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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to feel pissed off that the rubbish has been left for me to deal with again?

177 replies

MoiraRoseForPresident · 07/07/2021 08:25

A quick background - I do all of the housework; the hoovering, the dusting, the washing up, the cleaning of the bathroom, 99% of the laundry for myself, DH and our three young dc (all 4 and under), all of the cooking, the changing and making of our bed, the general maintenance of keeping our home looking tidy and nice, I'd be here all day listing everything, but if it’s housework related - you name it, I do it.

I’m the stay at home parent so I expect to do the lions share and I don’t have too much of an issue with that (I quite like cleaning and am generally a tidy person by nature, though occasionally not being the only one doing the washing up would be nice!), but the one thing I ask dh to do, is to put the bins out.

Yesterday afternoon, when he got in from work, I reminded him to sort out the recycling/cardboard that’s piling up in our garden (and is slowly turning to mulch due to the rain!) ready for collection this morning, he said he’d do it later in the evening.
We had dinner, got DC’s to bed, I watched some shows on the tablet while DH played some games, when he switched his game off, I again reminded him about the recycling. He said he’d sort it when he got up this morning.

He woke up late and has gone to work without putting a single thing out, so now it’s on me to deal with the soggy mountain of cardboard, the sacks full of nappies, our food bags etc, all on top of making breakfast for three dc/generally dealing with how chaotic and demanding mornings with young children are!

I know that putting the bins out isn’t a difficult task, nor am I under the impression that it’s a ‘mans’ job, but I’m irritated that it’s literally the ONE housework related thing that I ask him to do, and he keeps either waking up late and not doing it, or, waking up on time but completely forgetting to do it!

I really don’t ask for much help around the house, putting the bins out is my one weekly ‘expectation’ of DH, so when it doesn’t get done even after several reminders, it makes me think ‘why on earth should I have to do it when I do absolutely every other bloody thing in this house?!’.

I know it’s petty, but someone please tell me this would irk you, too!

Also, some pointers on how to raise this 'issue' with dh without sounding like a boring nag would be great. No one wants to get in to an argument over the poxy rubbish collection!

OP posts:
BSJohnson · 07/07/2021 08:26

It would piss me off - and I wouldn't do it.

Iggi999 · 07/07/2021 08:27

Leave it. Let him deal with the consequences of his actions - he can book a trip to the recycling centre. Seriously, if you step in for him what will he learn from that?

BSJohnson · 07/07/2021 08:28

Re: nagging, just don't mention it again til a reminder before the next collection (if you're feeling helpful)

nimbuscloud · 07/07/2021 08:30

Does he work very long hours? Is there a reason he literally does nothing house related?

Akire · 07/07/2021 08:32

Nappy bins can be very heavy so dont blame you wanted some help. It is easier for bloke lift things in general. It’s more the yes yes I will do it then ignoring it that would annoy me. Missing one fine, routinely dumping on you when said he would help isn’t really on.

HollowTalk · 07/07/2021 08:32

I wouldn't have given him his dinner until those bins were out.

DeloresPickleRick · 07/07/2021 08:33

@Iggi999

Leave it. Let him deal with the consequences of his actions - he can book a trip to the recycling centre. Seriously, if you step in for him what will he learn from that?
This.

As much as it will annoy the fuck out of you every time you see it, ignore it and leave it for him.

Overthebow · 07/07/2021 08:34

I agree with leaving it. He can sort it out himself when he's home from work. He'll have to do a tip run.

Spandang · 07/07/2021 08:34

It would irk me too.

But seriously, leave it. If you keep making everything ‘okay’ his actions don’t have consequences.

He made a choice, to do it later, he needs to sort it out and understand how choices sabotage future DH.

But what I would say is I use these occasions as an example in the future with DP, so if he says he’ll do it later you can gently say ‘oh maybe do it now love, you remember last time when you put it off and you had to take it to the tip’

I find that much more effective with DP than nagging.

MoiraRoseForPresident · 07/07/2021 08:35

@Iggi999

Leave it. Let him deal with the consequences of his actions - he can book a trip to the recycling centre. Seriously, if you step in for him what will he learn from that?
I've had to put out our nappy bin liners as otherwise, the nappy bin outside would be overflowing by next Wednesday and foxes would end up getting in to them! Likewise with the food bin.

I've unfortunately missed the recycling guys, so once again, even more cardboard is about to be added to our garden!

OP posts:
Wellonlyifihaveto · 07/07/2021 08:38

Sod all that for a laugh! Are u his wife or the housekeeper? Why does he only do that one thing in the house that u both live in and even then he doesn’t bother? If he’s got time to play games he’s got time to do jobs around the house.

tallduckandhandsome · 07/07/2021 08:39

He's a twat. Yo shouldn't be doing everything, he needs to help on weekends.

