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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be offended by people asking if I’m ‘still breastfeeding’

142 replies

firstbabyworries · 07/07/2021 21:18

Just that. I’m so fed up and to be quite honest pretty offended that people think it’s acceptable to ask such a personal question.
Last month I overheard my mum asking my husband, which I found pretty rude, condsidering she could have asked me herself(although I would have said it’s non of her business) then tonight MIL asked DH if I was still breastfeeding. What business is it of anyone’s?!
I’ve now told him to tell people to mind there own business.

OP posts:
kowari · 07/07/2021 21:33

Was there emphasis on the 'still', implying that 5 months was too old? Otherwise, no I don't think it's a personal question, it's just general chat about babies.

kowari · 07/07/2021 21:35

I am surprised that at 5 months they had to ask, DS was feeding two to three hourly, it was pretty obvious.

LaCerbiatta · 07/07/2021 21:36

I don't get it. Is it a loaded question because they may think you've stopped too soon or are carrying on for longer than they think you should?

SmileyClare · 07/07/2021 21:36

As both grandmothers are asking, perhaps they want to offer to baby sit for you? That's not possible while still breastfeeding exclusively so there's no point offering.

It might be a bit annoying to be asked but I don't think it's offensive. Offensive to me is rude, vulgar, insulting or hostile in some way.

MadeOfStarStuff · 07/07/2021 21:36

Most people will just be making conversation. In the same vein as “are they sleeping?” Etc

5 month olds should be still on just milk, whether breast or bottle, so “still” breastfeeding isn’t a negative! Or are you upset because you’ve switched to bottle and are worried about being judged for “giving up”? Because anyone who judges you for doing what you need to do to keep your child fed is a dick and should be ignored.

HavelockVetinari · 07/07/2021 21:38

@Attheendofthedaywhenallsaid

I would have assumed it to be a common question if you have a small baby. "are you breast feeding, (leading on to second question - how u getting on with it?, how is the baby sleeping, are you sleeping" is;nt that pretty much the extent of baby talk!? (I won't dare ask if your breast feeding but even im curious now!)
Ah no, you can't ask a woman if she's breastfeeding! If she's not she'll feel judged, if she is she'll feel self-conscious. I hated that question, as even though I bf, DS was premature and thus tiny, which made a few random strangers question whether I was producing enough. Clearly none of their business, but I felt judged and prickly about it. Most mothers feel the same, regardless of their feeding choice.
Allinprogress · 07/07/2021 21:38

I think it’s a perfectly normal enquiry and subject to tone, not meant in judgment. I bf for 7m but in that time returned to work so I think people are just assessing how things are for you.

itsgettingwierd · 07/07/2021 21:38

Cant see the issue tbh?

Some Bavaria do change their feeding at this age or mums choose to start weaning to bottle.

It's just a question.

I'd be offended if I gave and answer and someone tried to pass judgement on it.

Soverymuchfruit · 07/07/2021 21:39

If both the people who asked were grandparents, maybe they were partly thinking that they'd love to give their GC a bottle.

LaCerbiatta · 07/07/2021 21:39

If a woman is breastfeeding she feels self-conscious?? wtaf??

Gumboots29 · 07/07/2021 21:41

I got asked this all the time. Ranging from about 3 months to 18 months when I stopped with my oldest one.

My second I didn’t have much luck BF and switched to mixed and then formula feeding. At no point did anyone say ‘are you still formula feeding that baby?’.

SmileyClare · 07/07/2021 21:41

Do you have a difficult relationship with your mum? I can't imagine telling my mum to "mind her own business" if she asked me about breastfeeding. It seems so unnecessarily defensive.

Justgettingbye · 07/07/2021 21:42

I hated the feeding question. But realised there isn't really much to talk about other than feeding and sleeping with newborns.

I didn't breastfeed so when I got asked and said no, there was always an akward pause where I felt I needed to justify myself. End of the day it just say no I'm not anymore and leave it there you don't need to go into anything with anyone

Nohomemadecandles · 07/07/2021 21:42

Ah no, you can't ask a woman if she's breastfeeding! If she's not she'll feel judged, if she is she'll feel self-conscious. I hated that question, as even though I bf, DS was premature and thus tiny, which made a few random strangers question whether I was producing enough. Clearly none of their business, but I felt judged and prickly about it. Most mothers feel the same, regardless of their feeding choice

Why should she feel self conscious? Really???

And your mother and MIL are hardly random strangers.

kowari · 07/07/2021 21:44

That hasn't been my experience @HavelockVetinari, why would I feel self conscious about saying I'm breastfeeding? It was obvious if I met up with anyone or at a baby group as I would be breastfeeding at some point. How do you know how most mothers feel?

mondaypillow · 07/07/2021 21:45

It’s just a question. You don’t have to make it a big thing.

Bizawit · 07/07/2021 21:45

Why is everyone assuming the pressure is for OP to stop? Maybe if the baby is only 5 months they want to know if she has continued to BF or weaned early. Either way I agree that it’s none of their business OP!!! But I imagine they are just curious/ taking an interest.

grey12 · 07/07/2021 21:45

At 5 months I would be irked!! Hmm considering I fed DC1 until 3yo

MySerenity · 07/07/2021 21:46

I'm "still" feeding at 2 years. Got to the point now that I know majority of people in the UK might find it unusual. A lot of people have just assumed I've stopped I think, so the comments are far less at least! My MIL made it clear early on that breastfeeding was all well and good until a certain age. So we now don't talk about it.
Also bit rude of the previous posters implying 3 years is extreme. 3 would be a totally normal natural weaning age and "2 years and beyond" for as long as mum and child wish is the WHO, UNICEF and NHS guidance...
OP I think you should be proud of yourself and try to ignore the negative comments. Maybe try and find a support network, like a local breastfeeding support group or Facebook group, if you're feeling a bit alone or unsupported.

Strikethrough · 07/07/2021 21:46

@Mustardbay

Yeah are they 9 months or 3 years?
What's wrong with breastfeeding a three year old? Natural term weaning for humans is anywhere between 2 and 7 years (milk teeth are so called for a reason).

I reply, "No, I'm just breastfeeding." Son is now four (years).

Dishwashersaurous · 07/07/2021 21:47

Is it critical ask or is it a curious ask?

Ginger1982 · 07/07/2021 21:47

Do you have issues with your mum? I wouldn't have told mine it was none of her business.

kowari · 07/07/2021 21:48

I breastfed for five years, no one asked after two!

MojoJojo71 · 07/07/2021 21:49

Random people then yes it’s a bit odd and probably none of their business but your own mother? Surely it’s natural for her to show an interest? I can’t imagine I’d tell my mum to fuck off for asking about her grandchild. Surely it would be easier for your DH to simply reply ‘yes, still going strong, isn’t it great that they’re both doing so well’ or words to that effect.

CiaoForNiao · 07/07/2021 21:50

As both grandmothers are asking, perhaps they want to offer to baby sit for you? That's not possible while still breastfeeding exclusively so there's no point offering.

Of course its possible for an EBF baby to be babysat. Hmm