To not really care I’ll be 60 when my youngest is 18

[Pinkco]

Why is this relevant?

Will be 42 when I have my last child and people have said the above in incredulous tones.

What am I missing?

Much less chance of them stealing your clothes

Im in my 40's and dc are both primary age. I quite like fashion and oversize is very in just now so the size issue isn't a problem. I also have abnormally small feet. Nothing of mine is safe here!

What an awful thing to say, that you were embarrassed by your father's age

Teenagers are embarrassed by just about everything about their parents. If it wasn’t their age it would be something else.

We have to remember it is not uncommon for people to become pregnant by accident when they are in their forties and they make the best of it. It is often easier if they have older children, they are more up to date with things. Many people live well into their eighties or older.

It's very rude to make comments about her age to a pregnant woman. I cannot imagine doing that and if, for example, my children were curious to ask questions of someone, I would explain the importance of tact and sensitivity.

If someone is pregnant, why try to make them self conscious and doubt themselves? There's no point in that, it is cruel and rude; every pregnant woman, regardless of age, benefits from support and encouragement and it is up to their friends and family to give it.

Congratulations op, may you have a long and happy life.

No don’t care

The menopause/teenagers argument holds no water - I had an early menopause at 40 and my DDs were in their mid teens (because I had them in my 20s). It wasn't that bad! DD2 is 18 and her BFF's mum is 61. She's fab, a brilliant role model and all of her DDs are all very much loved and cared for. It's just a number. I think people are generally younger for longer. Looking at photos of my grandparents in their early 60s, they are elderly. Looking at my parents and inlaws at the same age and they aren't any different to me - clothes, haircuts, makeup.

Oh for goodness sake I never understand these debates. The right time to have a baby is whenever you feel is the right time. There are pros and cons for either side of the debate but at the end of the day the only people affected are you and your children and nobody else needs to have a say. Age does not determine how good of a parent you will be, younger mothers also die prematurely or develop health conditions and you can also go through menopause early. Nobody knows what's waiting for them around the corner so all anyone can do is their life to the fullest in the way that makes them happy.

One person having had wild holidays in their 20s and waiting to have children doesn't make them a better person than someone who chose to start their family young, and equally a person who started their family young is no better than the person who furthered their career first. The nastiness on both sides is unnecessary and ridiculous, as long you are happy with your choices why is there a need to comment on someone else's.

I guess everyone has their own experience @Pinkco and each is valid. 42 is pretty unremarkable these days - congratulations and try not to think about any comments. My own personal experience is was my parents were 41 and 52. As a small kid I used to get teased that my dad was my grandad a lot and I felt embarrassed and they were a bit out of touch (but it’s much more normalised now - I’m mid 30s). They were both dead by the time I had my first child / got married etc and I spent late 20s / early 30s dealing with dementia and death! But maybe I got unlucky !

It's choosy choices, isn't it? I am mid 50s & very grateful to have grown up children and the hard parenting years behind us - just back from a lovely holiday as a couple. OP you obviously have more stamina than us so good for you - enjoy your children, age is just a number, or so they say.

That’s me and my daughter. We’re celebrating by riding halfway across Spain on a week long trek. The brilliant thing about having kids later ( apart from having an extended youth) is that they keep you youthful in body and mind.

I'll be a few weeks off 63 and DH will be 69. I would have been a terrible younger parent but that's not true of everyone. I enjoyed travelling in my 20s and 30s but realise we are doing that less now than our contemporaries who are empty nesters. My Dad was 50 when I was 18 and I thought he was old. I don't think I would have thought differently if he had been 60. We don't have any help with childcare from our parents as they are all elderly but I'm quite glad as I think my Mum would have been telling me how to parent if she had been more involved. We have the financial security to pay for childcare, to set the kids up with house deposits, to pay for our own care if needed etc. That doesn't necessarily come with being older parents but there is maybe a greater chance. DH runs 10k most days. You just don't know when bad health or even worse can hit you at any age.

My youngest turns 18 just before I turn 61. Seems to be going fine for us, she's a teen, we get on well.
I don't see the big deal.
I'll be taking early retirement when she's away at Uni.

