To think guests shouldn't go into your bedroom?

[PixieAndTheToad]

Some of my relatives just visited for the first time since before Covid and as usual I closed the upstairs bedroom doors. This time I decided to lock my bedroom door as well.
Within a few minutes of arriving my sister came down from upstairs complaining that the bedroom door was locked and that she wanted to look inside. I told her that I didn't want people going in there, but she just continued to repeat that she wanted to look inside and that she didn't understand why I would stop her. I tried to explain that this was my bedroom and this is a private space, but she just responded like she was entitled to go in there.

My family aren't great with boundaries anyway, which is why I locked it. But I feel like I shouldn't have to, surely if there are closed doors at someone else's house you don't go into that room and have a look about?

She seems to think guests have a right to hangout in whichever room they feel like and that I was unreasonable to not let her in. So I thought I'd take the question to mumsnet.

AIBU to think guests should keep to the communal areas and not look around in other people's bedrooms?

I find it odd that you wouldn’t want your own sister in your bedroom. Me and my sister go in each other’s rooms all the time. See what’s new, follow the kids up there. I can understand if it was someone else but your sister?!

You've said you personally don't mind people rooting around in your bedroom

I haven’t. You’ve just made that up. You do know this is AIBU?

Okay so I am her! I am so incredibly nosy, not to the point of actually going into rooms but a quick glance in and it’s just because I love seeing how other people live, proper people watcher. No way in hell I’d complain about it being locked 😂

@Whycantibeapuppy

Okay so I am her! I am so incredibly nosy, not to the point of actually going into rooms but a quick glance in and it’s just because I love seeing how other people live, proper people watcher. No way in hell I’d complain about it being locked 😂

But what would looking in someone’s bedroom tell you about ‘how other people live’, unless you think their duvet cover, or the fact that the left their pants on the floor, is significant?

Honestly, elements of this thread remind me of my unlamented aunt, known as Nosy Nora, who worked as a cleaner (as far as I can gather) purely in order to give rein to her desire to go through other people’s drawers and bathroom cabinets — she was particularly fascinated by contraception and prescription drugs indicating a medical conditions.

No way should guests ,family or not , expect access to your bedroom. I agree it’s extremely rude .

My MIL took photos on her phone of my bedroom when we first moved in. She also took photos of my mums new flat unbeknownst to her. I only found this out when I saw her showing them to her sister at a family meal. She has no boundaries!!

How odd. People only go into my bedroom by invitation. Usually if they are a good friend staying the night!!!!

Too much come dine with me and living life on social media. Breeds cf/sense of entitlement. Having boundaries may be old fashioned but the right to each person's specific privacy should be respected.

@Blossomtoes

MN is the weirdest place. Our bedroom doors are never shut. What on earth have you all got in there that’s unfit for anyone else to see?

Maybe they have a bed like Tracey Emin's?

Fook I! Your sister's neck must be made of brass. Absolutely the rudest thing on earth, to poke around in someone else's house. I'd not only be outraged, I'd ensure the person/people were never invited back again. Never mind that she's your sister - in your home, she's in the position of guest. Meet her/your family on neutral ground in future - or put locks on ALL your doors!

I can't believe some previous posters think this sort of invasion of privacy is acceptable.

I stayed at my brother and sis in laws house dog sitting for a week on my own it never once crossed my mind to look in the other bedrooms,I had no need or business looking.
I even felt awkward opening the kitchen cupboards to find the mugs

Is nobody else wondering about the naked man on the MIL's bed? I can't believe there has been only one comment about it....

No Hedgie, just you.
State of your mind!

Your sister is scarey nuts - and this is utterly unacceptable, abusive and disrespectful to you - I don't blame you for locking your bedroom door, I wouldn't want someone like this in my house at all tbh - don't invite her again she has a sinister agenda

@DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou

Only on Mumsnet do sisters demand to look in a bedroom.

Never in the real world would this occur.

Unless of course your sister is 10?

I found my Mum in our en suite! Since the family bathroom was directly opposite the room she was sleeping in and there is a downstairs loo there was no reason for her to be in there, apart from snooping!

@gamerchick

Nobody is allowed upstairs in my house point blank but I lock the bedrooms that have a lock anyway when people are over.

if you have to lock bedrooms when you have people over, you might want to consider the type of people you have over and keep better company

I can understand those who say they let their own sisters go in their bedrooms. My sister is always welcome in mine if she visits. If I’m cooking, for example, l might even ask her to pop in there to get something.

But my sister and l are close and confide in each other. The OP’s sister sounds like someone who would lift your dress up to see if you had any knickers on! 😂

I find it odd that so many are asking 'What have you got to hide?" I've thought of a few things people might have that are nobody else's business:

Bank statements
Bills (in fact, any official paperwork)
Personal letters
Journals
Medications
Contraceptives
Personal writing or artwork that isn't for public consumption

And even if you don't have anything particular to hide, you still don't have to allow CFs into your bedroom. Adults should respect the privacy of other adults, whatever their relationship.

We had a house-warming house a few months after we moved in and invited the street. We offered a 'self-guided' tour of the house which all our neighbours went for - a totally understandable level of neighbourly nosiness.

Beyond that, I wouldn't expect a guest to be in our bedroom unless they had a reason to be there or had asked to look around the house. It's not that we have anything to hide, it's just a bit weird.

if you have to lock bedrooms when you have people over, you might want to consider the type of people you have over and keep better company

I don't live in a NT social world. The vast majority of my crowd have kids with various degrees of SEN. I could elaborate on the various disabilities and what goes with that day to day, but I doubt you would understand.

Or should I ditch these friends because their children have various difficulties?

Family members I would have no problem with going in my bedrooms. Other guests not so much

Bedrooms are private havens. Don’t blame you for locking it away from your nosy sister. I had builders in who had to go into my bedroom. Bed unmade. Made me feel weirdly awkward!

Ours isn’t a “private haven”. It’s where we sleep and keep our clothes.

@Blossomtoes - It’s also where l keep emergency cash, condoms, diary, some personal photos, various financial docs and the clothes include my underwear. None of which l want people going through without my consent.

It doesn't matter if someone else's bedroom isn't their private haven, it's understanding that it might be for someone... thus not to go wandering into people's rooms without a thought for their privacy, in their home!

Take the MIL who had a naked man in her bedroom... had people wandered into some of the other rooms, they have discovered the others!