To think guests shouldn't go into your bedroom?

[PixieAndTheToad]

Some of my relatives just visited for the first time since before Covid and as usual I closed the upstairs bedroom doors. This time I decided to lock my bedroom door as well.
Within a few minutes of arriving my sister came down from upstairs complaining that the bedroom door was locked and that she wanted to look inside. I told her that I didn't want people going in there, but she just continued to repeat that she wanted to look inside and that she didn't understand why I would stop her. I tried to explain that this was my bedroom and this is a private space, but she just responded like she was entitled to go in there.

My family aren't great with boundaries anyway, which is why I locked it. But I feel like I shouldn't have to, surely if there are closed doors at someone else's house you don't go into that room and have a look about?

She seems to think guests have a right to hangout in whichever room they feel like and that I was unreasonable to not let her in. So I thought I'd take the question to mumsnet.

AIBU to think guests should keep to the communal areas and not look around in other people's bedrooms?

It may stem the UK traditionally having small houses, and historically even housing dozens of people in very small properties, so privacy would have been extremely rare.

Once people managed to have a room of their own, I would imagine it became precious and the sense of privacy became important.

Many of us really don't mind showing bedrooms (some do), but we do value respect and for many Brits, we feel you should ask first and not presume.
Of course it still begs the question of why anybody would want to look. If you leave doors open, of course it is fine to look, but you wouldn't step inside to look further. Any looking through an open door would just be incidental.

Nobody is even allowed in my house never mind my bedroom, even my kids dont go in our bedroom.

For those that say 'what are you hiding?' ehh, EVERYTHING lol.

From xmas and birthday presents, my lingerie, our sex draw (condoms, lube, toys etc...), all my infertility medications and devices from the years of TTC, my dead childs ashes and memorial items and thats just the stuff off the very top of my head - all stuff no one else has any right to be anywhere near.

I put a lock on my bedroom door after my oldest son became a teenager.
Sometimes he'd have friends in the house when I wasn't there.
As an older teen he even had parties.

Things went missing.

Now I have a lock on my bedroom door (different house) & when my youngest son is old enough to have people in the house when I'm not there, or if we go away, or if workmen are in the house (another time things have gone missing) I put anything particularly valuable or that I really don't want broken in there & lock it.
Most of those sorts of things are normally in my bedroom anyway.

If it was my sister visiting I wouldn't lock the door, but she's welcome to look through my things just as I am if I'm in her house.

@mam0918

Nobody is even allowed in my house never mind my bedroom, even my kids dont go in our bedroom.

For those that say 'what are you hiding?' ehh, EVERYTHING lol.

From xmas and birthday presents, my lingerie, our sex draw (condoms, lube, toys etc...), all my infertility medications and devices from the years of TTC, my dead childs ashes and memorial items and thats just the stuff off the very top of my head - all stuff no one else has any right to be anywhere near.

That is a hell of a headboard if you are keeping that lot just off the top of your head.

May I advise storage units of some form?

Locks on bedrooms is weird. Actually using it is weirder. But then I guess there must be a massive drip feed coming

@Taliskerskye

Locks on bedrooms is weird. Actually using it is weirder. But then I guess there must be a massive drip feed coming

She's already said her family aren't great with boundaries. Does she really need to go into explicit details about the nature of their behaviour? I mean she's already given the example of when her sister found she can't get into OP's bedroom she complains and argues that she should be let in.

Some older houses with older doors have them fitted as standard.

Some people may live alone and use them as a last line of defence against a potential intruder.

Some people might have sex with someone they do not wish their children to stumble in on, albeit by accident. It isn't weird. Rare, perhaps, but not weird.

YADNBU
Bedrooms should be off limits.
My FIL doesn't get this after 21 years. It does my head in.
And actually my own Mum is worse - she takes photos on her phone so she can show my Auntie & do a forensic analysis of the interior/ my taste/ cleaning habits etc. I only found this out when the kids spotted her doing it! Photos of every bloody room every time she comes. I've given up trying to explain how invasive it is.
I'm the youngest of six kids and my Nan lived with us when we were growing up, so there were 9 of us in a compact space. Absolutely no privacy at all & I think Mum still has that mindset when she comes to mine. 'Go anywhere you like and don't bother knocking' sort of thing. I get really prickly about it but I'll never get her to change so I let it roll over me whilst breathing very deeply.
I don't blame you for locking the door OP!

