To not really care I’ll be 60 when my youngest is 18

[Pinkco]

Why is this relevant?

Will be 42 when I have my last child and people have said the above in incredulous tones.

What am I missing?

I never met one gf as he died before I was born, my gm from that side died when I was aged 8. My other gf died last month and my gm on that side is still alive aged 92. I'm in my 40's. Age is not much guarantee of anything

To add to that with 2 primary age dc in my 40's dd1 has known 2 great grandparents and still had them til age 11 and still has 1. Their grandparents on both sides are still hugely active parts of their lives. Some still working.

I had my son at 25 and was utterly exhausted then. Now I'm 37 there is no way I would do it all again. I honestly couldn't cope with the sleepless nights.
I've met an amazing man and we have discussed having children, but I'm excited about the fun times we have ahead, just the 2 of us.
I often find it frustrating that people think you've got to achieve so much before you have children. Having a child gave me purpose and has made me want to achieve more. Cheers kid!

My Mum is mid 60s and has early onset dementia. Being in your 60s is definitely not as old as it once was, but let's not pretend it's young.

I think everyone will always have an opinion on you when you become a parent. You get judged no matter what you do. Someone will always have something to say. Irritating but you learn to ignore in the end.
I think just do whatever feels right for you and your family. What might not be right for someone else could be perfect for you.
I also think ppl don't take in the fact sometimes choice had been taken away ie fertility, finding someone ect
Not everyone can tick off things nicely just how they planned it. People can be insensitive and ignorant.
Ignore and be happy.

I won't get a state pension till 68 & I'm sure that will increase. Bloody joke!

Worldwide2 "Ignore and be happy."

Excellent advice!

@TeenMinusTests

It means you will be going through the menopause when they are a teenager. It's not a great combination.

I’m 51 and my DC are 10 and 8. Just found out via blood test that I’m post-menopausal. So good to have got it out of the way I guess but I wouldn’t have known if it wasn’t for the blood test!

I'm 57, my youngest is 17. I have more time on my hands. Am around more for my youngest due to working less hours. Get less stressed about unimportant things. Have no mortgage and am financially more secure than I've ever been. All of this benefits my teen.

I don't get the problem either. Sixty when your kid is five is getting on a bit admittedly, sixty when they're 18 is hardly an issue. You're not elderly and in the majority of cases your child/young adult is at least semi independent by that age or soon will be.

I'm 41 and ttc, I'd be 42 when/if I give birth. Personally it's a bit of an issue for me - not so much being 60, as it's not that old these days. But more about being 70 when they're 28, or 75 when they're 33 (and perhaps getting married, or having first dc). I come from a family where my parents had dc in their early 20s, so they were young when most of their gdc were born. My parents are still fit and active now, and will probably still be around when I'm 60, but I'll probably be gone by the time they're 50, and will be frail before then. And that makes me a bit sad. You might be a young adult by 18, but you still need the support of your parents through your 20s, 30s, 40s. Still, it's not enough to stop me hoping to have a baby, but I acknowledge it's less than ideal.

I will be too OP.

My dad was 49 when I was born and 58 when my sister was born. He was fully fit and healthy until 12 months before he died when he had a stroke aged 96. He was almost 97 when he died. DSis was 39.

@coulditbecominghome

I won't get a state pension till 68 & I'm sure that will increase. Bloody joke!

But this thread is full of people who think you’re still young in your 60s. They’re still climbing mountains and drinking cocktails loving having teenagers so why would they need a pension? 68 is still young, dontcha know?

I wish someone would tell my arthritic knees that!

People are rude to say that to you, they're entitled to their own opinions of course but should keep them to themselves.

Blossom my MiL** is only 61 and needs a double knee replacement!

@RandomUsernameHere

Blossom my MiL** is only 61 and needs a double knee replacement!

But it’s sooooooo young - allegedly.

@RandomUsernameHere

Blossom my MiL** is only 61 and needs a double knee replacement!

So I know a person in their 40s who needed a hip replacement

@Boomisshiss

Same. All those wanting to claim that over 60s all have one foot in the grave need to understand that we are not saying they are "soooo young". Just that they are not normally decrepit. There is, oddly enough, a difference.

