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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU- Dog vs neighbours allergic child !

999 replies

Henryhoover12 · 08/07/2021 14:45

Please can someone tell us if we’re being unreasonable or our neighbours are. We moved to a new house and really got on with our neighbours they are very lovely and we spend lots of time speaking to them. We mentioned that we were purchasing a dog In which they had mortified looks on their faces and explained their DC is extremely allergic to dogs (e.g can’t be in class with anyone who owns a dog etc has been in hospital) we kind of brushed it off and said we can speak about it closer to the time.

After that everytime we bumped into them they kept asking if we “changed our minds” which we found so awkward but in the end we told them not getting a dog wasn’t an option is we have always wanted one but are happy to work things out so it’s safe for their child. They took this badly and didn’t speak to us for a while. Closer to us picking up the dog we went around and asked what they would like us to do to ensure safety for their child.

One of the (long list of) rules was that we didn’t let the dog out while their child was in the garden. This seemed fine at the time until we realised their child is ALWAYS in the garden. And I mean always they have a little treehouse type thing that they play in so come rain and sunshine they are out there. At first we tried to play ball like if our dog wanted to wee we would walk him to the park 10 minutes but now it’s just getting ridiculous so we have started letting him go to wee when it’s raining outside because we really can’t be asked to walk 20 minutes just for that. The last time we did the mum came our and shouted at me saying I’m going to kill her child. AIBU to think that our dog has every much right to use our garden as the child? Our poor dog loves to be outside but is trapped inside because of this and I’m starting to think it’s really unfair

OP posts:
PixiKitKat · 08/07/2021 19:12

Your house, you do what you want in it! Let the dog play in the garden, you own it. Let them sort their child out if it's that serious.

Be reasonable as neighbours like most people are but there is no need to bend over and let them trample over you, it's ridiculous that you even took your dog out to the park for a wee rather than let it in the garden!

godmum56 · 08/07/2021 19:13

@Mamanyt

Tell her that you have, thus far, bent over backwards to accomodate their child at the expense of your dog, but that going forward, you expect there to be set, reasonable times of day that your dog can enjoy the garden. Give her those times, if you want to. "The dog will be out from this time to this time." Maybe two hours, twice a day? Dunno. GIve that one some thought.

At the risk of sounding truely horrible, but just being realistic, at some point this allergy is probably going to kill this child, if it is a severe as they claim. She's going to come face-to-face with dogs in her life.

You are trying. But don't ruin your own lives over this. Here in the US, there are "no pets" communities. Perhaps there are there, and they would be far happier and safer in one.

two hours a day????? two hours a fucking day???????? sod that
Dwrcegin · 08/07/2021 19:13

Did your neighbours hold any of the previous owners hostage too?

sleepygnome · 08/07/2021 19:13

What would they have done if you hadn't bought the house and the buyer of your house had moved in with a dog they already owned? Would they expect any neighbour to put down or rehome a beloved pet!? They can't insist a complete stranger doesn't own a dog because of their child. It is totally unreasonable. It is up to them to manage their child's allergies in their own home and not impede on their neighbour in the their own home.

burritofan · 08/07/2021 19:14

she knows we don’t want to kill her child
Apart from doing the one single thing they originally asked you not to do…

I’m starting to suspect you changed some major details so as not to be outing, and it’s not actually a dog at all (good call on choosing dog, though; a MN dog thread is always good to fill up a full 40-pager).

SecretSpAD · 08/07/2021 19:15

Assuming you believe the severity of the allergies, as it sounds like you do, then YABU. It’s not about rights. Your dog could kill their child, full-stop

Then it is their responsibility to protect their child. You can't control your neighbours lives to the extent that they cannot buy a dog.

They are the ones who need to move away to an environment more suitable for this child.

Cyw2018 · 08/07/2021 19:16

OP of you want any chance of this thread making it on to classics, I think we need to hear the full list of rules.

The situation is so unique already as to be outing, so please please post the "list of unreasonable rules".

KurtWilde · 08/07/2021 19:16

What if you'd already had a dog when you moved in? I have 4 resident dogs and 2 fosters. No way on Earth I'd be able to keep them inside. You bought a house with a garden and you're entitled to use it. Time to tell your neighbours that you're done with their rules.

Nomorepies · 08/07/2021 19:18

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request

PurpleOkapi · 08/07/2021 19:20

I’m starting to suspect you changed some major details so as not to be outing, and it’s not actually a dog at all (good call on choosing dog, though; a MN dog thread is always good to fill up a full 40-pager).

Interesting! But what else could it be that needs to go in and out of their garden? If this was actually about whether she's allowed to grow peanuts, I'm going to laugh.

thenightsky · 08/07/2021 19:24

Wait, what? You are not allowed to park your car on the drive because its had a dog in it? (going by their mad list you posted earlier).

NotTerfNorCis · 08/07/2021 19:25

I find it really hard to believe that the child is THAT allergic to dogs. If she is, she's going to have a really difficult life.

NotTerfNorCis · 08/07/2021 19:26

Most people who're allergic to dogs are even more allergic to cats. How do they cope with cats wandering into the garden?

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 08/07/2021 19:26

@PurpleOkapi

I’m starting to suspect you changed some major details so as not to be outing, and it’s not actually a dog at all (good call on choosing dog, though; a MN dog thread is always good to fill up a full 40-pager).

