Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think guests shouldn't go into your bedroom?

226 replies

PixieAndTheToad · 03/07/2021 08:29

Some of my relatives just visited for the first time since before Covid and as usual I closed the upstairs bedroom doors. This time I decided to lock my bedroom door as well.
Within a few minutes of arriving my sister came down from upstairs complaining that the bedroom door was locked and that she wanted to look inside. I told her that I didn't want people going in there, but she just continued to repeat that she wanted to look inside and that she didn't understand why I would stop her. I tried to explain that this was my bedroom and this is a private space, but she just responded like she was entitled to go in there.

My family aren't great with boundaries anyway, which is why I locked it. But I feel like I shouldn't have to, surely if there are closed doors at someone else's house you don't go into that room and have a look about?

She seems to think guests have a right to hangout in whichever room they feel like and that I was unreasonable to not let her in. So I thought I'd take the question to mumsnet.

AIBU to think guests should keep to the communal areas and not look around in other people's bedrooms?

OP posts:
maybloss2 · 04/07/2021 20:16

Hi op, when I visit my rellies, I would only go in their bedrooms if invited. This would be, possibly, to change, to see something special, or to help out in some way, ie when my eldest daughter was ill. My sister has shown me their improvements, but that’s cos she and I both share an interest in how things are done. I like looking at what people have done to their houses, but I don’t think I have a right to see round anyone’s house. I don’t think one should have to go so far as to lock a door to keep people out. So having to do that is by itself a problem.
However I do have doubts about leaving my stepsons over night alone, in our house as I think they’ll invite mates around who will get drunk and wander about, and I don’t trust drunken people, particularly teens to keep to acceptable boundaries. But that’s another whole thread…..😬

Wantthisfriend · 04/07/2021 20:19

Come Dine With Me has alot to answer for. Guests only to into rooms uninvited on there to stop it being boring TV, it's not how guests should behave IRL.

AwkwardSquad · 04/07/2021 20:40

@hedgiehedgehog

Is nobody else wondering about the naked man on the MIL's bed? I can't believe there has been only one comment about it....
Yes, me! It’s the only reason I’ve read the whole thread. I’m feeling quite thwarted!
Lostonthefell · 04/07/2021 21:43

I’d pay for someone to dress as a killer clown and wait in the room for your Sister and jump out! Either that, or lay out the uniform of a vampire high priestess complete with teeth and name badge. I mean really what is she thinking snooping in there!!

Newkitchen123 · 04/07/2021 22:21

Never heard of locking bedroom
But I wouldn't expect someone to go nosing either
Rude

cass5 · 04/07/2021 22:38

So surprised by these answers... If my son has friends over (he is five) often they will be playing upstairs in his room and moving up and down, and I encourage the other child's parents to also go check on them as much as they would like when they go up. The doors of the other rooms are generally open, don't have any problems with them looking in. When it comes to my sister, we float in and out of each other's houses as if we were in our own homes. She is more than welcome to come to my room and we often have chats lying on the bed. It is bizarre for me to have that type of reservation towards one's sister.... Didn't you grow up together?? I am from southern Europe so might be a cultural issue.

Nearly47 · 04/07/2021 22:41

It is your sister! My sisters even look into my nickers drawerGrin . I would never stop them from any corner of my house. But it's your house and your family so you know best I guess

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/07/2021 22:58

I would take myself up to my sisters room but then we both have and respect boundaries. I will go into her dressing room too as I know she is ok with it, she has actually said that I can go in there whenever I want. but.....I stay out of her home office unless she is in there and invites me in. Same with her husbands "man cave", I wouldnt dream of going in there without being asked.

So YANBU as you prefer to keep it private and she should respect that

Anyusernameleft · 04/07/2021 23:01

I have zero interest in friends/relatives personal space in their homes. If they have redecorated & want me to see then I'm happy to follow but otherwise content in kitchen or livingroom...wherever they put me, I'll stay. I do have a friend who is very nosey about interiors of other ppls homes...to the point that she's offended if a walkabout is not offered. And likes to keep up with the Joneses in terms of decor. She'd def be in your room like a flash if she got a chance. If it wasn't to her taste a cohort would learn of it. If better than hers, she'd then be sulky. I just don't get it. Like who really cares unless you have to live there.

winnieanddaisy · 04/07/2021 23:31

I live with my DD and her family and the only reason I ever go into her bedroom is to put her clean washing / ironing on her bed . I've never looked in any of her drawers and if mail addressed to her or DSIL is left lying around the kitchen or any other room I would not read it. They show the same courtesy to me .

sandgrown · 04/07/2021 23:37

@StarlightLady I totally agree with you. When my children were older they also had to knock before coming in! The bedroom was our private space. I would not dream of going in someone else’s unless invited

Blackcat333 · 05/07/2021 00:23

The fact that you have a lock on your bedroom door tells a story. You obviously really value your privacy or simply don't trust your family. No one goes upstairs in my house. One day a friend brought her brat who came in and simply started going up the stairs.( aged 8 or 9) I asked him where he was going and he said, "to look upstairs" 😂 I told him that there was nothing up there that belonged to him, do absolutely not. My friend was quite put out about this and asked me why it mattered!!! In the end I heard a loud scream and then crying. He had gone into the bedroom where one of my cats was sleeping, apparently he thumped her, and she went insane and absolutely ripped the skin on both his arms to shreds. There was blood everywhere. Surprisingly, his mum told him it served him right and sat down to drink her tea whilst passing him the loo paper that he had stolen from my bathroom to wipe his wounds.