@entropynow exactly. I know people in their thirties who are riddled with arthritis or ill with diabetes. It’s not a one size fits all. Plus it’s not like OP would just be starting out with a new born in her 60s. She will have a 18 year old . You can get married at 16 in some parts of the UK . I know lots of 18 year olds who don’t need babying off a parent .

@Pinkco

When do the posters who are concerned with my untimely death think the cut off should be, out of interest?

When they had their final child.

Btw I will be a year older in age than you when my DD is 18.

Looking at when my blood relations died I may die quite quickly soon afterwards or may live another 30+ years....

@RandomUsernameHere

Blossom my MiL** is only 61 and needs a double knee replacement!

Oh gosh, I am 61 and cannot bear the thought of that. I had a (different type of) operation on my knee aged 13 and the experience was horrendous. I hope never to have to have anything like that but have recently heard of a woman in her forties who has had to have a double hip replacement (I see someone else knows another person who has had the same in her forties). You never know what is around the corner.

Sorry I did not mean to turn this around to be about me, I just have a 'thing' about knees due to my early experience. End of now.

I agree with entropynow and Boomhisshiss; everyone is different.

My cousin had a knee replacement in her sixties and recovered well, so have many others. The Queen had one years ago and is fine.

Young and old have health problems but many of them are 'sortable'.

Regarding grandparents,many children grow up without any, some live in another country and are rarely seen, others have died or the family has drifted apart for some reason.The most important people to children are mum and dad.

My parents were older parents, I never knew my mum's father but her mother lived to 92. My father's parents lived to late eighties and 98! My husband had a grandmother who was lovely, she made 100 and knew my children well. She was great fun.

You really cannot generalise but I do feel the op should not receive negative comments, it helps no one and, who knows, she may be fit well into old age. Good luck to her.

@TeenMinusTests

It means you will be going through the menopause when they are a teenager. It's not a great combination.

My mum was 18 when she had me. She was menopausal when I was a teenager. It was a difficult menopause, no doubt partly because it was so early but you are quite right, it was a shit combination. In this case the child is likely to be pre-teen when the mum is menopausal which will be easier. And of course, not everyone has a difficult menopause - I didn't.

My DD was 19 when I turned 60 and am now 66.

No problems I can see that were/are age-related. My late DH and I were excruciatingly groovy and went to music festivals that DD said were uncool but became the last thing in where to be. How very odd.

Much less chance of them stealing your clothes

I wouldn't bet on it.

DD doesn't steal, but all wardrobe clearances on my part have to be conducted under her rigorous eye. I have clothes from the 70s, a lot of vintage, and despite our very different body shapes, there's always something. She's proud to claim clothes as "belonging to my mum"

Only our shoe size is common and she has eagle eye for desirable footwear.

Ha my mum was 25 when she had me and menopausal when I was a teenager…..I really don’t think this is something normal people are calculating when they consider when to have a child.

To me this is very normal - nobody in my circle of friends had a child before 30 and almost none before 35. It’s great there’s a PP who was thrilled to have her kid at 21, but that’s less of an option if you’re halfway through medical school with 10-15 years of training post graduation to look forward to.

Older parent threads on MN tend to bring out a frankly very unlucky group of people who are decrepit in their 30s. I assume they have a chronic illness or are very obese.

Parents can die at any age. My parents had me at 21. My dad died when I was 30 and my mum has needed 24/7 nursing care for 15 years. I had my own children mid 30s so even with my experience of not having a well parent from my late teens, I don’t worry, what will be will be.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

The only thing I would say is sad is that due to multiple generations of having kids a bit later I have 2 or 3 friends where by the time they have had children, both their parents had already passed away, so their children have no grandparents at all. I think that's sad but rare.

Yes. My df is youngest of 5 and 20yrs between youngest and oldest

He had 3 children before me in their 20’s

Met me when I was in late 30’s - my dh had died while we were ttc

Mad man said he was happy to ttc but with my infertility problems took another 5yrs

Hence he was 50. I was almost 44 when our dd was born

Sadly df parents both dead

My mum died 7yrs ago , so 3yrs before dd was born , tho not old age , illness

So dd has one grandparent. My dad who adores her and
Tho he is 82 will spend time playing /reading /chasing her

Obv as a widow I met many people via way (widowed and young) who salt lost their partners to many illness /car crash /suicide /accidents

Sadly parents can die any age