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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be offended by people asking if I’m ‘still breastfeeding’

142 replies

firstbabyworries · 07/07/2021 21:18

Just that. I’m so fed up and to be quite honest pretty offended that people think it’s acceptable to ask such a personal question.
Last month I overheard my mum asking my husband, which I found pretty rude, condsidering she could have asked me herself(although I would have said it’s non of her business) then tonight MIL asked DH if I was still breastfeeding. What business is it of anyone’s?!
I’ve now told him to tell people to mind there own business.

OP posts:
TracysMom · 07/07/2021 21:20

Depends, how old is your DC?

WhoUsedMyName · 07/07/2021 21:20

I can't understand why your so offended. Maybe they were asking to see if they could help out more.

awesomekaren · 07/07/2021 21:21

Depends, is the child at uni?

Attheendofthedaywhenallsaid · 07/07/2021 21:21

I would have assumed it to be a common question if you have a small baby. "are you breast feeding, (leading on to second question - how u getting on with it?, how is the baby sleeping, are you sleeping" is;nt that pretty much the extent of baby talk!? (I won't dare ask if your breast feeding but even im curious now!)

WhoUsedMyName · 07/07/2021 21:21

@awesomekaren

Depends, is the child at uni?
😂😂ffs
Purplestorm83 · 07/07/2021 21:22

Depends on the tone of the question - I assume from your post that the tone of voice has been critical, rather than just curious, but I think people close to you may just be interested (or even impressed, in some cases). But yes, if they’re being critical they are rude and should F off (unless your child is 21 years old 😉)

Mustardbay · 07/07/2021 21:22

Yeah are they 9 months or 3 years?

Original poster
firstbabyworries · 07/07/2021 21:22

DC is 5 months old

OP posts:
Chiwi · 07/07/2021 21:22

Literally just stopped feeding my 18 month old. I got it all the time, was just confident enough in my decision to say yes I am why? And no one ever answers the why.

Chiwi · 07/07/2021 21:22

5 months old!!! Yeah I'd probably have been more sensitive then. You're right tell them to fuck off.

motogogo · 07/07/2021 21:23

Kind of depends on age, and if you have expressed that you were struggling to her.

Grumpyoldblonde · 07/07/2021 21:23

Context? Critical or just asking? New baby or 4 year old? You don't talk to your mum and MIL? When I was BF I talked a lot about how hard I found it. Hard to say if it was just general interest in the baby.

MaryShelley1818 · 07/07/2021 21:23

Are they not just making conversation? Showing interest?
It seems people can't say anything to some mothers without causing offence (I'm currently breastfeeding number 2 and haven't given it a second thought when people have asked me)

PattyPan · 07/07/2021 21:23

Depends on their tone I suppose but from your OP sounds like Yabu. DM and MIL are probably just interested to hear what is going on in your lives and the development of DGC!

Hyppogriff · 07/07/2021 21:23

It’s a normal question. Chill.

EarringsandLipstick · 07/07/2021 21:23

This seems like an entirely normal question, and why would your response (to your mum) be to mind her own business?

Is it that you think she (and others) are judging you in some way?

Ghosttile · 07/07/2021 21:24

Was there tone? Was it, “Is Firstbabyworries still breastfeeding?”

RisingSunn · 07/07/2021 21:24

I think it depends on the age of DC. But yes, I can understand how it could feel intrusive.

CiaoForNiao · 07/07/2021 21:25

Depends how it was asked really. If it was a "urgh. Are you still breastfeeding?" Then I'd be annoyed.
Mind you I have a few relatives who still harp on about how long I breastfed DS2 for. Which was 3 years. I stopped nearly 12 years ago Grin

Anna783426 · 07/07/2021 21:26

I've just finished breastfeeding at 18 months when my little girl self weaned. Very much the case that up until 6 months there was a lot of support, post 6 months very much shifted to the "are you still breastfeeding???" Particularly hard to take as the early days were not easy to get breastfeeding established!

But it's your body, so your choice. I found people stopped asking, and after 9/10 months the feeds really reduced. Well done!

ColourMeExhausted · 07/07/2021 21:26

I got this! Bf both my DC until they were 13 months old and found that up to 6 months in, people were all 'oh you're doing an amazing job, well done!' Then after 6 months it was all 'so you're still breastfeeding?' 'Won't baby take a bottle?' 'They're on solids now, they don't need so much milk, you can give them formula surely!' And yep, some of this came from own mum.

No bloody wonder breastfeeding rates are so low in the UK!

You keep going OP (or don't, whatever you choose), people are weird about breastfeeding. I wish I'd kept on a bit longer with my DC but they both more or less self weaned.

beingajen2 · 07/07/2021 21:30

I think at 5 months people still knew
I was BF, maybe because I flashed pretty much anyone in my home.
In fact, I opened the door to the Ocado delivery man once mid-feed. Figured the baby's head covered anything important. Luckily I am not black listed.

Nohomemadecandles · 07/07/2021 21:31

Erm, sounds a bit OTT as a response. It's not unreasonable for a grandparent to show an interest.

If you have form for that response it isn't any wonder she asked your DH not you!

Unless there's a drip feed on its way.

shivawn · 07/07/2021 21:31

This wouldn't bother me at all, sometimes people are just looking for something to get the conversation going. When someone is home all day with a baby it can be easy to run out of things to ask about! Is it possible that you're taking it to heart because you're a little sensitive about whether you are or aren't breastfeeding yourself?

It seems people can't say anything to some mothers without causing offence

@MaryShelley1818 Certainly seems that way on mumsnet anyway, hopefully less so in real life.

Violetthinkingbrain · 07/07/2021 21:32

Same as OPs after 6 months was told I needed to get DS on a bottle, especially as it was summer and how would I know how much fluids he was getting. My dad even said 'oh you're still doing...that' 🙄

Lucky I was confident enough to tell those who had the nerve to ask to mind their own business. Breast feeding support is low and if you are happy with BF and your baby is gaining weight then carry on with a smile and confidence that you are doing what's best for you and baby 😊