The moral of the story is, don't venture uninvited into other people's bedrooms. 😂 😂 😂

JarJarkinks · 05/07/2021 09:23

YANBU - Very strange that your sister is so keen to see your bedroom. No reason to go upstairs if there is a downstairs loo. My MIL refuses to use our downstairs loo ??? and always goes upstairs to the main bathroom - I am sure it is so she can be nosey!

bemusedmoose · 05/07/2021 09:51

I'm with you - bedrooms are your private space, only to be shared if you invite them for a look (new house, redecorated, something to show off..) and that invite is for that one time not an all seasons pass whenever they come unless you say so.

She is completely in the wrong and rude! You just don't go poking around like that an certainly don't complain that the owner of the room has locked it!

My ex husband use to take his mates into our room and i hated it, made me feel like crap. He loved making me upset and knew it was a complete invasion of privacy. I was actually more annoyed at the friends - i mean I knew my husband was a dick but the friends were nice guys and I would have thought would have asked me if it was OK or said no it was weird hanging out in the bedroom when they didn't know me well but they didn't.

I would never lock my sister out, but they sister has the manners not to just snoop around my house and vice versa.

You made the boundary now stick to your guns because if she can force that boundary down she will walk all over it!

hedgiehedgehog · 05/07/2021 13:47

@VerticalHorizon

No Hedgie, just you. State of your mind!
Grin
Tam20779 · 05/07/2021 16:17

@Flowers500

Apparently I’m odd, I’ve never been to anybody’s house without seeing their bedroom 🤣 part of the standard home tour! Even when they’ve had an innapropriate painting or something in there 🤣 like on Come Dine With Me, seeing the bedroom is normal in my view… if my family couldn’t comment on my bedroom storage and the view and what kind of bed I had, they’d feel cheated!
It’s one thing to be invited on a tour of a house, for example when you have just moved in, but to go round someone’s house on your own and without permission is plain rude.
Ritpetit · 05/07/2021 16:33

I had an acquaintance who when we were visiting someone would go upstairs on the pretext of using the loo.She would go around the bedrooms and try and report back what she had found, we shut her of and said that was extreme bad manners. Needless to say she never became a Friend!

HotChocolateLover · 05/07/2021 16:49

That’s so weird!!! I wouldn’t dream of going in someone else’s bedroom at their house, as you said it’s private. I’m sure you don’t want her seeing your sex swing anyway 😂

Blackcat333 · 05/07/2021 22:52

@bemusedmoose

I'm with you - bedrooms are your private space, only to be shared if you invite them for a look (new house, redecorated, something to show off..) and that invite is for that one time not an all seasons pass whenever they come unless you say so.

She is completely in the wrong and rude! You just don't go poking around like that an certainly don't complain that the owner of the room has locked it!

My ex husband use to take his mates into our room and i hated it, made me feel like crap. He loved making me upset and knew it was a complete invasion of privacy. I was actually more annoyed at the friends - i mean I knew my husband was a dick but the friends were nice guys and I would have thought would have asked me if it was OK or said no it was weird hanging out in the bedroom when they didn't know me well but they didn't.

I would never lock my sister out, but they sister has the manners not to just snoop around my house and vice versa.

You made the boundary now stick to your guns because if she can force that boundary down she will walk all over it!

How old was your exhusband? Bit weird going to your bedroom... It's something teenagers do.
UrbanRambler · 05/07/2021 23:17

YADNBU, bedrooms are private and no guest should go into a bedroom unless invited to go there by the occupant.

Well done for having the foresight to lock the door and keep your intrusive family out. It's clear they have no boundaries but don't let their sense of entitlement trump your right to privacy in your own home.

Boxingmum · 06/07/2021 11:49

Hmmmm not one reply from OP, anyone else think this could be a news article soon?? Daily Fail trying to get juicy story's maybe???

Blossomtoes · 06/07/2021 12:03

It’s not very juicy.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 06/07/2021 12:24

Unless they’re very close friends or family, I also think it’s weird when guests expect or ask for a tour of the house.

On the rare occasion it’s happened, I’ve just said, ‘Sorry, no, it’s too messy.’ (Usually the truth.).

Again unless it anyone very close, I’m not interested in a tour of theirs, either, esp. not after we’ve just arrived. FGS just give me a cup of tea/G&T whatever.

crazeelala2u · 09/07/2021 17:00

@Bookaholic73

I don’t think guests should even go upstairs! Certainly not into someone’s bedroom.
This!

The only people allowed upstairs at my house are the people who live there. There's no need for anyone to be in my room, my sister's room, or my daughter's room. Those are our private spaces, our sanctuaries, if you will, and only those who live in our house or who are invited are allowed in to our private spaces.

Youdiditanyway · 09/07/2021 17:04

If you have a downstairs toilet they shouldn’t even be going upstairs, I never invite guests upstairs. If you don’t then of course they shouldn’t be rummaging around in your bedroom en route to the bathroom, it’s creepy!