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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder what the housewives of yesteryear would have thought of this....

282 replies

Comedycook · 07/07/2021 08:52

I'm a sahm of school age DC so probably more of a housewife than anything else

Thanks to the pandemic, obviously dh is working from home. Ds is isolating. There's is permanently someone under my feet getting in my way when trying to do stuff.

Even during normal times, in school holidays for example, kids are constantly around as it's not the like the old days when they'd play out all day and come in for their tea.

Honestly, I find it really quite unbearable despite loving my family obviously. I wonder how housewives of previous generations would have coped? I reckon having their men home all day whilst they tried to cook and clean would have sent them potty!

OP posts:

CowsEatingAtNight · 07/07/2021 12:05

@Comedycook

I was told it was really sad that my dc didn't see me working...I see it as no sadder than children who are their mother's exhausted from working full time and still doing everything at home

But you keep saying this as if it's true, that women who work FT are 'still doing everything at home' -- where are you getting this from? The Relationships board on here? For obvious reasons, that only gives a snapshot of problem relationships. I don't know any working couples where the woman does the majority of the cooking and cleaning.

endofjune · 07/07/2021 12:07

comedy I have learned some on here will always judge you but then get really nasty when you do the same. Classic can dish it out and can’t take it.

Anyway whether you work part time or shifts or on sick leave or maternity … it’s hard going and exhausting never getting to just be.

Original poster

Comedycook · 07/07/2021 12:08

I can't blame you, it barely takes 1 hour to do all the chores

It takes me way more time than that. My house is quite big, not grand at all but there's lots to clean. I do the garden too and usually cook/bake from scratch.

OP posts:

kindaclassy · 07/07/2021 12:08

I don't know any working couples where the woman does the majority of the cooking and cleaning.

me neither.

Mind you, only on MN have I read that "evening routine, bath time and bed time" was a 2 adults job

and it was not acceptable to either be still at work and leave the other one get on with it, or [shock horror] you were an awful parent to miss it if you were going to the gym, or meeting friends..

Never heard that before MN!

kindaclassy · 07/07/2021 12:12

@Comedycook

I can't blame you, it barely takes 1 hour to do all the chores

It takes me way more time than that. My house is quite big, not grand at all but there's lots to clean. I do the garden too and usually cook/bake from scratch.

If your house was that big, why on earth would your DH be stuck in the living room for work..

My house is not exactly small, doesn't take me all day to keep it clean. I hate the concept of "visitor ready", mine always is!

Unless we get a pizza, we cook from scratch too (have to, have a child with bad food allergies).

Again, I have nothing against SAH anyone, but most of us manage to WFT AND get all the chores done too. You are over-complicating everything.

For your own sake, you don't need to waste all your time cleaning. It just means you are badly organised. You are allowed to have a life too, even if you don't work!

DrSbaitso · 07/07/2021 12:13

@Comedycook

I was told it was really sad that my dc didn't see me working...I see it as no sadder than children who are their mother's exhausted from working full time and still doing everything at home

Yes, we know how you see it. Maybe now you could stop, since it was your own life you came on here to complain about.

CowsEatingAtNight · 07/07/2021 12:19

@Comedycook

I can't blame you, it barely takes 1 hour to do all the chores

It takes me way more time than that. My house is quite big, not grand at all but there's lots to clean. I do the garden too and usually cook/bake from scratch.

With respect, isn't that because tasks tend to expand into the time available?

We also have a big old, five-bedroom Victorian house across three floors and half an acre of garden which we're only just taming from jungle we've only been in the house since late 2020, and both house and garden had been badly neglected for years beforehand DH cooks everything from scratch, and I bake bread, cakes etc. But I work FT, as does DH, so we have to work smart in terms of housework, cooking and gardening, and child-related stuff, because it has to be fitted into the time available.

CowsEatingAtNight · 07/07/2021 12:23

Sorry, I realised that my previous post sounds insanely smug. I just meant that there's a very finite amount of time available for housework, so it has to be (and in fairness, can be) handled by two people in fairly short order.

Original poster

Comedycook · 07/07/2021 12:27

If that suits your family @CowsEatingAtNight then good for you. I have no desire to share chores with dh. I prefer to do it myself. It would irritate me intensely.

OP posts:

1940s · 07/07/2021 12:28

Why would it irritate you?

Is he not capable of hoovering or unloading a dishwasher or making a round lf sandwiches for lunch?

Original poster

Comedycook · 07/07/2021 12:30

Maybe now you could stop, since it was your own life you came on here to complain about

I'm not complaining about being a sahm or doing a traditional woman's role.

