Words and phrases that confused you as a child at school - or am I the only one?

[FortunesFave]

I clearly remember thinking 'what?" whenever the teacher mentioned "The Apparatus" during PE.

I didn't know what apparatus was! This was in primary school. She'd shout to the group of us in the 'big hall' "Don't touch the apparatus!" during the times when we were allowed to run around aimlessly during "PE lessons"

Then there was the mysterious "Cloakroom" I couldn't work out if this was a euphemism for toilets or if they meant the tiny bit of the corridor where we hung our coats.

Still not sure. Was I a lone weirdo who didn't understand basic stuff?

@50but17inside

When football scores were announced on the radio I always thought ‘on aggregate’ meant it was too wet to play on the grass so they had used a school playground or something.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Not at school but when I was a child we used to have these plastic dolls that we played with. We always seemed to have several of them in the house, no idea why.

On the dolls' backs was a little square with the words 'pat pending' in small raised letters. My sister and I were convinced it was the dolls' real name.

Possessed cheese reminds me of the time S1 asked me what consecrated meant. When I explained he looked a bit puzzled and said "I mean like consecrated orange juice!"

And of course there's the classic desecrated coconut

@Talipesmum I still feel deep down that Juniors are big ones (and this despite reading the whole Chalet School series from the age of seven). I've known several kids get confused when told to "go to Reception."

@GromblesofGrimbledon

Oh I remember one. Fits with my name too! When I was a kid I never understood the theme tune to the Wombles.

The wombles of Wimbledon Common are we...

In my head it was

The wombles of Wimbledon, common are we...

I had heard of Wimbledon but I only knew "common" to mean lots of something. I thought it meant there where loads of wombles everywhere. Common or garden wombles. Then when Pulp's song "common people" was in the charts I thought it meant the wombles were common because they were scruffy and picked up litter to build their houses.

I think it’s meant to be a play on words so it means both Common and common (as in not rare)

@CatMuffin

Your PE comment also reminded me in PE no one ever explained the rules to netball, basketball, hockey etc but everyone seemed to know what they were doing so I was constantly shouted at for breaking the rules Same! They seemed to expect that we'd been taught the rules at primary school or something and I hadn't. My mum said exactly the same thing. Forever getting told off for not knowing the rules. I suppose I could have tried to get hold of a book teaching me the rules but you don't necessarily think to do that at that age. I think PE teaching is better these days as my dds haven't had the same problem. I did know what apparatus was as the teacher got these out for us to go on regularly from infant school. If you never got to go on them I can see it would be a bit mysterious

One year we had an art teacher for PE, and we taught her the rules for netball!

There was a sign in my primary school that said "Do not run in the corridor" then there was a picture and underneath it said "You may injure another child".
I didn't connect the two sentences and wondered why we weren't allowed to run but we were allowed to hurt other children!

@HunkyPunk

In assembly, at primary school, we sometimes sang the hymn which started 'There is a green hill far away without (i.e. outside) a city wall..' I always used to have a mental picture of all these other hills nearby with walls round them. Never really questioned it!

Ah it's easier in Scotland. We say "outwith" meaning "outside of" or "beyond" to make that distinction. That would make sense to say "outwith the city walls."

Outwith the city.
Outwith school.
Outwith business hours.
Outwith my remit.

Etc.

When people just call alcohol “drink” or “have a drink”. I was very confused when I learned the there was a period in America called prohibition when “drinking” was illegal Thinking everyone must’ve been very thirsty.

This one is a bit embarrassing but when I was a child I learned John Lennon had been murdered (years before) and asked my Dad why someone would want to kill him. My dad said it was because he was special. Goodness knows why that was his explanation. To me at the time, special mean special needs so in my mind it was some sort of disablist hate crime against a man with special needs. For ages afterwards I’d see footage of Lennon performing with the Beatles and wonder what type of special need he had and how it really wasn’t obvious etc.

Never understood the phrase 'butter wouldn't melt in her mouth'. She's got a cold mouth? What? Is she ok?

My little friend Anna had a coat her mum called an anorak so I assumed everyone's coat was their own 'rak'.

@BreakfastOfWaffles

There was a sign in my primary school that said "Do not run in the corridor" then there was a picture and underneath it said "You may injure another child". I didn't connect the two sentences and wondered why we weren't allowed to run but we were allowed to hurt other children!