MoiraRoseForPresident · 07/07/2021 08:41

@nimbuscloud

Does he work very long hours? Is there a reason he literally does nothing house related?

He doesn't work overly long hours, no. Monday to Friday he leaves the house anywhere between 6:30-7:00, and is back most days by 16:45!

He doesn't care too much about mess. He's quite happy to leave the DC's toys laying around everywhere as they don't bother him, whereas after spending all day with dc and all their crap, I need a tidy house to relax in in the evenings. Things like cushions or blankets all over the floor, he just doesn't spot/think to sort out.

I did say a few years ago that he could maybe do the washing up in the evenings after I've cooked dinner for everyone, but he said something to the tune of 'it'll get done tomorrow' - which is true, it does, by me, after I've done the DC's breakfasts Hmm

If I've had a particularly stressful week and not managed to get a great deal of laundry done, he will Chuck some of the DC's stuff in the machine, but I'd say that happens, at most, 2-3 times a month.

I'm generally ok with doing everything on my own, but it can be hard. It would be nice every so often if he saw me grab the hoover and went 'sit down, I'll do it!' yknow?

OP posts:
fishonabicycle · 07/07/2021 08:45

Unfortunately you're going to have to cause an argument. Don't feed him or do his washing for a week.

Singinghollybob · 07/07/2021 08:53

You're going to have to allow his inactions to have consequences or he will just keep on 'forgetting' to do things.
I would leave everything and if the nappy bins or recycling is overflowing by midweek then he'll have to sort it out by going to the tip/recycling centre won't he.
By always fixing things, he will continue as he pleases

Skyeheather · 07/07/2021 08:55

Ask him to do it before dinner. Tell him that dinner is ready and you'll serve as soon as he's done the bins! Be firm, bins then you eat.

Could he get the DC involved to make it more enjoyable, my two and five year old love helping to sort the recycling, it takes longer though as they have to lifted to get the stuff in the big bins. It's their favourite job 🤣

You can't put wet cardboard in the paper bin, wet cardboard can't be recycled. You need to dry it first or put it in the general waste.

tallduckandhandsome · 07/07/2021 08:55

@Singinghollybob

You're going to have to allow his inactions to have consequences or he will just keep on 'forgetting' to do things. I would leave everything and if the nappy bins or recycling is overflowing by midweek then he'll have to sort it out by going to the tip/recycling centre won't he. By always fixing things, he will continue as he pleases
This is true. If you want things to change you have to not be ok with ding everything on your own.

He won't look back in 10 years and say 'Wow, Moira did a lot'. Get back time and energy for yourself.

MoiraRoseForPresident · 07/07/2021 08:59

@Skyeheather

Ask him to do it before dinner. Tell him that dinner is ready and you'll serve as soon as he's done the bins! Be firm, bins then you eat.

Could he get the DC involved to make it more enjoyable, my two and five year old love helping to sort the recycling, it takes longer though as they have to lifted to get the stuff in the big bins. It's their favourite job 🤣

You can't put wet cardboard in the paper bin, wet cardboard can't be recycled. You need to dry it first or put it in the general waste.

We live in on a very busy road, so having young DC's out the front that close to all the traffic is a recipe for disaster!

Our recycling drivers take wet cardboard, we've never had an issue with that in the almost 5 years we've been living in this area! Must have different council rules!

OP posts:
WeAllHaveWings · 07/07/2021 09:05

The bins are dh's job here too. He's had to put bin bags in his car before and take to the recycling center so he makes sure they are done now.

walkoflifewoohoo · 07/07/2021 09:05

"We live in on a very busy road, so having young DC's out the front that close to all the traffic is a recipe for disaster!"

I thought you said it was in a garden?

You need to demand a bit more respect, you're not his skivvy. When are you going back to work?

RandomMess · 07/07/2021 09:08

As well as getting him to read the "dishes by the sink" thing I would stop doing any of his laundry as that only affects him.

OkSpiritualknot · 07/07/2021 09:12

I feel for you. I'm divorced now, my ex did nothing round the house, BUT he put the bins out, every time... It used to rebalance our relationship every week... Just knowing that I didn't have to think about the bins, to the point I didn't even need to know when bin day was a big thing..

MoiraRoseForPresident · 07/07/2021 09:12

@walkoflifewoohoo

"We live in on a very busy road, so having young DC's out the front that close to all the traffic is a recipe for disaster!"

I thought you said it was in a garden?

You need to demand a bit more respect, you're not his skivvy. When are you going back to work?

Our cardboard gets put in our back garden as we usually have way too much to fit in to our cardboard recycling bins. So any large box deliveries, get put in to the back garden, it's then supposed to be dhs job to break down the boxes and ferry them through to the front garden/kerbside ready for collection - sorry for the confusion!

OP posts:
MoiraRoseForPresident · 07/07/2021 09:13

I'll be going back to work when youngest DC is three, most likely, he's only 1 at the moment

OP posts:
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