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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Who is right in this scenario?

131 replies

ToffeePennie · 05/07/2021 13:15

Partner A has a broken ankle and cannot weight bear for long. They are laid up on the sofa at home as they are self employed and have rearranged their work to fit with their injury.
Partner B works a salaried position, never off the phone or computer and always goes above and beyond. They have a lot of love for their job and really enjoy it, as well as being able to work from home.
Partner A was bought a single drink from partner B this morning. Since then, nothing. Not seen partner B since 9am.
Partner B has been on phone calls all morning and has been busy with work. The time slipped their mind and they thought partner A would be able to make another drink or even a sandwich fairly easily, as they can weight bear, just not for long.
Should partner A be more considerate because it is work after all and they can weight bear, and they have the option of changing the goalposts or should partner B be more considerate because it is a temporary inconvenience to say to the caller that their partner is injured and needs?

OP posts:

PinkiOcelot · 05/07/2021 14:12

Bluntness100 · 05/07/2021 14:13

I think you need to explain more about A op. Anyone who has not broken their ankle/leg will think it’s both of you, anyone who has, as you can see, is totally bemused by what a is doing and their lack of ability to even go to the loo on their own without help.

Does a have other health conditions that you have not mentioned? Because if they can weight bear for a short period, even if they couldn’t they should not require this level of support.

Or is a a total attention seeker? Because there is something else behind this.

VettiyaIruken · 05/07/2021 14:15

Has A asked B for help? As in could you please sort lunch and drinks while I'm struggling? Arrange a schedule perhaps?

Smallbutnottinykitten · 05/07/2021 14:15

I had a really bad ankle break a few years ago. Multiple pins and plates. I was non weight bearing for weeks.

Quite apart from the fact that I live alone so set myself up in the morning with everything I needed and just got on with it…

How does being non weight bearing mean you can’t pull down your own pants and wipe yourself? Jogger trousers and you should be fine surely?

longtompot · 05/07/2021 14:17

When I broke my ankle I had a chair in the kitchen so I could kneel on it whilst I did things like make a sandwich or a drink. I couldn't do it for very long at the beginning though. How long since A broke their ankle?
The issue would be carrying it with crutches though. Getting a bottle of water or snacks wouldn't be too bad, just use a bag to put things in.

Getting up and down from the loo was difficult. You could get a loo frame to hire for a short time, or they aren't that expensive to buy from Argos etc

Neither is being unreasonable, but you both need to have some sort of help in place from B and A needs to do what they can too, even though A needs to have their leg elevated for most of the time.

A needs to remember that B is working. If they were in the office they wouldn't be there at all.

But B needs to realise that allowances need to be made for health matters. I take it they are allowed lunch and to go to the loo during their working day?

Have a chat this evening after work and ask if B can get lunch at x time and help carry a drink through after A has made it.

SpindleWhorl · 05/07/2021 14:18

I guess though that nobody wants to feel that their marriage/relationship is a lonely place when they're ill/injured.

And tbf it is often the women who are left to get on with it. That was certainly the case with my mum, my sisters, and me in my former (crappy) marriage.

HoppingPavlova · 05/07/2021 14:18

A has many options here but seems to think lying on a sofa in a dying pose is acceptable. It isn’t.

Some solutions would be a thermos of tea/jug of water and snacks left for them in the morning and refreshed at lunch by B or actually getting off their backside and becoming mobile and a bit more self-sufficient. Use crutches for goodness sake. Why does A need help with the toilet? I’ve not heard of this.

One of my (adult) kids had a nasty break requiring surgery and for the first few days they were cut a bit of slack until pain relief was lowered so they weren’t off their head. Then they were zooming around on crutches, sure they had trouble with a glass of water but got around that by filling a water bottle at the sink, stuffing it up beer their arm and hopping off with it. Similarly they managed snacks. Toileting was independent as was showering, all they asked was that we put the shower chair in shower ready for them. They couldn’t weight bear for 8 weeks then had gradual return to weight bearing over several weeks after that and needing frequent visits to surgeon, physio, x-rays to check things hadn’t moved. They did not lay on a lounge and act like a dying patient.

Blackdog19 · 05/07/2021 14:20

B should make drinks/lunch for A when they have theirs. If A needs more, they should ask B to prepare extra cold drinks/flasks/food in the morning before work.

Fashio · 05/07/2021 14:22

Just text them that you want a drink fgs

Fashio · 05/07/2021 14:23

@mn2022

A needs to be a big grown up and learn to either A) communicate or B) use their ability to weight bear to make a sandwich

I'm guessing you're A.

