To not really care I’ll be 60 when my youngest is 18

[Pinkco]

Why is this relevant?

Will be 42 when I have my last child and people have said the above in incredulous tones.

What am I missing?

**
Yesterday 19:3422Giraffes

I'll be 39 when dd is 18, I'm so glad I had my kids when I did.**

Lucky you. Some people's fertility doesn't permit this.

Also I was not financially secure enough at 21 for a baby I waited to try until I had a home, savings and could give a child a good life, but if you were a married,home owner at that age and supported your child without state funding them I'm really pleased for your decision

But this thread is full of people who think you’re still young in your 60s. They’re still climbing mountains and drinking cocktails loving having teenagers so why would they need a pension? 68 is still young, dontcha know?

Well it's young enough to keep on working. And I'm not sure why working or age impacts on your ability to drink cocktails! Ideally I will be climbing mountains & drinking cocktails & be retired!

@Uniontea

I’m always surprised when people say they wouldn’t choose to have a child when they were over 30 because I chose not to even think of having children before I was 30

What has what you chose to do got to do with what other women choose to do? I don’t understand why that would be a factor for them!

[quote LuckyAmy1986]@Uniontea

I’m always surprised when people say they wouldn’t choose to have a child when they were over 30 because I chose not to even think of having children before I was 30

What has what you chose to do got to do with what other women choose to do? I don’t understand why that would be a factor for them![/quote]
Well, presumably as much of a factor as the posters who say they’d never have a baby at 42, because you’ll be gaga and decrepit by the time the child leaves school…?

I'm 41 OP. I couldn't physically face being pregnant again. I felt too old at 35 TBH. I had complications I am told get worse with age as well.

My DGM was 40 odd when she had my dad though and I never thought anything of it.

@Uniontea

I’m always surprised when people say they wouldn’t choose to have a child when they were over 30 because I chose not to even think of having children before I was 30

I had a friend who refused to get pregnant once over 30. She thought it was disgusting that anyone over 30 would choose to continue a pregnancy being so old.
She came off the pill at 28 and tried to have a child but it didn’t happen immediately so she went back on the pill and said that she didn’t want to risk being an older mother.
She had knitted all the baby clothes and really really wanted a child but this ridiculous time limit she had set herself interfered in what she truly wanted
When I got pregnant in my late 30s it was a blow to her and our friendship was damaged. When we announced I was pregnant again at 40 our friendship didn’t survive.
She just couldn’t get her mind around having a child where you would be dead or severely incapacitated before it had left university
She thought most people were physically and mentally incapable of looking after themselves by the time they hit 60.
She was a geriatric nurse and her family rarely made it to over 60. Her mum died at 59 and she thought she had a good long life.

That's so weird plus how can 29 be ok but 30 be disgusting?

Ignore your friends.

I am 56 with a 14 year old. I would have preferred to have a baby at 30 or 35, but it didn't work out that way. We probably aren't as sporty/active as parents a decade younger but we make sure that our teen gets exposed to all sorts of sports with their friends.

Most of my "Mum" friends had kids in their late 30's, too, so I just added a new friendship group.

I can't help thinking that life experience and financial security has made parenting easier. We have a resilient, sensible (mostly) child.

We are old enough to choose when to fight our battles.

Plus surely she should have started trying at 20?

I wouldn't have wanted my parents to be around 60 when I was a teenager and I wouldn't want a preschooler now I'm mid 40's but I have friends who had kids in their 40's who have teenagers now and it seems perfectly normal. I think we often have a picture of a sixty year old as a frail old granny which is generally very far from the reality.

I’ll be 60 when dd is 19. My other Dcs will be in their 20’s.
I would love to have had them a few years younger but my circumstances were such that I couldn’t.
I love my dc and I’ve tried to give them the best childhood I could but my age does niggle me.
But if the alternative was not to have them, then obviously, it goes without saying, that I’m glad I have them.
I know people who lost younger parents and dh’s parents are fit and enjoy being grandparents in their 80’s. I hope we can be like them but there are no guarantees in life.

My mum had me when she was 30, and that was considered "old" . I had my DS when I was 31 and the midwife remarked I was quite young. I think it depends on demographics in certain areas too. Where I live most women seem to start their family in their mid-late 30s. Hardly any of my friends had DC in their 20s.

