AIBU- Dog vs neighbours allergic child !

[Henryhoover12]

Please can someone tell us if we’re being unreasonable or our neighbours are. We moved to a new house and really got on with our neighbours they are very lovely and we spend lots of time speaking to them. We mentioned that we were purchasing a dog In which they had mortified looks on their faces and explained their DC is extremely allergic to dogs (e.g can’t be in class with anyone who owns a dog etc has been in hospital) we kind of brushed it off and said we can speak about it closer to the time.

After that everytime we bumped into them they kept asking if we “changed our minds” which we found so awkward but in the end we told them not getting a dog wasn’t an option is we have always wanted one but are happy to work things out so it’s safe for their child. They took this badly and didn’t speak to us for a while. Closer to us picking up the dog we went around and asked what they would like us to do to ensure safety for their child.

One of the (long list of) rules was that we didn’t let the dog out while their child was in the garden. This seemed fine at the time until we realised their child is ALWAYS in the garden. And I mean always they have a little treehouse type thing that they play in so come rain and sunshine they are out there. At first we tried to play ball like if our dog wanted to wee we would walk him to the park 10 minutes but now it’s just getting ridiculous so we have started letting him go to wee when it’s raining outside because we really can’t be asked to walk 20 minutes just for that. The last time we did the mum came our and shouted at me saying I’m going to kill her child. AIBU to think that our dog has every much right to use our garden as the child? Our poor dog loves to be outside but is trapped inside because of this and I’m starting to think it’s really unfair

@SixesAndEights

I hope so! If they own a trio of 3 houses together then swapping might be a good idea like others have mentioned. I agree OPs life shouldn't be severely restricted, and OP has probably been pressured into giving them easy solutions. But I assume there must be some solutions and compromises that both can take that are safe and reasonable. I imagine it won't be ideal for either but hopefully reasonable enough for both to live comfortably. Again, what a shit situation for both to deal with though.

PS:n If someone reacted this unreasonable, then any goodwill with other 'rules' you voluntarily agreed to be null and void. Some people on here are beyond strange. And no one can decide who is more important, a child or a dog per se. For those that own a beloved pet, it will be their pet over an unrelated neighbourhood child.

They are totally ridiculous. I've met people with allergies that bad - they live a very restricted life, didnt dare go to school and actually did wear a special suit when outside the house. If the child was that bad, you'd see it.

Enjoy your dog and let your dog enjoy your garden. If they don't like it then they can fuck off to an isolated house where no dogs are found within a miradius.

@AnotherKrampus
This. Totally this.

Do not engage again. Get a camera to keep an eye on your pup in case they go proper batshit, and enjoy your garden.

I think the recommendations re allergy centres should be passed on the OPs neighbour. If the allergy is so severe, the child will be unable to do so many things in life that it will become more restrictive than the highest of Covid 19 restrictions were in Italy or Spain.

@XioXio, no, not the neighbour. Thankfully, not finding myself (yet) in a situation of having to find a way of raising a very vulnerable child.

We don't know enough detail about the school situation. And most of our reasoning is based on assumptions right now on that topic.

I do think that the parents realise, however, that it is not in their interests to make an enemy out of OP, and I cannot imagine they would be so silly to do unnecessarily. As so many PPs have suggested, she could get a second, or even a dozen more dogs, and have them outside 24/7. I hence think they must be genuine, at least to a large extent.

I also think it is important to remember that OP and neighbours used to have a decently functioning relationship before this all happened. If they had been truly 'batshit crazy' as so many people claim, surely this would have appeared in some form or other earlier on. My experience with very unreasonable people is that the crazy can't be hidden for long. Their demands also (but maybe OP can shed light on this) look to be restricted only to the dog.

Are they trying to extend control in other sections of your life, @Henryhoover12? That might be interesting to know.

If the allergy is really that serious, they should've made an effort to let prospective buyers know and explained it as soon as you moved in. (What if you'd invited guests to stay and they brought a dog?)

As so many others have said, what would they have done if the buyers already owned a couple of dogs? Would they have tried to guilt the new neighbours into rehoming their established pets?

I'd suspect that they're over-reacting and being excessively cautious, and since there's a good, tall fence, I'd want to feel free to let my dog use the garden as and when I chose. The problem is that they and the rest of their family will probably make things awkward or worse, if you do so.

Ultimately, the onus is on them to protect their child, but they can make your life uncomfortable every step of the way. It might be worth considering moving again, soon, even though you don't want to. The chances of your next set of neighbours claiming to have a life-threatening allergy to dogs is extremely low. They might not be very nice in a thousand other ways, but I think you'll be safe from this particular scenario happening again!

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor

LOL @ speak to the allergy consultant

Hello , I'm just ringing to check to see if child x really does have a bad allergy or if her parents are bat shit crazy...what do you mean you won't discuss it with me,I'm a MUMSNETTER if you please!!!

I think it was more a case of asking the allergy consultant along the lines of “if a child had extremely severe allergy to dogs, would there need to be specific precautions outdoors such as distance to be maintained between said child and dogs in neighbouring properties”

It's their job to protect their child, not yours.

