To think most people on MN are very anti-social!

[spinningaroundthemoon]

Just an observation...

• would never be friends with a work colleague
• don’t want any friends besides their partner
• would never answer the door or phone
• don’t like friends or family they don’t live with inside their house
• hate social engagements

There’s nothing wrong with the above. I’m opposite and clearly most people would loathe this.

I have noticed this too! I don’t meet many people like this in real life. Strange!

"@Skybluepinkgiraffe Neither of us was working that morning so I suggested we go and grab a coffee. We still catch up every now and again over 20 years later".

Lovely to hear @Skybluepinkgiraffe. Glad your friendship has enjoyed such longevity.

@Remoulade

- would never be friends with a work colleague

I was one of the people saying I wouldn't make friends with a work colleague on that thread that I assume you read. I sit in meetings with them all day every day, quite literally. My job is apparently to have meetings these days. I think I need a new job title. "Professional meeter", perhaps.

• don’t want any friends besides their partner

Have lots of friends. Quite exhausting to be honest. I have a demanding job, 2 kids soon, a husband I barely get to spend time with as we both work so much and trying to organise coffees with friends isn't like it was before. I have a 15 minute slot on November the 24th. Any takers?

• would never answer the door or phone

I will answer the door unless I think it's a delivery. They can drop it round the back. Safer for both of us at the moment.
Who calls people? Old people, that's who. If my personal phone rings I assume someone's died or something equally horrible.

• don’t like friends or family they don’t live with inside their house

Well certainly right now. This country is rife with corona, so stay away, thanks.

• hate social engagements

I shall refer you to my answer above. But also, ugh social engagements suuuck.

I think you’ve taken my comments very personally. I also have no idea what thread you’re referring to about work.

You also seem quite corona focused - every delivery I’ve had they step away from the door and leave it on the step. Also I can’t see the difference between being shoved and pushed by in a supermarket or using the underground to being less dangerous than having a friend over for dinner.

I think different people will do some of your list, and not many would do all of them.

I take in parcels for my neighbours, and they do for us. I wouldn't mind answering the door where we live because it's likely to be a neighbour or someone we know, and I can't get uptight about the door going, but where I used to live I didn't know my neighbours and most door knocks were sales people or con artists so I used to ignore the door.

I would love to have more friends than DH but it just hasn't worked out like that.
Liked my work colleagues, probably more than they liked me. Happily answer the door tho!

Right, there was a thread a couple of days ago about a woman who had been told by her manager she wasn't a team player as she wasn't friends with her colleagues. It's the only one I've seen on here about that topic in the years I've been around so I made an assumption. My mistake.

Well, seeing as I am pregnant and unvaccinated, yes, yes I am very corona focused. I also haven't stepped foot in a supermarket since Feb -20 as my husband is CV bordering on CEV and we both work from home.

And the delivery drivers here just stand on the step in front of the door. Hence why I won't open the door to them. It's pretty uncomfortable having someone else's face less than 2 foot away from mine.

YANBU but then on Mumsnet I read stuff which loads of people agree with, yet no one i know in RL would be like it. I think some folk just say stuff to fit in, or have ideals that they don't actually adhere to

Absolutely this. People talk utter bollocks on here sometimes

@Dozycuntlaters

YANBU but then on Mumsnet I read stuff which loads of people agree with, yet no one i know in RL would be like it. I think some folk just say stuff to fit in, or have ideals that they don't actually adhere to.

I only learned the other day it's rude to be on time when you go round a guests house for dinner. Fancy that, rude for being on time. Only on MN I suspect though.

Do the polite people arrive early or late? Do they get underfoot when the host is tryng to get things ready, or keep everyone waiting while they fanny about being 'polite'? My mind is boggled!

@girl71 of course there isn't anything wrong with wanting to make friends when you arrive in a new community. But in my experience, enduring friendships tend to develop organically and usually when you have something in common with the other person beyond randomly having two children of the same age. I find it odd when I read posts from an OP who is upset because a group of mums at DC's new school are talking to each other at the school gate and do not automatically approach her and form a welcoming committee. They are condemned as 'cliquey' when they are probably just friends and busy parents who don't have time to keep an eye out for every possible new parent. It may sound harsh but most people have established their deep friendships and ties by the time they have children.

I didn't know a single parent when DD started school. None of my friends live in the area I live in now. There are parents who know each other and chat at the school gates, others pick up/drop off without saying a word to anyone which is fine. It's primary school, not a social club after all.

@spinningaroundthemoon

Just an observation...

• would never be friends with a work colleague
• don’t want any friends besides their partner
• would never answer the door or phone
• don’t like friends or family they don’t live with inside their house
• hate social engagements

There’s nothing wrong with the above. I’m opposite and clearly most people would loathe this.

Absolutely.

I can't understand people that want to be around people all the time.

I used to be social nof I'm knackered & cant be arsed. Everything seems too much effort & just not worth it.

@thewooster

I've spent all my life pleasing others and sitting through excruciating social events, parties, weddings etc. I dont like socialising as it drains me and I have to be alone afterwards to recharge. No one seems to understand or be like me in real life.

