To think guests shouldn't go into your bedroom?

[PixieAndTheToad]

Some of my relatives just visited for the first time since before Covid and as usual I closed the upstairs bedroom doors. This time I decided to lock my bedroom door as well.
Within a few minutes of arriving my sister came down from upstairs complaining that the bedroom door was locked and that she wanted to look inside. I told her that I didn't want people going in there, but she just continued to repeat that she wanted to look inside and that she didn't understand why I would stop her. I tried to explain that this was my bedroom and this is a private space, but she just responded like she was entitled to go in there.

My family aren't great with boundaries anyway, which is why I locked it. But I feel like I shouldn't have to, surely if there are closed doors at someone else's house you don't go into that room and have a look about?

She seems to think guests have a right to hangout in whichever room they feel like and that I was unreasonable to not let her in. So I thought I'd take the question to mumsnet.

AIBU to think guests should keep to the communal areas and not look around in other people's bedrooms?

I normally keep the clothes horse in my bedroom, and it's inevitably ends up having either mine or DC's under crackers on it when guests are over. For this reason I always close my bedroom door, definitely don't want people poking around my underwear.

But we also have a family member who disregards closed doors and thinks every area of the house is fair game. I've wanted locks for years but DH doesn't like locks on internal doors. FWIW it's his family member that always goes nosing around.

It’s rude to nosey around unless invited! MIL had form (found her going through my bank statements and dr letters in the study which was upstairs (I’d deliberately closed the door). She looked rather sheepish. I was gobsmacked - asked her what she was doing and she mumbled away.

No locks. Otherwise you bet I’d of been using them after that. It explained a lot about how she knew things.

After that I used to leave a message saying ‘fuck off nosey parkers’ in massive letters on my desk when they were staying. DH didn’t like it - but as I pointed out the door was closed, and they wouldn’t see it if they weren’t having a nose where they shouldn’t be. Nothing was ever said, but I’m 100% sure she saw it.

That is a hell of a headboard if you are keeping that lot just off the top of your head
May I advise storage units of some form

Why, when a lock does the job just as well?
This thread is weird. Stop ruddy snooping where you don't belong FFS.

Exactly @gamerchick

As if 'storage' is going to stop the cheeky fucker who barged into someone's bedroom from snooping. They opened the door to a private room in someone else's house, they're sure as shit going to be opening drawers / cupboards. Anyone with any decorum wouldn't be going into someone bedroom anyway, so once in it would be a free for all for these nosey twats, drawers or no drawers.

I think you missed the joke...

She said that lot was off the top of her head... to which the joke was 'was it all resting over the headboard?''.... top of her head...

I'm wasted her!

*here

I woudn't go into anyone's bedroom as I consider it private space, unless I am invited in to see new decoration or something.

I've just thought that if I visit and the loo is upstairs I always ask to use it, but I don't if it's a downstairs one.

YANBU! Especially as you'd locked it: a clear sign that it was private. It's extremely rude to nosey about in someone else's home, especially if they've made it clear that somewhere is private.

I'm wasted here!

I enjoyed the Pierce Brosnan one

@category12

I'm wasted here!

I enjoyed the Pierce Brosnan one

tips hat accordingly

In many years of dog-sitting in peoples houses, I can honestly say I have never gone into their bedrooms, other than my own. Studies too are off-limits AFAIC, unless specifically invited to, ie to use a printer or use their library. Would never occur to me to be that fucking nosey!

Now I'm curious about a dog sitter wanting to use the printer...

do tell!

When you first move in to a new place or following a significant refurb and at the owner's invitation.

I know growing up, if I was at a friend’s house, it was just common knowledge that parents’ bedrooms were off limits. So I did find it disconcerting when a dc’s friend just wandered into mine! I don’t know if it’s individual or generational or location based (I’ve moved around a bit). But personally I still feel bedrooms are off limits unless you’re explicitly invited.

