To feel like mid life and perimenopause is really changing me

[Edenspirits]

I am about to try HRT to try and help with some of the symptoms of perimenopause as I am cross and grumpy a lot of the time (I am 48) but in a bigger sense, I can really feel and understand why it was always known as ‘the change’ as for me I feel like I am becoming a different person and it’s so strange.

• I gave zero tolerance for bullshit and thus worries me as I feel like I will end up living on my own with cats as people just annoy the fuck out of me 😬

• I just want peace & quiet! Sometimes i can’t even be bothered to think about stuff anymore - it’s like I feel tired of trying to work life out & just want to sit on a beach with books quietly forever (I still have relatively young kids at 10 & 13 so not really possible)

• all my drive for everything has gone. I feel like my old ambitions have changed and i no longer have ‘the chase’ in me for career etc. I just feel tired!!

• I fell out with a friend of over 20 years as she lied to me. I have no time for that kind of shite anymore and yet it’s something I might have let go in my younger years.

I am hoping HRT might help- I feel hardened by the world and I think it might be loss of nurturing hormones making me so much less tolerant!

Anyone else experienced this? It’s all so strange!!!

Thete are NO words to describe how awful you may feel.

No words.

When my dear friend felt a homicidal annoyance I was relieved.

This is horrific, and I really mean HORRIFIC if your children are young.

So beware.

It is not a haopy time.

This is NOT a time to play down your symptoms.

My friend was getting the run around by her GP and was in a very bad way.
Her GP was telling her to be holistic in her approach.
Endlessly.
A call from her husband telling her he was going to hold HER personally responsible for ANYTHING that happened her, focused her "holistic" GP enormously.
My pal is a different person on HRT.

I am a hugely holistic person.
Homeopathy, osteopathy, I have great time for them, but my friend is a different woman after HRT.

I wish to hell I had it 12 years ago when i was suffering in my late 40's

I'm just about to complete my 1st month on HRT. My GP has been great actually. I'm 51 and I just wanted to chat about getting my merina coil replaced (having read Dr Louise Newsome articles and watching the Davina programme). GP led me through questions about symptoms and I was surprised just how many I actually had. It was like it had crept up on me without me even realising.

Already my night sweats and hot flushes have gone. I have so much more energy (I didn't realise how little I had until I suddenly had the urge to get on and 'do stuff' that's come on in the last 2 weeks!). My brain fog seems to have lifted too. I'm less full of rage than I was too.

I'm hoping that the increased energy and the lifting of the fog that enveloped me and made me stop caring about myself will mean I can actually lose the spare tyre that suddenly appeared in the last 12 months too. I guess that one is now a gift in my hands to sort out.

I’m 42, and started the menopause proper about 20 months ago. I’ve not had a period in almost 2 years. I have felt alternatively like a ball of rage, a foggy headed fool, an emotional wreck, and a sobbing heap if someone even looked at me funny.
I’ve been suffering with related depression too - and hideous anxiety. I am enraged that I have had what remained of my fertility taken away from me (having unsuccessfully tried for a baby, including IVF, for years...,)
I’ve now been on HRT for 2 months, and I’m finally starting to feel a bit more like myself. I can actually read a book, and remember it, for example.
Seriously, HRT is turning out to be a life saver.

Oh yes - and the hot flushes, night sweats, and absolute mind blanks are reducing. My energy is better, and some of the aches and pains are less.
I really wish there was more understanding of peri/menopause, as it’s really life-changing my tough for some of us.
I’m fed up of it being a jokey embarrassment; workplaces that have a workplace ‘Champion’ should be the norm, not the exception.

Yes me. I think it was on here someone said you have all these caring/nurturing hormones that basically run out when you go through peri/menopause, and I feel like that sums it up quite well. I just don't have any tolerance for crap anymore.

I have a mirena and oestrogel, and I've definitely calmed down after being on them for a while - I had major anxiety for months and just couldn't cope, I was having panic attacks and crying every day. I also hated my husband even though his behaviour hadn't changed, I just couldn't tolerate him at all (we are still together and I'm not as full of rage at him as I was) it's shit being a middle aged woman!

@DinosaurDiana

Drinking half a high ball glass of cherry juice, no alcohol and a good bedtime routine helps my sleep.

Is there something in cherry juice that's supposed to help?

@BlueGlasses

I'm just about to complete my 1st month on HRT. My GP has been great actually. I'm 51 and I just wanted to chat about getting my merina coil replaced (having read Dr Louise Newsome articles and watching the Davina programme). GP led me through questions about symptoms and I was surprised just how many I actually had. It was like it had crept up on me without me even realising.

Already my night sweats and hot flushes have gone. I have so much more energy (I didn't realise how little I had until I suddenly had the urge to get on and 'do stuff' that's come on in the last 2 weeks!). My brain fog seems to have lifted too. I'm less full of rage than I was too.

I'm hoping that the increased energy and the lifting of the fog that enveloped me and made me stop caring about myself will mean I can actually lose the spare tyre that suddenly appeared in the last 12 months too. I guess that one is now a gift in my hands to sort out.

I'm so glad you're feeling better!! And it gives me hope.

HRT worked virtually instantly for me, I take as my sleep had become so poor it was impacting my life. As a bonus most of my random aches and pains have vanished.

