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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not really care I’ll be 60 when my youngest is 18

534 replies

Pinkco · 03/07/2021 19:23

Why is this relevant?

Will be 42 when I have my last child and people have said the above in incredulous tones.

What am I missing?

OP posts:
ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 03/07/2021 21:20

It's a personal thing. For me, it would be 40 but I was lucky enough to have a child at 34. If I was still childless at 40, I may well have continued not having a second child beyond 40 isn't for me

How can you possibly know how you would have behaved in the actual situation? This is only a prediction.

I’m sure many people THINK like that. But then life happens. And you can’t always plan your timings perfectly.

RamItBunty · 03/07/2021 21:21

Mick Jagger?Yes it’s amazing what a millionaire septuagenarian can manage

Sleeplessinsaltend · 03/07/2021 21:22

Mil had DH in her teens and her youngest in her 40’s. Her youngest and her have the best relationship. DH remembers a lot of emotional instability, poverty and resentment from her about her lost youth. I have had children at different ages and my three month old is getting the best of my mothering. I’m calmer and more understanding and financially stable. Don’t worry about what other people think OP

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 03/07/2021 21:22

Mick Jagger makes my flesh crawl🤮

Bythemillpond · 03/07/2021 21:23

I look at other people my age who have either older children or didn’t have children and when you talk to them they seem to be so much older than me.

I have actually dropped a few people over the years because they seem to think they are incredibly old.

beigebrownblue · 03/07/2021 21:23

People are weird.
I'm 57. My DD is nearly sixteen.

Why some people seem to think teen years are easier if you are younger I really don't know.

With the benefit of experience and learning, I feel i would have found it more difficult had i been younger...

So, yes, me too when I am 60 my DD will be 19.
So what.

beigebrownblue · 03/07/2021 21:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VienneseWhirligig · 03/07/2021 21:26

When I was a teen, my best friend's parents were in their late 50s and seemed ancient. I think now though that they were unusually old fashioned, because DH was 61 when DS was 18 and definitely not elderly! I actually think my friend's parents were more "elderly" then than my own parents are now. Age is less important than outlook in my opinion.

Imapotato · 03/07/2021 21:26

@Bythemillpond

I look at other people my age who have either older children or didn’t have children and when you talk to them they seem to be so much older than me.

I have actually dropped a few people over the years because they seem to think they are incredibly old.

I think that’s more personality. I’m more or less a teenager along with my teenagers 😂. Im definitely not old for my age because I had kids young. Do I morn my lost youth? No, not really. Would I encourage my kids to have kids young, only if it fitted with their life plans. Each to their own and all that.
nokidshere · 03/07/2021 21:27

I've just turned 60 and my youngest is 19. DH is 68. We didn't really have a choice but, as it turns out, we are great parents and our boys are perfectly happy to hand out with us and their friends. Funnily enough they don't really care how old we are.

malificent7 · 03/07/2021 21:27

Yanbu

Immaculatemisconception · 03/07/2021 21:27

@TeenMinusTests

It means you will be going through the menopause when they are a teenager. It's not a great combination.
You're a barrel of laughs, aren't you?
maddiemookins16mum · 03/07/2021 21:27

They never say it in the same way about Dads I notice.

Maggiesfarm · 03/07/2021 21:28

@Pinkco

So the arguments are

You will die

You may not die but will be old and need care

You will need money

Right!

I don't see what money has to do with it. Most people have more money as they get older.

People can die at any age though I understand that, statistically, the chances are an older parent will not live as long as a younger one.

Many people need care. My mother was older and didn't, she was fine until an aneurysm burst in her abdomen and she died suddenly but she was mid eighties.

My mother in law was ten years younger than my mum but she was very ill and did need care for up to two years before dying. We were happy to look after her with the help of carers and she died in her own home.

Some children need special care. Nobody knows what is around the corner.

FuzzyPuffling · 03/07/2021 21:29

I hated having patents who were older than everyone else's. It just made me feel even more different. My dad had actually taught my friend's dad at school. Embarrassing.

DGFB · 03/07/2021 21:29

Same for me and most mothers I know!

Maggiesfarm · 03/07/2021 21:31

@Blossomtoes

And I don't think I noticed the menopause

Lucky old you, most of us aren’t so fortunate.

I wouldn't say 'most', certainly some are not so fortunate but an awful lot are. They have flushes, get a bit flustered but that's it and it passes. For others there is HRT which is highly recommended on Mumsnet.
MrsMaizel · 03/07/2021 21:32

@Mauhhq

My dad will be 82 when his ds is 18, no you are not too old.
It's not quite the same for a man though is it ? Women bear the physical burden and yes there is menopause as well .
MimiDaisy11 · 03/07/2021 21:32

Ignore them OP. There are positives and negatives to having kids late or early. Also everyone is influenced by their personal circumstances.

I think people saying they couldn’t imagine going through nappy changes or teenage tantrums at such and such an age have already gone through it and don’t want to again. They might have felt differently if they had met their partner later in life.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 03/07/2021 21:33

I know a guy who was that age when his child was born.

RamItBunty · 03/07/2021 21:33

Indeed. No handwringing about old dads
Rod Stewart
Hugh Grant
Mick Jagger

SwimBaby · 03/07/2021 21:34

I found the me menopause hard, well the bit leading up to it when I was late 40’s. Early 50’s has been ok for me, I wish I was one of the fortunate women who sail through it.

Moorelewis · 03/07/2021 21:34

I honestly don't understand what difference it makes whether you are 20, 30 or 40 when you have your children? As long as they are fed, loved and cared for. I do think that both younger and older mothers are judged unfairly though as demonstrated by the comments in this thread. What works for one person, may not for another. Just because you are 40, doesn't mean you don't have the 'energy' or any other ridiculous things I've heard. Equally just because you have your kids young doesn't mean you haven't 'lived' your life.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 03/07/2021 21:35

The only thing I would say is sad is that due to multiple generations of having kids a bit later I have 2 or 3 friends where by the time they have had children, both their parents had already passed away, so their children have no grandparents at all. I think that's sad but rare.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 03/07/2021 21:36

Ramit

Actually tho the guy I know who is a v old first time dad, it's not great tbh. He's never had the energy to really get stuck in and is a pretty detached dad. His younger partner does 90% of the parenting and in all honesty he is more like a grandparent role.