To wonder what the housewives of yesteryear would have thought of this....

[Comedycook]

I'm a sahm of school age DC so probably more of a housewife than anything else

Thanks to the pandemic, obviously dh is working from home. Ds is isolating. There's is permanently someone under my feet getting in my way when trying to do stuff.

Even during normal times, in school holidays for example, kids are constantly around as it's not the like the old days when they'd play out all day and come in for their tea.

Honestly, I find it really quite unbearable despite loving my family obviously. I wonder how housewives of previous generations would have coped? I reckon having their men home all day whilst they tried to cook and clean would have sent them potty!

I am the one WFH here, two days of the week DH looks after our DC while I work at home. So I must be the nuisance! I get interrupted a lot but I love being around my DH and children so much even if I am working. And I am not planning on going back to the office any more than maybe once a week as there's so many benefits such as not commuting etc. I don't know what you can do about this bothering you OP, if your DH is DH going back to the office any time soon either, you will need to recharge in another way. Can you go for a walk or some exercise of some sort instead, read a book or something? Doesnt the gardening help? I see you said you need to seem busy , but surely with kids at school DH realises your life won't be as busy as when they were at home?

I find it quite odd the notion that men being out all the time is a good thing, and to say they all prefer it like the old days is a bit of a daft generalisation. They are individuals and will have different preferences as we all do. What about the men who might prefer to see more of their children ? I think it's a shame they are expected to just work all the time. My DH finds it tiring but enjoys the time he gets with our DC, I can think of a couple of SAHD's, and a guy I know who really enjoyed furlough because of all the time he got to spend with his son. I don't think these traditional gender roles benefited either sex, and this assumption that the man should be out earning the wage just contributes to the inequality we see in womens lives still.

My DH is a SAHD. It wasn't planned that way and I know I annoy him since WFH permanently, though as a part-time working parent I have felt the same since he packed in work! My DH enjoys being around for school pick ups, my Dad would have loved it too but was the one with the job as back then that's just how it was. DM had to give up her teaching job when she got pregnant. I am glad things have moved on from that time.

I feel you OP. I honestly think it was easier back in the day.

I always wonder how many of the people who say that would actually choose to swap!

OP, no one could blame you for needing time alone to recharge, but surely you can see that it’s deeply unreasonable to think of the family home as exclusively your solo territory during the school/working day, and resent your DH and children’s presence?

Most of us don’t get six or seven hours a day alone and unobserved at home with complete free reign over our time as a baseline, which seems to be what you’re mourning. I can hear your frazzledness, but you need to go out or make arrangements to have your fix of solitude elsewhere, , rather than behaving as though your family are bothering the landlady at one of those 1950s seaside lodging houses where guests werent allowed to be on the premises between breakfast and dinner.

I hear you. My DH used to be gone from 7am to 7pm, and then travelling for work a couple nights a week too. I had lovely evening where dinner, baths and bed were done for the children early and I could hang on the phone with my sister, or watch Grey's Anatomy, or whatever I wanted. My kids were all in school, so I had the house blissfully to myself all day. I was busy all day, but it was quiet and peaceful. Then lockdown came and husband retired and my peace was shattered. I went full time at work and worked alone at my office all though lockdown just to be by myself. I love my job and my DH but I really miss having control of my house.

I was busy all day, but it was quiet and peaceful

Yes exactly the same for me!

I can do things my way which is the best way

I find day to day parenting easier when he's not around

none of my family are the relaxed, chilled out types, everyone is opinionated and loud

I was trying to manage so many big personalities

Are you a controlling or anxious personality do you think? Because to me, the things you've written mean you find it hard to say fuck it, let them sort it out themselves?

By controlling I mean that you need everything to run to a schedule and routine and you need to be on control of what's happening - not that you are controlling of people.