Chinese medicine has some excellent approaches for menopause. Herbal and acupuncture.

Is there something in cherry juice that's supposed to help?

Yes, melatonin. A lot of it.

I feel like I've found my people.

I can relate to so much of this but have put it down to a tough few years (aside from covid) and my own health problems.

The loss of work motivation is huge, my biggest problem. Feel like crying at how little of a shit I give.

About the aches and pains, again I have put mine down to my conditions but wondering if they could be peri related. What sort of aches and pains are people getting?

So I had my last period over two years ago. Peri not so bad tbh.
I’m now 57 and experiencing what many others have described. Brain fog, aching joints, irritability. Current have two adult children back at home due to Covid etc. Find myself constantly resenting them and husband. Can’t be bothered to do anything.
I think I do need HRT but what if GP says you’re out of it now?.
Can anybody advise?

@FANTINE2

So I had my last period over two years ago. Peri not so bad tbh. I’m now 57 and experiencing what many others have described. Brain fog, aching joints, irritability. Current have two adult children back at home due to Covid etc. Find myself constantly resenting them and husband. Can’t be bothered to do anything. I think I do need HRT but what if GP says you’re out of it now?. Can anybody advise?

If your last period was over two years ago then you are post-menopause.

HRT will work for you, it will bring your brain back into focus and stop the aches, pains and irritability. But, be prepared and read up on NICE so you know what's what as there is a chance your GP will not be helpful. Be insistent and firm.

NICE?

Google is your friend - NICE + menopause, or alternatively, go to the menopause forum on here and I think it's a sticky thread.

Given that every single (biological) woman will deal with menopause at some point in their life either naturally or due to illness or surgery, it never fails to shock me how clueless so many are about perimenopause and menopause.

Things would be very very different if men had to deal with this.

I totally agree that 'change' is indeed a very appropriate choice of word. It is absolutely how I feel. I have been dealing with this for 5 years now and I have only finally accepted that there was no point in fighting it any longer and accept 'the change'.

I am no more the person I used to be. I have gone two grades down in my career when I was on my way up just because I couldn't cope with the demand and stress of the role I was in that used to stimulate and challenge me.

I had to accept that I wouldn't be running half-marathon and do triathlon any longer because even though I am desperately continuing to work out, I don't have the stamina to do anything even remotely physically challenging any longer.

I have to accept that however desperate I am to remain slim and attractive, I'm not going to get my old figure. My skin seems to age each time I look at it, my hips wider, my arms looser.

I have to accept to go through each day like most activities are a chore because I am so tired all the time, from the moment I wake up to when I go to sleep, except the moment my eyes close, I suddenly feel like my all body and mind get into alert mode and want to do everything but shut down.

I have finally had to accept that I have really tried absolutely everything to feel better. I have tried HRT three times, different types and each time it has made me feel worse, not relieving my main symptoms and giving me most. I am so envious of my friends who have found such relief they have been able to be the person they used to be again. I have tried every therapy, I have pushed myself to the limit to not let the menopause be an excuse for letting myself go.

I am now tired of it all and have succombed to acceptance that the best of me is behind but it is still ok. My mum assures me that I will get on the other side and find energy again. I hope so. Still there is much to life to enjoy and value and I hold on to that. It all comes down to expectations and lowering mine is the way to get through it.

I went on hrt at 40 due to tiredness, hot flushes, vaginal dryness, loss of libido, migraines. HRT has made me feel great. Sex drive back with a vengeance, I fancy my husband and want to jump his bones.

I'm also hoping that it delays osteoporosis as mum has it severely. And supposedly oestrogen gas something to do with collagen so I might not look at haggard lol

HRT may help.
But all your list you reacted correctly to anyway!

@sansucre

Given that every single (biological) woman will deal with menopause at some point in their life either naturally or due to illness or surgery, it never fails to shock me how clueless so many are about perimenopause and menopause.

Things would be very very different if men had to deal with this.

I’m not clueless @sansucre, just asking for a bit of advice, and anticipating what a GP might say. And Yes, I have now googled NICE!

Personally a lot of what you’ve said is more “the blinders are off your eyes” awareness. Why should medication have you “put up with” lying, career hassles, noise and general drama?

it never fails to shock me how clueless so many are about perimenopause and menopause
I think what makes it difficult is that everyone's menopause is different. It certainly is the case amongst my friends going through it. Different symptoms, different impacts, different abilities to cope and different reactions to treatment.

I have probably be fortunate in that I had good engagement from professionals, all more than happy to prescribe treatment. My problem is that I do not respond to standard treatment and I have hit a wall. I have been to different GPs, one specialising in the menopause, a private gynae, but ultimately, they have all come up with the same option, hrt, in different forms, but instead of trying to tailor and treatment to my situation, I have had 'just try this, and then this, and this', when ultimately, it is all the same and doesn't work for me. I then get 'sorry, can't do anything'.

The frustration and disappointment that come after each time I try something after being told that this will sort it out and it doesn't leaves me at a lower place each time. It takes a lot of resilience and mindfulness to get up again and move on.

@IRanSoFarAway1i think once you see the misogyny and game playing you really can’t unsee it. Personally I took this awareness as a sign of maturity and wisdom. I have no desire for anyone’s “drama”, not work or family or friends.
Kinda wish I had this insight at 16.