@stonebrambleboy

When reciting the 'Hail Mary'. I was sure our Headmaster said ' Blessed art thou amongst swim in.' I imagined Our Lady swimming at the baths in a competition, it really confused me. Of course the correct words were ' Blessed art thou amongst women' 😊

Aw, that reminds me of my dad. When he was a child he thought it was "Blessed art thou a monk swimming"!

Not even long ago, please can someone explain.
Drug and Alcohol free event.
Are you free to use drugs and alcohol, is the event free?

In RE, taken by the head, a girl asked, "Please Miss G.... E..., what's a whore (pronounced 'wore')?" The reply was, "It's pronounced hoar, and its the sort of girl your mother would not like you to be."

My mum was driving me and was stuck behind a slow car, she was relieved to enter a duel carriageway and expressed this relief. My child brain thought she said jewel carriage, so cue me looking around desperately trying to see the Cinderella style carriage, was very disappointed

Also never understood the saying ‘pot calling the kettle black’

@NotNowPlzz

Haha I was also GD and useless so that theory bears out.

I used to get put on the wing in hockey, so all I had to do was run up and down and look busy!

“Pick your feet up”. ?!?

Yes to the to let/toilet and t-junction ones!

Also, I thought the same with the Wombles but thought it was "The Wombles are wimbledon, common are we" I didn't know of Wimbledon the place so thought it was another word for rare then the humans who were singing the song were saying that they are not rare in comparison.

Not connected to school but as a child I used to misread To Let signs as toilet and was stumped as to why public loos were to be found in the most unusual places

Oh the Wombles, in the theme tune it sounds like they’re saying “the Wombles of Wimbledon, common are we”. I thought they were describing themselves as a bunch of scallies

A few religious ones:
My former teacher told us that when he was a child he thought the Lord’s Prayer included “forgive us our chest passes” (a netball pass) rather than “trespasses”.

I’m a primary teacher (in the north east if you imagine the accent) and recently discovered the kids’ believed the vicar who comes in to take assembly sometimes is called Pasta Derek, rather than Pastor Derek

Also didn't know the Lord's prayer when I went to a new school where everyone else did. Very upsetting at 5 years old!

Soft drinks. I didn't understand this at all. Fizzy drinks seemed sharp and spiky to me ( never really liked them because of this) so I thought soft drinks were the non fizzy ones that didn't hurt your mouth.

Sherlock Holmes. I heard "homes" and thought it was a chain of children's homes.

And the disappointment when Micheal Fish came on to read the weather forecast! I thought it was going to be a cartoon about a Fish called Michael.

When I was quite young and fairly new to reading and counting I used to mis-hear the words of this one hymn at my Dads church (Roman Catholic). The line sounded like "sing forty words" but I didn't understand what these forty words were. I even tried to count the number of words in the hymn in the book (as high as I could count anyway).

It turned out to be "send forth your word". Pfff! Haven't sung it in years but still like my version better.

My mother found my younger primary aged sister rooting through her wardrobes after school one day. When asked what she was looking for she said. 'Teacher told us to wear our thinking caps tomorrow'

I have northern relations who were allowed to go play at the Wreck and was very excited to be able to go with them to see this amazing broken ship. The shitty swings and rusty roundabout were quite the disappointment at the Rec reation Area

Also our grandmother would save money for us to buy toffees. They would spend it on sweets and crisps. I was horrified at their disobedience.

A school one was all the hoo hah over the Baby Jesus at Christmas, being born and no one realised how special and amazing he would be. THEN he was all grown up and died at Easter....how did no one think to quibble how this happened. Never occurred to me that it was not all accomplished in a single stretch from Dec to April.

Not me, but when my neighbour's DC were wee, they asked me to sponsor them for an event.

It was a "hospital course" apparently, and I was thinking how cute, they'll be putting bandages on their wee pals or something. I was in a hurry so just added my name to the form and didn't ask them about it.

When they came to collect the money a couple of weeks later, I asked them about it and what they had to do. I was most confused about the breathless 6yo excitement telling me about how they "climbed up a big thing, and and and went under a net thing and and and..." until it dawned on me that it was an obstacle course!