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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think most people on MN are very anti-social!

142 replies

spinningaroundthemoon · 07/07/2021 14:37

Just an observation...

  • would never be friends with a work colleague
  • don’t want any friends besides their partner
  • would never answer the door or phone
  • don’t like friends or family they don’t live with inside their house
  • hate social engagements

There’s nothing wrong with the above. I’m opposite and clearly most people would loathe this.

OP posts:
GoldenLabbie · 07/07/2021 14:38

YANBU at all.

FangsForTheMemory · 07/07/2021 14:39

Not everyone is an extrovert. Some people like to go home, shut the door, and put their feet up.

Lavender24 · 07/07/2021 14:43

I was thinking this the other day. I'm definitely very anti social myself. Maybe extroverts are less likely to join message boards/spend loads of time on the internet?

Dozycuntlaters · 07/07/2021 14:43

YANBU but then on Mumsnet I read stuff which loads of people agree with, yet no one i know in RL would be like it. I think some folk just say stuff to fit in, or have ideals that they don't actually adhere to.

I only learned the other day it's rude to be on time when you go round a guests house for dinner. Fancy that, rude for being on time. Only on MN I suspect though.

Elle200 · 07/07/2021 14:43

I have no friends, I go home and lock the door, and I hate social occasions. But I'm not anti-social, I'm just painfully shy. Sometimes wish I wasn't, but mostly I just enjoy my own company for what it's worth.

GiantToadstool · 07/07/2021 14:44

Remwmber the type of people that routinely post on message boards are... the type of people who routinely post on messsage boards!

They are getting stimulation and connection online... (myself included 🤣.)

Haudyourwheesht · 07/07/2021 14:44

Also: Don't take in parcels
Don't answer the door or the phone
Don't accept home baking as gifts
Don't help their elderly neighbours when they've fallen
Get most upset if a child stands on their wall or picks a flower from their garden wall.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 07/07/2021 14:45

Then people wonder why there is no one to help when shit hits the fan

CharlieWorkCharlieSad · 07/07/2021 14:48

@Dozycuntlaters

YANBU but then on Mumsnet I read stuff which loads of people agree with, yet no one i know in RL would be like it. I think some folk just say stuff to fit in, or have ideals that they don't actually adhere to.

I only learned the other day it's rude to be on time when you go round a guests house for dinner. Fancy that, rude for being on time. Only on MN I suspect though.

I saw this too. I hate being late. I can't Imagine choosing to be late!

Most people who use Internet forums as a form of socialising are probably introverts.

Original poster
spinningaroundthemoon · 07/07/2021 14:49

@FangsForTheMemory

Not everyone is an extrovert. Some people like to go home, shut the door, and put their feet up.
I love doing this too! Not so much since working from home but I’m definitely not an extrovert. But I like doing that for like 55% of the time. I love my own company - I’m an absolute blast Grin

But the other 45% of the time I love being with friends and family.

OP posts:
ChainJane · 07/07/2021 14:52

I totally understand why people don't answer their door. There's no point because it's never worth the bother. If someone needs to get hold of you they can text or email.

Genuinely, I've not had an unexpected person that I was actually happy to speak to turn up at my door since 2007.

Answering the door leads to people wanting something from you. Leave it shut and let them bother someone else.

Original poster
spinningaroundthemoon · 07/07/2021 14:53

@SchrodingersImmigrant

Then people wonder why there is no one to help when shit hits the fan
This. It’s amazing to have a partner you love but then what if they decided to leave you, then what? Maybe sometimes you need more of a support network then just 1 person.
OP posts:
Skybluepinkgiraffe · 07/07/2021 14:55

Yes I think people who are introverted or antisocial are more likely be hanging out online.
I enjoy time on my own but I also do all the things in the opening post.

I don't enjoy overnight guests though. That feels too long.

Original poster
spinningaroundthemoon · 07/07/2021 14:57

Actually I just remembered a story where a work colleague said her neighbour was banging on her door late at night and she ignored her. Turned out that her husband had had a heart attack and unfortunately died.
Work colleague stated she was very glad she’d never answered the door that night and I suspect most MN’s would too.
She couldn’t have done anything but she ignored someone who in that moment just needed supper.

