To feel like mid life and perimenopause is really changing me

[Edenspirits]

I am about to try HRT to try and help with some of the symptoms of perimenopause as I am cross and grumpy a lot of the time (I am 48) but in a bigger sense, I can really feel and understand why it was always known as ‘the change’ as for me I feel like I am becoming a different person and it’s so strange.

• I gave zero tolerance for bullshit and thus worries me as I feel like I will end up living on my own with cats as people just annoy the fuck out of me 😬

• I just want peace & quiet! Sometimes i can’t even be bothered to think about stuff anymore - it’s like I feel tired of trying to work life out & just want to sit on a beach with books quietly forever (I still have relatively young kids at 10 & 13 so not really possible)

• all my drive for everything has gone. I feel like my old ambitions have changed and i no longer have ‘the chase’ in me for career etc. I just feel tired!!

• I fell out with a friend of over 20 years as she lied to me. I have no time for that kind of shite anymore and yet it’s something I might have let go in my younger years.

I am hoping HRT might help- I feel hardened by the world and I think it might be loss of nurturing hormones making me so much less tolerant!

Anyone else experienced this? It’s all so strange!!!

47 here and relating to all posts 🙄 just want to go away on my own for a week, zero tolerance. I'm already on antidepressants anyway and have spoken to G.P about HRT but still not sure which one to go for. Oestrogen only? The massive belly on me, never had to deal with it before, I'm a size 12 and look 8months pregnant sometimes. Sick of it.

@Naughty1205

47 here and relating to all posts 🙄 just want to go away on my own for a week, zero tolerance. I'm already on antidepressants anyway and have spoken to G.P about HRT but still not sure which one to go for. Oestrogen only? The massive belly on me, never had to deal with it before, I'm a size 12 and look 8months pregnant sometimes. Sick of it.

If you still have periods you will need progesterone too - your gp should cover all that

@Blossomtoes

over. As you say it’s more a fluctuating and fall in various hormones from your mid 40s that continues for life. It’s not done after a ‘pause’

Fluctuations don’t continue for life. When it’s done, it’s done and it’s calm after the storm, coming out the other side is brilliant. I really wish I could have had my menopause as soon as I knew I was done with having kids. Apart from losing my waist, life without oestrogen is a million times better.

Fluctuations do continue. The fluctuations are most obvious before your periods stop (peri).

Flushes might stop when your periods stop but other changes are going on that are not so obvious. Which is why women have more heart/bone/memory/lubrications issues as time goes on.

Yes we can think of this as natural ageing but who wants bone or libido issues if can be avoided or reduced?

There is so much lack of knowledge around this whole area.

So much of this rings true for me. Peri started when I turned 40, and 3 years later I’m finally on hrt. It only took 6 visits to the gp to finally get one who took me seriously, although the fact I had a face like thunder during that appointment probably helped (I was seconds away from losing it at the fuckwit in the waiting room). I had one gp telling me I’m a bit young to be peri menopausal … yes that’s why it’s such a fucking problem!

Yes we can think of this as natural ageing but who wants bone or libido issues if can be avoided or reduced?

It is natural ageing unfortunately. We need to stop yearning for immortality. Bone and libido issues aren’t caused by fluctuations, they’re caused by gradual decrease in hormone levels. Both can be mitigated - although my bloke would be horrified if my libido returned to pre menopause levels, because his has gone awol too!

I just want to reassure anyone experiencing a shitty menopause that things improve dramatically on the other side. It’s really lovely not having mood swings and getting irrationally angry over trivia.

@Blossomtoes

Yes we can think of this as natural ageing but who wants bone or libido issues if can be avoided or reduced?

It is natural ageing unfortunately. We need to stop yearning for immortality. Bone and libido issues aren’t caused by fluctuations, they’re caused by gradual decrease in hormone levels. Both can be mitigated - although my bloke would be horrified if my libido returned to pre menopause levels, because his has gone awol too!

I just want to reassure anyone experiencing a shitty menopause that things improve dramatically on the other side. It’s really lovely not having mood swings and getting irrationally angry over trivia.

I strongly agree it can feel better on the other side. But you’re not strictly accurate - fluctuations and decline of hormones is not an ‘on-off’ switch or a nice steady decline. Maisie Hill book is very good on this. We do need oestrogen for heart/bone/brain health. It’s not just a fertility thing.

The reason I keep banging on about it is because women think it’s all sorted after say 53. When in fact your changing hormone health can really impact on your quality of life. Especially if there is a family history of osteo or heart attacks - women need to understand that oestrogen helps protect in these cases.

