To feel like mid life and perimenopause is really changing me

[Edenspirits]

I am about to try HRT to try and help with some of the symptoms of perimenopause as I am cross and grumpy a lot of the time (I am 48) but in a bigger sense, I can really feel and understand why it was always known as ‘the change’ as for me I feel like I am becoming a different person and it’s so strange.

• I gave zero tolerance for bullshit and thus worries me as I feel like I will end up living on my own with cats as people just annoy the fuck out of me 😬

• I just want peace & quiet! Sometimes i can’t even be bothered to think about stuff anymore - it’s like I feel tired of trying to work life out & just want to sit on a beach with books quietly forever (I still have relatively young kids at 10 & 13 so not really possible)

• all my drive for everything has gone. I feel like my old ambitions have changed and i no longer have ‘the chase’ in me for career etc. I just feel tired!!

• I fell out with a friend of over 20 years as she lied to me. I have no time for that kind of shite anymore and yet it’s something I might have let go in my younger years.

I am hoping HRT might help- I feel hardened by the world and I think it might be loss of nurturing hormones making me so much less tolerant!

Anyone else experienced this? It’s all so strange!!!

@Newgirls

HRT doesn’t impact on your periods. Yes f anything it makes them lighter

If you went through menopause you wouldn't have any.

@Egghead68

I’m on HRT and don’t have periods.

You’re the only one I’ve ever heard say that. Menopause means the end if periods. HRT holds back menopause. For the vast majority that means periods continue as far as I’m aware.

Yes to all of it, I've actually had to take time off work as I was so stressed out and exhausted. The anxiety is awful and I feel that I have lost myself

My understanding is that estrogen generally has an anti inflammatory effect and that many of the issues that arise after menopause are related to the resultant increase in inflammation.
Men's 'sex hormones' also decline as they age, our bodies are not 'designed' to be run at full throttle all the way through the life course.

[quote YoutubeZoom]The rage and the constantanxiety, OMG.
When I read this article, I felt I could have written it:

Sometimes my own perimenopausal moods are more rage than anxiety. I woke up the other day and noticed that my husband had placed a couple of champagne corks on top of a picture frame. It made me want to start breaking things. What is this, a goddamned student house? In this state, I noticed things I had missed before: bags spilling out of cupboards, stacks of receipts and change on a table, my son’s stuff everywhere. “It’s like living in Hoarders!” I ranted. If I’d had a pack of matches I could have burned the place down.
www.theguardian.com/society/2020/mar/01/surviving-perimenopause-i-was-overwhelmed-and-full-of-rage-why-was-i-so-badly-prepared?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Other[/quote]
This

You’re the only one I’ve ever heard say that. Menopause means the end if periods. HRT holds back menopause. For the vast majority that means periods continue as far as I’m aware

Continuous HRT like Evorel Conti patches = no periods.

I think you just naturally get to the stage where you think it's my turn now. No longer willing to put myself and my needs at the back of the queue. Having older teenagers helps as it gives me more time for myself. I can enjoy long uninterrupted soaks in the bath, read a book or just switch off pottering around the garden, these things are important to me because l need to recharge. Saying no to things l don't want to do comes much easier now.
I try and get an hour extra sleep a night, take an iron supplement and do some gentle exercise, this helps my mood as well as eating properly and not skipping meals. Self care is the answer, unfortunately it's not something most women are very good at as they're too busy seeing to everyone else.

I'm 44 and only since January this year have started having weird period symptoms and some fluctuations on hormone bloods (until then all was pretty regular as always). But OMG I have changed - I feel like I'm back to being my teenage self, if that makes sense?

As a preteen and an adult I was smiley, sociable, lots of friends, very chatty, extrovert, cared a lot what people thought of me. Now I'm suddenly an angry introvert who doesn't give a fuck again. I've had it with DP who can be a selfish fuckwit, I don't care about my career or what people think, I don't want to socialise and all I feel like doing is sitting by myself reading a book and not giving a fuck. I don't care what I say to people and I don't feel like hiding my opinions any more or making them palatable to men.

I have to say, it's kind of a refreshing change more than anything else.

Oh and suddenly I am interested in gardening? It comes to us all.

@BeforetheFlood

I am in this club too.

Physical symptoms of peri-menopause very mild and barely noticeable - no night sweat horrors or VA or period issues - but the mental changes have been devastating and I feel like I've lost myself. Anxiety casts a shadow over everything, so it's easier to do nothing than plan things and then wake up at 3am in a panic about them. I can be sitting having a meal with family and be suddenly swamped with utter despair. I have a list of things I need to do and days slip by without me being able to muster the energy to do anything. My inner landscape has changed and the spark has gone out, so that my libido has dropped off a cliff and I no longer have that creative imagination that adds colour and interest and joy to life. I've become massively cynical and negative. I've always been a voracious reader and most books annoy the crap out of me now. I work in a creative industry and am absolutely floundering in my professional life. It's like I'm having to fake it, and am just mimicking what others are doing to look like I'm on top of things, when before I was at the top of my field. (This last one is the worst thing for me.)

As a pp mentioned, I don't know how much of this is hormonal and how much is pandemic and its knock-on effects (my adult dc have returned to live with us, which is proving very challenging in numerous ways.) I spent £££ on a private appointment at a menopause clinic, hoping for specifically tailored advice on whether HRT would help, but was immediately given a prescription with an airy assurance that it would. I didn't want to start it the same month as I had the covid jab, so have put it off and still haven't taken the plunge as I really don't know if it's worth running the gauntlet of physical side effects for something that is so much in my head. If anyone has any insight into whether HRT can really reverse these mental/mood changes I'd love to know.

