To not really care I’ll be 60 when my youngest is 18

[Pinkco]

Why is this relevant?

Will be 42 when I have my last child and people have said the above in incredulous tones.

What am I missing?

ofgs the healthy life expectancy of a woman in her early 40s is well into the eighties. Lemme guess you think my DH at 75 is in need of a wheelchair. I'll get him one to rest in when he gets back from one of his 20 mile speedwalks.🙄🙄🙄

I love it when people give really extreme example. Obviously the vast majority of 75 year olds aren’t doing 20 mile speed walks, but neither are most of them in need of a wheelchair. MIL is 78, she’s a bit forgetful and has dodgy hip, but essentially she’s fine.

It’s just a fact that as age goes up, so does the chance of health problems. Yes I’ve met some very fit 90 year olds, but on the flip side I’ve met some very frail 60 year olds.

You are more at risk of life changing illness in your 60s than you are in your 30s. That’s a fact. Are most 60 year olds decrepit? no, of course they aren’t. It’s all about statistics and what you are comfortable with. It also has a lot to do with genetics. If your parents were healthy into their 90s then you’re also more likely to be and having a late baby may not seem a big deal. If like me you lost 2 grandparents and an uncle in their 60s, plus your mum having a Stoke at 65, having kids late seems like more of a risk. 🤷‍♀️

Everyone is different.

@RandomCatGenerator not privileged in the sense of having money.

We went without what most people find important (buying a house, having a car car or anything nice, going out) to do it. I’m 41 now and just buying my first (cheap and not in a great place) house because of the choices I made in earlier life to travel. Wouldn’t change that, but it came at a price.

My cut off is 35 (couple of years away).

But if I didn’t have children until later to begin with or it was my first I think my cut off would be around 40-42.

I had older parents and it could be embarrassing when I was at school and it hasn’t worked out well for various other reasons relating to their age.
I had my kids on my early 20s and really enjoy being middle aged with almost adults personally and can’t imagine picking up Alevels as a 60 year old. That’s my own preference though.
I think people are rude to comment either way

Much less chance of them stealing your clothes

Don't bank on it

I've just turned 60 & my DD is 18 & she's still nicking my clothes🥴,

@Blossomtoes

Because two people in hormonal turmoil in the same house at the same time is no fun. Surely it’s obvious?

But average age for menopause is between 45 and 55.

Surely a lot of mums experience menopause while they have teenagers?

The only way to avoid it is having children in your twenties, which isn’t for everyone.

My mum was 32 when I was born, and hit menopause when I was 14. Is he argument she was too old to be a mum at 32? Bonkers.

I'll be 60 when my DD is 18 too. I'm 54 now and going through the menopause as DD is going through puberty. It's absolutely fine! In fact we both laugh at how many hormones are raging around the house. It's actually brought us very close as we both completely understood how the other is feeling.

I was thrilled to have my much longed for baby at 42. I would have loved to have had DD earlier but life doesn't always turn out the way you want it.

People can be very rude and judgey about the age you have your baby. Just ignore! If you want a baby at 42 go for it.

I'm still always amazed at how old people think 60 actually is! As most of us will have to work until our mid 60s before we can even think about retiring, I hope all the nay-sayers are taking their vitamins!

My dad will be 82 when his ds is 18, no you are not too old.
That's a very big age gap, he became a father at 74.
OP 60 is pretty average with an 18 year old. I'll be 53 if I'm still alive.

My youngest will be 16 when I am 60. My oldest DC will be 34. I have a couple in the middle. Not alot I can do about it apart from try and stay healthy

[quote user1498572889]@Pinkco. No the argument is you may die and leave a child who needs your love and guidance and is completely lost without you. But you are pregnant so any arguments against older parents are pointless. I wish you a long and happy life with a beautiful baby. ❤️[/quote]
So when is the cut off then?

[quote user1498572889]@Pinkco. No the argument is you may die and leave a child who needs your love and guidance and is completely lost without you. But you are pregnant so any arguments against older parents are pointless. I wish you a long and happy life with a beautiful baby. ❤️[/quote]
My dad was 30 when I was born. He died at 43. You just never know.

I'll be 56 when my eldest turns 18 and 57 when my youngest turns 18. Oh well. Who knows if I'll live that long anyway? There are no guarantees, and my DP is 15 years older than me, so he'll be in his 70's, but let's be straight here - we could all be hit by a bus tomorrow so what's the point in worrying about things that are almost a lifetime away.

