Was neighbour or myself BU?

[NeighbourWoes]

We live in a building of flats which have communal gardens front and back. The back is much bigger and more for recreational use and the front is more of a flower bed type garden but still a decent size. To get to the back garden we have to walk around a street and use a key so it's not very convenient. Myself, DH and DS (2) live on the third floor and since lockdown we got into the habit of watering the flowers in the front garden. This was initiated by the communal gardener who got DS a watering can etc.

We do it probably 4 or 5 times a week, for 10 minutes a time. DS likes to fill up the watering can from the hose pipe and it's a sedate activity where we enjoy looking at the flowers but by no means make much noise or anything like that.

The hosepipe is directly by one of the ground floor flats windows. This ground floor flat doesn't have direct access to the communal garden but their window from the kitchen/ living room looks out directly onto it. This flat is occupied by a single older lady in her late 70s and we have always had a bit of a chat and been very friendly and she chats about DS etc.

This morning DS and I were in the garden for approximately 10 minutes just after 8am. We thought no more of it. This evening as we were coming in the neighbour came out of her flat very angry and exasperated and said that this morning was ridiculous because she was trying to have her breakfast and look out of her window and we were "right there". (I did notice this morning that she shut her curtains as we came into the garden.) She asked us to stop playing in that part of the garden but from the off was quite aggressive. I said I didn't ever realise this was an issue at all and she barked "I'm telling you right now it is!" She said it was ridiculous that we were so close to her window.

The issue is that's where the hosepipe is for filling up the watering can plus all the plant pots. Previously she has always come out and thanked DS for watering her pots saying it saved her a job so I have no idea where this came from.

I said to her that I was sorry she was upset but it's a communal space and she was very agitated. DH then arrived home and asked what the problem was and she was shrieking a bit and he told her "it won't happen again", but I'm annoyed as it's not her right to tell her we can't use that part of the garden.

I walked away and got quite emotional because all during lockdown I've struggled living in a third floor flat with no private garden and this is one thing DS looks forward to each day and asks to do, and this previously friendly neighbour suddenly became hostile and has spoilt that for him.

Who is being unreasonable?

Well said whereischiomunk

@Wearywithteens Do you think the OP's compromise of a couple of afternoons a week was trampling all over the old lady's mental health? Or is there a possibility the old lady is a vindictive bully who won't compromise?

@Clymene at least read the OP's updates. Today the woman has told OP that she doesn't want the child there at all. At any day or at any time.

She has absolutely no right to say, or to expect that. The tap is there. Is she going to prevent the gardener from watering those same plants from the same tap when the child doesn't do it for him?

@Wearywithteens

“Works both ways.”

No it doesn’t actually. There is a difference between what will satisfy an oblivious 3year old with a world of other choices and an elderly woman who has NO choice about it and feels like her security and privacy is being affected.

It’s all about proportion and empathy. Just because you have a toddler who ‘loves watering flowers’ doesn’t mean you have to be a dick and trample all over a vulnerable lady’s mental health.

Take the kid to the fucking park.

Exactly!!!!

@Sisisimone

I honestly could not imagine pissing around with a toddler right outside someone's window every day annoying them when all I had to do was walk around the corner to a garden where I'm not making a nuisance of myself.

Same here. What is so mesmerizing about the front garden?

The OP pays for a communal garden. She is entitled to use it considerately - which she has done. She has offered compromises. This is how communal living works.

The older woman is using her age and status as a longer term residence to intimidate the OP into not using a space she has every right to use. Not on.

Another thread that shows the median age of MNers is pretty old.

@Wearywithteens

She has been there at 8am once. Read the posts properly.

Yeah stop making stuff up @Wearywithteens

Which she hasn’t done - being directly in front of the woman’s window at 8am several times a week. Which is not considerate at all as generally agreed on this thread. She was actually taking the absolute piss

Nope - not several times a week.

Which the old lady accepted - albeit she is still understanding aggrieved and probably a bit distrustful. You can’t fully trust people who don’t understand boundaries in the first place

Nope - she told the OP that it wasn’t necessarily about give and take and she would prefer they weren’t there there at all.

We do it probably 4 or 5 times a week, for 10 minutes a time.

Not at 8am.

@Wearywithteens

“We do it probably 4 or 5 times a week, for 10 minutes a time.”

In the afternoons! Not mornings!!!

@Wearywithteens "just to clarify today was the only morning we have ever done it we usually do it in the afternoons"

Literal quote from the op - “We do it probably 4 or 5 times a week,

Not at 8am they don’t. Read the whole thread.

A radon is not pissing around - enough with the ridiculous and exaggerated claims. Another resident was using the communal garden that she also pays for as, is her right.

Another thread that shows the median age of MNers is pretty old.

Charmed I’m sure.

More ridiculous nonsense and exaggerated claims there Wearywithteens 🙄

It may be exaggerated but it is still somewhat true.

Enjoy the garden by all means. Just don’t go near the window.

It is that simple.

I still would love to hear the neighbour’s side of it. 🤷‍♀️

It’s not ‘somewhat true’. The hours of use by the OP are wrong, the claims of screeching noise are incorrect, and the fact that the older resident has said compromise isn’t always up for discussion and that she would prefer that the OP wasn’t in the front garden at all have been ignored.

I agree that the OP should keep away from her window (the OP has already said that she thinks the suggestion to install a hose extension is a good one) and that 8am is too early but other than that she should be free to use the communal garden for gardening purposes.

I haven’t said she shouldn’t. Read what I said.

And let us not forget the shrieking by the neighbour claimed by the OP when there was no mention of it in the first post.

Just stay away from the window and job done.

Something has triggered the neighbour and I’m nigh on certain it isn’t just the little boy watering the flowers.

Only one side here. Only the OP’s version. I would wager the neighbour has a different version of events.

We will never know.

The OP said the neighbour apologised for being aggressive which would tie in with OP saying the neighbour was shrieking.

AUBU is a funny place. I guarantee if the old lady had been posting the same people who are tearing apart everything the OP says would be telling the old lady that if she doesn't like seeing anyone ever from her window she should move from a communal space, and that the mother had tried to compromise and she won't even bend and she's stopping a toddler from enjoying a garden his mother pays for and she's some kind of witch.