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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is right in this scenario?

131 replies

ToffeePennie · 05/07/2021 13:15

Partner A has a broken ankle and cannot weight bear for long. They are laid up on the sofa at home as they are self employed and have rearranged their work to fit with their injury.
Partner B works a salaried position, never off the phone or computer and always goes above and beyond. They have a lot of love for their job and really enjoy it, as well as being able to work from home.
Partner A was bought a single drink from partner B this morning. Since then, nothing. Not seen partner B since 9am.
Partner B has been on phone calls all morning and has been busy with work. The time slipped their mind and they thought partner A would be able to make another drink or even a sandwich fairly easily, as they can weight bear, just not for long.
Should partner A be more considerate because it is work after all and they can weight bear, and they have the option of changing the goalposts or should partner B be more considerate because it is a temporary inconvenience to say to the caller that their partner is injured and needs?

OP posts:
Moltenpink · 05/07/2021 13:18

I think if I was partner A, I would message B asking for help if needed. Hope the ankle is better soon!

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/07/2021 13:19

Bit of basic communication would do wonders. B made a sensible assumption but could have double checked, A has a voice, access to a phone to send a message and could have asked rather than being a martyr.

A needs a big water bottle and a flask for hot drinks but if they can get up for a wee they can get up to make a quick drink.

LooksBetterWithAFaceMask · 05/07/2021 13:19

This time two years ago I was in a cast for 3 months and alone in the house all day as she was at work and the dc were at school I kind of just had to get on with it. I could weight bear long enough to make a drink or something to eat. Dh and teenagers did all the heavy stuff snd meal cooking in the evening when they were home. I think person A needs to accept person B is working and while they are in the house they are still at work and have to be treated as if they weren’t there.
Dh and I have both had periods working from home and it was very frustrating to have people assume we were free because we are at home.

MouldyPotato · 05/07/2021 13:20

Partner B should ideally make drinks/lunch etc for partner A when they make them for themselves.

MouldyPotato · 05/07/2021 13:20

A should try and get a long as best they can without asking B for help outside lunch time.

TwinsAndTrifle · 05/07/2021 13:21

Agreed. A is being a martyr.

"B can I have a cup of tea please?"

Via text, phone, shouting, singing, Morse code banging on the radiators...you get the gist.

MotionActivatedDog · 05/07/2021 13:22

Partner A should do what they can for themselves. If they can hobble to the loo they can hobble to the kitchen for a drink and a sandwich.

Partner B can check in with partner A when they have a break in their work.

MotionActivatedDog · 05/07/2021 13:23

Speaking as someone who broke their foot whilst a single parent of two young children. On the day I moved house.

Iloveacurry · 05/07/2021 13:23

If A can get up and go to the toilet, then they can get something to drink/eat. If it wasn’t COVID times, perhaps B would be in an office anyway so A would need to just get on with it.

IncyWincy21 · 05/07/2021 13:24

Assuming partner B has made drinks since 9am they could ask/make A drinks at the same time.
A of course has a voice so can ask.
A probably does need a hand esp if it's just recently broken. Not saying you need to do everything but a check in to see if they need anything drinks/painkillers etc

ArnoldJudasRimmer · 05/07/2021 13:24

I think A should be able to make their own drinks/snacks when needed, and B should make meals for both. If A needs anything, they presumably have access to a phone, at least, if they're unable to physically go to B to ask, so should message if they need help instead of sitting and saying nothing.

Mayorquimby2 · 05/07/2021 13:24

A

SparklyLeprechaun · 05/07/2021 13:24

I'd expect partner A to ask for help if they need it and partner B to ask if A wants lunch when they get their own. I wouldn't expect partner B to keep checking if A needs drinks.

Original poster
ToffeePennie · 05/07/2021 13:25

@Iloveacurry

If A can get up and go to the toilet, then they can get something to drink/eat. If it wasn’t COVID times, perhaps B would be in an office anyway so A would need to just get on with it.
Partner B has always had the work from home clause in their contract. It’s one of the things that initially attracted their attention to the job.
OP posts:
Original poster
ToffeePennie · 05/07/2021 13:27

A cannot contact B, as B is always using the phone for work and doesn’t always check messages.
A can just manage to get to the toilet, but needs help when in there.

OP posts:
Alternista · 05/07/2021 13:27

A: get on Amazon and order a flask.
B: make lunch tonight for both of you tomorrow

Job done.

Sceptre86 · 05/07/2021 13:29

Partner A doesn't need to be a martyr and can ask for help if needed via text. If they can also bear some weight it shouldn't be too difficult to get a jug of water or a water bottle to keep close. They could also order lunch for themselves. They are being unreasonable, B is working and clients or customers won't take kindly to them holding calls to sort A out.

ThursdayWeld · 05/07/2021 13:30

Partner A is capable of making a drink for themselves, so why don't they?

Partner B is working. The clue is in the name.

ThursdayWeld · 05/07/2021 13:31

As an OP said, Partner A (hereinafter called The Martyr) can buy themselves a flask and make a long-lasting hot drink.

Or, The Martyr can put a kettle and teabags etc by the sofa. Job done, with no whingeing!

Sceptre86 · 05/07/2021 13:32

A maybe needs to go stay with family or ask B to take some annual leave if they can't go to the loo on their own!

LesterKnopf · 05/07/2021 13:32

If B is going to be uncontactable all day, they should make a packed lunch for A before starting work, left either in a cool bag near where A sits or in the fridge. Make sure A has access to drinks (a large bottle of water and/or flask of tea) and a fruit bowl or something then leave them to it.

Woodmarsh · 05/07/2021 13:34

Partner A is being unreasonable assuming stairs aren't involved and they don't live in a mansion

LesterKnopf · 05/07/2021 13:35

It's about being nice and considerate of someone in pain who you are supposed to love (but once work starts, A should respect B's boundaries and leave them to it)

BrownEyedSquirrel · 05/07/2021 13:37

Thankfully WhatsApp is now in existence so people no longer have to mind read

titchy · 05/07/2021 13:39

If A can weight bear for a minute or two why on earth do they need help using the loo?

Gosh I remember being on crutches as a teenager for six weeks , unable to weight bear at all, and on my own all day! My 'hopping whilst carrying a sandwich' skills were amazing by the end! Cups of tea were pushed along the carpet.