To feel like mid life and perimenopause is really changing me

[Edenspirits]

I am about to try HRT to try and help with some of the symptoms of perimenopause as I am cross and grumpy a lot of the time (I am 48) but in a bigger sense, I can really feel and understand why it was always known as ‘the change’ as for me I feel like I am becoming a different person and it’s so strange.

• I gave zero tolerance for bullshit and thus worries me as I feel like I will end up living on my own with cats as people just annoy the fuck out of me 😬

• I just want peace & quiet! Sometimes i can’t even be bothered to think about stuff anymore - it’s like I feel tired of trying to work life out & just want to sit on a beach with books quietly forever (I still have relatively young kids at 10 & 13 so not really possible)

• all my drive for everything has gone. I feel like my old ambitions have changed and i no longer have ‘the chase’ in me for career etc. I just feel tired!!

• I fell out with a friend of over 20 years as she lied to me. I have no time for that kind of shite anymore and yet it’s something I might have let go in my younger years.

I am hoping HRT might help- I feel hardened by the world and I think it might be loss of nurturing hormones making me so much less tolerant!

Anyone else experienced this? It’s all so strange!!!

I don't know why I'm resisting HRT.
I just don't like the idea of them ?

Some people do sail through menopause and don’t need HRT which is great, some ppl need it & can’t take it which sucks. There needs ti be so much more research into it than there is. It affects 50% of the population but the research base is still so small

I think there is some defensiveness around HRT because I can certainly remember when it was portrayed as only being taken by sad women who can’t cope with getting old & want to cling on to their youth plus all the “it’ll give you breast cancer” stuff.

I find it interesting that it’s sometimes seen as ‘giving in’ like we should put up with feeling rubbish because plummeting oestrogen is a normal part of ageing (which it is).

This thread sums me up perfectly. Thanks for posting!

I’ve just started reading “Managing Hot Flushes and Night Sweats” by Myra Hunter. It’s a CBT guide.

I can’t take HRT. This was recommended to me by a helpful private menopause doctor. She said CBT will really help my mood swings.

I’ve never known anything like the anger I get. It’s scary.

I hear you, oh I hear you. 49, peri menopausal, two DSs age 10 and 13. They are too young for me to stop being maternal and nurturing but I can feel that happening. Situations that previously I would have been kind, sympathetic, etc I just feel irritated and want them to sort their own shit out. I wish I’d had kids younger 🙄. I remember my mum being like this but I was late teens and heading off to uni - not just leaving primary !

And I used to be so organised, like head of PTA / running a playgroup / organising everything, type of person (but nice with it, I hope 😂). Meal planning, budget setting, book club running, Kondo-ing, diy at the weekends etc Now? I do not give a shit. Just getting to the end of the week with everyone fed, no one dead, is about all I can manage.

And my eating habits have not changed one iota yet I’m staring at a ring of new flab round my middle.

It’s quite comforting to hear I’m not alone.

@workwoes123

I hear you, oh I hear you. 49, peri menopausal, two DSs age 10 and 13. They are too young for me to stop being maternal and nurturing but I can feel that happening. Situations that previously I would have been kind, sympathetic, etc I just feel irritated and want them to sort their own shit out. I wish I’d had kids younger 🙄. I remember my mum being like this but I was late teens and heading off to uni - not just leaving primary !

And I used to be so organised, like head of PTA / running a playgroup / organising everything, type of person (but nice with it, I hope 😂). Meal planning, budget setting, book club running, Kondo-ing, diy at the weekends etc Now? I do not give a shit. Just getting to the end of the week with everyone fed, no one dead, is about all I can manage.

And my eating habits have not changed one iota yet I’m staring at a ring of new flab round my middle.

It’s quite comforting to hear I’m not alone.

Yep. Exactly. I've been on this fucking merry-go-round since I was 40. Hoping my 50s are better :(

@workwoes123

I hear you, oh I hear you. 49, peri menopausal, two DSs age 10 and 13. They are too young for me to stop being maternal and nurturing but I can feel that happening. Situations that previously I would have been kind, sympathetic, etc I just feel irritated and want them to sort their own shit out. I wish I’d had kids younger 🙄. I remember my mum being like this but I was late teens and heading off to uni - not just leaving primary !

And I used to be so organised, like head of PTA / running a playgroup / organising everything, type of person (but nice with it, I hope 😂). Meal planning, budget setting, book club running, Kondo-ing, diy at the weekends etc Now? I do not give a shit. Just getting to the end of the week with everyone fed, no one dead, is about all I can manage.

And my eating habits have not changed one iota yet I’m staring at a ring of new flab round my middle.

It’s quite comforting to hear I’m not alone.

Every single word of this rings true for me.

@MinnieMountain

I’ve just started reading “Managing Hot Flushes and Night Sweats” by Myra Hunter. It’s a CBT guide.

I can’t take HRT. This was recommended to me by a helpful private menopause doctor. She said CBT will really help my mood swings.

I’ve never known anything like the anger I get. It’s scary.

I’m really intrigued as to how CBT can help with night sweats? Anxiety yes but hit flushes and night sweats are quite different.

I absolutely love hrt. I’ve tried several types of oestrogen and the gel wins hands down for me. Sometimes I treat myself to a little extra .

The only problem going forward is that my last Mirena change was unbelievably painful which is apparently a thing when older. I honestly think I’d need an anaesthetic to face it again if it is necessary.

