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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think its immoral to charge children rent?

330 replies

CatsArePeople · 07/07/2021 14:24

Unless you're saving/investing it for them.

Bring on the biscuits Grin

OP posts:
Dogsandbabies · 08/07/2021 20:13

@Cameleongirl completely agreed Smile

SallyWD · 08/07/2021 20:16

I think it's immoral for a grown adult who's earning a good wage NOT to contribute to household costs. Why should parents pay for everything?

Spidey66 · 08/07/2021 20:24

If they're working of course it's not immoral.

How do you expect them to budget?

Why should parents subsidise adult children?

gibbertyofah · 08/07/2021 20:53

We all paid 'digs' when we started working. Didn't have an issue with it - helped to the household costs.

Olu123 · 08/07/2021 21:37

I wasn’t born in the UK and when I started working I started giving my parents something monthly from my salary.
My parents won’t have charged me per se but it’s expected for me to contribute something to the house/ upkeep etc

Wills · 08/07/2021 21:40

I so came on to say WTF, however the statement (investing it) stopped me. However.... The job of a parent is to prepare our children for becoming a part of society (middle class perspective - real perspective is how to raise our kids to be an adult without parents funding your lifestyle). However, I do believe you're being too simplistic and revealing a privileged lifestyle. Without going back to the Victorians and older the idea that our kids are entitled to a full education and a certain lifestyle is a very very modern concept AND one that is restricted to individuals with a healthy income. It was seen as beneficial to have multiple kids to help out (be that with the harvest or paying rent). 1000s of years of families would laugh/be gobsmacked at the idea that demanding rent is immoral. Your question is not only upper middle class but also very post 2000 parenting. Prior to recently (and even now this is reserved for parents who have big inheritances or earn well) kids were an asset.

I love the fact you're sitting back, having lit the touch paper, and watching the responses - good on you, but it's only those in a privileged position who have the capacity to state its immoral, who else would/could even think this! The underlying, generic, issue is that we, as parents, have a duty to raise our kids to interact in society to the general benefit of that society - regardless of whether we realise that or not. However those of us who have, have no right to judge those who have not.

I grew up in a distinctly working class environment (though my mother would deny this to her grave) but my mother clawed herself up and out of that (following the 'American way') and is now considered middle/upper class and woe betide anyone who questions her roots! I am, of course, left conflicted (a lovely health visitor I once encountered remarked that its mainly middle class mothers who suffer from PTSD because only middle class women have the time - Upper class have nannies - end of!), and have strived to raise my kids to appreciate all. I went to Uni (to not do so would have meant being thrown out - it was go to uni and do well or leave home) but did middling. But she was on the rise so pretended not to notice. My point here is that you're blatantly well off. My mother enabled (+ grants, + student loans) my education and yes I've built on that loads, but believe my own kids are too entitled! They don't believe that I, or my DH (their dad) were ever considered 'poor'.

Sorry for the monologue, but it was important! As parents, regardless of our monetary social status, it's vital that we raise our kids to go out there and be ready to stand on their own two feet. So NO, I seriously don't think it's 'immoral' to charge a working 'child' (cos they have to probably be 16+ and more likely 18+) rent. In fact I'd turn it around - I believe its immoral NOT to charge them rent because, 'what way are you teaching them about real life?!' We need to teach our kids to stand on their own two feet. So in a nutshell - yeah - you are being TOTALLY unreasonable!

Sceptre86 · 08/07/2021 21:53

Your either on one side of the fence or the other. I come from a working class background and absolutely gave my parents 'keep' when I got a part time job. It wasn't much. When I got my first full time job and their council tax went up I paid the difference and more 'keep'. It was still cheaper than trying to rent somewhere closer to where I worked, I got my meals cooked for me and laundry done. I did chores around the house to help out but worked full time so most things were done by time I got in. I led quote a cushy life and thoroughly enjoyed it. The amount of money I gave my parents helped them but still didn't cover all the costs of having me live there. They wanted me to appreciate the value of money which I did, so I contributed to the household but ultimately weren't expecting me to pay bills or rent.

I would do the same for my children up until a point. Fresh out of uni (if they choose to go) and in their first full time job I would expect a contribution to the household of maybe two to three hundred a month. If they are still here by 25 I would expect them to pay towards groceries, bills etc and it would be a larger amount. I won't be saving any of the cash for them, I think they should do that themselves as I did. I would rather they got into good budgeting habits themselves. Noone owes you a leg up the housing ladder but I wouldn't charge rent to allow them to save themselves.

Darbs76 · 08/07/2021 21:56

It very much depends, how much they are earning and if parents need that extra income. I don’t find it immoral in the slightest

Forgottenwhatsleepis · 08/07/2021 22:24

@CatsArePeople would you like to explain how that is "grabby", asking your adult working child, to contribute to amenities they are using (gas, water, electricity, TV licence, Internet, streaming services etc)? And obviously food. It teaches them that their bills need paying before anything else, and how to live when they move out.

Micemakingclothes · 08/07/2021 22:32

Part of raising responsible humans is introducing them to the real world. Adults in employment pay rent. Teens who choose to skip education pay rent. I don’t care if the parents have billions and live in a home with 20 empty bedrooms, I still think they should charge rent.

Now yes, I’m inclined to save that money and as long as the offspring is being responsible and working hard hand it over at move out. I don’t think it’s an entitlement. I’m not about to hand over the savings to be squandered.

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 08/07/2021 22:38

I’m a single parent on a low income. As such I get a discount on my council tax. Now that DS is earning decent money at a permanent job, yes he does pay a contribution towards his living costs of £200 a month. Do I save it for him? Do I fuck. 90% of it goes on council tax as I’m no longer a single parent household apparently, as there’s another adult living here, despite him not contributing as a partner would and spending all his money on cars and guitars. He does also save a chunk each month towards his future house costs, but I don’t see why I should be £200 a month out of pocket because he lives here. His contribution makes me no better and no worse off than I was before.

