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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU- Dog vs neighbours allergic child !

999 replies

Henryhoover12 · 08/07/2021 14:45

Please can someone tell us if we’re being unreasonable or our neighbours are. We moved to a new house and really got on with our neighbours they are very lovely and we spend lots of time speaking to them. We mentioned that we were purchasing a dog In which they had mortified looks on their faces and explained their DC is extremely allergic to dogs (e.g can’t be in class with anyone who owns a dog etc has been in hospital) we kind of brushed it off and said we can speak about it closer to the time.

After that everytime we bumped into them they kept asking if we “changed our minds” which we found so awkward but in the end we told them not getting a dog wasn’t an option is we have always wanted one but are happy to work things out so it’s safe for their child. They took this badly and didn’t speak to us for a while. Closer to us picking up the dog we went around and asked what they would like us to do to ensure safety for their child.

One of the (long list of) rules was that we didn’t let the dog out while their child was in the garden. This seemed fine at the time until we realised their child is ALWAYS in the garden. And I mean always they have a little treehouse type thing that they play in so come rain and sunshine they are out there. At first we tried to play ball like if our dog wanted to wee we would walk him to the park 10 minutes but now it’s just getting ridiculous so we have started letting him go to wee when it’s raining outside because we really can’t be asked to walk 20 minutes just for that. The last time we did the mum came our and shouted at me saying I’m going to kill her child. AIBU to think that our dog has every much right to use our garden as the child? Our poor dog loves to be outside but is trapped inside because of this and I’m starting to think it’s really unfair

OP posts:
SixesAndEights · 08/07/2021 19:35

@Henryhoover12

I love when people try to go on all Sherlock Holmes- it is most definitely about a dog and child that is allergic to dogs (no I am not growing a peanut tree)

Yes one of the rules is that we’re not allowed to park on our drive, our drive is very close to their drive kinda touching so it would mean very close proximity of the dog touching their car. So we have to park at the end of the cul de sac

I think it's their turn to park at the end of the culdesac!
Bargebill19 · 08/07/2021 19:36

@Henryhoover12

I love when people try to go on all Sherlock Holmes- it is most definitely about a dog and child that is allergic to dogs (no I am not growing a peanut tree)

Yes one of the rules is that we’re not allowed to park on our drive, our drive is very close to their drive kinda touching so it would mean very close proximity of the dog touching their car. So we have to park at the end of the cul de sac

What the fuck did I just read????? Grow some dogs balls and start peeing on your patch. No way absolutely no way should anyone be dictating this or taking so much control over your life. Anyone tries this with me and they would the ones to want to move.
lynsey91 · 08/07/2021 19:38

@Henryhoover12

I love when people try to go on all Sherlock Holmes- it is most definitely about a dog and child that is allergic to dogs (no I am not growing a peanut tree)

Yes one of the rules is that we’re not allowed to park on our drive, our drive is very close to their drive kinda touching so it would mean very close proximity of the dog touching their car. So we have to park at the end of the cul de sac

So not only is dog hair, dander, saliva etc floating over the fence and hedge it is possible for it to magically transfer from the inside of the car to their car!

If they mean because of you getting the dog in and out of the car then just do so on the side furthest away from their drive/car.

No way would I park at the end of the cul de sac. So if it's pouring and/or you have 10 bags of heavy shopping you have to park at the end and walk to your house?

Honestly OP just tell them to get lost

lazydaisycrazy · 08/07/2021 19:38

For what it's worth I think you have been a truly wonderful neighbour to these people.

You have, however, given them far too much power in this situation. While I have never heard that pet dander can cause allergies outdoors, it is the parents responsibility to protect their child not yours. You have a right to enjoy life with your dog in your garden if you so wish. No one should be restricting your use of your own garden. If they're not happy, they should move. Perhaps a family member on the road could swap houses with them so they are no longer next to you.

I wish you good luck.

NotTheMrMenAgain · 08/07/2021 19:40

OP, if this is true then you've been a complete fool and a total pushover to be following all of these crazy rules! It's a shame if their DC has such a serious allergy and it must have a huge impact on their lives, as the parents......but that's their lives, not your lives as neighbours. I simply can't get my head around the fact you've accommodated them to such an extreme extent already. Sounds like the mom-neighbour has railroaded you so much - or you've been so agreeable and nodded along - that she expects you to follow any and all rules she makes up.

How's this for an idea - it's your house, your home, your family and your life. Tell her you've tried your very best to accommodate her but the impact on your quality of life and mental health is so great that you aren't able to continue any longer.

Honestly OP, if my DC were so seriously allergic I'd try to live in a secluded, quiet place. Can't imagine trying to control and manipulate my neighbours to such an extent. You sound lovely but in the nicest possible way - grow a backbone and tell her to leave you alone. The whole thing is madness!

