To be offended by people asking if I’m ‘still breastfeeding’

[firstbabyworries]

Just that. I’m so fed up and to be quite honest pretty offended that people think it’s acceptable to ask such a personal question.
Last month I overheard my mum asking my husband, which I found pretty rude, condsidering she could have asked me herself(although I would have said it’s non of her business) then tonight MIL asked DH if I was still breastfeeding. What business is it of anyone’s?!
I’ve now told him to tell people to mind there own business.

I used to get it all the time with my son who I happened to be unable to feed after 3 weeks. Random people "you are feeding him yourself right?" and I would just say yes because I already felt guilty enough I didn't manage it!

@Fleetw00d

I find it weird when people say 'well done for breastfeeding' or 'I'm so proud of you for breastfeeding,' I've had a few of these and just find it odd, nice, but odd

Depends on context again. Some people really struggle with it and when they finally get the hang of it or fix the problems and say a family member or friend say well done etc, I wouldn't find it weird. But someone who just took to it and had no problems whatsoever, well they might feel it's a bit odd to say.

You're being way too sensitive. At 5 months old that's pretty normal chit chat. If you're child was 2 I would see your point, because at that age is does usually come with empathises on 'still'
At five months people asking me usually followed it up with words of encouragement

Of course it’s not offensive.

You'll have to get used to these sorts of comments for a while unfortunately. I doubt they mean to be annoying but possibly coming from a place of worry or something. Try to let it ride over your head - pick your battles, this really isn't one of them.

You sound oversensitive. A difficult labour does not mean you need to feel checked up on if someone asks how you're feeding your baby. The 2 things aren't connected.
I am also surprised they need to ask, do you never feed in front of your DM or MIL?

Of course it's not particularly your mum's business but people ask questions about things that aren't their business all the time. I mean if she asked "how are you" that's technically none of her business but it would be an odd thing to get upset about. It's just making conversation and also perhaps finding out how she could help e.g. if you're still breastfeeding and baby isn't taking a bottle then she can't offer to help with feeds.

Why are you offended by a perfectly normal question? Your answer is either yes or no. Doesn't take long to reply. Lighten up.

It is flat out rude to pass judgement on how a baby is fed.

With bf you will find people's minds are blown if you dare to continue past 6m. Even my own DM, who bf me and my brother, is asking me when I will stop bf DC2. None of your business DM!

Your real problem OP is rude and narcissistic family members. Your baby, your decision. MIL and DM have had their turn! Now it's yours.

And as for wanting to have baby on their own away from you, to the extent they put pressure on you to stop bf or give formula.. well that's just the definition of narcissist relatives

It’s a normal question and the reason your mother asked your husband is probably as he would have given a more polite answer than none of your business. Jeez, you’re fun aren’t you

Do people ask if someone is still bottle-feeding?

It's not the same though is it. If you choose to bottle-feed you will reach a point relatively quickly where switching to breastfeeding is not an option.

Are you still breastfeeding?

The answer is either yes or no!

It's a question I've asked my friends loads of time? Are you still managing to breast feed how are you finding breast feeding.

Your making a issue out of a no issue.

Context is everything and in this one I am not surprised it's upsetting you.

I would have a stock phrase along the lines of...

"Of course I am WHO guidelines are until at least x years/months it's custom designed for babies as opposed to processed cows milk and helps protect me against breast cancer so why on earth wouldn't I still be breastfeeding him?"

Is this about them wanting him bottle fed so they can look after him without you there??

@firstbabyworries

Surely what actually matters is that he's being fed and he's happy and developing well. I just don't understand how it's anyone else's business. If I had expressed a desire to discuss it then fair enough but the judgy'oh you are still feeding him though right' comments just make me annoyed. I want to say 'well he's being fed so that's all that matters' It's not just DM and MIL, if it was I think it would still annoy me but I'd cope, it's with other people who I hardly know. I feel checked up on by strangers. Mum guilt whatever I do

If you aren’t breastfeeding then the best way to shut up these comments is to ask what she did. Most women in the UK don’t breastfeed so you might end up shutting her up.

Totally get how you feel about it, it's the 'still bit that's annoying lol I was asked when my 16 week old ebf baby was 'going on bottles' by FIL.

It doesn’t ‘depend’ on the age of the child, because it’s still nobody’s business except the mother and baby’s.

It’s a question I’ve had too and it annoys me. It is usually accompanied by an implication that you’re martyring yourself / making things hard / doing it for you etc. I’ve never had anyone ask it in a positive or supportive way.

@Cloudninenine thank you! It really is our business and I'm just suprised at most of the reactions on here. Why can't I be annoyed that I'm being asked how I'm using my breasts. It's nobody else's business and age really doesn't matter.
As a mum I feel guilt about most things, am I doing things right etc

I find that as a new mum and FTM that if I'm s upset or offended by something then I'm over reacting (why can't I? My body's going/gone through a massive change and I'm just figuring it all out again) but if I'm stronger then I'm not sensitive enough or too strict. I can't win!

5 months? I can’t understand why anyone would ask at this point. I could understand past 12 months because most people expect you automatically stop when they turn one but 5 months is still tiny. Weird.

It seems people can't say anything to some mothers without causing offence

This. You've a long motherhood journey in front of you. People are going to say a lot of things you don't like and it's a waste of energy to get offended over all of them. Pick your battles.

Someone said earlier that the traumatic labour has nothing to do with it and it's my own issue. Not true, labour and the aftermath have a lot to do with it. My son nearly died and during our stay in hospital I was not given any support about feeding. Every time he cried the nurses would pick him up themselves and push him onto the breast. Totally hideous.

@firstbabyworries I feel you.

The thing that annoyed me was when friends remarked that they were "really pleased to hear I was still breastfeeding". BFing was hugely difficult and traumatic for me and I actually regret pushing it so much. Little comments like that added to the pressure I think.

Ok so seems I am probably being too over sensitive. Context was not that they thought he was too old but rather checking I was still breastfeeding.

Unless there’s an underlying tone of disapproval which would obviously be out of order, I don’t understand how anyone can find this an offensive question it’s just showing an interest.

As for people saying people are just showing an interest would it be appropriate for me to ask an old couple if they are still having sex? Surely I'm just showing an interest there then?!