OP posts:
CharlieWorkCharlieSad · 07/07/2021 14:58

@ChainJane

I totally understand why people don't answer their door. There's no point because it's never worth the bother. If someone needs to get hold of you they can text or email.

Genuinely, I've not had an unexpected person that I was actually happy to speak to turn up at my door since 2007.

Answering the door leads to people wanting something from you. Leave it shut and let them bother someone else.

What happens if they don't have your number or email address?

But I like random knocks on the door. I'm quite a pathetic person though and enjoy a quick chat or catch up or helping people out!

CharlieWorkCharlieSad · 07/07/2021 14:59

@spinningaroundthemoon

Actually I just remembered a story where a work colleague said her neighbour was banging on her door late at night and she ignored her. Turned out that her husband had had a heart attack and unfortunately died. Work colleague stated she was very glad she’d never answered the door that night and I suspect most MN’s would too. She couldn’t have done anything but she ignored someone who in that moment just needed supper.
That's so so sad. If we can't rely on neighbors and other humans to help us out once in a blue moon who can we rely on? Sad
RedMarauder · 07/07/2021 15:02

picks a flower from their garden wall.

You should not be allowing your children to pick flowers from people's gardens or parks. The flowers are there for everyone to enjoy looking at not just for them.

HennyK · 07/07/2021 15:07

I think you mean unsociable not anti social OP.

I do often think this about things on here. It always surprises me too how little a lot of people on here will do for someone they supposedly love and care about as well simply because they shouldn't have to. Say you don't like your MIL much and your husband has invited her round because he hasn't seen her since last year, there will be lots of 'Oh my god, how dare he invite someone in your home, just go out, tell him he'll have to go to them, tell him they can't come' ect ect... In reality surely most people would just grit their teeth through dinner with their in laws, even if they don't particularly like them, for the sake of their husband?

It's the same with anything on here that you don't have to do but would be nice to do for someone else.

Re neighbour banging on the door in the middle of the night, unless I specifically knew it was my neighbour (and I was friendly with them), I would not answer the door to someone banging on it in the middle of the night. Especially if I was alone. That kind of thing makes me super nervous.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 07/07/2021 15:08

If someone bangs on the door at night that's what window and "Who that" is for.

Very sad story

HennyK · 07/07/2021 15:10

Like I really am not my BILs biggest fan at all. But, as much as I wish he weren't, he's important to my husband. Therefore, I smile and nod through his tedious conversations and 'get on' with him because it would hurt my husband to make a big drama with his brother. I'd love to never see him again personally but I love my husband and don't want to make things hard for him.

Viviennemary · 07/07/2021 15:12

I don't get the not answering the door. Or a big fuss about taking in a parcel. But I hate folk parking outside my house. How very dare they.

Neuts346 · 07/07/2021 15:16

@ChainJane

I totally understand why people don't answer their door. There's no point because it's never worth the bother. If someone needs to get hold of you they can text or email.

Genuinely, I've not had an unexpected person that I was actually happy to speak to turn up at my door since 2007.

Answering the door leads to people wanting something from you. Leave it shut and let them bother someone else.

🤣
StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 07/07/2021 15:27

Honestly every example youve listed is someone drawing a boundary and saying this is important to me. I only wish more people would tbh.

Livpool · 07/07/2021 15:34

Agreed OP - I have only met 1 person like this IRL

Meruem · 07/07/2021 15:36

I’m a massive introvert and it’s exactly why I like MN. I can join in a conversation if I want, or start one of my own, and come back to it as and when. It’s social contact without any commitment! I like all the varied and random discussions which is something I don’t get in RL. When I have socialised people want to talk about work, or their problems etc. Whereas I prefer to talk about anything else!

I have been through a lot myself in the past few years and didn’t really get any support in RL so I don’t really have an interest in making an effort anymore. I have nothing left to give emotionally. But of course I miss conversation, so MN is my substitute. It might be a bit sad but it works for me.