If a social event gets cancelled I'm dead chuffed! Whereas everyone else is devastated.

I have loved WFH and the limited contact, but its coming to an end.

I try and toe the line as much as possible so long as they leave me be afterwards so I can unwind and recharge, but extrovert seems to be norm and introvert is not as acceptable in my world.

I think you have described really accurately how introverts feel. There is this assumption that they are nasty, miserable fun suckers but it really is a matter of feeling utterly exhausted. Its like my batteries are flat, I simply have nothing left to give after a day at work. I love doing stuff during the day, Im described as a sociable introvert but evenings I need to wind down and relax. I answer the door via Ring. Since Covid parcels are left on doorsteps, not left with neighbours anyway. No one comes into my house because of Covid anyway other than family.

It really irritates me that people use the phrase ' anti social.'

What you actually mean is unsociable. Anti social behaviour is likely to get you a legal order!

@PenelopeP1tstop

It really irritates me that people use the phrase ' anti social.'

What you actually mean is unsociable. Anti social behaviour is likely to get you a legal order!

I disagree even with unsociable as many introverts are actually sociable they just have a limit.

I totally agree with you @girl71 . I moved away from friends and family and then met DH. If it wasn't for work colleagues who were will to be friendly and nice neighbors I would be totally reliant on my DH and that is not healthy.
As it stands I have a lovely new circle of genuine friends who have helped me so much

Sometimes I think extrovert is used as an insult on MN.

@Hfjshdhs

You mean ‘unsociable’.

If we were anti social we would be spray painting expletive on walls.

To all the pedants, not wanting to spend time with others is one of the meanings of antisocial.

@Eastie77 I didn't know a single parent when DD started school. None of my friends live in the area I live in now. There are parents who know each other and chat at the school gates, others pick up/drop off without saying a word to anyone which is fine. It's primary school, not a social club after all".

It is a social club for some. You may not want too, but, there are single parents who may need to make connections.

You may not hive. known a single parent but did you have friends relatively near by? Did you have parents relatively near by? Some have absolutely no one near by, some have no one for over hundreds of miles, some have no one ever.

You may be happy alone, as a single parent , away from all family and friends with no sch community but others are not.

@switswoo81 glad you have a good circle around you,
aside from yr DH.

People with poor social skills who struggle with basic social interactions are over represented on Mn, though. And oddly, people who claim to have literally never had a friend, but who have somehow managed to acquire a husband, after which they pulled up the portcullis, emerging only to regard the school run as a sort of extreme psychological testing, involving largely imaginary ‘cliques’, exclusion and snobbery. Or possibly other parents wondering why someone looks as if she’s being dragged to the stake daily, rather than dropping off an eight year old on her way to work.

Having said that, given the interactions described by some Mnetters as ‘friendships’ — bitching, exploitation, power plays about being a bridesmaid, copying their kitchen/baby names/ haircuts — if I were a socially-inexperienced Mnetter basing my ideas about reality on Mn, I’d probably steer clear of other people too.

@Oblomov21 I’ll join your camp!
I love socialising, have lots of friends from dcs school, make an effort with friends and family, get on with some of my neighbours but I hate any unexpected guests as when I’m at home, I like slobbing around and being by myself or with just my family, relaxing.

Sometimes I think extrovert is used as an insult on MN.
I think the extremes of both are used as an insult.
Extreme Introverts dont annoy others in the same way as extreme extroverts.
Loud, gobby people who never stop fucking talking should be shot.
It crosses my mind sometimes to do a Villanelle -just a little shove

I think a lot of people on MN are just grumpy and contrary.

I answer the door if the doorbell goes.
I answer the phone if it rings and I'm able to.
I reply to texts and emails promptly.
I love my work colleagues and go out on socials with them.
I make tradesmen a cuppa and a supply biscuits. If I'm making a bacon sandwich i'll ask if they want one. They are welcome to use my toilet.
Will talk to strangers (DH hates that )

However I don't really like dinner parties (prefer to go out to eat) and not a massive fan of a wedding/christening. Also like my personal space.

I kind of half and half really I do hate people in my house cos it a state, and struggle with social occasions but I am friends with everybody at work after all I spend more time with them than anyone else. I am friends with lots outside of work as well I love going to gym etc and making friends
I not have a family of my own and I really lucky I have so many friends and we all help eachother out and go walk and stuff sometimes. But I also do activities like gym and yoga which have widened my social circle for the better 🙂

@Templetreebloom "Extreme Introverts dont annoy others in the same way as extreme extroverts". Loud, gobby people who never stop fucking talking should be shot".

You sound unhinged. May I suggest you get out more ? Thats the thing with introverts, they are ever so slightly nuts! .

Genuinely, I've not had an unexpected person that I was actually happy to speak to turn up at my door since 2007

I have - loads of times. A knock on the door could be a parcel delivery or one of our neighbours, who is a friend, asking if we want to go out with them. We very rarely get unwelcome visitors.

OP, I agree with you. Mumsnet has a disproportionate number of mumsnetters who feel that they have to have a cap on the number of friends they have. The introverts I know don't behave like the ones on mumsnet. They have friends and don't hate the idea of making new friends. They just need time on their own to recharge.