To think most people on MN are very anti-social!

[spinningaroundthemoon]

Just an observation...

• would never be friends with a work colleague
• don’t want any friends besides their partner
• would never answer the door or phone
• don’t like friends or family they don’t live with inside their house
• hate social engagements

There’s nothing wrong with the above. I’m opposite and clearly most people would loathe this.

Some people are being black and white. I’m probably an introvert but I always answer the door (because it’s probably a parcel for me!) and phone and love being with my friends and colleagues. I am quite reserved but have a small circle of friends whom I see regularly. I enjoy the company of others but I do need time to myself too. I love fun nights out with a group of people I know but feel much more out of my depth at formal events like weddings.

@Roasteros

"I do not take calls from friends/acquaintances. WhatsApp only please unless we have prearranged time to speak. I don't have the bandwidth to support chit chat."

I wonder if this trait will find its way to the next generation? Will there be a point where we will no longer interact at all with other people outside our immediate family? For that matter, how would we ever meet potential partners in our ever-decreasing social circles? Could we even be rightfully called a society as such?

All that just because OP doesn't like phone calls? I don't like them either for similar reasons, but am social and talk plenty! I just don't want to sit on the phone and chat when I'm at home and want to unwind and watch TV. WhatsApp will do.

@skybluee

I agree with some of this but I utterly hate all of the comments about not answering the door.

Until you've lived somewhere where 95% plus of the times the buzzer rings it's something you wish you'd not answered, maybe you won't understand it fully.

I understand if you live in a village it may be completely different but in a large building of apartments you're responsible for who you buzz in. If you don't know them and you buzz them in you're taking a risk. People get fed up of endless conversations/people asking to be let in when you don't know who they are - so they stop answering the door.

I really don't see what is unreasonable about it at all.

I remember reading on the thread people who utterly couldn't fathom it and I just thought try it for a few weeks and you'll be doing the same.
Also, if you DO answer it you can become known as a number who will take delivery and you end up being repeatedly lumbered with other peoples stuff which at that level/amount can become a problem.

Where do you live? I've only lived in apartment blocks with buzzers the last 5+ years, dodgy London borough, and maybe I've had one buzzer that wasn't for me but was a Jehovah's Witness? Everything else was delivery or an expected guest. The drama!

I don't live anywhere particularly unusual (at least as far as I'm aware). A lot of it is to do with the massive increase in online delivery and people not indicating a safe place for the goods to be left, so the delivery person then (obviously, not their fault) tries to find a neighbour to take the goods. The problem with that is I don't work normal hours so I then can be woken repeatedly by it or when the neighbour is trying to get their item and when it's several items a week it gets too much and I just don't want the buzzer going when I'm trying to sleep or don't feel well. It can all be solved by them indicating a safe place so I've been trying to spread that information.

I think some of it is down to where my button is placed in the list, as they seem to go for that one automatically. I considered covering it but don't want to miss out on deliveries that are intended for me.

Some of it is people having problems with the door/not taking their keys when they go out to put stuff in the bin and then not being able to get back in. Which is OK but when it is late/after midnight etc it's not on really. Some of it is food deliveries or people not being able to find a certain number as the numbering system is illogical. Some of it is people asking to be let in to meet people (mainly evenings) and I don't know who they are.

I've lived in a different building where I don't think it happened once (a semi converted into five apartments) so I just think it depends on the block. There are a lot of deliveries here (I think Amazon are here every day) and no one to take deliveries if people are out and I think this causes the bulk of it.

If a friend is coming it would be expected and if a delivery is coming for me it's expected, I just got tired of dealing with the other stuff and at one point being repeatedly woken, when there's actually an easy solution for it all which is to give proper instructions/indicate a safe place for delivery. I wish people would use the 'safe place' thing and have them hide it as it's a way better system.

YANBU

There's a weird trend of hating other people on here.

I, and most people I know, love other people. Human beings bring me so much joy and I love getting to know pretty much everyone I can!

But so many on MN are determined to live as miserable existence with only their OH for company (haven forbid the OH should go and see their mates too) and disliking everything and everyone.

Then again MN world is nothing like real life IME

This is possibly my own problem but I find a lot on MN seem to have a superiority complex (or maybe it just highlights my own inferiority!)

The not answering the phone or the door I think can go two ways. Sometimes because of anxiety or the need to be alone, or being too busy and important to take a parcel that might not be for them, or speak to a neighbour you hadnt planned to. (Our neighbour sonetimes knocks on the door for something and stays for a chat. Occassionally its inconvenient or interrupts dinner but he lives alone and likes company)
Not wanting to speak on the phone with friends - their job is so busy and their private time is so valuable it cant be wasted having a chat with a friend. (FWIW I often whatsapp but if I want to chat to someone I usually message first and ask when is a convenient time)

Have enough friends without needing to speak to school mums.

And on other threads you cant complain about finding anything tough, or maybe struggling with it (parenting, juggling responsibilities, driving, cooking etc.) without several posters telling you how great they are that they went back to work 3 days after their 6th child was born, worked ft, cooked meals from scratch while their DH worked away, and just got on with it...or that they passed their driving test on Monday and then drove from Lands End to John o groats on Tuesday, in one go, with only 1 toilet break, and did it all with the utmost competence and confidence, without hesitation.

