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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was neighbour or myself BU?

333 replies

NeighbourWoes · 07/07/2021 19:50

We live in a building of flats which have communal gardens front and back. The back is much bigger and more for recreational use and the front is more of a flower bed type garden but still a decent size. To get to the back garden we have to walk around a street and use a key so it's not very convenient. Myself, DH and DS (2) live on the third floor and since lockdown we got into the habit of watering the flowers in the front garden. This was initiated by the communal gardener who got DS a watering can etc.

We do it probably 4 or 5 times a week, for 10 minutes a time. DS likes to fill up the watering can from the hose pipe and it's a sedate activity where we enjoy looking at the flowers but by no means make much noise or anything like that.

The hosepipe is directly by one of the ground floor flats windows. This ground floor flat doesn't have direct access to the communal garden but their window from the kitchen/ living room looks out directly onto it. This flat is occupied by a single older lady in her late 70s and we have always had a bit of a chat and been very friendly and she chats about DS etc.

This morning DS and I were in the garden for approximately 10 minutes just after 8am. We thought no more of it. This evening as we were coming in the neighbour came out of her flat very angry and exasperated and said that this morning was ridiculous because she was trying to have her breakfast and look out of her window and we were "right there". (I did notice this morning that she shut her curtains as we came into the garden.) She asked us to stop playing in that part of the garden but from the off was quite aggressive. I said I didn't ever realise this was an issue at all and she barked "I'm telling you right now it is!" She said it was ridiculous that we were so close to her window.

The issue is that's where the hosepipe is for filling up the watering can plus all the plant pots. Previously she has always come out and thanked DS for watering her pots saying it saved her a job so I have no idea where this came from.

I said to her that I was sorry she was upset but it's a communal space and she was very agitated. DH then arrived home and asked what the problem was and she was shrieking a bit and he told her "it won't happen again", but I'm annoyed as it's not her right to tell her we can't use that part of the garden.

I walked away and got quite emotional because all during lockdown I've struggled living in a third floor flat with no private garden and this is one thing DS looks forward to each day and asks to do, and this previously friendly neighbour suddenly became hostile and has spoilt that for him.

Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Fiddliestofsticks · 09/07/2021 18:54

Get a hosepipe extender. Really easy solution.

You could keep using it, but I do understand how annoying it must be to have a kid at your window all the time.

Just get one of the hosepipe things with the spike for sticking it into the ground and you can stick it in further along the wall from her window and get water whenever you like.

It is a bit pathetic to say you're just never going to use the garden again though. You have an entire front garden and an entire back garden you can use without going anywhere near her window.

LemonFantaGin · 09/07/2021 18:54

Can you get a hose to attach to the window so you only have to turn it off and on and fill the watering can away from her window.

Thats a good compromise

Original poster
NeighbourWoes · 09/07/2021 19:01

@Fiddliestofsticks I didn't say I was never going to use the garden (!) again, just the bit near her. You're intent on making me a villain aren't you?!

OP posts:
Original poster
NeighbourWoes · 09/07/2021 19:02

Thanks to everyone about suggesting the hosepipe extender I will definitely look into this Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
NeighbourWoes · 09/07/2021 19:07

At the end of the day no matter what I have agreed (and will stick to) this is still a communal garden and to say you don't want a toddler in the part of it in front of your house at all, at any time of day, for 10 minutes at a time watering plants - to me that is a very selfish person. Even when the parent has offered to negotiate times etc. This is a communal space I pay for. I'm doing this because it's not worth the stress to me to push it, but I think this woman is awful.

OP posts:
Buttons294749 · 09/07/2021 19:16

Why are you letting her stop your child doing something they enjoy? It's good for kids to water plants and learn about gardening. If she doesn't like it she can move somewhere with a private garden... we had communal gardens at our flat and the people on the ground floor had the walkway right by their windows so will have had us going up and down on bikes/scooters. They can always move to the 3rd floor of they don't want people outside 🤣

LizzieW1969 · 09/07/2021 19:31

I didn't say I was never going to use the garden (!) again, just the bit near her. You're intent on making me a villain aren't you?!

This is AIBU, OP. Some posters always make out that the OP is the villain. It goes with the territory.

The other neighbour seems very willing to accommodate you and your little one, so a hosepipe extension sounds like a very good idea.

