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Original poster

To be offended by people asking if I’m ‘still breastfeeding’

142 replies

firstbabyworries · 07/07/2021 21:18

Just that. I’m so fed up and to be quite honest pretty offended that people think it’s acceptable to ask such a personal question.
Last month I overheard my mum asking my husband, which I found pretty rude, condsidering she could have asked me herself(although I would have said it’s non of her business) then tonight MIL asked DH if I was still breastfeeding. What business is it of anyone’s?!
I’ve now told him to tell people to mind there own business.

OP posts:
Hornicorn · 07/07/2021 22:40

Jeez I can’t believe people are asking you when your DC is 5 months. My DD is 2.5 years and I still BF her at night and the morning (though she’s starting to skip them and I think it’s coming to the end which is fine by me!)

Anyway, my mum now and again asks if I’m STILL breastfeeding her.

What pisses me off if that everyone was so supportive when I started breastfeeding her but as time goes on the support fades and people start to think it’s wrong.

pigsDOfly · 07/07/2021 22:44

thisplaceisweird Well, if you're coming across it all the time then maybe it is a peculiarly British thing to get offended by questions like that.

I can't imagine why it's offensive though, especially from a close family member.

Maybe I'm just not easily offended, or particularly delicate, about such things, wouldn't bother me in the least.

Ozanj · 07/07/2021 22:44

I still get asked in an incredulous tone when they bloody know I am and DS is only 18 months. I get all sorts of advice too about how to wean from friends who have never breastfed. It’s just in one ear out of the other.

bushhbb · 07/07/2021 22:50

It's a normal question. Don't get why it's so personal or likely to cause offence. They probably don't care at all, and just want to say something to show they're interested.

HennyK · 07/07/2021 22:51

I'm not sure why your response is so aggressive to a standard question? Especially one from your own mother, it's not a random woman who's stopped you in the street to ask if you're breastfeeding.

I mean if there's definite tone to the question implying you shouldn't be then I guess but to answer 'are you still breastfeeding?' with 'MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS' to your own family seems a bit ott imo.

Peppallama · 07/07/2021 22:54

DS is 22 months. Both my DM and mil like to constantly give me tips and advice about how to wean him off (usually cold turkey - good luck with that!) You learn not to talk about it.

Fleetw00d · 07/07/2021 22:57

I find it weird when people say 'well done for breastfeeding' or 'I'm so proud of you for breastfeeding,' I've had a few of these and just find it odd, nice, but odd

youkiddingme · 07/07/2021 23:00

It might be a normal question but I think it's rude. Do people ask if someone is still bottle-feeding? Do they ask for a blow by blow account of other people's diets?

HoneyzAiy · 07/07/2021 23:02

I stopped breastfeeding dd when she was 2 1/2. Not one single person I know had a problem with it. Why would you care if your mum asked your dh. Maybe she was just making conversation.

Thehop · 07/07/2021 23:06

It’s so bloody rude.

I fed mine to natural weaning and I remember one lady coming over to look at my 8 month old son....who to be fair looked a bit older and didn’t realise I was feeding him at first. When she did she actually recoiled and said “oh god, you’re not still breastfeeding are you?”

“Of course I’m not, I’m 36. That would be weird..........oh you mean him? Of course he is, he’s just a baby”

Melitza · 07/07/2021 23:16

I was lucky.
My dm was a midwife and although I knew my mil didn't approve of my bf she couldn't voice her opinion when I had a professional for support.

Sittingonabench · 07/07/2021 23:16

I do think there’s a difference between the general public asking or your mother/PIL’s. It obviously depends on your relationship with them but they may well just be asking out of interest of your well-being.

xprincessxjanetx · 07/07/2021 23:24

It depends how it is being asked. If it is genuine curiousity/interest then I think it's fine but if the person has an issue with it then that's not on. Your DC is still very young. I would just remind people that the WHO recommend BF until at least age 2 and that you are happy to continue for as long as your DC wants to.

Tinpotspectator · 07/07/2021 23:36

It wouldn't bother me. I suppose it depends on your mother.

Rubyupbeat · 07/07/2021 23:37

Another "offended' post.
Wow, if you are so rude yo your own family, no wonder they ask your husband.
It's not personal at all, really strange!

Bubblespider · 07/07/2021 23:40

It 's annoying. But Keep feeding, in a year or so they'll stop asking as they'll assume you've stopped!

Middlesboroughgirl · 07/07/2021 23:52

They could just admit they weren't at all interested in a baby that doesn't do anything at all yet if you would prefer. Most people like people to show an interest in what is essentially a very dull small bundle until he/she becomes older. So we ask if they are feeding well, if they are sleeping through the night, if they have smiled yet.

shreddednips · 08/07/2021 00:03

It depends on how she asked. I'm still feeding my 2.5 year old with no plans of stopping and my MIL sometimes asks me if I'm still breastfeeding with emphasis on the 'still'. It's occasionally followed up with saying surely it's time to stop, which I give short shrift. I don't mind it if it's a neutral question. I found it was more of a neutral question with a young baby and a judgy one with a toddler.

Some people do have (IMO) quite weird attitudes to breastfeeding toddlers, my own mum who breastfed me and my sister was really negative about me wanting to breastfeed past 1, although she's changed her tune now that I'm actually doing it. How did your mum say it OP?

Blueskytoday06 · 08/07/2021 06:11

They probs just don't know what else to say. It's a standard question. Try not to take it too personally.

Original poster
firstbabyworries · 08/07/2021 06:24

Ok so seems I am probably being too over sensitive. Context was not that they thought he was too old but rather checking I was still breastfeeding.
To be honest as the labour was so traumatic and the days after in hospital were so awful I am probably just very touchy about it.
I just think if I decide to bottle feed or breastfeed it's my personal choice and as they have been asking a lot all through the 5 months it feels intrusive.
Plus MIL is a nightmare. Typical MIL telling me I'm doing it all wrong and then slagging me and DH off behind our backs.

OP posts:
TheLovelinessOfDemons · 08/07/2021 06:28

Good grief, 5 months old! I bfed DS2 until he was 23 months old. Although one particularly stupid aunt asked if I was giving him solids as well.

Moomala · 08/07/2021 06:30

It depends how it said. If it's said in surprise like they feel I shouldn't be then no I wouldn't like it and I be very much inoyb! But if it's done in are you still bf? Keep going well done! then fine.

Oysterbabe · 08/07/2021 06:31

It's a normal question. It's your own issues that are making you think it's rude.

Original poster
firstbabyworries · 08/07/2021 06:32

Surely what actually matters is that he's being fed and he's happy and developing well. I just don't understand how it's anyone else's business. If I had expressed a desire to discuss it then fair enough but the judgy'oh you are still feeding him though right' comments just make me annoyed. I want to say 'well he's being fed so that's all that matters'
It's not just DM and MIL, if it was I think it would still annoy me but I'd cope, it's with other people who I hardly know. I feel checked up on by strangers.
Mum guilt whatever I do

OP posts:
Nyfluff · 08/07/2021 06:34

Do you think it was with the intention to judge you? Or maybe to see if they would be able to babysit without your baby needing to nurse?

It depends on the reason. I agree that unless it directly affects her then it is no one else's business.

Mine self-weaned and I was asked a lot, I can't remember now when they stopped asking but there were a lot of rude comments the entire time.

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