To think most people on MN are very anti-social!

[spinningaroundthemoon]

Just an observation...

• would never be friends with a work colleague
• don’t want any friends besides their partner
• would never answer the door or phone
• don’t like friends or family they don’t live with inside their house
• hate social engagements

There’s nothing wrong with the above. I’m opposite and clearly most people would loathe this.

Well you can’t let other people in your house. They have disgusting feet and might use your toilet to actually relieve themselves.

@Kanaloa

Well you can’t let other people in your house. They have disgusting feet and might use your toilet to actually relieve themselves.

I leave deckchairs on my driveway for any guests, hand them drinks in disposable cups through the window (not having people drink out of cups me and my family use!) and hose the driveway down when they finally leave.

@Kanaloa

Well you can’t let other people in your house. They have disgusting feet and might use your toilet to actually relieve themselves.

Only tradesmen do that 😁

Haha, well you do see it more on MN than hear it in real life. But there's been a kind of introvert movement over the past few years and it's been easier for people to admit that they just don't like socialising.

Personally, it's the byzantine hygiene rules that I find so offputting. I mean, you can't possibly want people in your house at all if you force them to adhere to ALL THE RULES. The no shoes, socks/no socks/which room you can go in/which toilet you may be permitted to use and the appropriate footwear for the bathroom/how long you may stay/what is correct to offer or not offer your guests...

By the time anyone had explained those rules to me at the doorstep (knocking not permitted by order of management), I think I would have a pressing engagement elsewhere.

@SchrodingersImmigrant

If someone bangs on the door at night that's what window and "Who that" is for.

Very sad story

I'd be wary of opening the door at night to be honest because it's less safe than during the day. However, if someone was banging for a long time I would try to look who it was. I have lived in places where I couldn't see the front door from my window though.

I get on with my work colleagues but wouldn't be friends with them as in socialise outside of work. I like my private life to remain private and wouldn't want either to mingle.
I was badly bullied all through school so I kinda reserved and possibly come off as weird, I don't have friends because when I was at school people pretended to be my friend then kick or hit me in the next breathe so I've learned I'm best to be on my own nobody will hurt me.
I don't think you are unreasonable there is nothing wrong with having friends at work socialise after work or having tonnes of friends. Clearly you are confident and not an introvert.

@Toomuchspinning

I agree whole heartedly with you.

I love having visitors, I love people dropping in, I always go to the gates if people call by. I talk to the neighbours, I share things with them and I chat to the adults with learning difficulties in our community.

A few months ago, a friend of a friend broke down with her cattle trailer. I lived an hour away on the journey she was doing, so I offer to be a lay over point. A random young guy picked her trailer up, via Facebook, turned up at my farm at 11pm. Friend of a friend’s husband came to mine and arrived at 2am to take the cattle to their end destination.

I had tea, and fudge I had made with the nice young guy, and after an hour we realised we knew some mutual friends. Six degrees of separation and all that.

So, I got no sleep, my neighbours laughed their heads off, and I met some new people. What’s the harm?

That's the farming way. If I didn't answer the door or the phone, I would have missed people telling me about sick animals, escaped animals etc etc. We help each other out.

Reading the Coronavirus threads over the past 15 months shows that YANBU at all.

• I never go to pubs/restaurants/cafes so I don't care if they never reopen.
• I hate making small talk with colleagues so am happy to WFH forever.
• I love the plastic screens between tables on the rare occasions I go out to pubs and restaurants.
• They should keep social distancing so I don't have to stand close to anyone on a bus or in a queue.

And so on and so forth. I'm pretty introverted myself but so many folks on MN seem positively misanthropic.

I am very introverted and have 2 friends in real life. I like the social aspect of mumsnet in that I can chat about things but equally there’s no expectations of me. I can just shut the app and piss off and do my own thing and I like that, and I suspect that’s what attracts others like me to it too. With people in real life you can’t just escape!

YANBU at all.

I think what MN has shown me is that a quite a large section of people do not "think" like me. I love unannounced visitors, i love phone calls, i liked having sch mums friends over, i can work a 40 hr week and not need to spend evenings and weekends away from people. I love people coming to stay. I love entertaining and cooking and hosting. I like having my neighbours in for a cuppa. I love hosting large family events at mine, cooking and getting everyone together. I even have a great relationship with my ex in-laws and they often come to stay with me. I am a single parent with a FT job, hse, garden and mental load all to maintain by my self. I still make time.

This site has shown me that none of that ever being reciprocated to me, is not me, its them! A neighbour calls at mine, i always let them in, offer drinks etc, make drinks, spend time mo matter what i am doing. I turn up at neighbours ( don't bother anymore) , left on doorstep while they look horrified and brief conversation conducted at door in rain/hail/snow.

MN has made me see thats lots of people view things differently to me. I always have my hse tidy and visitor ready, i like cleaning and am hse proud but, i see others who don't , wont necessarily want me in theirs.

I have reduced now what i am prepared to offer others but only because it costs a fortune and it is never reciprocated and i have had to draw a line somewhere. People tended to come to me with all their issues too and i have stopped being avail for that also. Mainly as they were not there for me last month , when my Dc's sch bubble had to suddenly isolate and absolutely no one living near me could bother their arse to get me some urgent food shopping , despite i had got theirs many many times. Luckily my ex DH travelled from over a 100 miles away and came to the rescue to get our emergency shopping. Needless to say there are many i will leave standing at my doorstep now. It's not because i am unsociable, it is because they are lazy selfish c**ts.

After several threads about shitty neighbours not taking in parcels I decided to become nice.
That was 3 weeks ago and I am still stuck with the damn parcel. Everytime we walk past we knock, they also have a note letting them know where it is.
When I get rid of it I'm going back to shitty neighbour.