This. Grow up a bit too?

PlanDeRaccordement · 05/07/2021 14:24

A is being a drama llama. I’ve had a broken ankle and used these marvellous sticks called crutches and hopped all around my high school up and down stairs with them and a back pack.

My guess would be A is male. Men tend to want to be mothered and waited on the second something is wrong with them. I know that’s sexist of me, but it’s come up over and over with my girlfriends and their partners.

lljkk · 05/07/2021 14:26

B would be nice to check on A more often. However, It promotes healing and reduces risk of complications to keep moving (within reasonable limits). It is in Partner A's best interests to try to get their own physical needs met so they don't just linger on sofa (such as fetching drinks). A shouldn't plan to be constantly depending on B.

My actual diagnosis is : A & B need to communicate better.

Bluntness100 · 05/07/2021 14:30

Does a need advice on how to cope with a broken ankle? As said it seems like there’s a back story here, as no one should be needing help in the loo if they can weight bear for a short period, even if they can’t. Unless they have other issues.

Is a the man? Is he asking for his arse to be wiped or his dick taken out? I can’t imagine a woman asking for help like this in this scenario.

Zilla1 · 05/07/2021 14:30

Possibly neither unreasonable but perhaps not considerate. Both might need to up their game communicating. Perhaps A's weight bearing might aid recovery if they made maximised mobility within dr's guidance so could make a drink themselves with crutches though I know different people have different pain tolerances and expectations.

Elune · 05/07/2021 14:38

I did this but my husband worked outside the house as it was pre Covid so I just had to get on with things! He did get me settled on the sofa with stuff in range in the morning before he left, but I just had to hop and haul myself around if I wanted stuff during the day. Assuming it's just your ankle and the rest of your body is working OK, it's inconvenient but you should be able to manage to get yourself to the toilet and stuff, surely? Just ask him to get you set up with stuff in the morning or work out a way you can contact him during the day if you need stuff and are really unable to get it.

TiredButDancing · 05/07/2021 14:40

A is being a martyr and making a big deal of things that don't need to be.

B is being a bit inconsiderate and selfish.

Surely the answer is

for A to realise that getting a drink or a cup of tea isn't such big deal. 2. For A and B to agree in the morning that B will make more effort to keep eye on phone in case A calls/texts because A needs specific urgent help.
For B to consider that lunch needs to be their responsibility as A probably would find it hard.

Elune · 05/07/2021 14:40

Just realised I've assumed various things about who is who which may not be correct, but the general message stands!

mn2022 · 05/07/2021 14:41

Interestingly I've assumed A is a woman and B a man

loveinthe90s · 05/07/2021 14:45

Both unreasonable, a for bring a martyr and also able to walk a bit so what is the problem with the loo?

B for being selfish and ludicrously wrapped up in work. And really rude for not even glancing at the phone. It doesn't even add up.

Both need to communicate.

FangsForTheMemory · 05/07/2021 14:52

A should consider themselves lucky that B is WFH. They should work out what they will need during the day and ask B to put it within reach.

fruitbrewhaha · 05/07/2021 14:53

@mn2022

Interestingly I've assumed A is a woman and B a man

Yeah me too. Interesting.

I would have thought it doesn't take much for B to pop a head a round the door to check on A and grab a drink or something. It's certainly what I would do if I were B. You have made out that B is just very chatty and rather enjoys being terribly busy when really they have plenty of time to come and help, it's hard to know if that is true or not.

unstabletoddler · 05/07/2021 14:54

I broke my foot a few years ago and my partner was helpful. In that scenario I know he would have made sure I had food etc and checked on me regularly. I can't imagine not doing that in the reverse.

I don't understand the bathroom thing though? Is it because it's difficult to get up and down?

youshallnotpass9 · 05/07/2021 14:58

@ToffeePennie

A cannot contact B, as B is always using the phone for work and doesn’t always check messages. A can just manage to get to the toilet, but needs help when in there.

There has to be more of a backstory here, I have not broken an ankle but I am not sure what help someone needs going to the toilet, other than maybe getting in and out the room

Bluntness100 · 05/07/2021 14:59

@mn2022

Interestingly I've assumed A is a woman and B a man

See I thought thr opposite, I can’t imagine a woman asking her partner for help in the loo unless totally necessary, but some form of man child would ask. And this smacks of man child all over.

If there is no back story no one needs help in the loo due to a broken ankle., particularly not one you can partially weight bear on. At that stage you can do most stuff yourself with a little careful planning.So there must be more to this.

ThursdayWeld · 05/07/2021 14:59

How would A cope if B was not WFH?

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