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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not really care I’ll be 60 when my youngest is 18

534 replies

Pinkco · 03/07/2021 19:23

Why is this relevant?

Will be 42 when I have my last child and people have said the above in incredulous tones.

What am I missing?

OP posts:
LublinToDublin · 03/07/2021 22:37

Retirement age has gone up 7 years in my adult lifetime so it makes sense to think of 42 as the new 35 Grin

Inastatus · 03/07/2021 22:38

@Mwahahahahaha

You do you, OP.

My mother had me at the same age and I wish she hadn’t.

@Mwahahahahaha - You wish you hadn’t been born - that’s v sad 🙁
JudgeJ · 03/07/2021 22:39

My nephew is 13 and his father is 73.

Maggiesfarm · 03/07/2021 22:41

@Mwahahahahaha

You do you, OP.

My mother had me at the same age and I wish she hadn’t.

What do you mean, you would rather you hadn't been born?
ladygindiva · 03/07/2021 22:44

@TeenMinusTests

It means you will be going through the menopause when they are a teenager. It's not a great combination.
Er no. I started my menopause at 44 when my twins were 2. I think getting it when they were teenagers would have been preferable.
Maggiesfarm · 03/07/2021 22:44

@toocold54

I actually don’t think there is a right age to have children as there are pros and cons at any age. But I will admit that I did judge someone a few weeks ago who was having a baby at 65 and said (not to their face) that they weren’t thinking about the child. But on reflection just because someone’s younger doesn’t mean they’ll be a more involved parent or live longer.
65? How did she manage that?
Maggiesfarm · 03/07/2021 22:46

@LublinToDublin

Retirement age has gone up 7 years in my adult lifetime so it makes sense to think of 42 as the new 35 Grin
Yes (please tell me 61 is the new 51, please :) ).
Uniontea · 03/07/2021 22:46

You have prodigies rantymcrantface66 Grin

I’m always surprised when people say they wouldn’t choose to have a child when they were over 30 because I chose not to even think of having children before I was 30. I’m very grateful that we all have access to contraceptives and healthcare that allow us to choose whatever’s right for us. You don’t have to go back many generations to when women didn’t have those options and there are many countries where they still don’t.

BrilliantBetty · 03/07/2021 22:49

My dad was 40 when I was born. He has always thought of himself as really mentally young, physically fit, very interested in current affairs. Blah blah. He was old, he was an old dad, I thought it growing up and still do now, age 30.
There were a lot of things he just couldn't relate to and it was frustrating for us both. Try as he might it was just too long since he'd been young. He'd also by age 40 lived such an independent and self indulgent lifestyle that parenting was hard for him sometimes.
It all made me absolutely sure I wanted to be a young mum. I'd rather have independence and be self indulgent later, looking forward to it!

Bluepiano · 03/07/2021 22:50

@Pinkco

Look after parents in their early sixties Grin
This! Especially as our retirement age will be 68! Probably older if the government have anything to do with it!
coulditbecominghome · 03/07/2021 22:50

What I find weird is that the acceptable age is not that different eg 38 is ok but 40 is bad. It's 2 yrs, how much difference can it make?

coulditbecominghome · 03/07/2021 22:53

Can you ever think of a man who would have been asked the same? Men having children at age 42 are still considered of a ‘good age’.

Yep

catfeets · 03/07/2021 22:53

Almost everyone in my family has had kids when they were older. It meant that my grandparents died when I was very young. My little brother only ever knew one grandparent. If they were alive today they'd be well over 100 - I'm 36.

My dad was in his 60s when my brother hit 18. Hasn't caused any issues whatsoever. He's about to retire this year and my brother will be 21.

I'm an 'older' mother myself. I was 35 with my first and I'll be 37 with the second. My grandparents were late 30s and early 40s when they gave birth. I'd much rather be a mother at this stage in life than aged 20 or so.
I think I'd be gutted if my daughter has kids before she's 30. There's so much more to experience in life first.

Cameleongirl · 03/07/2021 22:55

@coulditbecominghome

What I find weird is that the acceptable age is not that different eg 38 is ok but 40 is bad. It's 2 yrs, how much difference can it make?
Exactly @coulditbecominghome, my Mum could’ve had me a couple of years earlier ( 38 when I was born) and it wouldn’t have made a bit of difference to her health problems!

Thx

MarianneUnfaithful · 03/07/2021 22:56

@Pinkco

Look after parents in their early sixties Grin
I know Grin

Yesterday I walked up Snowden with the now 20 year old that I had when I was 43. Then we swam in a lake and later had cocktails and a right laugh with other similar friends.

user1471604848 · 03/07/2021 22:57

I'll be 65 when my twins are 18.

My mum was in her 40s having me, and now is a very sprightly 91-year old. To me, having older parents is normal.

Cowbells · 03/07/2021 22:57

@TeenMinusTests

It means you will be going through the menopause when they are a teenager. It's not a great combination.
I thought that, but it really wasn't that bad. Tbh, my temper was way worse before peri and meno, when my hormones fluctuated far more. DC were teens and i was quite tired and run down but there were no tempers flying. It passed all quite calmly.
Campervan69 · 03/07/2021 22:58

Me too op. I'm determined to stay fit and healthy for him (if I have anything to do with it of course)

therocinante · 03/07/2021 22:58

YANBU, OP. It's just a matter of preference, and people are being rude.

I said if I hadn't wanted children by 30 I wasn't having them, because I have young parents and I liked that, and that works for me. A friend of mine is planning to start trying at 38 because she didn't want them before she made director-level in her job and that works for her. I have parents who are the same age as some of my friends, a good friend of mine has a dad who had her when he was 57 and he is now 88. We both love our parents. We are all so different, with different outlooks and energy levels and health needs and priorities and when it comes to having children, no one size fits all.

Enjoy your children and ignore rude people!

pinkstripeycat · 03/07/2021 22:58

My dad was 60 when my brother was born !

Cameleongirl · 03/07/2021 22:59

@MarianneUnfaithful. Exactly. My Dad and I were hill-walking when he was in his 60’s; my Mum was chronically ill at the same age. None of us know what the future holds!

LublinToDublin · 03/07/2021 23:01

61 is most definitely the new 51 Maggiesfarm Grin

letsallbemermaids · 03/07/2021 23:02

I wish you a long and happy life but my dad just died in March at 62. It's unusual but not that unusual. This has been hard at 32. I can only imagine how painful it would have been at 20. But look, there are no guarantees in life and we all just make the best memories we can with the people we love in the time we've got. I won't be having children in my 40s but I say this with all the privilege of someone who met their husband at 18 and has suffered no fertility problems.

coulditbecominghome · 03/07/2021 23:04

It meant that my grandparents died when I was very young. My little brother only ever knew one grandparent. If they were alive

I only knew one grandparent despite my parents having me at 30. SIL was born when MIL was mid 40s, she had 3 gps for yrs.

NK346f2849X127d8bca260 · 03/07/2021 23:07

I have just turned 58 my daugher is 18 in the autumn. I went through the peri menopause when she started her periods, it certainly hasn't been a problem for us.

I keep fit and do more than my younger friends.