To wonder what the housewives of yesteryear would have thought of this....

[Comedycook]

I'm a sahm of school age DC so probably more of a housewife than anything else

Thanks to the pandemic, obviously dh is working from home. Ds is isolating. There's is permanently someone under my feet getting in my way when trying to do stuff.

Even during normal times, in school holidays for example, kids are constantly around as it's not the like the old days when they'd play out all day and come in for their tea.

Honestly, I find it really quite unbearable despite loving my family obviously. I wonder how housewives of previous generations would have coped? I reckon having their men home all day whilst they tried to cook and clean would have sent them potty!

You also said that you're not even just talking about Covid times when your DH is WFH and one of your children is isolating, you mention how school holidays are 'not like the old days' when children played out all the time and had to be called in for meals, implying that you would prefer that

I think mums and the kids were probably happier when they could just go out and spend the day with other kids. Modern life has actually made parenting really intensive, combined with covid, it's absolutely unrelenting. I don't hate school holidays but my kids have barely been in school this year. One of my dc is currently isolating so when they go back they'll have four days at school before the holidays. I'll also be dealing with the kids for six weeks while dh works from home so will have to be mindful about too much noise. I can't imagine anyone would enjoy that

You adjust, but it takes a while. DP retired and decided to become an entrepreneur. Sounds a lot more exciting than it actually is. The first 3 months of him hanging around the house 24/7 were a big adjustment for both of us, and if I'm honest drove me slightly mad. Since then it varies between at home all week, to being away for a month. Lockdown was fine for us because we'd already learnt to live with the lack of space.
I find it easier if I don't bust a gut trying to facilitate his life. I cook one hot meal a day, other meals he has to look in the fridge for himself. Meals are when I make then, if he schedules a work call over lunch then he eats on his own. Early days he'd message me to tell me he had a lunchtime call so could I serve lunch at 12pm, or 2pm or some other specific time to suit him. To start with I did. Now, nope. Not happening. It's so much easier if you don't try and fit your life round them.

@DrSbaitso

You've been watching too many movies ! Tranquillisers were not commonly known in our grandmother's times. Nearly all married women were housewives because they had to give up work when they married ( not even when they had children . My GM was married in 1942 and was at home for 6 years before she had a child).

I was being a bit facetious with "tranquillisers", but I certainly had the impression that in times past, it was considered not at all unusual for housewives/SAHMs to take diazepam. It also seemed to me that one key reason why so many of them were struggling was precisely because they pretty much had to give up work and stay home all day whether they wanted to or not (different for working class women, though they of course had their struggles too). Effectively, engineer a situation so women have no choice and then, when they struggle with the situation they are in, see them as the problem and the ones with the failing. It wouldn't be the only time.

Some women are suited to being home all day; a great many really are not. OP annoyed me with the "it's not good for lots of men to be home all day" as if an equivalent number of women thrive on it. Like the time a guy (not my husband) told me that laundry is just so dull for men. Oh, and women find it bloody fascinating!

Diazepam was only produced in the 1960's so certainly not freely taken before that. So more likely that your mother ( or mine) would have had it available. And possibly the Women's Movement made it more likely that they'd yearn for something else beyond the SAHM lifestyle. But plenty of them liked it .My mother was very happy as a housewife and if/when Dad was home - a rare occurrence - he'd be packed off to work on the allotment or to the workshop to fix something that was broken.

I fucking hate working part time and thus having the lion's share of domestic duties.

It's not what I wanted out of life but society is so geared towards it that it felt like trying to stop a juggernaut with my bare hands.

I just lay down and let it roll over me.

And here I am, unhappy, unfulfilled, any spark or ambition whipped out of me by drudgery and service to others.

Yes I could change it but it's just so exhausting.

Easier to pop an anti depressant and switch off.

My mother was very happy as a housewife and if/when Dad was home - a rare occurrence - he'd be packed off to work on the allotment or to the workshop to fix something that was broken

Well exactly, women generally don't want their husbands around all day yet here we are forced to live like this

I think it's sad that people don't want to be around their children and husbands. It sound very old fashioned to me to want the man out at work and down the pub/allotment.

[quote Blossomtoes]Valium prescriptions were handed out like sweeties in the 60s. It’s where the Rolling Stones Mother’s Little Helpers came from.

Valium has long served extremely well as a vehicle for proving the perfidy of psychiatrists and the drug companies behind them. It was indeed dispensed in outrageous-seeming numbers in the 1960s and early 1970s. It did indeed lead to tragic levels of abuse and addiction. Its use did correspond to the tail end of a time when an oppressive mystique of female domesticity was making life highly unpleasant for women who didn’t — wouldn’t or couldn’t — find happiness within its constraints.

ideas.time.com/2012/10/05/valium-invalidation-what-if-mother-and-father-really-did-need-a-little-help/[/quote]
Correct, my gran had taken temezapan for more than 40 years when she died. In her late 80’s they tried to wean her off them.
I get that the you need some alone time, but why is the house your domain? I think you need to get out more to get your alone time, whether that be a job or a hobby. The ‘house’ isn’t just yours, no one is forcing you to live like anything!

@WallaceinAnderland

I think it's sad that people don't want to be around their children and husbands. It sound very old fashioned to me to want the man out at work and down the pub/allotment.

