To think its immoral to charge children rent?

[CatsArePeople]

Unless you're saving/investing it for them.

Bring on the biscuits

I would never charge my son "rent" (I don't have a mortgage though) but I would expect a contribution towards the household bills if he was living here and working in a "proper" job. In the same way that DH and I pay into our joint account proportionately, I would ask DS to do the same.

@CatsArePeople

Care to explain your position a bit more? Or just bored already on a Weds afternoon?

Yup, bored.
Really just thinking over some of the threads i read previously. That as soon as a teenager gets their first part-time job or apprenticeship, parents get grabby. Even to the point that an earning child has to pay pocket money to non-earning siblings. So maybe "immoral" its too strong off the word. Grabby it is.

I didn't think of full salary earning adults and pensioner parents.

Pay pocket money to younger siblings! WTF! I'm all for contributing for the endless meals, snacks and WiFi but this is taking the P. My first job I earned £30 a week and my mum took £15 off me as she lost her child benefit when I left school. My daughter pays £100 PCM and this covers her share of the car insurance and petrol, plus I buy all the toiletries and food etc. She has a bargain and she knows it.

So many middle class people on this thread with enough money to make value judgements on others and not enough insight to realise that for many, many people, there is no choice.

Once the child is an adult and child benefit and tax credits come to an end, single person’s council tax discount finishes etc, for a lot of people there are only a couple of choices. Get a lodger in the spare room, charge the child a contribution for it, or downsize.

It’s all very well the people on their high horse saying “it’s their home”. Well yes, but that home isn’t free for the parents living there. If you’re wealthy enough for that not to be a problem, you really are living in a nice protective bubble.

It would be immoral if I did it, because I can easily afford my mortgage. Why should I profit from their much lower incomes? But I expect other kinds of contribution to the household from my young adults: cooking, cleaning etc. None of them have shown any indication of expecting to live in my house forever, so I doubt I’ll be providing rent-free accommodation when they’re in their 40s.

I don’t really feel the thing about teaching them to pay their way, because it will be a long time before their incomes approach mine and I would rather see them spend their money on things that will make them happy, like going out with their friends. I think young people have it much harder than I did at that age. But I certainly expect them to contribute in other, non-financial, ways. I think it’s because we all have the same amount of time, and they definitely have more energy than I have.

Obviously in different circumstances it would be a different answer.

They won’t live there forever though sleepy so what will people do then?

@endofjune

They won’t live there forever though sleepy so what will people do then?

They'll get a lodger or downsize if they can't afford it. They only need the extra room for the adult child, if they leave, they don't.

Exactly - two of mine off to uni next year and I will move - I don’t need 4 bedrooms for me and the smallest

@restingbitchface30

You sound ridiculous. My daughter is 16 and at the end of this year I’m cutting her off. No more allowance and I’m not paying her phone bill. She will get a job around college and she will give me 10% of what she makes. Nobody gets a free ride in life and there’s a reason you get your NI number just before you turn 16! I guess I’m just immoral."

Do you actually need the money? Will forcing her to work not effect her studies? Shouldn't she be studying to get into uni?

@BosseFave no I don’t need the money but that’s besides the point. She needs to learn that you have to pay your way in life. I’m sure her working a Saturday job won’t affect her studies. I want her to build her cv up as best as possible, even if it is only a 8 hour a week job somewhere.

@endofjune

They won’t live there forever though sleepy so what will people do then?

Get a lodger in to the room, or downsize to a smaller and cheaper house.

This is what I mean about people having no idea about the reality of life for some.

Haha @category12, I see you’ve answered already!

Everyone should just do what works for them and their situation and stop judging others if they make different choices.
It's not a moral issue by any stretch of the imagination.

@Mollymoostoo

"If you think charging 'rent' is immoral, my DH's ex told their child she can't work more than 24 hours as it will affect mums benefits. She is 16. Shameful."