Interesting! But what else could it be that needs to go in and out of their garden? If this was actually about whether she's allowed to grow peanuts, I'm going to laugh.

Maybe it's a cat which would explain it a bit more because they roam.
burritofan · 08/07/2021 19:28

I think it’s bee sting allergy, OP has become a pandemic hobbyist beekeeper, and it’s not a cul de sac it’s a private road.

LST · 08/07/2021 19:30

@godmum56 my dog has full access to the garden from 7 in the morning until around 9 at night. So 2 hours would be nothing.

Original poster
Henryhoover12 · 08/07/2021 19:30

I love when people try to go on all Sherlock Holmes- it is most definitely about a dog and child that is allergic to dogs (no I am not growing a peanut tree)

Yes one of the rules is that we’re not allowed to park on our drive, our drive is very close to their drive kinda touching so it would mean very close proximity of the dog touching their car. So we have to park at the end of the cul de sac

OP posts:
LST · 08/07/2021 19:31

@Henryhoover12

I love when people try to go on all Sherlock Holmes- it is most definitely about a dog and child that is allergic to dogs (no I am not growing a peanut tree)

Yes one of the rules is that we’re not allowed to park on our drive, our drive is very close to their drive kinda touching so it would mean very close proximity of the dog touching their car. So we have to park at the end of the cul de sac

Just no! This has got to be a wind up? Do you have a spine at all?
ApolloandDaphne · 08/07/2021 19:32

@Henryhoover12

I love when people try to go on all Sherlock Holmes- it is most definitely about a dog and child that is allergic to dogs (no I am not growing a peanut tree)

Yes one of the rules is that we’re not allowed to park on our drive, our drive is very close to their drive kinda touching so it would mean very close proximity of the dog touching their car. So we have to park at the end of the cul de sac

I hope you are back parked on your own drive now?
lynsey91 · 08/07/2021 19:32

[quote missingholland]@XioXio, no, not the neighbour. Thankfully, not finding myself (yet) in a situation of having to find a way of raising a very vulnerable child.

We don't know enough detail about the school situation. And most of our reasoning is based on assumptions right now on that topic.

I do think that the parents realise, however, that it is not in their interests to make an enemy out of OP, and I cannot imagine they would be so silly to do unnecessarily. As so many PPs have suggested, she could get a second, or even a dozen more dogs, and have them outside 24/7. I hence think they must be genuine, at least to a large extent.

I also think it is important to remember that OP and neighbours used to have a decently functioning relationship before this all happened. If they had been truly 'batshit crazy' as so many people claim, surely this would have appeared in some form or other earlier on. My experience with very unreasonable people is that the crazy can't be hidden for long. Their demands also (but maybe OP can shed light on this) look to be restricted only to the dog.

Are they trying to extend control in other sections of your life, @Henryhoover12? That might be interesting to know.[/quote]
We do know that the school situation is a lie. No way can that be true.

Yes they had a decently functioning relationship before but that presumably was because OP was obeying all the rules set by her crazy neighbours. I assume they don't like dogs so don't want their neighbour to have one and are now furious that OP dared to disobey their ridiculous rules.

Giving a list of rules and expecting a neighbour to obey them certain is batshit crazy.

Dwrcegin · 08/07/2021 19:34

@Henryhoover12

I love when people try to go on all Sherlock Holmes- it is most definitely about a dog and child that is allergic to dogs (no I am not growing a peanut tree)

Yes one of the rules is that we’re not allowed to park on our drive, our drive is very close to their drive kinda touching so it would mean very close proximity of the dog touching their car. So we have to park at the end of the cul de sac

Please upload a photo of the list. The level of control they've exerted is outrageous, we need to see it!
GettingItOutThere · 08/07/2021 19:34

stop engaging with them. its mental!

thenightsky · 08/07/2021 19:35

@Henryhoover12

I love when people try to go on all Sherlock Holmes- it is most definitely about a dog and child that is allergic to dogs (no I am not growing a peanut tree)

Yes one of the rules is that we’re not allowed to park on our drive, our drive is very close to their drive kinda touching so it would mean very close proximity of the dog touching their car. So we have to park at the end of the cul de sac

I'd have lost my temper by now. The car would be in its rightful place on my drive and the dog would have free access to my enclosed by a six foot fence plus hedge
PurpleOkapi · 08/07/2021 19:35

Why can't they just park somewhere else while you park in your own drive? I don't understand why you never asked these sorts of questions.

Flowerlane · 08/07/2021 19:35

@Henryhoover12

I love when people try to go on all Sherlock Holmes- it is most definitely about a dog and child that is allergic to dogs (no I am not growing a peanut tree)

Yes one of the rules is that we’re not allowed to park on our drive, our drive is very close to their drive kinda touching so it would mean very close proximity of the dog touching their car. So we have to park at the end of the cul de sac

I’m sorry what??? You agree not to use your own drive that you paid for? Shock

Nip that in the bud now. Get the dog out of the car from the other side (not their drive side).

Seriously they have done you over like a kipper. I’m all for getting on with the neighbours and trying to have some middle ground but you are literally not using your house fully because of them. They don’t pay your bills or mortgage until they do they have no say.

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