Try it, you might well see results quickly. If you don't, it might well be the levels aren't quite right. It can take a while to work out the correct balances as not everyone has the same needs. But, the fact you're anxious, feeling cynical and negative definitely points to hormonal imbalance most probably caused by perimenopause.

For my part, I saw some changes within days, mostly noticeably that I regained my sense of self. It has been a work in progress though as my hormone levels continued to diminish and 18 months after my initial consultation, my body stopped producing any of its own hormones whatsoever so am now taking estradiol/estriol, progesterone and testosterone plus melatonin too. It was testosterone that bought back my mental clarity, concentration and bought my life back into a sharper focus. However, testosterone isn't routinely prescribed but the doctor I see thinks it is an essential part of HMT. (hormone management therapy)

One thing I have noticed is that I no longer care about so much silly stuff that used to bother me. I think that is just part of getting older.

HRT has blunted the rage reactions and lengthened my fuse. My bullshit tolerance has gone forever but I'm not reduced to a puddle of tears due to some totally weird and minor irritant.

My drive to do things has changed drastically but not necessarily diminished. I'm just interested in different things now - and a lot of that may be due to lockdown rather than perimenopause.

@o8T8o

My understanding is that estrogen generally has an anti inflammatory effect and that many of the issues that arise after menopause are related to the resultant increase in inflammation. Men's 'sex hormones' also decline as they age, our bodies are not 'designed' to be run at full throttle all the way through the life course.

From the onset of puberty, hormones receptors in every single cell are turned on. They don't magically shut off when our bodies stop producing hormones. Some women aren't affected by the lack of hormones but many are. Also, oestrogen helps brain function and protects against both heart disease and dementia. For these reasons, HRT is recommended for those under 50.

Many women died in childbirth or before they reached menopause. It has only been post WWII that women have started to live longer and had to deal with menopause wrecking havoc.

Men's bodies are less at the mercy of their hormones than women's are. And no, men's sex hormones don't diminish with age in the way women's do. Men are still able to produce sperm and father children into their 90s. Just look at Charlie Chaplin!

@irresistibleoverwhelm

Oh and suddenly I am interested in gardening? It comes to us all.

Oh no it doesn't. I will NEVER be interested in gardening.

@Spodge

Oh no it doesn't. I will NEVER be interested in gardening.

You see, I thought this. I have never been interested in gardening. I have anti-green-fingers and can kill any plant with a glance. I used to make fun of being interested in gardening. And then this week I found myself ordering shrubs...

I'm a bit younger than you OP, but can relate to the lack of patience and rage! I do take HRT, and it has totally stopped the physical symptons (and tbh, I dont know why people are so scared of it, its way less hormones than the pill when we were younger!)
My career drive has finally kicked in though, and part of my impatience is due to young, clueless men being promoted over me when I finally feel like I am full of power and ambition, and knowledge!

I feel the same and I’m 40. I am also burnt out from work stress and I think the pandemic is affecting us all.
Nothing wrong with not tolerating crap.
Maybe we need new plans and focus. I am expecting that I will feel enthusiastic about things in the future but I don’t think I will be trying to become anything. Maybe just do things because I want to instead?

49 and not too many symptoms yet

• erratic periods and a touch hot at night now and again, but nothing major. What I'm concerned about is weight gain on HRT. I've worked damn hard to lose weight over these past 6 months (crept up over 4 years) and if it comes to HRT being necessary it would destroy me to put the weight back on. Has anyone experienced weight gain on hrt?

I’ve lost weight since being on HRT. Before HRT I was so exhausted from insomnia I couldn’t face exercising and ate sugar heavy food for energy/because I felt crap

Since HRT I’ve much more energy, now exercise 4 times a week & lost nearly 3 stone

@Puffalicious

49 and not too many symptoms yet

• erratic periods and a touch hot at night now and again, but nothing major. What I'm concerned about is weight gain on HRT. I've worked damn hard to lose weight over these past 6 months (crept up over 4 years) and if it comes to HRT being necessary it would destroy me to put the weight back on. Has anyone experienced weight gain on hrt?

There will be loads of people who will tell you that you won’t put on weight with HRT or that it will even help you to get rid of the middle aged belly tyre but that hasn’t been my experience at all. I felt fantastic on it but I did put on half a stone and then lost half a stone easily again when stopping - this has happened every time I’ve started and stopped it so I know it’s the HRT (not changed anything else). I have Addison’s disease and HRT affects cortisol levels because essentially oestrogen is a steroid - so that’s where the weight gain comes from. That’s why as someone with Addison’s endocrinologists tell us to come off the oestrogen for 6-8 weeks prior to any cortisol tests because it does affect cortisol levels the same way as taking steroids for Addison’s (cortisol deficiency) does. (Although if anyone with Addison’s happens to be reading this - the cortisol levels raised by HRT are not useable in the same way, so it doesn’t affect the dose of replacement steroid we need to take).

I am reading this with interest because I am feeling your pain!

Good to get different perspectives.

I so needed to read this. My MH is all over the shop and not ina good way. I can't tell if it is pandemic related or hormonal (def perimenopausal at least). I am contemplating ADs as feel so shit but the rage (usually ad DH does so much less anyway, typical mental load avoidance) is so great. Today has been a perfect example of this.

Just want the world to disappear and be left alone in peace.

OP I hear you! The combination of covid and perimenopause has left me 'changed'. I'm just generally a lot more angry and cynical than I was and very intolerant of people/being around people in general. Not fun.x

omg I could have written your post. Please let us know how you get on with HRT!

Caitlin Moran has written really well on this exact subject. Google her name and 'menopausal anger' and the piece will come up.