Am I worried - no, not at all. I'm a much better parent than I would have been in my 20's or early 30's and I'm with a partner that I'll spend the rest of my/his life with. Had I had DC to anyone else, they would, quite honestly, have had an asshole for a Dad, as everyone else I dated really was not someone suitable for parenting my children. It took until my late 30's to meet "the one".

My Mum is 69 and in great health, much fitter than me, and could probably keep up with my DC easier than I can. 60 is the new 40 op. You'll do great.

And to whoever felt the need to mention that you'll be 60 when your DC is 18, well sod 'em!! You don't need to ask for permission or approval. You do you, and be happy. Congratulations on your DC op.

@TeenMinusTests

It means you will be going through the menopause when they are a teenager. It's not a great combination.

Some people go through menopause with little difficulty. I did.

I was ten when my mum was having flushes.

So what?

I’ll be 60 when my youngest is 18 and I couldn't care less.

Depressingly it seems when considering when we can have children (like it can be perfectly planned and timed) we have to take into account menopause being compatible with our children’s age and being available to care for our own parents.

@EmeraldShamrock

My dad will be 82 when his ds is 18, no you are not too old. That's a very big age gap, he became a father at 74. OP 60 is pretty average with an 18 year old. I'll be 53 if I'm still alive.

Mick Jagger seems to have managed it.

It's perfectly fine.

I'm exactly that age with an 18 yo DD too & I know 4 others.

It has its ups & downs as parenting any teens do, some teens more so than others. We might be more knackered, but we're also a lot calmer & have a lot more life experience to help us take it all in our stride a lot more so than when we were younger, likely more financially stable, & menopause is likely out of the way too. Lots of plusses, some negatives & it will depend very much on your teen.

Mine is very easy in a lot of ways as she takes her education seriously etc & works hard without any pressure from us. She's a nightmare in other ways though.

They are all so different, I think it's more down to your DCs personality as to how tough it can be, but we're a lot wiser at this age & though it's not a walk in the park, its easier to step back & see them playing up & giving you hell for what it really is, they're struggling to cope with something

@Pinkco

When do the posters who are concerned with my untimely death think the cut off should be, out of interest?

It's a personal thing. For me, it would be 40 but I was lucky enough to have a child at 34. If I was still childless at 40, I may well have continued not having a second child beyond 40 isn't for me.

*but

Mick Jagger seems to have managed it. Doesn't mean it's right or fair on the child. What toddler needs a 76 year old father.

My partner's parents had him (an only child) when they were 43. He's 28 now, they're still around and very fit and healthy, enjoying their retirement to the fullest.

My parents, however, had me and my siblings in their late 20s and my dad died when I was 21 and my sister was 16. There are no guarantees in life, so I wouldn't worry about what's "ideal". Literally any parent could die at any point and leave their kids behind.

@TeenMinusTests

It means you will be going through the menopause when they are a teenager. It's not a great combination.

Menopause at 55-56? 😒

I will be quite honest though and say that when meno symptoms hit me hard at 47, my youngest was only eight and my mum (also quite a late mother) had dementia, and yes, it was shit. Late parenthood is okay but only if you have plenty of (family) support and a good partner.

I wonder if it stemmed from lower life expectancies in previous generations. If people were expected to die by early to mid 70s, that might mean the child is dealing will ill health whilst they are still young, the burden of expensive funeral costs whilst they are potentially still early in their career. Then I guess there is the idea that you might be dead before major milestones like marriages and grandchildren. A friend had to drop out of uni because he mum's dementia got too bad. She was just too young emotionally to deal with that and her younger sibling ran away and didn't speak to their family for years, because she just couldn't handle it. So from that perspective, yes I can see why having a baby in your 40s might raise a few eyebrows.
Nowadays, 60 isn't really THAT old, is it? And advances in medicine and enhanced access to medicine mean that the above doesn't necessarily apply.

So in short, outdated social stigma?

Mick Jagger seems to have managed it.

I don’t think we should be using that old goat as a positive example.

Congratulations on your impending arrival!

60 is far from old, DH will be 59 when our youngest turns 18 yet society seems to be less up in arms because he’s a man .