AIBU- Dog vs neighbours allergic child !

[Henryhoover12]

Please can someone tell us if we’re being unreasonable or our neighbours are. We moved to a new house and really got on with our neighbours they are very lovely and we spend lots of time speaking to them. We mentioned that we were purchasing a dog In which they had mortified looks on their faces and explained their DC is extremely allergic to dogs (e.g can’t be in class with anyone who owns a dog etc has been in hospital) we kind of brushed it off and said we can speak about it closer to the time.

After that everytime we bumped into them they kept asking if we “changed our minds” which we found so awkward but in the end we told them not getting a dog wasn’t an option is we have always wanted one but are happy to work things out so it’s safe for their child. They took this badly and didn’t speak to us for a while. Closer to us picking up the dog we went around and asked what they would like us to do to ensure safety for their child.

One of the (long list of) rules was that we didn’t let the dog out while their child was in the garden. This seemed fine at the time until we realised their child is ALWAYS in the garden. And I mean always they have a little treehouse type thing that they play in so come rain and sunshine they are out there. At first we tried to play ball like if our dog wanted to wee we would walk him to the park 10 minutes but now it’s just getting ridiculous so we have started letting him go to wee when it’s raining outside because we really can’t be asked to walk 20 minutes just for that. The last time we did the mum came our and shouted at me saying I’m going to kill her child. AIBU to think that our dog has every much right to use our garden as the child? Our poor dog loves to be outside but is trapped inside because of this and I’m starting to think it’s really unfair

@Louise1051

I’m with you here OP - sick of neighbours trying to dictate how you should behave in your own home. Now I’m not condoning antisocial behaviour like music blaring into the small hours of the morning but if their kids that bad they need to find a detached property with a lot of land and stop expecting everyone to bend over backwards for their convenience. Xx

I don't see why they can't come to some sort of arrangement with the plethora of family members who also live in the culdesac.

It’s not really the fence that is an issue they have mentioned it being airborne

what sort of dog is it? Dog hair and saliva floating over the fence to trigger a reaction in their child sounds vanishingly unlikely even if it's a hairy dog that sheds.

And people please stop using the s word. It has been massively overused in the past 18 months. Come up with something more creative if you disapprove of the OP getting a dog!

Totally unreasonable of your neighbours to dictate whether you can have a dog or not. If your garden is secure, I fail to see the problem, as surely dog owners are walking their dogs past their house every day in anycase. But I expect that neighbourly relationship could become strained, should you go ahead with your plans. Good luck OP.

Yanbu but I don’t see how you can move forward. The family should’ve made it clear to prospective buyers before someone brought it. Or they should’ve brought the house and rented to non dog owners. Not sure where you stand legally. Also not sure you’re going to want to continue living there given the family owning all but one of the houses. Is there an ulterior motive? Do they want yo buy your house?

The neighbours sound bonkers. Just wondering about your fencing situation? how tall is the fence? could you or your neighbours put in taller panels? could you or your neighbours put in a tall laurel bush? Just creating a bit of a buffer zone.

I think it's totally unreasonable for your neighbours to dictate like this. There is no law to say you can't have a dog because people have allergies

@Henryhoover12

I think the issue is that we are basically the only house in the cul de sac that is not part of this family and for them to all see us killing the previous child in their family they you can imagine the tension that this has caused. I can’t even take my dog out for a walk without having a million dirty looks and I have thick skin but it’s not nice to feel hated.

You aren't being unreasonable or selfish in my view but in these circumstances I agree it's worth trying to appease as much you can (without getting rid of your dog!). Living in a cul de sac of their relatives glaring at you must be difficult and could escalate to you being confronted in the street, plus as others have said I would be worried about your dog's safety. Your concern about the 'Neighbours from Hell' are justified.