The only time I would expect someone to go in our bedroom would be

1 when I have newly moved and they were having a look around the new house
2 tradesman ie painter or plumber to do work
3 estate agents & viewers when property is up for sale
4 removals firm
5 emergencies

Nothing in there to hide just we like to keep it a private space

Your sister is pushing boundaries

When my ex and I were separating but still living in same house he put a lock on his bedroom door. I don’t know if he thought I was going to attack him ! I later found out from comments he made that he had been through the bedroom I slept in searching for personal stuff .

YANBU, you should never go into anyone’s bedroom unless invited.

I’ve realised that my DM has no boundaries and when she would stay with DH and I she would use our bedroom as her own personal dressing room - despite the guest bedroom being well-equipped with everything a guest would need include wardrobe, mirror and hairdryer etc. But no, she’d bring all her stuff into our room and kneel on the floor on front of the mirror in her bra and knickers and do her hair and makeup for an hour at a time, then get dressed in there too.

DH didn’t know where to look, couldn’t even get dressed or use our own bedroom. I had to forcibly tell her several times this was MY/OUR bedroom and her room was for her use. She was furious and had a massive strop. Seems obvious now that she was trying to mark it as her territory as she was not happy that I had got married and she was no longer the centre point in my life.

MN is the weirdest place. Our bedroom doors are never shut. What on earth have you all got in there that’s unfit for anyone else to see?

There was another thread about guests wanting to go into the bedrooms of the hosts that they were visiting - in this case it was the BiL of the host -
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4252971-bil-in-bedrooms

I don't get why people are soooo nosy (and that's all I can put it down to, being nosey) that they have to or want to see what the master bedrooms are like.

You were not being unreasonable @PixieAndTheToad to lock your bedroom door. YOU decide, no one else, who gets to see in your bedroom and you decide who gets to GO IN TO your bedroom!

Cheeky feckers the lot of them!

@FuckUcuntychops

Your sister is a twat.

A rude twat.

NO ONE has any right to go into your bedroom and she needs to be told to F off.

Why have people like this in your home.

People going upstairs is very rude, even family.

Why would ANYONE, even family think they have a right to wander into bedrooms.

Really bizarre and very rude.
Not normal.

Very sensible move to lock your bedroom door. I appreciate that you should both have to but here we are.

I'd tell her I kept a young man chained up in there and didn't want him frightened any more.

@Blossomtoes

MN is the weirdest place. Our bedroom doors are never shut. What on earth have you all got in there that’s unfit for anyone else to see?

im wondering that as well , what is so sacred and precious about a bedroom that no one can see it , iv got nothing to hide , anyone that comes in the house can freely wander into mine and make what they will of my bed festooned with my plushie rabbits and fleeces in disarray lol

I’m with you, people should only go in bedrooms if invited. My MIL also massively oversteps boundaries, and I once caught her rifling through my knicker drawer!! When I asked her if she “had an accident” and needed to borrow a pair of my pants, she got very angry and said I was very rude. I then pointed out that this would be the only acceptable reason for her rifling through my pants, and even then she should ask my permission before taking them!! Now every time she visit she harps on about feeling unwelcome, the cheeky bi*ch!

I dunno how people can post "what's to hide" in the same thread as in-laws rifling through people's knicker drawers.

It isn't about what they might actually see or not, it's about manners and decency.
You just don't wander through people's homes full stop, but bedrooms have a specific level of privacy that many are happy to forego - and that's fine, but you should at least recognise that others do still prefer it to be private.

Some people don't like being walked in on (even by partners) when they're on the loo. Others don't mind. Same with having a bath etc.

Just err on the side and privacy and you'll not go wrong. If you assume privacy doesn't matter, then you're going to upset folks quite rapidly.

Some people don't like being walked in on (even by partners) when they're on the loo. Others don't mind. Same with having a bath etc

Because that’s exactly the same as someone seeing an empty room.