Original poster
Henryhoover12 · 08/07/2021 19:40

Honestly I know it sounds mental but we were just so fearful of falling out with them and having nightmare neighbours, their whole family living in the cul de sac added to that. It’ was also a case of stuff slowly being added to the list and as we had a very good relationship we never guessed it. But yes that will mostly end.

I think going forward I’m probably going to wait a couple of days and see if the mum tries to approach us, she could clearly tell she has shocked and pissed me off when she shouted (also someone earlier mentioned she was more worried about shouting then getting the child inside which speaks volumes) if she approaches me and apologises I will accept her apology but tell her the list will be changing.

If she does not come to apologise I will drop her a text that from next week (will give her time to sort stuff out if need be) that the list won’t be followed.

OP posts:
ragged · 08/07/2021 19:40

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NotTheMrMenAgain · 08/07/2021 19:41

Or, tell her to shove her 'list' where the sun doesn't shine. Honestly.......

Mrstreehouse · 08/07/2021 19:42

@PurpleOkapi

Why can't they just park somewhere else while you park in your own drive? I don't understand why you never asked these sorts of questions.
This!
GabriellaMontez · 08/07/2021 19:44

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GabriellaMontez · 08/07/2021 19:45

Tell us about your DH. What is his opinion on not being permitted to park on his own drive?

PineappleTart · 08/07/2021 19:46

OP I think the second she screamed at you, you have the right to ignore all the rules you have previously followed.

If the allergy was that bad it seems crazy that they'd not have mentioned it the minute you met them

PersonaNonGarter · 08/07/2021 19:48

Poor you, OP!

Your house, your dog, your garden.

I would be sending a letter noting that they have placed unreasonable pressure on you over your own property. You will be using your garden for your dog at will for the foreseeable.

Weirdlynormal · 08/07/2021 19:49

OP, THEY need to move. It's been a good ride, but now they need to realise it is them that need to bend the world to their needs and NOT the other way round. You sound like a lovely person, but some people do not realise they are unreasonable (we have a nightmare neighbour that sends her demands via email)

LST · 08/07/2021 19:52

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WaspRelatedEmergency · 08/07/2021 19:52

This is the oddest thing I've ever read on mumsnet. I'm sure their kid is allergic to dogs, but if it was that deadly that hair floating over could set off anaphylaxis, surely the neighbours would have made that clear to estate agents when they knew the house was being sold. They didn't know who would be moving in and whether they had a dog or not?
I can't believe they don't let you park on your drive...

44PumpLane · 08/07/2021 19:52

Fuck me OP, toss the lust out the window, live your bloody life.

If they choose to live on the cul de sac because they like being with their family then that's their choice..... They could be the ones to sell up and move if its that much of an issue..... The onus is on them.

Park in your bloody drive, use your bloody garden. I genuinely feel for the child but you if you are going to stick to all the rules set by them honestly you'd be better off rehoking the dog as it sounds like it must be miserable for you (and maybe even the dog)..... And if you don't want to rehome the dog (I wouldn't) then let it live its life in its house & garden!!!

44PumpLane · 08/07/2021 19:52

*toss the list

chickenyhead · 08/07/2021 19:53

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SecretSpAD · 08/07/2021 19:53

I need to go speak to the neighbour but I don’t know what to say.

You say that you are going to let your dog out when you want to. If they are concerned about their child, they can bring her in for the period of time your dog is in the garden. If they don't like that, then they can fuck off.

Billben · 08/07/2021 19:56

Sweet Lord Jesus, what have I just read?

Nobody can surely be this much of a CF and a doormat.

godmum56 · 08/07/2021 19:56

you can't use your own drive????? and you put up with this? If they are so concerned its up to them not to use their drive! How have you put up with this shit? I mean is this real?

Bargebill19 · 08/07/2021 19:57

Are the neighbours secretly having a sweep stake and wondering how far they can push op before she snaps??

LumpyandBumps · 08/07/2021 19:58

So she is ‘happy’ for you to walk your dog along the road outside her house, but not for it to be in your garden.
Do you walk the dog in a hazmat suit?
If not surely the hair can still blow into her garden/ on her car.
A dog pulling on a lead is probably more likely to shed hair.

Cyberworrier · 08/07/2021 19:58

Please don’t just text saying you won’t be following the list!
In their heightened emotional state that could just escalate the situation and make them even more unreasonable. I really think you need to explain politely and fully your perspective and desire for a solution that works for you both. Followed up by a calm conversation, which if it becomes confrontational (from their side!), you step away from and say the conversation needs to be revisited when you’re both calm.