Tell her that you have, thus far, bent over backwards to accomodate their child at the expense of your dog, but that going forward, you expect there to be set, reasonable times of day that your dog can enjoy the garden. Give her those times, if you want to. "The dog will be out from this time to this time." Maybe two hours, twice a day? Dunno. GIve that one some thought.

At the risk of sounding truely horrible, but just being realistic, at some point this allergy is probably going to kill this child, if it is a severe as they claim. She's going to come face-to-face with dogs in her life.

You are trying. But don't ruin your own lives over this. Here in the US, there are "no pets" communities. Perhaps there are there, and they would be far happier and safer in one.

[quote missingholland]@XioXio, no, not the neighbour. Thankfully, not finding myself (yet) in a situation of having to find a way of raising a very vulnerable child.

We don't know enough detail about the school situation. And most of our reasoning is based on assumptions right now on that topic.

I do think that the parents realise, however, that it is not in their interests to make an enemy out of OP, and I cannot imagine they would be so silly to do unnecessarily. As so many PPs have suggested, she could get a second, or even a dozen more dogs, and have them outside 24/7. I hence think they must be genuine, at least to a large extent.

I also think it is important to remember that OP and neighbours used to have a decently functioning relationship before this all happened. If they had been truly 'batshit crazy' as so many people claim, surely this would have appeared in some form or other earlier on. My experience with very unreasonable people is that the crazy can't be hidden for long. Their demands also (but maybe OP can shed light on this) look to be restricted only to the dog.

Are they trying to extend control in other sections of your life, @Henryhoover12? That might be interesting to know.[/quote]
There is no school that can promise no one has dogs. That no one comes into contact with dogs. Not a private school, not a school for children with extra needs. Anything where there's more than a few families are involved its impossible to manage.

You are basing your input on the parents being right, but its really clear they are not.

I mean what would the have done if someone like me bought the house? I have 2 dogs, who are put most of the day in good weather and certainly wouldn't be following loads of rules the neighbours our set out

And I have fairly serious allergies myself.

The houses have been passed down through generations

I'm still hoping you're pulling our legs, OP, but if not - and as said - the above could explain a lot about the level of control they expect to enjoy

It may well be time to start disappointing them, but if you do, be prepared to find a horse's head on the doorstep when you come home

I would be letting the dog outside, it's not fair for them to dictate how you use your own property. If there's a high fence and you keep an eye on the dog then there's not much else you can do. They need to compromise if they're going to be anxious about it, they cant expect you not to be in the garden at all.

As the owner of three dogs, if you need to let them out, let them out.
What would they have done if somebody moved in with a load of dogs?
Her child is not your responsibility, I think in this situation I would calmly point out, look I own a dog and I can use my garden whenever I want to, Come the winter you are not going to want to walk your dog to the park every time it needs to pee - its just not realistic and for you must be a real pain.
Tell her its her responsibility to call her child in if she spots the dog in the garden. My dogs love pottering around the garden or just enjoying the sun, I would not be dictated to on this.
Explain its a difficult situation but it doesn't really have anything to do with you.

To those saying op should be nice and do ask the neighbour says - where so you draw the line in this? What if the op was a dog breeder, a dog Walker or ran a doggy day care from home. Should she have to change jobs or become unemployed to placate this neighbour ? No. So no, she should have to abide by lists of rules on how she can or cannot use her own home and garden. (Within legal rules of course)

Actually op - have you considered a change in career??

You've been more than accomodating OP. This is your house you can live how you please. She can't place restrictions on your garden.

I'm outraged that anyone on here, never mind your batshit neighbour, believes that you should restrict your dog's access to your own garden to specific times, and that your neighbour has apparently dictated still more rules.

You bought a house with a garden so that you could use the garden. Any way you please. You've absolutely made a big error in accomodating them in any way since they now clearly see you as malleable and subordinate.

Time to don the big girl panties, and tell the neighbour that all previous negotiations are now null and void due to her unreasonable expectations and shouting at you and that it's her responsibility to protect her child, not yours, and furthermore that you'll be taking legal action if she continues to harrass you. (And do so!!)

Presumably you'll be wanting to sell and move as soon as humanly possible to get away from a cul-de-sac of maniacs, but until you're able to do so, stand up for yourself and your dog.

Gosh, I haven't felt this riled up about anything other than politics for years!

The parents are attempting to control OP's behavior by using their own child as a hostage. "The child will be outside, no matter the risk. Do what we say, or she dies!"

Your dog, your garden - do what you would like with both of them. If the child is so allergic, she can keep it indoors.

I smell a lot of things on this thread

Perhaps suggest she swap home with one of her relatives? Not sure what else you can do! The cost of moving is huge.

@Puzzledandpissedoff

The houses have been passed down through generations

I'm still hoping you're pulling our legs, OP, but if not - and as said - the above could explain a lot about the level of control they expect to enjoy

It may well be time to start disappointing them, but if you do, be prepared to find a horse's head on the doorstep when you come home

All I can think of now is scene with the poodles head in twin town

I'm not sure what you want us to say.
You have every right to have a dog and all your friends dogs if you like in your garden.
Your neighbour has no right to dictate to you what to do.
They need to move into a house with no neighbours!

This is absolute madness op surely you can see that !! You cannot continue to live like this and you say there are other rules that you have to live by also ? Grow a backbone and tell them where to go