Can you write a note to them first, suggesting then talking in person, to find some compromises (that isn't about you getting rid of your dog?) . Also reassuring them about the very low risk of transmission over a decent fence outdoors - there is some information online about it. In a letter you can reiterate you are sorry this is causing them anxiety and understand they are just feeling protective (despite thinking it's OTT) , repeat what you are prepared/able to do (you said there is a long list of requirements you're already abiding by) and what you think is reasonable steps re the dog. This could include as others have said offering to make the fence higher/more impenetrable, not brushing him outside, maybe not playing vigorously with him when the child is in her garden. All probably unnecessary but show you are willing to try to help. Time slots for garden use certainly seem unrealistic and impractical especially if the poor lonely little kid is stuck with that as her only entertainment.

Also when you do communicate with them I'd point out that even if you were to move away, there is no guarantee any future owners would be dog free or as sympathetic as you are. (This is to ward off them or their family getting the idea in their head to start persecuting you to leave). So it's better to find a solution you can all live with.

It may seem you are being a bit of a doormat to some other posters but I entirely understand why you want to keep it low key and amicable if you can.

I don't buy it. I've known many illergic to dogs, myself included.
I had asthma too, it made me ill. My perents didn't try to stop all the neighbours having dogs, now ridiculous.
Let your dog out when you need to, if she's that bothered she can take her child inside.

@BoxHedge

Can’t believe the selfishness on this thread.

It’s one thing if you don’t believe the severity of the allergy, but for those that do believe it could kill the child and still think “keep the dog anyway, it’s not your problem”… words fail me.

I think most people believe that contact with the dog could be life threatening.

The bit I'm struggling with is how she manages to go to school etc if it is so bad that someone being in contact with a dog then being in contact with her could cause such a severe reaction.

I'd have absolute sympathy if this poor child was stuck in the house and had to be home schooled etc due to the risk.

But the explanation the parents provided to OP doesn't add up.

I wonder if they are (understandably) extremely anxious about there being a dog next door as it causes risk to their DD's life and have perhaps exaggerated the steps implemented by the school

@BoxHedge

Can’t believe the selfishness on this thread.

It’s one thing if you don’t believe the severity of the allergy, but for those that do believe it could kill the child and still think “keep the dog anyway, it’s not your problem”… words fail me.

Words fail me reading that gross. It is utter bullshit a dog being outside effects a child with an allergy through a 6ft fence and 2 hedges. Utter utter bs

Really tough situation. Like others have said it's your house, your garden you can do what you want and neighbours shouldn't be able to dictate whether you get a dog or not.

On the other hand I really feel for the parents and the child. If it really is that serious it must be terrifying knowing there is something next door that could kill your child.

I don't know what the answer is. If it had been mentioned to you before you bought the house would you still have bought it?

If your neighbours are telling the truth about the severity then I don't think you should have got a dog and I think you have been a bit selfish. You say you've always wanted one, and you have to live your live, but it sounds like this child is just trying to survive theirs. I have never heard of a dog allergy like this but you clearly believe them and got one anyway. I just can't understand that.

When dogs want to pee they want to pee - I'm not sure a 5 minute warning would work (or maybe that's just my dog).

Given the fencing and hedges you gave now I don't think there is much more you can do.

I'd worry that if the child is taken ill you will be blamed as it's unlikely that the source can be accurately traced.

Appreciate everything you e said about not moving but I think I'd feel that I'd be blamed whatever happened and it would make it unbearable.

@Shookethtothecore

I have never in my life heard of someone with such severe allergies to a dog. How on earth do they live? I don’t for one second believe it I’m sorry. Especially the school thing.

There was a boy on a programme about allergiesvwho was very highly allergic to dogs. They cured him by consuming dog hair in minute doses gradually increasing over time

They are being utterly ridiculous and precious. Not to mention bullies also, I’m sure they just love having all their extended family around to make you’re life difficult. They don’t sound like nice neighbours at all.

OP to put it into perspective my mums allergic to the sunlight, she doesn’t expect the sun to fuck off every time she sits in her garden though.

@Notonthestairs

When dogs want to pee they want to pee - I'm not sure a 5 minute warning would work (or maybe that's just my dog).

Given the fencing and hedges you gave now I don't think there is much more you can do.

I'd worry that if the child is taken ill you will be blamed as it's unlikely that the source can be accurately traced.

