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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel like mid life and perimenopause is really changing me

185 replies

Edenspirits · 04/07/2021 07:41

I am about to try HRT to try and help with some of the symptoms of perimenopause as I am cross and grumpy a lot of the time (I am 48) but in a bigger sense, I can really feel and understand why it was always known as ‘the change’ as for me I feel like I am becoming a different person and it’s so strange.

  • I gave zero tolerance for bullshit and thus worries me as I feel like I will end up living on my own with cats as people just annoy the fuck out of me 😬
  • I just want peace & quiet! Sometimes i can’t even be bothered to think about stuff anymore - it’s like I feel tired of trying to work life out & just want to sit on a beach with books quietly forever (I still have relatively young kids at 10 & 13 so not really possible)
  • all my drive for everything has gone. I feel like my old ambitions have changed and i no longer have ‘the chase’ in me for career etc. I just feel tired!!
  • I fell out with a friend of over 20 years as she lied to me. I have no time for that kind of shite anymore and yet it’s something I might have let go in my younger years.

I am hoping HRT might help- I feel hardened by the world and I think it might be loss of nurturing hormones making me so much less tolerant!

Anyone else experienced this? It’s all so strange!!!

OP posts:
Seeleyboo · 22/07/2021 16:25

God. Did i write this thread. Itchy, fidgety, RLS, nausea, vomiting, weight gain beyond, breathlessness, flushes so hot with burning they burn my head and vagina to the extent i cry. Dripping with sweat and red faced. Brain fog. Fatigue, made redundant and made no effort to find another job, don't go out, don't answer my front door or phone, hide from neighbours as i just don't want to talk to anyone, angry at normal neighbour noise, fuming at loud neighbour noise, constantly moaning in my head, disgusted by sex or the thought of it or even a kissing scene blagh, noise in general. I could go on as i am a different person. 48 with 5 kids. 27,23,22,6 and 4. I wish i had stopped 3. Terrible thing to say but i just want to be alone. Don't even talk me. Ergh

Seeleyboo · 22/07/2021 16:30

Forgot to mention. I don't wear make up now. Never went out without it. Nails and toes are not done. Used.to be religious about that. Hair not dyed very often and always in a disgusting bun. Never used to be so sloppy. Now i wear ripped tops in the house and don't care.

user1471538283 · 22/07/2021 16:58

HRT changed my life! But I think it's an age thing coupled with people constantly attention seeking or making drama that I just cannot stand anymore.

I'm still very easy going but my life is too short for others bullshit. I've always liked the quiet.

sansucre · 22/07/2021 17:03

@FANTINE2

OMG, my comment about being clueless was not aimed at you!

sansucre · 22/07/2021 17:22

@vivainsomnia

it never fails to shock me how clueless so many are about perimenopause and menopause I think what makes it difficult is that everyone's menopause is different. It certainly is the case amongst my friends going through it. Different symptoms, different impacts, different abilities to cope and different reactions to treatment.

I have probably be fortunate in that I had good engagement from professionals, all more than happy to prescribe treatment. My problem is that I do not respond to standard treatment and I have hit a wall. I have been to different GPs, one specialising in the menopause, a private gynae, but ultimately, they have all come up with the same option, hrt, in different forms, but instead of trying to tailor and treatment to my situation, I have had 'just try this, and then this, and this', when ultimately, it is all the same and doesn't work for me. I then get 'sorry, can't do anything'.

The frustration and disappointment that come after each time I try something after being told that this will sort it out and it doesn't leaves me at a lower place each time. It takes a lot of resilience and mindfulness to get up again and move on.

Yes, I agree with this absolutely.

Like you, I did not respond to standard treatment at all because my issues weren't usual. I had a premature menopause as a result of premature ovarian failure - my FSH levels were sky high and I wasn't producing any progesterone. However, the GPs were clueless to this and insistent that because I was still menstruating regularly and producing oestrogen, I wasn't in perimenopause depsite all my many symptoms including hot flushes, night sweats, brain fog, inability to sleep (to name just a few) which are all standard tells of the perimenopause.

When I found a GP who eventually listened to me and prescribed according to my symptoms, he gave me oestrogen which exacerbated everything. When he realised it wasn't helping me, he didn't know what to do and refused to send me to the menopause clinic. In the end, almost three years after I had first started having these issues, I threw money at the problem and went to see a private specialist.

I was lucky that not only did I recognise what the problems were, I was able to throw money at my problems. I had to suffer (needlessly) with like impacting side effects of perimenopause for 3 years because the GPs I saw refused to believe I was perimenopausal because of my age and the fact I was still menstruating regularly.

When I first began experiencing problems, I did a lot of reading and knew exactly what the issues was. I was more clued up than my GP. I despair for women as so many are fobbed off, and in many instances, haven't a clue that the various symptoms they are experiencing are all due to perimenopause. But, it needs to be said that women should be more aware of menopause and the many different symptoms that might happen as a result. While we all have a unique experience, many do share the same issues and I do find it astonishing many are unable to join the dots.

IRanSoFarAway1 · 22/07/2021 18:17

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Newgirls · 22/07/2021 20:00

The lack of gp awareness is what gets me. The sheer cost and waste of time for the nhs too! Useless hormone tests, tests for health issues eg heart palpitations which were not needed. Wrong meds for women. This poor knowledge situation is not good enough for anyone!

Recent research out now saying hrt can help with dementia. The years of people needing care, miserable lives etc when this might be able to help. Surely it would be better to fund more research and prevent/reduce later issues.

Also women who don’t get on with hrt - then we need more and better products that do work.

At least if more of us understand what’s going on then change will happen albeit slowly!

IRanSoFarAway1 · 22/07/2021 22:55

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fallfallfall · 23/07/2021 04:07

I think it’s having lived on the face of the earth 40+ years related. Certain common life experiences takes the shine off jokes.

LadyGAgain · 23/07/2021 23:14

@Seeleyboo

God. Did i write this thread. Itchy, fidgety, RLS, nausea, vomiting, weight gain beyond, breathlessness, flushes so hot with burning they burn my head and vagina to the extent i cry. Dripping with sweat and red faced. Brain fog. Fatigue, made redundant and made no effort to find another job, don't go out, don't answer my front door or phone, hide from neighbours as i just don't want to talk to anyone, angry at normal neighbour noise, fuming at loud neighbour noise, constantly moaning in my head, disgusted by sex or the thought of it or even a kissing scene blagh, noise in general. I could go on as i am a different person. 48 with 5 kids. 27,23,22,6 and 4. I wish i had stopped 3. Terrible thing to say but i just want to be alone. Don't even talk me. Ergh
ThanksThanks a lot of what you wrote resonates.

I was told that I need to have a blood test as I'm "young". I'm 43. Mother and grandmother menopaused at 47. Challenged the requirement and was told that if I was over 45 they wouldn't ask for a blood test. "What do you want out of this consultation?"
Me - to discuss HRT
DR - can't do that without a blood test.
And so it starts.

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