I have been prescribed HRT, the gel and pills, they have been sitting in the medicine cupboard for the past 3 weeks unopened. I’m planning to start the gel tomorrow.
I half welcome how I feel with peri, zero tolerance of bullshit, babies are no longer cute, the thought of looking after a baby/toddler fills me with horror. I’m single and don’t want a man, my sex drive has vanished which I’m thankful for, in my 20’s I was like a tomcat. I’ve gained a stone which I’ve welcomed as I’ve been skinny all my life. The insomnia and hot flushes were what made me ask my GP for HRT.

For those suffering from sleep issues, I drastically cut down on alcohol about 6 weeks ago and it's made a massive difference to my sleep quality. I've still had a couple of nights when I've woken up with raging anxiety when I've had something specific on my mind, but my regular date with the bedroom ceiling from 3am to 5am has been suspended, thank goodness.

The weird thing was, I found I just fell out of love with wine in much the same way as I've stopped liking so much else that used to be part of my life. It's like the scales are falling from my eyes all over and I'm starting to see everything differently.

I've stopped liking so much else that used to be part of my life. It's like the scales are falling from my eyes all over and I'm starting to see everything differently.

This too. Nothing that interested me 18 months ago holds any allure any more. I used to be really into cooking, especially big weekend extravaganzas: now I just go with whatever feeds us all and us the least hassle. Reading? Yep I used read loads and was interested in philosophy, psychology, science. And watching Ted talks etc Now? I do not care. I just don’t. And I feel quite sneery towards people (like DH) who do: learning stuff just for the sake of it seems utterly pointless to me now, and I have never felt like that. It’s deeply unsettling.

I'm 51 and I hit a wall last year and had a breakdown because I just can't interact with people anymore. I autistic, so that doesn't help, but I honestly can't physically stand other people now. It feels visceral and primal and I want a big tiger to come and deal with them for me. The depression hit and the irritability went sky high. I changed antidepressant and started taking herbs and supplements and can cope better now, but I just cannot be arsed with anything now apart from the cats and my garden. Luckily, I have been able to leave the workplace, but I don't know what I'd have done if I couldn't have done that.

I can't go to see the GP for hrt because I have a pathological hatred of doctors and would probably just get angry. Can't go for mental health help for the same reason. I'll just continue with the herbs and supplements.

I think that’s exactly it! It’s seen as an old lady drug and a sign of age. When in fact it can help with signs of ageing such as forgetfulness and bone health. There is a lot of unpicking to do around this whole topic.

There is a lot of unpicking to do around this whole topic
yes!
I'm not disputing that HRT is very helpful for some, but oestrogen appears to play a role in shifting women towards being biddable nurturing and compliant, those who benefit from this have a vested interest in women using HRT

@o8T8o

There is a lot of unpicking to do around this whole topic yes! I'm not disputing that HRT is very helpful for some, but oestrogen appears to play a role in shifting women towards being biddable nurturing and compliant, those who benefit from this have a vested interest in women using HRT

What rubbish. If anything it’s the opposite.

Women leaving work in their 50s due to lack of confidence, concentration is a real issue. Have you read this thread?

Oh my word, yes! Except, I feel surprisingly calm. It's like I have zero tolerance for bullshit so if I don't want to go somewhere with someone, I simply say umm no thanks but thank you for asking. I also have no particular career plans. I'm happy to work, clock off and come home. I love my alone time and now my children are getting older I'm thinking of what I want for the future. Definitely a few day trips or weekends away somewhere like the Lake District. Always wanted to go but never have as I know my kids would be bored shitless so Butlins it is.

I think that you get to a certain age and after years of people pleasing, boss pleasing and children pleasing you just think, yeah riiiiiiiight. I'm so done with that.

@ghostyslovesheets

I’m not sure what’s wrong with your list 😀

I have 6 cats , having zero tolerance for bullshit is not a bad thing - ditto getting rid of bad friends or wanting to sit and read - I often go all weekend without seeing people - it’s bliss

But yes HRT helps - I’m 51 and feel great on it - but I’m still an anti social cat lover

I thought that. Those changes all seem fairly positive to me... No fucking way on Earth you would get me to take HRT and carry in with periods until? When? 80?90? Fuck off. And I’m confident it’s not my menopause fuelled lack of tolerance of bullshit that makes me say that.

@Newgirls loss of confidence is something more serious, yes. The things the OP mentions aren’t.

HRT doesn’t impact on your periods. Yes f anything it makes them lighter

All sounds completely familiar.

[quote cardibach]@Newgirls loss of confidence is something more serious, yes. The things the OP mentions aren’t.[/quote]
Yes true. I’m all for those positive life changes!

I’m just trying to respond to some outdated ideas on here for those reading

No fucking way on Earth you would get me to take HRT and carry in with periods until?
agree, I'm so relived to be free of all that☺

NewGirl, menopause is the end of periods, HRT makes them start again, and yet you claim:
HRT doesn’t impact on your periods ?

I’m on HRT and don’t have periods.

@o8T8o

There is a lot of unpicking to do around this whole topic yes! I'm not disputing that HRT is very helpful for some, but oestrogen appears to play a role in shifting women towards being biddable nurturing and compliant, those who benefit from this have a vested interest in women using HRT

Yes I agree. I like that I am less compliant and no longer take bullshit from others, particularly men. I don’t want to lose this, but I am currently weighing up whether to request HRT to manage physical symptoms.