It depends on the circumstances, if it's shameful. She could work the hours she wants if she lived with you and her Dad. So it isn't blocking her. Ideally 24 hours is enough at 16, with studies as well.

When I was still living at home I paid rent (quite a lot actually), most of my friends came from families where they thought charging their own children was wrong.

I learnt how to budget. I learnt how important it was to pay bills first and save for a rainy day. My friends learnt how to spend every penny they had and get themselves into debt.

So do I charge my 19 year old working DS rent? Absolutely

My parents had the rule that if you pay tax, you pay mum and dad.
When I was at home between uni and doing temping in hospitality or office work I didn't have to pay rent but I was expected to use that money to top up my student loan during term time (they added a bit too).

I moved back in with them when I started a new job near them when I was 30 and was waiting for to buy a house and for my partner to find a job in the area to allow us to relocate. I paid them rent during this time for 5 days a week bed and board - I return home at weekends.

You are entitled to think whatever you like. My parents didn't charge rent but did charge board when I was working. Whilst still a student they didn't. I actually enjoyed starting to pay my own way and it prepared me well for the future of having to budget in teh real world.

If they're over 18 and working full time then it's fair enough to charge them rent and teach them to budget etc..

[quote restingbitchface30]@BosseFave no I don’t need the money but that’s besides the point. She needs to learn that you have to pay your way in life. I’m sure her working a Saturday job won’t affect her studies. I want her to build her cv up as best as possible, even if it is only a 8 hour a week job somewhere.[/quote]
Personally I'd prefer my 16-18 year old concentrated on getting good a-levels, rather than working Saturday on top of full time education.

TBH although we could have afforded to let them live for free, once they’d graduated and were working, we charged dds roughly half of what they’d have had to pay in a flat share locally.

I really don’t think living for free does them any favours. The sooner they get real about what a roof over your head, heating, hot water, food, WiFi, you name it, all cost, the better.

We didn’t save it for them, but did help (much) later with house deposits.

I wouldn’t have charged when it was student holiday jobs, but then I could afford not to. My first holiday job post school paid £8.50 (supermarket checkout aeons ago) and out of that I had to give my DM £3. So was pissed off a couple of years later to learn that at the same time dh had been earning £20+ on building sites and had given his DPs nothing! and his were far from well off.

If they're working, then they should contribute to the household costs. Food, water, electricity etc.. isn't free!
If they're in full time education or can't work (won't work is another matter) I think it's different.
I paid my parents a set amount each month when I started work & I'll expect the same from my son.

Bring on the biscuits
I can't afford biscuits because my children haven't paid their rent.

I started paying housekeep at 18. It was made abundantly clear by my DM that I was expected to contribute.
Not going to lie; it was hard. And an eye opener at the time.
Honestly tho - now - I think it was probably fair.

My 30+ year old sister lives with my parents and her 6 year old son. My parents are retired and comfortable but not "rich".
My sister earns around £30k and gets child support from her ex partner. She and her son live there rent free - I'm talking all food cooked, laundry done etc and my parents do school drop off and pick up plus the after school childcare 5 days a week.
At no point does she ever cook for my parents or send them out for dinner (pre Covid).
I love my sister, she is really lovely but I don't think it would even cross her mind to pay them rent, nor my parents to ask for it. But it absolutely galls me despite it really being nothing to do with me and not being my place to say anything . Apparently she is saving to buy a house herself.

TD; DR, adult children with full time jobs should offer and indeed insist on paying some token rent at the very least.

Depends a 16 or 17 year old with a part time job. Ditto an 18 year old still in education. But anyone over 18 working should be paying rent

Mrs JuiaGulia, I don't understand why your sister doesn't do her and her son's own laundry but the rest of it may be because she works and your parents no longer do. She could make a contribution to the bills which you wouldn't necessarily know about. That is quite a common arrangement in family houses, rather than 'rent' as such. As you say, she is also be trying to save for a home of her own so it won't be forever.

What this thread has shown is that people do what they need to do, there is no right or wrong about it and certainly nothing immoral.