I'm notlike this and neither is anyone I know.

Also 99% of posters seem to have direct professional experience of whatever is being discussed.

Also all those that went to Oxbridge went to sink schools and had two working parents who barely spoke to them

@ChainJane

I totally understand why people don't answer their door. There's no point because it's never worth the bother. If someone needs to get hold of you they can text or email.

Genuinely, I've not had an unexpected person that I was actually happy to speak to turn up at my door since 2007.

Answering the door leads to people wanting something from you. Leave it shut and let them bother someone else.

Yesterday I answered the door to a surprise delivery of flowers from a friend who knew I had had a recent disappointment. On Sunday I answered the door to someone who gave me produce from their allotment.

I live down a long country lane. If there's a knock at the door it's either
A) delivery person
B) friendly dog walker with my dog who has escaped AGAIN
C) psychopath

I'm like you, OP!

I grew up on a farm, and as a family we were all involved in various sporting events. My parents loved to be on a committee (or three!) There were always people coming and going, and more often than not, people in the (lovely, large) kitchen.
I loved it! But I wasn't the one involved in the hosting, feeding everyone, being responsible for cleaning and tidying. My mum was a proper dynamo, and I wish I had the energy she had back then.
I'm not sure when I became more reclusive. Possibly I just enjoy peace and quiet after a fairly chaotic life now dad has passed away and mum is old, and kids are flown.
I still answer the door and I would chat to neighbours if I saw them, but life is so different now, with people either at work all day or inside, so it's usually just a quick hello.

I agree OP. We always answer the door...someone made the effort to open our gate and knock, it's common decency to answer...although we do lie and say "yes we already signed up to your delivery service last month" if we don't need/can't afford what they're offering!

I often come on here to lurk and have a good laugh or to enjoy some drama when I have a free few minutes at work! I also like to peek at the conception pages to see the "line eyes" threads!

Like others have said I suspect more introverts post online because it's a safer more comfortable form of social engagement (I include myself in this).

I honestly think it's more of a spectrum really. I am very introverted and don't have drop by visitors in terms of friends or family but I wouldn't ignore banging on the door because I would assume it was an emergency and be happy to help. That's not really the same thing as not wanting someone to drop in for coffee.

I am not comfortable with social interaction but you wouldn't know it to see me with some of the school mums. It's not personal to them, I like them a lot but I find it absolutely exhausting. I see it as my failing not theirs. I do it because its not healthy for my DC to be isolated and I want to model positive relationships but I do struggle with it and have to build in heavy amounts of quiet time either side of it.

My DS were invited to a birthday party in a friend's garden Monday. They loved it. I genuinely like the mum and we both would say we were friends. I did it with a giant smile on my face but still now 2 days (nearly 3) I'm exhausted and feel a bit strung out because I have been working and seeing learners online more than usual. That sheer level of human interaction is painful in a way. As in having to talk and react. Typing messages on here makes me feel connected but not exhausted.

I think responses on MN take it too far though and it becomes fantasy. Of course I answer the door in emergencies. I have got boundaries with family but they know I will still be there for them in a pinch.

I'm about as introverted as you get in terms of "normal" society but some of the examples I have seen on here are obviously fantasist because you can't realistically be in the real world , especially with DC and be quite the picture if a MN introvert.

Also to be fair the impact of being introverted really depends on your setup. Both DP and I come from incredibly introverted and independent families (with a giant dash of dysfunction) so we don't offend anyone because they would all genuinely jump in a vat of honey and face a swarm of bees before they "popped" in. It genuinely never causes an issue because everyone we interact with personally is the same as us. Everyone feels more comfortable with planned activities and far between gaps.(as far as I know but I strongly suspect that's the case as they are all as antisocial as us!)

I agree that there does seem to be a spectrum rather than just two extremes.

The introverts I know personally (I am married to one) have friends and like to socialise, just not all the time. DH will always answer the door or the telephone and meet up with friends, but would hate to work in an open plan office for example.

Unfortunately, many of the introverts who post on mumsnet don't seem to fit this category, and many seem to actively dislike any kind of personal social interaction, and give the impression that they just hate people.

The comment about putting up the drawbridge after meeting a life partner made me chuckle because that is exactly the impression they give. Although, I often wonder how they manage to meet their partner in the first place.

@RampantIvy

The upside to Covid for me was not having to make up excuses to miss party invites etc.

What baffles me is that all these people who claim to not like talking to people and don't want to make friends actually get any party invitations at all.

I do enjoy talking to people when time permits. I get invited to parties etc because I think I'm generally a pleasant person to engage with. I have plenty of friends. I just happen to like my own space, don't enjoy people turning up on my doorstep uninvited and admit that since I'm busy working FT, raising children and studying I'm usually too tired to entertain people.

I generally find that people who are happy to throw their doors open and offer up tea and biscuits to any passing random tend to have a lot of time on their hands. Unfortunately I don't.