Appreciate everything you e said about not moving but I think I'd feel that I'd be blamed whatever happened and it would make it unbearable.

I was thinking 5 minutes to let him go out and run but yes just a shout when he's going out for a pee so she can go into her playhouse or run inside

@Henryhoover12

I think the issue is that we are basically the only house in the cul de sac that is not part of this family and for them to all see us killing the previous child in their family they you can imagine the tension that this has caused. I can’t even take my dog out for a walk without having a million dirty looks and I have thick skin but it’s not nice to feel hated.

If that's the case, they could decide to swap houses with one of their family members so they don't have to live next door to a dog. Would make sense.

Dogs must walk past their house everyday? Probably wee against their car or brush against it? They must encounter dogs or people who have been near dogs everyday? What about in shops and guide dogs etc?

For those saying we’re selfish, if I had a airborne nut allergy does that mean that nobody in the neighbourhood is allowed nuts?

I have read all your posts but just picked this out... no it doesn't. If you have an airborne nut allergy that could be affected by your neighbours having nuts, you probably need to live somewhere where you will have very few neighbours, rather than trying to control the behaviour of people you don't know.

Same goes for this couple with their child. Unfortunately if they choose to live in a cul de sac where anybody can move in, there is quite a high likelihood that there is going to be someone with a dog.

It's an awful situation and obviously you don't want to harm a child, but at the same time, the parents need to consider the realities of where they are living. They can't expect to prevent all their neighbours from ever owning dogs - that's not realistic. They should look at moving to somewhere more remote that will be safer for their child.

I also wonder if the child is undergoing any medical treatment for this, as there are treatments that can be given for extremely severe allergies. It's probably not your/ our business to ask, but I hope they can find a way because it must be a horrible thing to live with fear of bumping into a dog in such a dog-loving country.

Half of me thought “wow, why would you insist on buying a dog knowing the neighbours kid is so severely allergic?”

But you did anyway- which as a non-dog owner (although I’d like one, I think, maybe, not entirely sure) I may not appreciate the desire/need etc

But your dog can’t go out in your garden because of the neighbours? That’s wrong.

I suppose you could rehome the dog so that it has a chance of a normal life

Or you could conduct a wee test….

Let the dog out whenever he or she wants to go, even if the kid is there, let the onus be on the parents to act to protect their child and keep the responsibility to make the modifications to keep themselves safe.

Let the dog out and see what happens

If the parents don’t pull their kid in, they’re lying.

The way your dog is living isn’t good. You know this.

@Henryhoover12

The issue is I can’t imagine them ever moving because their whole family live in this street and always have (from what we gathered the houses seem to be passed through the generation)

I also agree that a timetable won’t work- if the dog needs to pee the dog needs to pee. But also why is our dog restricted to 5 minutes a day in the garden. When we have family bbqs and he’s trapped inside it’s not fair.

I didn't mean 5 minutes PER DAY I meant 5 mins every time he dog needs to go out, sorry if that wasn't clear.

@SleepingStandingUp ah yes I see what you mean - yes that would be helpful I'm sure.

@MysteriousMonkey

If your neighbours are telling the truth about the severity then I don't think you should have got a dog and I think you have been a bit selfish. You say you've always wanted one, and you have to live your live, but it sounds like this child is just trying to survive theirs. I have never heard of a dog allergy like this but you clearly believe them and got one anyway. I just can't understand that.

I have to say I agree with this. I couldn't enjoy my dream house with my dream husband and dream dog if I actually thought our lifestyle choice could be fatal to a child. How blissful will it be when there's an ambulance outside and a hysterical mother screaming at you? I'd have put the dog ownership on hold and moved.

If the child can manage to go to school where other children and adults are who may not have dogs themselves (find it hard to believe not one does) but still may come into contact with other families members with dogs or even on their journey to school the others could encounter a dog then you can have a dog in your garden with a 6ft fence and bushes either side.

Do the parents work?? What about the family member in the street surely they come into contact with others who have dogs.

@SleepingStandingUp that would literally never happen in this situation

allergy to dog