To think guests shouldn't go into your bedroom?

[PixieAndTheToad]

Some of my relatives just visited for the first time since before Covid and as usual I closed the upstairs bedroom doors. This time I decided to lock my bedroom door as well.
Within a few minutes of arriving my sister came down from upstairs complaining that the bedroom door was locked and that she wanted to look inside. I told her that I didn't want people going in there, but she just continued to repeat that she wanted to look inside and that she didn't understand why I would stop her. I tried to explain that this was my bedroom and this is a private space, but she just responded like she was entitled to go in there.

My family aren't great with boundaries anyway, which is why I locked it. But I feel like I shouldn't have to, surely if there are closed doors at someone else's house you don't go into that room and have a look about?

She seems to think guests have a right to hangout in whichever room they feel like and that I was unreasonable to not let her in. So I thought I'd take the question to mumsnet.

AIBU to think guests should keep to the communal areas and not look around in other people's bedrooms?

If it was a random person visiting your house YANBU but it was your sister. And it is weird to lock the bedroom door.

@LemonRoses

I think locking a bedroom door is very odd behaviour. Almost paranoid. What’s not to be seen? My guests can go look if they really want, but it’s never happened without invitation (perhaps to see an outfit for a wedding or borrow mountain gear).

What incredibly niche situations you have offered up

You really can’t get from the OP why they may have chosen to lock their bedroom door? Was it really too subtle for you to understand?

My family aren't great with boundaries anyway, which is why I locked it

It sounds like the OP’s been fighting for privacy their whole life. And the fight continues.

OP, you are so very much not being unreasonable. Your sister is unbelievable.

I don’t even go upstairs when I visit people( except when they don’t have a downstairs loo)
I am close to my sister , but I would never dream of going into her bedroom without her permission and certainly not to nose around.

I don't understand why people would want to look in the bedrooms of others - but at the same time I couldn't care less if anyone wandered into mine and have always thought it weird that people feel so strongly that it is intrusive. I would be more than happy for a family member or friend to go into my bedroom, and have never closed a door to any room.

talked endlessly about her new bedroom and en-suite and what curtains and towels she had bought- even asked my advice on the carpeting-however never asked me upstairs to actually see what she had been discussing with me.

Did you advise against e.g. shag pile? Maybe that had been her dream, and she went ahead anyway, but knew you'd be horrified!

Apparently I’m odd, I’ve never been to anybody’s house without seeing their bedroom 🤣 part of the standard home tour! Even when they’ve had an innapropriate painting or something in there 🤣 like on Come Dine With Me, seeing the bedroom is normal in my view… if my family couldn’t comment on my bedroom storage and the view and what kind of bed I had, they’d feel cheated!

Keep saying no until they realise what the word means. ff's.

Actually learning a lot from this thread, genuinely didn’t realise that some people consider a bedroom to be a super private area. V interesting!

@Flowers500

Apparently I’m odd, I’ve never been to anybody’s house without seeing their bedroom 🤣 part of the standard home tour! Even when they’ve had an innapropriate painting or something in there 🤣 like on Come Dine With Me, seeing the bedroom is normal in my view… if my family couldn’t comment on my bedroom storage and the view and what kind of bed I had, they’d feel cheated!

There it is, the ‘standard home tour’ — is it a British thing? I find it so weird anyone would walk someone around pointing out their grouting and built-in wardrobes, and that guests would have the remotest interest.

We bought a house last year (not UK) and it would never have occurred to me to give visitors ‘a tour’.

NormanStangerson No need for rudeness, is there? I understand perfectly what she said. I think locking bedroom doors is very odd behaviour. I don’t think most people even have locks on bedroom doors.
Who needs a boundary about someone seeing their quilt cover?

Well my brother in law who we see rarely charged around the house looking in all the bedrooms twice when he came over. Once when we were about to move house and the bedrooms were a total state. I was so embarrassed. It was just SO rude.

I’m also wondering if I disappointed British people whose houses I visited when I lived in the UK by failing to ask for a tour, if this is genuinely what homeowners expect and enjoy!

How does it work, though? If a new friend asked me and some other people around for dinner, am I meant to ask to see the house, even if the hosts are cooking and pouring drinks and everyone else is horsing into the wine at the table? Or do you wait for the hosts to offer? Or is it an after-dinner thing?

Why would anyone feel they have the right to see someone's bedroom!
So nosey.
I don't like people looking in mine as they may see my knickers in the laundry basket 😂

@Faranth

Many years ago, when I still lived with my DPs, they had a big house party.

I popped upstairs for something or other, and discovered 2 not particularly close friends not only in my DPs bedroom (next to the bathroom, there was a queue) but actually going through DMs wardrobe and drawers

I immediately told DM who was very clear with them that she was not happy. They were completely bemused that she didn't want them (literally) going through her underwear.

WTAF is wrong with people

Too much Come Dine with Me. People think it is normal to have a nose around.

Locking your bedroom door is weird

@LemonRoses

NormanStangerson No need for rudeness, is there? I understand perfectly what she said. I think locking bedroom doors is very odd behaviour. I don’t think most people even have locks on bedroom doors. Who needs a boundary about someone seeing their quilt cover?

I keep decent chunks of cash that doesn't belong to me behind a locked bedroom door. If that was your cash would you be happy just anyone being able to wander in?

Sometimes people who have been accustomed to living in small dwellings such as a 'room and kitchen' (Glasgow) do not regard any rooms as private spaces.

You can tell who the nosey buggers are on this thread anyroad

What an odd thing to do!

if you have had massive work done and talked about it then the tour or asking to see the result I think is fine, if its not bedrooms and the people are good friends. Other than that its a no from me, its a definite no letting people in my bedroom and its an eff no if I have locked the door.

I would never wander into someone's bedroom unless invited

@Macncheeseballs

Locking your bedroom door is weird

no its not if CF's are going to barge in

I once had a school mother invite herself in when collecting her child (I'm trying to cook the dinner) and proceed to open kitchen cupboards up and ooh and aah about them before heading off down the corridor to the bedrooms.... first time I'd met her! What on earth possesses people to investigate another person's house in such detail?

I'd lock the front door next time

Your sister is a twat.

If it was close family I really wouldn’t care. Assuming we all got on well, that is.
For anyone else, I would agree - I def. wouldn’t do it.

Someone who certainly wasn’t close family was staying when I left at about 8 am to drop dds off for the school bus. As I came back in the car, I saw her very clearly through the upstairs window, exiting our bedroom in her dressing gown!

TBH I was more amused than anything. Of course I didn’t say anything - she was nice, but evidently couldn’t resist a good old nose.