Must admit the past year has been bliss without sales and religious people knocking on the door.

I've spent all my life pleasing others and sitting through excruciating social events, parties, weddings etc. I dont like socialising as it drains me and I have to be alone afterwards to recharge. No one seems to understand or be like me in real life.

If a social event gets cancelled I'm dead chuffed! Whereas everyone else is devastated.

I have loved WFH and the limited contact, but its coming to an end.

I try and toe the line as much as possible so long as they leave me be afterwards so I can unwind and recharge, but extrovert seems to be norm and introvert is not as acceptable in my world.

I used to be quite sociable, but since first lockdown I loved not having any social expectations. And now I crave being alone (esp since DH is wfh all the time.) I don’t mind people dropping in, but I don’t want my weekend filled with too much sociable stuff either.
And as pp’s have said, it’s being unsociable. Anti-social is being drunk & disorderly. throwing bricks through windows or just being a general nuisance. 😀

I think those who can't go out much (CEV, those with other medical conditions or disabilities, or who care for them) as well those who chose not to, are very much in evidence on sites such as MN. Because thus is where we come for company

How long you spend cut off from other people varies considerably, depending on what led to it in the first place

I find the school mum issue on MN so strange. There are endless posts from people who are angry and upset because they've been 'excluded' by mum cliques who stand at the school gate 'talking amongst themselves' and not chatting or issuing coffee invites to the OP.

I don't understand why anyone would think that someone you don't know would automatically want to befriend you simply because your child happens to be in their child's class/school. I am on smiling and nodding terms with some of the parents at my DC's school but have zero expectations around forming friendships with them.

As it happens I have become friends with a few parents but this was after I knew them for a couple of years, we didn't instantly become buddies at the school gate.

You mean ‘unsociable’.

If we were anti social we would be spray painting expletive on walls.

Normal people are out living life. The rest are on MN telling women they are being unreasonable.

"@Eastie77 I find the school mum issue on MN so strange. There are endless posts from people who are angry and upset because they've been 'excluded' by mum cliques who stand at the school gate 'talking amongst themselves' and not chatting or issuing coffee invites to the OP.
I don't understand why anyone would think that someone you don't know would automatically want to befriend you simply because your child happens to be in their child's class/school. I am on smiling and nodding terms with some of the parents at my DC's school but have zero expectations around forming friendships with them.
As it happens I have become friends with a few parents but this was after I knew them for a couple of years, we didn't instantly become buddies at the school gate".

Because @Eastie77 some people move hundreds and hundreds of miles away from their family, their friends and all that they have ever known, for their
own work, for their husbands work,and /or to provide a better life for their children.

Is it too much for them to hope that their new community may welcome them? May extend a cup of tea to them? Is it too much for a new mum who has always worked but now has a sch aged child, before her peers, to make a connection with a fellow mum at a similar life stage? I am guessing you have all the support you need around you in terms of family, DH and friends.

Some arrive at the sch gates with absolutely none of that. What is strange about being totally alone in this world and wanting to make friends ?

Agree so much @girl71
I made a few of my closest friends at the school gates. One in particular stands out, as I didn't realise she was a new parent ( I have several children and was always a bit vague) Anyway she was on her own and we got chatting and discovered her DS was in the same class as DD. Neither of us was working that morning so I suggested we go and grab a coffee. We still catch up every now and again over 20 years later.

I'm pretty shy but I like (most of) my work colleagues and would socialise with some of them (and their partners) outside work.
I dont like answering my phone if I dont recognise the number though.
If I see chuggers or people selling shit at the door, I dont answer, but most of the time I do.
I speak to both sets of next door neighbours and several others.
I like going to weddings (even big ones where they've spent 20k and didnt get the dress from Oxfam!) and I dont mind if my children are not invited in fact I probably have a better time without them

• would never be friends with a work colleague

I was one of the people saying I wouldn't make friends with a work colleague on that thread that I assume you read. I sit in meetings with them all day every day, quite literally. My job is apparently to have meetings these days. I think I need a new job title. "Professional meeter", perhaps.

• don’t want any friends besides their partner

Have lots of friends. Quite exhausting to be honest. I have a demanding job, 2 kids soon, a husband I barely get to spend time with as we both work so much and trying to organise coffees with friends isn't like it was before. I have a 15 minute slot on November the 24th. Any takers?

• would never answer the door or phone

I will answer the door unless I think it's a delivery. They can drop it round the back. Safer for both of us at the moment.
Who calls people? Old people, that's who. If my personal phone rings I assume someone's died or something equally horrible.

• don’t like friends or family they don’t live with inside their house

Well certainly right now. This country is rife with corona, so stay away, thanks.

• hate social engagements

I shall refer you to my answer above. But also, ugh social engagements suuuck.

I freely admit to being asocial but not necessarily anti-social

Most people bore me rigid so I'm happy to stay home and I only socialise with a few friends.

I do answer the front door though - unless I can see it's a cold caller!

Pre-covid the only people who knocked on my door unexpectedly would be chuggers, salespeople and JWs, up to 15 times a day, so I'll hope I'd be forgiven for looking through the peephole before flinging the door open.

Also, our house is very much a 3 people sized house. There's simply no room for having people round. I'll cheerily meet you at the pub though.

Mn majority seem to be introvert.

I'm quite an extrovert, I'm probably an omnivert, or ambivert, because I am social, a total party animal, crave deep meaning friendships with my 5 closest friends. But like to be home alone, slobbing about doing as little as possible aswell.

I feel like the minority on MN.