Who is right in this scenario?

[ToffeePennie]

Partner A has a broken ankle and cannot weight bear for long. They are laid up on the sofa at home as they are self employed and have rearranged their work to fit with their injury.
Partner B works a salaried position, never off the phone or computer and always goes above and beyond. They have a lot of love for their job and really enjoy it, as well as being able to work from home.
Partner A was bought a single drink from partner B this morning. Since then, nothing. Not seen partner B since 9am.
Partner B has been on phone calls all morning and has been busy with work. The time slipped their mind and they thought partner A would be able to make another drink or even a sandwich fairly easily, as they can weight bear, just not for long.
Should partner A be more considerate because it is work after all and they can weight bear, and they have the option of changing the goalposts or should partner B be more considerate because it is a temporary inconvenience to say to the caller that their partner is injured and needs?

Really need to know what help someone needs in the loo when the problem is their ankle. I could understand if it was their arms

@mn2022

Interestingly I've assumed A is a woman and B a man

I have too, but I think that's cos the post feels to me like it's written with A as the maligned party, and given this is overwhelmingly a forum frequented by women, it seems much more likely to be a woman posting.

I'm also struggling to understand what B is doing in terms of getting drinks/snacks? I mean, does B just go to their workplace within the home and not exit for any reason whatsoever for 8 hours? I find that very hard to believe?

A needs to sort themselves out if they physically can or if not they need to actually communicate with their partner and ask for help

I’m thinking b is the woman because, not just as said, most women would do absolutely anything to avoid having to ask for help in the loo but also because wfh was what attracted them to their role, and that can be an attractive proposition for many women if kids involved and a slacker of a husband.

Wonder if the op will tell us.

I thought B is the women too

@VettiyaIruken
"Really need to know what help someone needs in the loo when the problem is their ankle. I could understand if it was their arms"

They might not be able to get up and down on one foot. If the toilet isn't by a window ledge/sink, so they can pull themselves up.

If that is the case then a frame could have been hired. This hasn't been planned out well. Drinks could be left within reach, flasks for hot/cold. So could food, or food prepared and left in fridge. Any aids needed hired. Did person A downplay the effects of not being able to weight bare? I've worked in healthcare, though, so would know what's needed.

Now you know the difficulties, it's easily solved. Person B should have checked on person A, at least once.

Need to know which is the woman. They will be in the right.

A is being unreasonable and needs to remember that B is working, regardless of if it happens to be from home. If A wants something then ask, don't sit there waiting around. Or get some food ready in the morning and put it in a cool bag.

A flask of tea/coffee, some cold drinks/water in a small ice chest next to the bed/sofa, and a few snacks within reach. That's what we did when I was (1st) on bedrest with DS2 and (2nd) I shattered my ankle.

DH had to help me to the toilet, help me shower, and in & out of bed as I was totally non-weight bearing for three months with my ankle. I had an old fashioned 'teacher's bell' I rang if I needed him to help me and he wasn't near by but I didn't expect him to wait on me hand and foot. We live on acreage so he always checked if I needed anything before going outside and made sure he had his phone with him. But we were retired which made it much easier.

It's all about pre-planning, not about B being at A's beck and call. A should do what he/she can safely do, but B should occasionally poke his/her head round the corner to see if they need help with something they cannot do for themselves.

Also in my experience some arsehole men seem to think women working from home can just drop everything to wipe their arse, literally, and have little respect for it. Like they are just playing at working.

So for me, b is the woman, with a drama llama man child husband wanting everything done for him and thinking he should be waited on hand and foot.

I'd expect Partner B to check on Partner A (as they can't phone them) every so often and make them lunch etc

Does A not have crutches?

Why can't they hobble to get a drink/snack?

I've had a broken foot and lived alone, I just pottered about on crutches.

Blimey, I mean
I was half joking about needing to know which was the woman as they’ll be right, but a lot of posters are genuinely trying to work it out before they decide!

It doesn’t matter if A is man or woman, they’re still being overly dramatic and infantile. I just think A is more likely to be a man than a woman, based on my network or friends and our experiences with sports injured men wanting to be mothered like a baby bird with a hurt wing.

50-50.

A is being a martyr.

B is being thoughtless.

Does A really need help going to the toilet? Surely if they can get there ok they can manage?

