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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be offended by people asking if I’m ‘still breastfeeding’

142 replies

firstbabyworries · 07/07/2021 21:18

Just that. I’m so fed up and to be quite honest pretty offended that people think it’s acceptable to ask such a personal question.
Last month I overheard my mum asking my husband, which I found pretty rude, condsidering she could have asked me herself(although I would have said it’s non of her business) then tonight MIL asked DH if I was still breastfeeding. What business is it of anyone’s?!
I’ve now told him to tell people to mind there own business.

OP posts:
airbags · 07/07/2021 21:51

@TracysMom

Depends, how old is your DC?
No it doesn't.
Youarenothere · 07/07/2021 21:52

If you plan on continuing breastfeeding I think you have to get used to it unfortunately. I breastfed my first till 2.5, and literally everyone (including usually supportive DH and wider family) was like ‘your STILL breastfeeding?!?’ From about 6 months on

Whyo · 07/07/2021 21:57

@awesomekaren 🤣🤣🤣

notacooldad · 07/07/2021 21:57

I was never offended when asked.
It didn't seem like a particularly personal question, after all it wasnt a sec8thst I breast fed , people had seen me feed my babies.
It was just your mum chatting with your husband not a random person sat next to you on the bus for the first time.

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/07/2021 21:58

YANBU
Asking if it’s (still) going ok would be much better. I found it very hard going feeding dd just before I weaned her. So I wouldn’t have minded a supportive question.

pigsDOfly · 07/07/2021 21:58

@kowari

I am surprised that at 5 months they had to ask, DS was feeding two to three hourly, it was pretty obvious.
Do you never feed in front of your DM or MIL OP?

When I was BF my babies anyone I spent any time with would have known because they would have seen me BF.

It's a perfectly normal thing to do, why all the secrecy and wanting to tell your mother to 'mind her own business'?

I don't understand why it's something to be self conscious about.

30degreesandmeltinghere · 07/07/2021 21:59

Mil had The Rage the entirety of my bf dc..
Meant she had to admit the dc needed me and she wasn't actually needed...

thisplaceisweird · 07/07/2021 22:00

Only British people would get offended by this.. the whole village knew my feeding schedule where I live in Europe and who even has time to get offended over a simple question

Dishwashersaurous · 07/07/2021 22:04

Surely at five months it’s obvious how a child is being fed

EasterIssland · 07/07/2021 22:06

Still BF my son who is over 3y. I’ve heard the same question many times. Luckily people realise I don’t care what they think and have stopped asking. Do what is right for you and your kid and don’t listen to others about it

notacooldad · 07/07/2021 22:08

Surely at five months it’s obvious how a child is being fed
Not necessarily.
I did mixed feeds from about 5 months. Just bf at night.

Also it could be just making conversation. Nothing wrong with that.

Viviennemary · 07/07/2021 22:08

Not surprised your Mum didn't ask you going by your reaction.

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 07/07/2021 22:09

@awesomekaren Grin

pigsDOfly · 07/07/2021 22:11

@thisplaceisweird

Only British people would get offended by this.. the whole village knew my feeding schedule where I live in Europe and who even has time to get offended over a simple question
Nothing like a massive sweeping statement is there.

And has the OP actually said she's British?

I'm British, English actually, I breastfed my babies in the 80s when there was very little support for breastfeeding mothers in this country.

I breastfed everywhere and anywhere that I needed to.

I don't understand either why the OP would get offended by the question. It most certainly wouldn't have offended me as you can see if you've read my pp.

I have known quite a number of British women who have breastfed their babies and I cannot think of anyone who would be offended by such a question.

StillWeRise · 07/07/2021 22:12

I think this question is very similar to
'are you feeding that baby....again...?'
it's supposed to sound interested/supportive but in fact carries the message that you are doing it all wrong, which if you feel confident is no bother you can ignore or laugh it off but if not you can feel undermined

thisplaceisweird · 07/07/2021 22:17

@pigsDOfly it's the 'how dare anyone ask me anything about my personal life, even my own mother should mind her own business' attitude that I find extremely British

PercyPiginaWig · 07/07/2021 22:21

I got this! Bf both my DC until they were 13 months old and found that up to 6 months in, people were all 'oh you're doing an amazing job, well done!' Then after 6 months it was all 'so you're still breastfeeding?' 'Won't baby take a bottle?' 'They're on solids now, they don't need so much milk, you can give them formula surely!' And yep, some of this came from own mum.
My mum has been a bit like that.

My MIL even asked if my sister was still breastfeeding when I said something about my nephew. Then she asked how she could afford to still be on maternity leave. My nephew is 8 months! Any question about breastfeeding from her is usually followed by how her babies got however many ounces every 4 hours or whatever and none of this awful uncertainty about how much milk they are getting. Hmm
(DH told her it's none of her business)

pigsDOfly · 07/07/2021 22:25

thisplaceisweird Yes, I realise that, which is a massive sweeping statement.

Do you have lots of British friends who are always telling you how annoyed they get at being asked personal questions by members of their own families?

I've never met anyone who would take exception to the sort of question the OP's mother and mother-in-law asked.

Rubyrecka · 07/07/2021 22:29

I can see where OP is coming from. If the answer is yes or no, what difference does it make them knowing either way?
It also comes across as monitoring.
I think if it's a regular question or becomes one I would then say 'Are your bowels still regular?'

Hallyup6 · 07/07/2021 22:29

Sounds like normal small talk to me. I breastfed my youngest for two years and that question was often thrown into conversation. Never occurred to me to be offended by it.

Rubyrecka · 07/07/2021 22:31

@thisplaceisweird

Only British people would get offended by this.. the whole village knew my feeding schedule where I live in Europe and who even has time to get offended over a simple question
Why would a whole village need to know your feeding schedule 😂 from one extreme to the other
thisplaceisweird · 07/07/2021 22:32

@pigsDOfly I am British (Scottish) and yes I do! And it's very common on here too

MrsClatterbuck · 07/07/2021 22:33

I think if it's a regular question or becomes one I would then say 'Are your bowels still regular?'
@Rubyrecka

😅😅

andora82 · 07/07/2021 22:35

I would never ask this as it's rude and personal

gemloving · 07/07/2021 22:35

@Chiwi

5 months old!!! Yeah I'd probably have been more sensitive then. You're right tell them to fuck off.
Agree with the above.
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