Words and phrases that confused you as a child at school - or am I the only one?

[FortunesFave]

I clearly remember thinking 'what?" whenever the teacher mentioned "The Apparatus" during PE.

I didn't know what apparatus was! This was in primary school. She'd shout to the group of us in the 'big hall' "Don't touch the apparatus!" during the times when we were allowed to run around aimlessly during "PE lessons"

Then there was the mysterious "Cloakroom" I couldn't work out if this was a euphemism for toilets or if they meant the tiny bit of the corridor where we hung our coats.

Still not sure. Was I a lone weirdo who didn't understand basic stuff?

@dworky

Priceless. "It has no price, it must cost nothing".

Yes this always got me too!

I'm never sure whether 'conspicuous' or 'inconspicuous' means something that stands out, because people often use one of them sarcastically.

I was always told my work was excellent but I should concentrate on being neater. This was throughout primary school (5-12 years old). I had no idea what this meant, although every teacher said it, wrote it on my jotters. If they’d explained they wanted my work to be tidier, I would’ve understood.

Between ages 4-6, I didn’t really understand time. So if someone asked, ‘when last did you see X?” I’d say, ‘20yrs ago’. This used to make visiting relatives crack up. I never understood what was so funny, after all DMUM & DD said it all the time. DM used to make my aunts ask when I last I saw or did whatever all the time and I was always when they burst out laughing.

As a child of around 3 yo I was confused with "Wednesday week". I asked mum how you know if it's a Monday week or a Wednesday week.

I've known several kids get confused when told to "go to Reception."

I forgot I'd done this! In year 2 the teacher told me to take a letter to reception, so I took it to the reception/foundation class.

Later in primary school, I had a teacher who used marbles in jars as good behaviour points. When another teacher said she'd "lost her marbles", one of my classmates replied "they're all in Miss X's classroom."

I am the Lord of the Dance Settee

This wasn't even that long ago, I'm in a group a bit like WI, and we were told we'd be having an American supper.
I googled so many traditional American recipes, and bought some stuff from the international area on Ocado.

I realised later on, when I saw it in a different context, that an American supper is just a bloody bring a dish buffet! I was retrospectively mortified.

I can always remember being told off for being cheeky. I had no idea what I'd done that was cheeky, I assumed it was something to do with the cheeks on my face...

PurpleSproutingSomething I've managed to reach the age of 72 without ever having heard the expression 'American supper' let alone knowing what it means, well I do now obviously, thanks to your post, but I doubt I'll ever hear it again.

I'm pretty sure if I someone had told me we were having an American supper I would have assumed the same as you.

My sister became a real science whizz as the years went by but as a child she thought ‘friction’ was rolled up bits of sweaty, dead skin. Her teacher had demonstrated the act of creating friction but rubbing her hands together. So my insanely clever sister thought those bits of black skank were actually friction. Gives us all hope!

@RestingFace

I am the Lord of the Dance Settee

This. I always sang this version in school assembly! I also sang ‘Poppadum Bridge’ because I didn’t know it was in fact ‘Papa Don’t Preach’

@Treeballarae

Not quite the same, but I was an awkward child, tended to take the literal meaning from things so friends would say "see you later" and I'd say "no you won't" not understanding they just meant "cheerio".

Your PE comment also reminded me in PE no one ever explained the rules to netball, basketball, hockey etc but everyone seemed to know what they were doing so I was constantly shouted at for breaking the rules.

Maybe we were off sick the day everyone else were taught these things

I swear I was off on the day everyone else learnt the recorder.

I mimed recorder playing for about 3 years after that.

@PurpleSproutingSomething

I'd have brought burgers or something. I don't know if that's a very popular phrase. I've lived all over the UK and never heard it.

@AlizeeEasy The pot and kettle thing is that they would have been both made out of the same material, say copper, then both blackened by the same fires. So it’s an expression to say one person is accusing someone of something that applies to them too.

@Fifthtimelucky I had exactly the same things with troops! And definitely don’t have to remind myself even at my grand old age even now

@pigsDOfly In a similar vein, I recently learned what a safari supper actually was. I had imagined it being a picnic you have whilst on safari - having been on safari as well, and having wine and a buffet afterwards, I was convinced this was a safari supper

@NumberTheory

Haha! I can see the hammer now

Another one I remember was being with a friend and her family for the day. I don't remember where we were headed but her mum said "we need to stop in and look at sweets first."

I was so excited I skipped all the way there thinking we were going to Woolworths to look and at then choose from all the pick n mix sweets.

Nope. Suites. We looked at sofas for their living room.

I was gutted and too embarrassed to ask wtf was going on after I said "but what about the sweets?" and her mother replied "yes we won't be long looking at them."

I spent quite a lot of my early catholic primary school days thinking God was called Harold.
" Our Father who art in heaven Harold be thy name'

Also not knowing what a womb was, pictured the Virgin Mary holding a bowl of fruit! (" fruit of thy womb")

I also used to misread To Let as Toilet wondering why people would put signs on their houses announcing this ( doesn't everyone have one?)

I thought 'second to none' was 'second to a nun'. I pictured this super talented nun in my head that beat everybody else. I was embarrassingly old when I found out that was not the case.

VienneseWhirligig Well, I've never heard of a safari supper either, I am clearly completely ignorant regarding the whole subject of suppers.

I've googled safari supper. Good grief, seems like a lot of effort, trotting around from place to place . I prefer your idea of its meaning.

Are there any other suppers I should know about?

Much discussion of guerillas on the news when I was small... In my mind, groups of large primates dressed in camo with guns, storming planes.

More recently far too recently I read 'miniseries' as miniz-eries. And thought it was a production company or something.

I was an atheist child from a long line of atheists. I also thought that Harold was God’s name.

Similarly, when it came time for the Nativity play, I was very confused that the fat bloke I had heard about on Silent Night wasn’t at the crib. Where was “Round John Virgin” (round yon virgin).

I also misread miniseries @LostInTheColonies I thought of it as a cross between a tragedy (misery) and something to do with the church (ministries).

The word epitome fooled me for years. I read it as “eppy tomh” and it meant the same this as “epitamy” of good taste. Strange brain.

Whoaaaa! I was in the hockey team and was GD! Does this mean I was completely shit and they just felt sorry for me?!. When I come to think of it, the PE teacher did roll her eyes at me a lot. My teen hood has been destroyed now

The nuns at my primary school (c 1958/9) loved to say 'Woe betide you' very frequently. They were very lovely though.