OP posts:

2bazookas · 07/07/2021 12:31

@Fairyliz

I don’t want to scare you, but just wait until your DH retires and is around the bloody house all day with no chance that he will be going back to the office in the future.

It’s driving me mad. I go out everyday but never ever get time on my own in the house. It seems most men become boring stay at home people when they retire.

Not mine! He's very active, been retired 15 years and is STILL finding new interests. Currently out on the water for RowAround Scotland 2021 , a relay in open rowing boats around the coast of Scotland.

DrSbaitso · 07/07/2021 12:34

@CowsEatingAtNight, I didn't think you sounded smug at all (the worst thing on MN bar "attention seeking"!). Made perfect sense. I'm sure you and your husband work hard in all areas, but being time efficient and not overcomplicating things out of misplaced senses of virtue go a long way.

Also, you've hit on the thing that OP missed: that when you have a partner who pitches in with his share, you can indeed do all this around working. That's not to say there is anything wrong with preferring to stay home, but it doesn't have to be a choice between staying home or being ground down to nothing by working AND doing 100% house/child stuff. The third option is to hold men to account and expect them to do their share. But this involves a) not beating women with a stick if they work/don't work and b) not being wedded to any cobblers about "men aren't good at home, men go out to work since time immemorial".

WallaceinAnderland · 07/07/2021 12:35

I wouldn't mind if my dh was around all the time. We are best friends and I don't wait on him.

Original poster

Comedycook · 07/07/2021 12:35

@1940s

Why would it irritate you?

Is he not capable of hoovering or unloading a dishwasher or making a round lf sandwiches for lunch?

He makes himself sandwiches but no proper cooking and he will unload the dishwasher occasionally if I'm out...but otherwise I do the housework my way and I don't want him involved really. I think life would be far more stressful if we both worked and fitted chores in around that.

OP posts:

billy1966 · 07/07/2021 12:36

@Comedycook

Yes, definitely. I used to really look forward to my dc coming home from school and dh coming home from work. Now most days I feel like sobbing at the thought of another day with everyone around me...

🤣 You are not alone.

Without exception this has been the experience of everyone I know and has contributed to comfort eating by certain people 😗.

Thankfully husband has gone back to work and the others are busy with jobs and sports so the house is much quieter but it was very full and hectic at times.

I felt like a short order cook somedays as it was easier to do that than have 5 of them all in the kitchen making different snacks constantly 🙄

Original poster

Comedycook · 07/07/2021 12:37

I felt like a short order cook somedays as it was easier to do that than have 5 of them all in the kitchen making different snacks constantly

Yeah same..!

OP posts:

DrSbaitso · 07/07/2021 12:40

@Comedycook

Maybe now you could stop, since it was your own life you came on here to complain about

I'm not complaining about being a sahm or doing a traditional woman's role.

Well, you do seem to be complaining about the fact that having this role doesn't now allow you to escape your family as much as you want to ("the old days when they'd play out all day and come in for their tea"). I appreciate the pandemic has stuck a huge spanner in everyone's works, but the key word there is "everyone". You yourself say your husband would rather be in the office too (I bet he would! I really do!).

At any rate, it's still your life, if not your role, that you wanted to complain about. If the alternative is so much worse...

WallaceinAnderland · 07/07/2021 12:40

It's easier to get everyone to clean up after themselves believe me, much easier. That way the place stays tidy and you don't have to wait on people. Teach children from a young age and don't marry a man who doesn't know how to keep himself tidy.

DrSbaitso · 07/07/2021 12:41

I think life would be far more stressful if we both worked and fitted chores in around that.

Well then stop complaining!

Original poster

Comedycook · 07/07/2021 12:41

Anyway, regardless of my lifestyle choices, I just thought was interesting from a generational point of view...no other generation apart from ours has probably ever been forced to spend so much time with their partners and kids

OP posts:

Original poster

Comedycook · 07/07/2021 12:42

@DrSbaitso

I think life would be far more stressful if we both worked and fitted chores in around that.

Well then stop complaining!

I'm complaining about the wfh and the fact we spend all day every day together

OP posts:

1940s · 07/07/2021 12:43

@Comedycook

Maybe unplug the dishwasher, fancy oven, washing machine, tumble dryer and any electric whisks and really take yourself back in time for full martyr points ;)

SinkGirl · 07/07/2021 12:45

@DrSbaitso

I think they took tranquillisers and society took it as proof that women were inherently delicate and unstable.

Where can I get me some of those? Asking for a friend 😬

SinkGirl · 07/07/2021 12:46

DH has always worked from home, as have I for the last decade. But we like spending time more time together so it’s fine. The twins home 24/7 most of last year was another matter!

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