When showing new guests around the house I don't mind showing them our bedroom and en suite but I wouldn't expect them to let themselves in after that. My SIL and I are very close, we often spend the day watching films in my bed but even she wouldn't just let herself in.

My MIL however has let herself into our bedroom twice 'to tidy and clean it' but really she rummaged through our drawers and wardrobes and went nutty when she found things she didn't like. The second time she went in and found the same things she tried to put them in the bin. We changed all the door handles upstairs to those with locks so we don't have her traipsing around upstairs for no reason.

really she rummaged through our drawers and wardrobes and went nutty when she found things she didn't like

Omg-was she not embarrassed when she owned up how she found them going through your bedroom drawers?!

@PixieAndTheToad YANBU at ALL!

Cheeky feckers. WTF? Why the F does anyone need to go into someone else's bedroom FGS?

I think it’s cultural too

Some ppl expect you to show them the bedrooms

I wouldn’t invite her to the house again. She has no right todo this!

@LemonRoses

I think locking a bedroom door is very odd behaviour. Almost paranoid. What’s not to be seen? My guests can go look if they really want, but it’s never happened without invitation (perhaps to see an outfit for a wedding or borrow mountain gear).

LOL. You are clearly one of the (nosey and intrusive) 2% saying the OP is being unreasonable. What the F has it got to do with YOU if someone locks their bedroom door in their OWN HOME?

It's because of people like YOU that people do it!

We only have locks on shared bathrooms - not on our en-suite. Our bedroom door is usually left open when we aren’t in it; likewise the children’s (they are grown up).

We have a downstairs lavatory and under no circumstances would I expect a visitor who wasn’t staying overnight to go upstairs. There may be occasions when our bedroom door is open and we have guests, them seeing in doesn’t bother me as we have no secrets but I would not expect them to cross the threshold!

I have to lock bedrooms to keep pets who can open the doors out , I don't want visitors in there either no need for them to enter private spaces uninvited I don't care if they are family or not . Your sister clearly thinks she's entitled to enter if she pointed out it was locked

@Guavafish

I think it’s cultural too

Some ppl expect you to show them the bedrooms

And maybe some people are happy to show their bedroom(s) off. But the nosey cow that the OP was on about, tried to go in there to look for herself without being invited or asked.

I'd have thrown her out of my home... Fucking cheek!

I have never had a lock on any internal doors and have lived in around 10 houses. I have never found the need to install locks on bedroom doors and would be intrigued to know why someone thought this necessary.

Normally I would agree, but with this sister it seems justified.
Personally, I might peep in if the door was open, but I wouldn't open a bedroom door, but this sister is cheekier

You think looking in someone's bedroom is ok if the doors open?

Seriously, I don't get the neck of some people who think this is ok.

That is a hell of a headboard if you are keeping that lot just off the top of your head

May I advise storage units of some form

Why, when a lock does the job just as well?

This thread is weird. Stop ruddy snooping where you don't belong FFS.

I'd be mortified if someone said they wanted to look in my bedroom, how intrusive of them

I absolutely love that you locked your door and she moaned and became entitled!!

Nice one, OP!!

Had she seen your house before? I would expect family to see around a house they had not been to but not just a nose on each visit. That would be weird.

It’s creepy and weird.

@FiveShelties

I have never had a lock on any internal doors and have lived in around 10 houses. I have never found the need to install locks on bedroom doors and would be intrigued to know why someone thought this necessary.

Presumably you don't have family members who have no boundaries and feel entitled to look through your stuff and go where they're not invited?

@ZaraW

If it was a random person visiting your house YANBU but it was your sister. And it is weird to lock the bedroom door.

Seems weird to lock a door to prevent your own sister going in. I guess it depends on the sister.