Will be 53 when DD is 18, 58 when DS turns 18. I have three friends who've given birth at 42 recently. My DH's mum was 22 when she had him. Sadly she died at 39. Just saying this to show there are NO guarantees about life span. As long as you're healthy and doing your best as a parent, what does it matter?

I do get tired these days with young DC and lockdown adding years on to me...but I will never regret the ages I had my DC at. If I could go back I wouldn't change a thing.

My nana had her youngest at 42 and then passed away at 52. Obviously any of us could get hit by a bus tomorrow but the older you get the more likely ill health becomes. My personal cut off was 30 for that reason.

You can't do anything about it so not worth thinking about

Enjoy it all @Pinkco

We are all different. Some people are old at 35 and others at 80... ignore and live your live to the best for you.

Good luck

@Pinkco

Look after parents in their early sixties

I'm 63 and DC2 is 14, so when she turns 18 I'll be 67. Though I'd welcome some looking after (!), unless something disastrous happens to my health in the next 4 years I won't even be retired.

You do you, OP.

My mother had me at the same age and I wish she hadn’t.

Can you ever think of a man who would have been asked the same? Men having children at age 42 are still considered of a ‘good age’.

And yet there is much more of an argument to say it is natural and healthy to have a child of a woman’s child bearing age - because why would Mother Nature make us able to have kids at age 42 if it wasn’t totally OK health or survival wise?!

This was not uncommon at all in my grandparents age group. All catholics. No contraception. Lots of early 40s babies! And that was when we had worse health outcomes, and lower life expectancy.

Men aged 50 and over on the other hand… even they don’t get raised eyebrows much these days and they will be 70 (at the youngest) when the kids are 18.

@Snowisfallinghere
If you want the honest answer, personally I think YABU
What do you think people's cut off should be? That's open to anyone who agrees with you really. And is that cut off for a first child so if you struggle to conceive for a decade should you stop at the same age?

I actually don’t think there is a right age to have children as there are pros and cons at any age. But I will admit that I did judge someone a few weeks ago who was having a baby at 65 and said (not to their face) that they weren’t thinking about the child. But on reflection just because someone’s younger doesn’t mean they’ll be a more involved parent or live longer.

@Snowisfallinghere

If you want the honest answer, personally I think YABU. I'm 31, my mum is in her 50s, my grandparents are in their 70s, and I still had great-grandparents until I was in my early-20s. I love it this way, and I think it's sad to cut the time children have with their parents and grandparents so short. I know a few young adults whose parents had them in their 40s, and they all wish their parents were younger. So from the kids point of view, I think it sucks to have parents 40+ years older than them.

Posts like this are so shortsighted. People's lives lead different paths for all manner of reasons. Many women don't meet someone or have a suitable relationship in which to have a baby until their 40's. They suffer bereavement, miscarriage, fertility issues, abuse, life tragedies and difficulties meaning they're not in a place to bring a baby into the world until later. They have shit that needs sorting out in their 20's / 30's before they can feel ready and healthy to become a mum. There could be many many reasons. Until you've walked a mile in someone else's shoes then please don't judge.

What matters is how loving the mum is, not her age. Full stop.

My best friend from childhood had her at 42 and she was THE best mum! She was great. She is 72 now and I imagine still a great mum. I'm no longer in touch with my childhood friend but I see her mum about time and I always have fond memories of her mum growing up. The age never impacted on my friend and to be honest none of us (the kids) really noticed.

@DowntonCrabby

Some people just get irrationally offended if others choose to do things differently to how they have, it’s so dull and narrow minded. Ignore and enjoy your pregnancy, congratulations!

Like some of the responses to posters who had children young!!!!

There are advantages to both and if the op has the love, energy and finances to enable her to have a child now then the best of luck to her.

People shouldn’t make disparaging remarks regardless of whether you had a child in your early twenties or forties.

DHs mum was 62 when he was 18, his best friend’s mum was 34. His best friend found it much more embarrassing and his mum always talks about how he was an accident whereas DH was much a wanted baby. I know which I’d rather be.

My nan had my dad at 43 (in ww2) and lived another 50 years. ¯\(ツ)/¯

She had two more after him and all!