To not really care I’ll be 60 when my youngest is 18

[Pinkco]

Why is this relevant?

Will be 42 when I have my last child and people have said the above in incredulous tones.

What am I missing?

Maybe it was odd - it happened. I love the way MN implies you’re lying when what you say doesn’t fit its narrative.

How have you made the leap to lying? It is odd to think that, I just assumed misogynistic male doctors not lying. Why would that even be something to make up? 😆

I was 17 when my dad turned 60. It was never a problem for me, my dad was the best and we were very close, we always had loads to talk about and chatted about anything and everything. The massive age difference just wasn't an issue, and when I was an adult, he became a friend as well as my wise and kind dad.

@wankerchief
Why better, I was 39 when my ds was 18, I think it was ideal, just gutted I may be this side of 60 when I welcome a grandchild, no way would I want to have been an old mum

Why better?

Although what's the narrative?

For me, I wouldn’t want to have an 18 yo at 60, but that’s because I have an 18yo at 40 and I’m over it
There is no ‘right’ time for children, it impacts your life in both negative and positive ways however old your are. My auntie had an 18 yo at 35, and also at 64. She’s happy, her kids are happy. The end.

Other side of 60.....cripes, too early for me

Op m in the same boot had my youngest when I was 42 . No one has ever asked me this question , and the end of the day no way is 60 old . My dad is 80 and is extremely fit for his age

I'll be 56 when DS is 18. My DH will be 68.

I HATE it when people say "I'm so glad I had my children young. I wouldn't want to be an older mum."

We're not all in a position to have children when we'd like to. When I was 18 I wanted to be married at about 25 and kids at about 30. But life didn't work out that way for me. I'm blessed with my DS but hearing from a load of smug women about how they're so glad they "didn't wait" to have kids really infuriates me.

Congratulations, OP, on your pregnancy and please continue not to care what others think. Your DC will be loved and not harmed by the fact you're older. Enjoy the baby snuggles when they arrive!

My auntie had an 18 yo at 35, and also at 64

Jesus, that’s 47 years of parenting! Rather her than me.

HATE it when people say "I'm so glad I had my children young. I wouldn't want to be an older mum."

Well they are still Mums at any age, what they mean is they dont want to deal with small children when they are older and more tired.
Perfectly reasonable and honestly quite realistic.
Its exhausting having DCs but doubly so when you are in your forties.

The having more experience in your forties is a bit odd as nothing prepares you for having a baby other than having a baby !
But you are right -its not always a choice so 🤷‍♀️

@Templetreebloom

HATE it when people say "I'm so glad I had my children young. I wouldn't want to be an older mum."

Well they are still Mums at any age, what they mean is they dont want to deal with small children when they are older and more tired.
Perfectly reasonable and honestly quite realistic.
Its exhausting having DCs but doubly so when you are in your forties.

The having more experience in your forties is a bit odd as nothing prepares you for having a baby other than having a baby !
But you are right -its not always a choice so 🤷‍♀️

I'm not saying it's not reasonable to think, but saying it out loud to an older mum is hurtful, in my opinion. The person commenting doesn't know why that older mum is an older mum. But then, I wouldn't comment to anyone about the age they chose/were able to have children as it's none of my business.

Agree it's nothing to do with "experience". Nothing prepares you for kids!

Its exhausting having DCs but doubly so when you are in your forties.

Why is it so much more exhausting? because we have less energy? I had mine early 30s but I don't think I feel more tired now at late 30s. And overall I think I'm less tired then I was in my 20s when I was working hard, playing hard, etc.

saying it out loud to an older mum is hurtful
Yes I can see that, I just say congrats but I know the type you mean.
Im going to be perfectly honest the thought of giving birth in my 40s horrifies me , literally no way in hell .
But I would never say that out loud.
However Im coming from the position of being financially stable and fertile in my late 20s.
Longing for a child and finding out you are pregnant in your 40s and finally holding that baby must feel like winning the lottery

@coulditbecominghome

Its exhausting having DCs but doubly so when you are in your forties.

Why is it so much more exhausting? because we have less energy? I had mine early 30s but I don't think I feel more tired now at late 30s. And overall I think I'm less tired then I was in my 20s when I was working hard, playing hard, etc.

Wait for your late 40s. Less energy, perimenopause. I actually agree with the poster up thread. Menopause is fine ( day your periods stop) Its peri thats the difficult bit.

How peri effects you tends to be lifestyle related. In Asia women often don’t get any peri symptoms as they are encouraged to maintain their weight from a young age, exercise, eat fairly low dairy and low processed carb, and follow the ‘80% full’ concept around meals.

Cant wait! 😆

If you already have children under turning 40 then one after turning 40, whereas the shock of not knowing how exhausting a new born or toddler is?

The world isnt split into those who start a family under and over 40. So a mum who had her first at 21 and he last at 42 still turns 60 when they are 18.
Neither is she nieve about the physical load of have children.

Horses for courses. If it wasnt feesable woman would hit menopause at 39.

@Ozanj

How peri effects you tends to be lifestyle related. In Asia women often don’t get any peri symptoms as they are encouraged to maintain their weight from a young age, exercise, eat fairly low dairy and low processed carb, and follow the ‘80% full’ concept around meals.

Nope Im slim, vegetarian, teetotal, non smoker , runner and cyclist. Peri was horrific, anovulation on some cycles meant the next period was a blood bath, I was anaemic and needed transfusions. Lifestyle does not influence that, although possibly the high consumption of soy does. It has similar effects to HRT .

How peri effects you tends to be lifestyle related. In Asia women often don’t get any peri symptoms as they are encouraged to maintain their weight from a young age, exercise, eat fairly low dairy and low processed carb, and follow the ‘80% full’ concept around meals.

Asia is a massive continent so doubt if every woman in it is the same. For myself I had few problems with the menopause other than some erratic periods and a few hot flushes despite being overweight and addicted to cake and cheese (though not together!)

I'm 63 and DD is 23
Second husband - we started trying about 35 had problems and had IVF successfully
Getting down on the floor in my 40s was pants 😂 and I was 10 years older than my NCT group - we still see each other
DD still nicks my bamboo socks, nighties and anything else she fancies 🙄
I'm glad we waited and had her when we did as we had more patience I think
We actively created memories - travelling, spending time with her every weekend,
She is my best friend and I feel very proud of her and know that she will fly the nest soon

I was pregnant at your age and it really is none of their business.

However....

I had older parents myself and it did effect me as a child. Maybe it was less common then, but I felt weird and different to my classmates at school. I also had huge anxiety about them dying which led to me having OCD ( at the age of 6)

Do I think there are issues surrounding it, but there are issues surrounding anything really!

Asia is a massive continent so doubt if every woman in it is the same. For myself I had few problems with the menopause other than some erratic periods and a few hot flushes despite being overweight and addicted to cake and cheese (though not together!)
Agree and it may be that women are suffering but its culturally unacceptable to refence womens health issues.
I find it deeply misogynistic to blame women for their own health issues ( previous poster)
Its the sort of glib reply that women who go to their GPs get.
Of course looking after your health is always wise but the issues are caused by dropping levels of oestrogen which for some women can cause awful symptoms, some hardly any.
Im through Menopause and feel absolutely great now.

DS2 will be 18 when I'm 51. That's old enough for me. Can't even think about grandchildren yet. Menopause and teenage hormones urgh!

@TeenMinusTests

It means you will be going through the menopause when they are a teenager. It's not a great combination.

I am having menopause symptoms at 45, my mum started menopause at 38 so if you want kids to not coincide with it then best start at 16! Honestly this is not a concern. HRT exists for a reason