Oh Bollocks to "natural part of ageing"
Impotence for men is also a natural part of ageing, but Viagra exists.
I was early too, and as Newgirls says, HRT was essential for my long term heath, not to mention my sex drive, and not just that but the physical ability to have and enjoy sex, which I didn't really fancy losing at 43! Also, sex is the only thing that makes me less homicidal. Uness it's shit..

OP,
Vitamin B Complex and Starflower capulses that were a life saver for a friend, really helped me.

Sage capsules for the night sweats really helped.
Switching to two single duvets, mine a super light 4.5 tog one was a life saver.

I went through hell until I did the above.
Eventually they passed and I am feeling much better and happily calmer in my mid 50's.
I remain zero tolerant of bullshit though...that is here to stay.
I am a lot less generous and giving and have happily become finally quite selfish.

Very pleased with that actually, long overdue😁

IfNot
That gave me a proper laugh

And this sodding muggy heat has turned me into a massive, red hot, sticky, angry frigging lump. I'm sort of flopping about because I think my muscles have melted and settled somewhere around my ankles.
Clothes do my head in. I want to be covered up cos my skin looks like a set of ruched curtains but I'm too sweaty to cope. There are only so many places you can wear a grotty old ''step away from the swivel-eyed woman having another perma-hot flush'' vest and sloppy trousers before you start scaring people...

This thread has helped my sanity today, can relate to soooo much of what you're all saying!

I'm torn on the "no longer take any bullshit" vs being an irritable, snarky, pita though.

I've never taken much bullshit to begin with, so it's not like I'm having some assertiveness 'awakening' where I no longer put up with people treating me like crap. I didn't let them in the first place. So all the hormonal changes are doing is making me irritable, impatient and snarky, overwhelmed by the sheer, tedious, stupidity of people including poor DH who has done nothing to deserve my sneering. I can feel it coming over me whenever he asks me a perfectly normal question like what's for dinner (and dinner is my job, it's always worked with our respective working hours) or have I seen XYZ around the house? I have to actually take a breath before i answer him so I don't bite his head off. And my kids are too young for me to be constantly sarcastic and impatient with them, it's not good for them or my relationship with them.

Anyway, I'm struggling to see this aspect as a positive atm.

Thanks for this thread. I’m a wreck at 49. A shadow of who I used to be. I can’t afford to feel my nurturing waning. I’m out of ideas at all times, on all fronts. Incapable.

The only thing is…I’ve developed (in the past three or four weeks) an absolutely raging libido. Never felt anything like it. It’s the only spark of joy in life right now and I can’t tell anyone. Dh is not that interested, thank god for smutty literature is all I can say 😳

Unable to take HRT here.

I can so relate to your post op.

I have younger dcs than you and feel beyond impatient (yet having to be). Foggy brain etc. Quite often I want to disappear on some retreat or other (but don't, at least not yet).

Not working and not sure how I'd manage if I had to as I feel tired and overwhelmed, exacerbated but a recently diagnosed m/h condition as added to this.

I want to be left alone, in particular not pick of everyone's crap all the time (of which there is a lot). Also families life admin, I've had enough of that too.

I take magnesium/herbal remedies for sleep. My relationship with husband isn't good and I can see myself living alone in future.

Evaluating everything and at least making some positive changes (or will do when childcare burden lifts a bit) as to what it is I want to do instead of doing everything for everyone else.

Not happy with friendships either.

I'm glad I've found this thread as I don't have anyone to talk to about it in real life.

Daphne that sounds tough. Have you explored all options with your gp or been to a meno clinic? There might be more you can take than you realise (hrt or other things)

Everything about DP irritates me at the moment and I keep thinking about all of his “past wrongs” and it makes me so angry. I have real murderous thoughts and sometimes I fantasise about killing a range of people.

This is not helping either. The oestrogen/other hormones seem to help me put up with a whole lot more.

I'm just in the process of applying for PIP in relation to a different health issue but honestly, the peri-meno. is the final nail and is only just beginning to be recognised in the workplace etc. I'm in the process of starting something on-line (low key) work wise. I would honestly struggle to hold down a job right now (have done in the past full-time etc.) but in terms of mental capacity, tiredness and putting up with shitty office politics (in addition to existing mental health condition). Time for a change in more ways than one and I actually think this is a positive as I was stuck in dead end jobs previously.

As for the dcs. I do things with them in bursts and then need to take a break. I had my first dc younger and was able to maintain momentum then.

