22:58

@Henryhoover12

Honestly thank you to everyone who has made me see sense, I feel for the child I really do and I feel for the parents but it’s gone on too long. Will never maliciously go out of my way to hurt the child but my car will be on my drive and if they want to park elsewhere fine. My dog will play in the garden if they want to move her play den inside then be it. I don’t understand how they will protect her from this forever

As another said, let their relatives shift houses so they are in a protected one, or let them move to a remote area.

MissSM9102 · 08/07/2021 22:58

You’ve got more patience than me OP!
I’d be asking what they’d have done if you suddenly needed an assistance dog.
Would it be a game of needs Top Trumps?

Original poster
Henryhoover12 · 08/07/2021 22:59

It just reminds me of people who buy houses next to parks and then complain that people play in the park. If you buy a house next to someone- there is a 44% chance that a dog will be there too. So if you don’t want that 44% risk don’t buy a house next to someone else

OP posts:
Bargebill19 · 08/07/2021 22:59

@Henryhoover12

Honestly thank you to everyone who has made me see sense, I feel for the child I really do and I feel for the parents but it’s gone on too long. Will never maliciously go out of my way to hurt the child but my car will be on my drive and if they want to park elsewhere fine. My dog will play in the garden if they want to move her play den inside then be it. I don’t understand how they will protect her from this forever
They can’t. She is just as likely to run into medical people through her life who own dogs. It is going to be an ever present threat - if it really is one at all.
SecretSpAD · 08/07/2021 22:59

OP I think you'll find that it is only a small number of people calling you selfish. Ignore them. They are as batshit as your neighbours.

You have every moral and legal right to own a dog in your own house. For most of us we have dogs because we want them to be part of our family - that means that as much as possible they join in with family events like BBQs in their own garden. Dogs may not be humans, but to their owners they are every bit as important as humans. I make no apologies for caring more for, and being responsible towards, my dog than a random child. The child is it's parents priority and responsibility and you should not have to inconvenience or restrict your life to pander to them.

That child will have to find a way to be a member of society as much as possible otherwise their parents are doing them a disservice - I'd argue that they are being cruel and negligent. But again, that is not your problem.

Live your life. Enjoy your house, your garden, your dog.

PerveenMistry · 08/07/2021 23:00

@Guavafish

You agreed

You can’t back track now!

Yes they can! Neighbors have had a year to step up and take responsibility for their own issues.

AnotherKrampus · 08/07/2021 23:01

@campingfever Oh don't be so ridiculous! What total nonsense hyperbole!

Bargebill19 · 08/07/2021 23:02

Neighbours have had their child’s whole life to step up and take responsibility- not just this past year.

PerveenMistry · 08/07/2021 23:02

@campingfever

Well, you are within your 'rights' to get a dog, and not to comply with their rules, but I can't quite get my head around the fact that you went ahead and bought a dog, knowing that it could actually kill their vulnerable child. Sounds like their child already has a very restricted life, and it just got more restricted when you bought the dog. If you hadn't, you wouldn't be in this very difficult situation. Honestly, in your situation I'd rehome the dog, or move. I know it isn't reasonable of your neighbours to expect this, but I wouldn't want to be responsible for the death of a child when I could have prevented it.

It would be the parents who are responsible. They've had a year to move to more suitable surroundings.

PrincessNutella · 08/07/2021 23:03

Most allergies are improved by gradual exposure, aren't they?