A does sound a bit of a drama llama.

Sorry but if B was me or DH I'd expect A to be having a word if we'd left them to just get on with it.

I would hope that B would bring the other one a drink if I/he were at home and making ourselves a drink whilst the other one was incapacitated.

Surely B has a drink and makes lunch - or don't they drink or eat from 9am to close of business? If so, what's hard about making another cup or sandwich? DH and I do this every day on the days we're both WFH. It's common curtesy even if you've not snapped a bone.

Or, if B doesn't stop for a drink, a wee or a sandwich (which is very weird) all day, then leave a jug of water, flask of coffee and a sandwich by A's side before 9am.

You don't have to be at someone's beck and call but if you're in the house, making something for yourself, surely you'd check if the other person needs something. Ill or not. Just poking your head around the door to say 'I'm making a cheese sandwich, would you like one and do you need a drink?' if you're making for yourself. Even our 14 year old knows you ask if anyone would like a drink he's getting a glass of something from the fridge. It's called manners.

And, yes, I would be able to hobble to do all this if DH wasn't home (or vice versa) but if DH is in the house and making his own drinks/lunch, he'd automatically get me something just to make sure I'm not likely to fall (and cause him more work).

Anything else is just odd I'm afraid.

If A is a man, and 'needs help' in the loo because he has to stand to pee, the answer is obvious- he can sit to pee until his ankle is better.

Either way, if A can bear weight, they should fash for themselves as much as possible. However B should be a little more considerate and ask A before work begins if there is anything they can get for them to make the day easier for them- see pps suggestions of a thermos/kettle and teabgas etc left within reach, maybe some snacks or a lunchtime meal left ready in the fridge.

It's worth remembering I think that a partnership should include trying to make each others life better, and that one day B might also want some extra help.

C'mon then @ToffeePennie which one are you?

@LondonJax

Sorry but if B was me or DH I'd expect A to be having a word if we'd left them to just get on with it.

I would hope that B would bring the other one a drink if I/he were at home and making ourselves a drink whilst the other one was incapacitated.

Surely B has a drink and makes lunch - or don't they drink or eat from 9am to close of business? If so, what's hard about making another cup or sandwich? DH and I do this every day on the days we're both WFH. It's common curtesy even if you've not snapped a bone.

Or, if B doesn't stop for a drink, a wee or a sandwich (which is very weird) all day, then leave a jug of water, flask of coffee and a sandwich by A's side before 9am.

You don't have to be at someone's beck and call but if you're in the house, making something for yourself, surely you'd check if the other person needs something. Ill or not. Just poking your head around the door to say 'I'm making a cheese sandwich, would you like one and do you need a drink?' if you're making for yourself. Even our 14 year old knows you ask if anyone would like a drink he's getting a glass of something from the fridge. It's called manners.

And, yes, I would be able to hobble to do all this if DH wasn't home (or vice versa) but if DH is in the house and making his own drinks/lunch, he'd automatically get me something just to make sure I'm not likely to fall (and cause him more work).

Anything else is just odd I'm afraid.

💯 this.

They might not be able to get up and down on one foot. If the toilet isn't by a window ledge/sink, so they can pull themselves up.

Nope. Our toilets are not by a window/ledge/sink and mine managed fine while absolutely non-weight bearing to both stand to wiz and sit for number 2’s. When sitting they just lent their crutches directly beside them on the wall then used them to hoist themselves up from the loo when finished. They also managed fine to support themselves on crutches when standing to wee, just took more of the weight on their underarm while freeing hand for use.

Partner A needs to get a pair of crutches.

Wonder if the op will come back,

Is it a fresh injury? It took me a while to orient myself after a major accident and I was probably a drama llama, but I’d had a really serious accident. I even asked the doctors how I was supposed to go home with 3 bouncy dogs, I didn’t fancy them scratching off the enormous skin graft.

It sounds like B is somewhat inconsiderate, but I think A needs to manage the toileting issues. I had to have my bum wiped in hospital-just the once, never again. It is incredibly difficult to wipe when half your calf is gone and you can’t press down or bend the knee. I’m currently suffering with related issues and my DH is looking after me but I need to be independent. Hope you heal up soon, OP, I think it’s tricky.