FlyingBattie · 08/07/2021 22:53

Eh, whatever.
Depends on individual people, I couldn't care less what other people do.
It's definitely not immoral, though.

Lemonmelonsun · 08/07/2021 23:35

It totally depends on doesn't it.. Each situation will be different.

I'd certainly appreciate some token rent esp as pp said if council tax is involved. But we ease our dc out surely, I mean if we win the lottery I'd ask for a token rent...

FaceyRomford · 08/07/2021 23:46

What age are these "children". BTW virtually any human action can be made to seem "immoral" if you think about it long enough.

Carriecakes80 · 09/07/2021 01:06

We are a very low income family, but we started asking for rent as soon as our kids had done three months in work from 16 onwards, and in it goes into a bank account where we will give it to them the day they want to move out...they don't know this, and when you have such little money its tempting to take it, but we manage on what we have (just) and I cannot wait to be able to hand it to them to make their lives just that wee bit easier.

I think I'm lucky though as my kids like paying for themselves which makes life easier lol. x

CatsnCoffee · 09/07/2021 06:39

If you’ve depended on your tax credits and child benefit for your child while they were eligible how else will you meet costs when those payments end?
There are more nuanced, kinder ways of approaching this than handing your child a rent book and demanding a monthly sum. If the situation is explained to them they should be understanding and may even offer a contribution. If they don’t offer then it’s perfectly reasonable to request they ‘help with some of the household expenses’ with a mutually agreed weekly or monthly sum. In my own case, my son took over the monthly payments for his ‘phone and contributed towards petrol and insurance costs of the shared family car.
You might be in the privileged position of not needing to charge your child, but not everyone is. Even if you can afford not to charge them, you’re denying them a valuable life lesson and encouraging them to expect an unreasonable degree of entitlement if you just pay for everything for them.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 09/07/2021 06:42

@CatsnCoffee

If you’ve depended on your tax credits and child benefit for your child while they were eligible how else will you meet costs when those payments end? There are more nuanced, kinder ways of approaching this than handing your child a rent book and demanding a monthly sum. If the situation is explained to them they should be understanding and may even offer a contribution. If they don’t offer then it’s perfectly reasonable to request they ‘help with some of the household expenses’ with a mutually agreed weekly or monthly sum. In my own case, my son took over the monthly payments for his ‘phone and contributed towards petrol and insurance costs of the shared family car. You might be in the privileged position of not needing to charge your child, but not everyone is. Even if you can afford not to charge them, you’re denying them a valuable life lesson and encouraging them to expect an unreasonable degree of entitlement if you just pay for everything for them.
This. Your opinion comes from a presumption of people being in a position of relative privilege to many people who simply cannot afford to sub another adult living with them even if that adult is their offspring.
honkytonkheroe · 09/07/2021 07:00

Personally I wouldn't charge an adult child rent (although have not had adult children living me for anything other than short term after uni) but I am in a different financial position to some.

Ddot · 09/07/2021 07:12

It helps them learn to budget. Good idea to use half for bills and save half for when leave to get their home

haliborange0verdose · 09/07/2021 07:47

Well, I must really be immoral then, as not only does my 21 year old daughter contribute to the household, she's not even working, she's a student!!
We have two other children and even before the eldest moved back home, we were struggling financially as we are on a very low income. Add another adult to the mix and it becomes even harder.
So given that she is actually better off than the other four of us put together, as she receives maximum maintenance loan plus a bursary from her uni, yes I do ask her to contribute a small amount to the running of the house. I don't "charge her rent" like some kind of landlord, but I do take a contribution towards the extra food and electricity that we have to pay for since she's been back. Nothing else costs more, we spend the same amount on all other bills, but those two have skyrocketed so why should the rest of the family be crippled financially when she can afford to help out. I don't care who thinks it's immoral. Myself, I think it'd be more immoral to leave the younger siblings with not enough food, but that's just me.
When I read this type of thread I think most posters have no clue what it's like to budget every penny and not have the luxury of choosing to save extra money to give back to the child. We live pretty hand to mouth but that obviously doesn't occur to lots of people.

restingbitchface30 · 09/07/2021 07:47

You sound ridiculous. My daughter is 16 and at the end of this year I’m cutting her off. No more allowance and I’m not paying her phone bill. She will get a job around college and she will give me 10% of what she makes. Nobody gets a free ride in life and there’s a reason you get your NI number just before you turn 16! I guess I’m just immoral.

category12 · 09/07/2021 07:52

That's pretty harsh if she's going to be doing a full time course at college. What about her transport costs and college materials?

category12 · 09/07/2021 07:54

I mean, there's teaching responsibility and then there's making life unnecessarily hard.

Maggiesfarm · 09/07/2021 08:00

@restingbitchface30

You sound ridiculous. My daughter is 16 and at the end of this year I’m cutting her off. No more allowance and I’m not paying her phone bill. She will get a job around college and she will give me 10% of what she makes. Nobody gets a free ride in life and there’s a reason you get your NI number just before you turn 16! I guess I’m just immoral.
You can't be serious. Apart from anything else, aren't we required to support our children financially while they are still in education? Also she may not be able to find a part time job to fit in with college and if she does, it probably wouldn't pay much.
Mollymoostoo · 09/07/2021 08:13

This depends on how you define children. My eldest pays £100 but she has finished uni (3 years ago) and only started paying when she got a permanent full-time job. My middle child is just off to uni, works part time and does not pay board.

If you think charging 'rent' is immoral, my DH's ex told their child she can't work more than 24 hours as it will affect mums benefits. She is 16. Shameful.