Oh I don't want them to disappear or anything. But 24/7 for the last eighteen months is pretty tedious now. I don't think it's natural for everyone to be together constantly

women generally don't want their husbands around all day yet here we are forced to live like this

no one is stopping you from getting your own job and getting out of the house!

@Comedycook

I probably sound really old fashioned but I think being at home all day really is not good for lots of men. I know my dh prefers to be in the office...then he'd often go for drinks after work...so he'd be out from morning to midnight sometimes. I'd do my own thing, housework, cooking, deal with the kids and look forward to him getting home.

So in reality, you don't really enjoy spending a lot of time with your husband?

This is why so many Forces marriages end in divorce when they leave/retire. Turns out they're not used to living together much.

I WFH and I make sure I get myself out every day. I go to the gym three times a week, go for a walk on my break everyday, go out on Sundays as family time. I hate being home all day. Maybe encourage your DH to do the same?

I have absolutely nothing against housewives, it's a perfectly valid choice and nobody's business.

However, I find it shocking that someone would decide not to work, claim the house as their own, and expect the full time worker partner to bugger off elsewhere so they can enjoy their time off.

So in reality, you don't really enjoy spending a lot of time with your husband?

Well not 24/7 for months on end...and it's not quality time. It's him working and me trying to do chores around him. I was planning on painting my house but it's a pain in the arse doing jobs like that with everyone around

I also wonder if the increasing trend for "home office" will do away with all the open plan designs around now?

Why are you with him 24/7? Why can't you paint your house with him around? I don't get it. Do you want him to just hand over his pay and get out of the way. This does not sound like a relationship. At least not a very happy one.

me trying to do chores around him.
I honestly never understand this. You actually miss doing chores all day? Why not getting them done first thing, or at least hoover - really the ONLY thing being noisy - and have the rest of your day..

And DIY? Fair enough you can't pain the room he's in, but surely you can do the rest of the house. How noisy is it to paint?

I am really not trying to be goady, but it does sound ridiculous. We manage to work full-time and get all the chores done during the week, how is someone being home such a burden?

@WallaceinAnderland

Why are you with him 24/7? Why can't you paint your house with him around? I don't get it. Do you want him to just hand over his pay and get out of the way. This does not sound like a relationship. At least not a very happy one.

24/7 is an exaggeration...he goes out occasionally, so do I. I can in theory paint my house, but it will be a massive pain having other people walking past and stepping over all the equipment while I'm doing it. I'm not in an unhappy relationship, I just want him to go out to work like men have been doing since time immemorial. I thought it was widely accepted that when men retired, the women got fed up of them

I was a SAHM for 12 years whilst the DC were young (we have 4 and no family help so childcare costs stopped me working) I’m now back at work as a teacher, I’m on holiday just now. DH has been at home full time since March 2020 he uses DD3s bedroom as his office. I’m currently downstairs painting the lounge and doing all those DIY jobs that don’t get done usually. Ours are all nearly teens now so you just see them for food. I love having DH at home when I’m working he picks up a lot of the slack.

I just want him to go out to work like men have been doing since time immemorial.

are you for real?

You might want to check your history books too.. many jobs have always been done from home. If he's bothering you, why don't you get a job too. It's only very recently that women could stop working and do nothing all day too.

I'm sure the housewives of yesteryear are wondering what you're complaining about. I'm sure you have all mod cons, your children are both in school and I'm sure your husband is also hands on in terms of the kids once he's finished work. assuming he helps with bedtimes / bath times etc and is an equal 'hand' at weekends. So you've actually got approximately 9-3 at hone with just your husband working.... sounds very very easy to me

Can you imagine if this thread was reversed and a husband wanted his wife out of the house so he could work in peace?
Quite rightly it would be outrageous.

@1940s

I'm sure the housewives of yesteryear are wondering what you're complaining about. I'm sure you have all mod cons, your children are both in school and I'm sure your husband is also hands on in terms of the kids once he's finished work. assuming he helps with bedtimes / bath times etc and is an equal 'hand' at weekends. So you've actually got approximately 9-3 at hone with just your husband working.... sounds very very easy to me

Well one dc isn't in school because they're isolating. They've barely been in school for the past eighteen months. As for housework and childcare, as I'm a sahm and kids are school age, I don't expect my dh to do any chores really.

I love it now my husband is wfh forever , he goes in his office and if I am in I supply the odd coffee / tea / sandwich . I check what time his evening meetings are so that he will hopefully be free for dinner and aside from that I crack on with my normal day . He doesn’t interfere with me , he does a fair share of the cleaning and now he is home I can just go away / out whenever as he’s in for the dog .

He may not do chores but I'm assuming you don't count bath time / bed time routine as a chore? I'm assuming from 5/6pm once you (I presum) have cooked dinner then he is involved in his children? I also assume at weekends he will 'get involved' prepare food / make lunches etc? Maybe unload the dishwasher if he's the first one up?

I just want him to go out to work like men have been doing since time immemorial.

I wrote and then deleted a response to your post replying to me on the "it's not good for men to be at home" stuff, figuring it wasn't worth it. Please stop tempting me with this kind of...thing.

FWIW, I have been very happy to share my house with my husband since we both started home working last March. I draw the line at sharing a room all day (which he would like), but just having him here is nice, even on the days when I'm not working.

I find you....very unrelatable.

I notice o these threads theres a massive difference in opinion between those whose partner has to work in a communal area and those who have dedicated office space.