Clymene · 09/07/2021 19:35

@NeighbourWoes

At the end of the day no matter what I have agreed (and will stick to) this is still a communal garden and to say you don't want a toddler in the part of it in front of your house at all, at any time of day, for 10 minutes at a time watering plants - to me that is a very selfish person. Even when the parent has offered to negotiate times etc. This is a communal space I pay for. I'm doing this because it's not worth the stress to me to push it, but I think this woman is awful.
She really isn't. She was perfectly happy with you watering in the afternoon, she only got pissy when you did it in the morning. Communal living is about compromise. You don't seem to be very good at that.
Original poster
NeighbourWoes · 09/07/2021 19:37

@Clymene did you miss the bit where I said she had been annoyed about it for weeks? We have only been in the morning once.

I'm going to leave the thread now because posters seem to make up their own narrative and are intent on disbelieving or misinterpreting every thing that I say. I really do appreciate the other perspectives though.

OP posts:
sqirrelfriends · 09/07/2021 19:42

Crack on with it OP. There's no way I would let her sully my toddlers enjoyment of a shared communal space.

Could you try going when the gardener is out? I doubt she would say anything then.

Sisisimone · 09/07/2021 19:58

Why on earth don't you just walk the extra steps to your larger back garden then your son and your neighbour would both be happy. For whatever reason this invasion of privacy has really upset this woman and is having a negative impact on her day to day life. I dont think your excuse of not using your back garden because you have to walk up the street and use a key is good enough. It's certainly not worth causing this woman misery when you have a perfectly suitable alternative available to you.

Sisisimone · 09/07/2021 20:00

I honestly could not imagine pissing around with a toddler right outside someone's window every day annoying them when all I had to do was walk around the corner to a garden where I'm not making a nuisance of myself.

Mix56 · 09/07/2021 20:23

The woman is bullying you. You pay your charges for the gardens. Sorry she has created this shit for you & your little boy
Ignore her from now on, she wants to be queen of the garden, she can do it without you being pleasant.

StrangeToSee · 09/07/2021 20:33

Well put yourself in her shoes, how would you like it if you were having breakfast looking out at the garden and neighbours came up to your window? It’s irrelevant you were watering plants. It’s intrusive and a bit rude.

At least do it an hour or 2 later?

whereischiomunk · 09/07/2021 20:37

@Sisisimone making a nuisance of yourself by peacefully watering plants in a communal garden you pay for the use of? You couldn't ever imagine doing that?

The OP isn't making a nuisance of herself. This woman has taken issue with the OP and her son behaving ina completely normal and rightful way. It's a few minutes a few times a week. I agree the old woman is a bully who wants the garden as her own private one.

Wearywithteens · 09/07/2021 20:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

whereischiomunk · 09/07/2021 20:43

@Wearywithteens
So if the neighbour was posting you'd be saying the same to them? "Ban the mother and baby from the communal slave don't let enjoy sully your enjoyment of that part of the garden!"

Works both ways.

Rainbowsew · 09/07/2021 20:48

8am was a bit early! Maybe she was in nightclothes or whatever and it was a surprise to see you.

Don't stop using the garden but don't go that early in future.

Billandben444 · 09/07/2021 20:50

Why can't you suggest to toddler that the plants have enough water now (particularly as there seems to be a bloke who keeps an eye on them anyway) and play count the daisies further down the garden as a new game? Anyway, does she object to this bloke using the tap outside her window - might be worth checking what the trick is. If you want to be at loggerheads with her then carry on as you are but is it really worth it?

Wearywithteens · 09/07/2021 20:50

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

LizzieW1969 · 09/07/2021 20:56

@Rainbowsew

The lady wasn’t in her nightclothes, she’d just had her breakfast. And it wasn’t about the time, she made it clear that she didn’t want the OP and her toddler there at all. She doesn’t want to compromise at all either. She wants it to be her private garden.

LizzieW1969 · 09/07/2021 20:58

Why are some of you being so keen to see the OP as being in the wrong? It’s a communal garden, which she pays for the use of as she points out.

StrawberrySundayz · 09/07/2021 21:06

She is being unreasonable. Don’t let her cause anymore problems for you or your family.

Sisisimone · 09/07/2021 21:21

Sisisimone making a nuisance of yourself by peacefully watering plants in a communal garden you pay for the use of? You couldn't ever imagine doing that?
No, not when I had a back garden I could use that meant I wasn't upsetting an elderly woman every day. I think I made that clear in my post

whereischiomunk · 09/07/2021 21:26

@Sisisimone

If seeing a toddler for 10 minutes a day twice a week outside your window is enough to cause you serious distress no amount of accommodating will ever be enough to make you happy. People can request compromise and consideration, but banning people from communal space they pay for when the people have offered to work to different agreed times is not reasonable I'm afraid.

It's completely irrelevant what other space is available. The OP pays for use of that space and she and her toddler have rights to use it. The fact they offered to limit it to certain times is already bending over backwards.

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