Energy lacking aside, I do get urges to try something a bit off the wall or different...I see this as another positive with the potential of life opening up a bit eventually. Having dcs later in life, it doesn't all quite fit right now but there are still things I can do/try.

Sorry (but also selfishly relieved) to hear others are having difficulties with this. You can sometimes end up feeling very on your own with it.

Hi all.

Sorry to hear some are not faring very well. I'm 49 and not that bad yet- periods only just started to be erratic, the odd hot night- but the brain fog?! Jesus. I can't remember everyday words- like plant/ duvet/tv unit (all just today!). My words are my wisdom - I'm a bloody English teacher. Any supplements that will help this specifically, you think?

Can I ask you ladies something- I hope it's not been covered earlier on the thread. I am mid 30s and have always had bad PMT. The guardian article posted early on about the lady finding two champagne corks on a photo frame and feeling engulfed in rage sounds like me on a bad period. Those who are struggling with peri menopause, did you also suffer with PMT? I am honestly scared about what I may be like in a few years

Sadly yes Hamster, I have always struggled with PMT (well as far back as I can remember). I also had PND twice. Hormones are despicable to me.

Puff Also get the word thing/brain fog too (and I have written a book in the past). No advice on this one. Banking on it getting better over time. Hopefully, someone will come along with something to add soon.

@Daphnesmate07

Sadly yes Hamster, I have always struggled with PMT (well as far back as I can remember). I also had PND twice. Hormones are despicable to me.

This is what I suspected. I can't use any hormonal contraceptives either as they make me worse. I used to be on the pill but since I had my children I've found that if I must put up with any hormones, my own seem to be the best of a bad bunch!

Having read this thread, I think HRT would be good for me. Tbh I'd take something now if it would level me out!

My life is completely ruled by hormones. Around ovulation I feel on top of the world then the week before my period I have many of the symptoms described here... tired, rage, anxious, brain fog, extreme irritation. In a bad month sometimes I can't go out and do things I've planned because something trivial has upset me and I'm sobbing. Other months it's not so bad. I'm sick of this rollercoaster!

I think pure rage is my enduring memory of the menopause.

At everything.

Not to be underestimated, because it's exhausting.

Self care is critical.
If you ignore it you will come out the bad end of it.

I can't overstate the homicidal urges that can be a part of the peri menopause.

A good vitamin B complex will really support your nervous system which has to cope with so much.

Starflower oil balanced out my massive mood swings which were leaving me so sad.

I can't recommend them enough.
Oh and sage capsules for night sweats.

Magic stuff that I read about online, that saved me.

Thanks Daphnesmate7

I know exactly what you mean OP. I was told I'm going through menopause last year at the grand old age of 30

It came as a shock but made sense looking back as to why I felt so crap. I'm the same, low tolerance for feeling hassled or harassed by anyone/anything and a lot less patience for bullshit.

In my case I'm trying to see it as a blessing as I used to be soo weak, meek and unassertive whereas now I'm wearied and definitely suffer fools less gladly!

@billy1966

I think pure rage is my enduring memory of the menopause.

At everything.

Not to be underestimated, because it's exhausting.

Self care is critical.
If you ignore it you will come out the bad end of it.

I can't overstate the homicidal urges that can be a part of the peri menopause.

A good vitamin B complex will really support your nervous system which has to cope with so much.

Starflower oil balanced out my massive mood swings which were leaving me so sad.

I can't recommend them enough.
Oh and sage capsules for night sweats.

Magic stuff that I read about online, that saved me.

Thank you for your recommendations. I am explaining to DH about the rage and how controlling it is so exhausting and when I am irrational that's only 10% as I'm suppressing the other 90. And I'm utterly exhausted. I have a doctors appt this week and want to discuss HRT. DH is fed up with me and my negativity. The kids are small and I'm not enjoying them. "Why are you angry mummy". Makes me so sad. I feel like I'm failing in every way.

Yes, same. Grumpy, intolerant, bleak outlook, but suddenly weirdly sentimental with it.
I'm staying with my mum (not in the UK) and the smell of everything - water, air, food, laundry - makes me almost tearful with some kind of nostalgia or longing that I can't even explain or express to myself, never mind anyone else. I assume this is hormonal, it feels like an echo of adolescence.
Or maybe I'm having a stroke in slow motion

Oh I hear ya @crispinglovershighkick .
When ABBA's Dancing Queen comes on I burst into tears remembering all that excitement of going out and not knowing who would be there and being seventeen. The anticipation! And now I'm fat and not excited about anything.