Well I think they are dicks! It's not your age ,it's how you are as a parent/ person that counts. Some friends who are younger seem older .my cousin is in her 70s and seems younger. Just ignore them and relax

I always thought having children in your 40s was completely normal back in the day as women started early but just had more dc. I'm half Irish & half French & big families are very normal. I can't think of one older relative who didn't have a dc late.

Surely "controlling" older pregnancies with birth control was an historical blip?

I think family history does have a big impact on when a woman chooses to have a family. My two GM both died when they were 59, I lost two aunts at 64 and 65, my DM developed Alzheimer’s in her early/mid 60’s although obviously I didn’t know that would happen with my DM when I had my DC. My DM is 70 now and can’t really do anything for herself, it’s heartbreaking. I’d never have thought this would happen to her 10 years ago, even now physically she looks 5 to 10 years younger. We grew up eating health foods when my friends ate junk, my DM has always practiced yoga and maintained a really healthy weight. It’s so sad, I’m able to dedicate a lot of time to arranging her care etc because I’m early 50’s and an empty nester.

@Pinuporc

My mum had me when she was 30, and that was considered "old" . I had my DS when I was 31 and the midwife remarked I was quite young. I think it depends on demographics in certain areas too. Where I live most women seem to start their family in their mid-late 30s. Hardly any of my friends had DC in their 20s.

I think that’s very true. A friend the same age as me was described as an “elderly primigravida” in the 70s - she was 26. In my friendship circle we all had our kids when we were young, my mum was relatively old and regretted it.

The only valid argument for starting a family sooner rather than later if you can is declining fertility, The global birthrate is falling, particularly in the first world.

A variety of factors have driven down the rate, including a decline in birth rates among women 34 and younger. The decrease also likely reflects the lingering effects of the Great Recession, as well as longer-term demographic changes such as increased educational attainment among women and delays in marriage.

The only valid argument for starting a family sooner rather than later if you can is declining fertility, The global birthrate is falling, particularly in the first world.

dc are very expensive, life in general is.

I've noticed amongst my younger cousins that quite a few are not remotely interested in having dc.

A friend the same age as me was described as an “elderly primigravida” in the 70s - she was 26.

although that seems very odd as I thought the definition of ep was over 35 & I thought 26 was average age in the 70s.

I thought I would have been in the older section of my NCT class but was actually 4th youngest. I was late 30s

The 2nd youngest who was 30 when she had her 1st moved areas and did the NCT class in that area 2 years later. She was considered ancient as the other mothers were all predominantly teens and some under 25s

You are hardly doing a Bernie Eccleston.

Old age comes upon people at different ages. My mum is 77 and still capable of chasing my 4 year old twins around the park. She walks miles most days and plays golf 2 or 3 times a week and does her own decorating. 60 is young in our family!

She thought most people were physically and mentally incapable of looking after themselves by the time they hit 60.
She was a geriatric nurse and her family rarely made it to over 60. Her mum died at 59 and she thought she had a good long life.

She sounds strange. As a geriatric nurse, she would have regularly been caring for people in their 80s and 90s plus the odd centenarian. Many of whom would have been visited by their fit 70 something offspring. The hospital I once worked in only had one patient under 70 - a 69 year old with early onset dementia.

@coulditbecominghome

A friend the same age as me was described as an “elderly primigravida” in the 70s - she was 26.

although that seems very odd as I thought the definition of ep was over 35 & I thought 26 was average age in the 70s.

Maybe it was odd - it happened. I love the way MN implies you’re lying when what you say doesn’t fit its narrative.

My son turned 18 when I was 60. He is my 4th child, I have a very big age gap between siblings.
It has never been an issue due to my age, and I have gone through the menopause with no problems either.

We have always had a close relationship and still do. I certainly don't need "looking after" due to being in my 60's. I still work full time, so a long way off being decrepit!

I think the only 60 years olds she knew were people who were dead or ill and incapable of looking after themselves.
She once questioned whether we had the ages right of mil and FIL who were in their late70s/80s and going on cruises, eating out or having Bridge nights and were never in.

Totally blew her mind 2 people who were stood upright and talking sense, going out and generally looking after themselves

As an update I saw her and her dh when I was driving through their town about a year ago. They looked ancient. I had to do a double take. Friend of a friend has said they live in a retirement village now. They have sold up their big house and downsized
She would be 62 this year.