To think guests shouldn't go into your bedroom?

[PixieAndTheToad]

Some of my relatives just visited for the first time since before Covid and as usual I closed the upstairs bedroom doors. This time I decided to lock my bedroom door as well.
Within a few minutes of arriving my sister came down from upstairs complaining that the bedroom door was locked and that she wanted to look inside. I told her that I didn't want people going in there, but she just continued to repeat that she wanted to look inside and that she didn't understand why I would stop her. I tried to explain that this was my bedroom and this is a private space, but she just responded like she was entitled to go in there.

My family aren't great with boundaries anyway, which is why I locked it. But I feel like I shouldn't have to, surely if there are closed doors at someone else's house you don't go into that room and have a look about?

She seems to think guests have a right to hangout in whichever room they feel like and that I was unreasonable to not let her in. So I thought I'd take the question to mumsnet.

AIBU to think guests should keep to the communal areas and not look around in other people's bedrooms?

That's so weird, I wouldn't expect any visitor to go upstairs in my house unless they were staying overnight and then they'd wait to be invited up

I had an awful experience is regards to this...
We spent a weekend helping MIL decorate her bedroom. Went back next weekend and I thought I'd pop head around the bedroom door to see how she'd finished it off... there was a naked man on the bed!! Not sure who was more freaked out, me or him. Quickly left after without mentioning it to her.

Thinking of my closest friends, the only bedroom I’ve seen is the one who asked for my opinion on paint colours, and then when I stayed I was in there with her chatting. I don’t know how many other friends bedrooms I’ve actually been in! (As an adult - different when we were teens In family homes)
Likewise family - if I go to my parent’s or sister’s house or any extended family, I don’t just wander into bedrooms.

I agree OP, they are private spaces. We aren’t kids any more who hang out in our rooms. There’s nothing even particularly dodgy in my room, but it’s the room where I’m “me” the most - it’s my private space.

Being determined to enter someone’s room is outright strange. I agree with you OP.

went back next weekend and I thought I'd pop head around the bedroom door to see how she'd finished it off... there was a naked man on the bed!!

[grin} Ha!

I would never look in someone's bedroom unless they had specifically asked me to pop in to get something for them or they were giving me a tour of the house. The only time I would offer a tour of my house is for family members who were seeing it for the first time or if I had completed renovations. Otherwise I would expect people to stay out of my bedroom. It's my private space, it's not always as tidy as the entertaining areas and there is simply jo reason other than pure nosiness for someone to go in.

@cushioncovers

It's not random guests though it's your sister. I'm not condoning her behaviour but why do you need to lock the door when your sister visits?

Presumably because her sister has form for snooping

OP your sister is weird with no boundaries. Normal people do not go snooping. It's a horrible invasion of privacy, well done for standing your ground.

I'd be tempted to address in future invites exactly which rooms she is invited to be in and when/what for, but that's petty

Giving guests (including family), the full tour is surely restricted to their first visit after you move in and are excitedly showing off the new place? Or maybe if you’ve redecorated or something?

Anything other than that without invitation is just fucking weird.

Snooping is absolutely a no no but a sister admiring different rooms in your home if you've decorated or recently moved would be fine with me. The op doesn't say what crossing the boundaries is.

Adult family don't go wandering around other family's bedrooms. What purpose is there to it?
Sure, you might nip to a loo without asking, because you are familiar and beyond the stage where you need to ask, but bedrooms?

@Bookaholic73

I don’t think guests should even go upstairs! Certainly not into someone’s bedroom.

Well, if there's only one toilet it's usually upstairs! And if they're staying over, they may be sleeping upstairs as well!

@LemonRoses

I think locking a bedroom door is very odd behaviour. Almost paranoid. What’s not to be seen? My guests can go look if they really want, but it’s never happened without invitation (perhaps to see an outfit for a wedding or borrow mountain gear).

Normally I would agree, but with this sister it seems justified. Personally, I might peep in if the door was open, but I wouldn't open a bedroom door, but this sister is cheekier.

"Entrance halls are public property, with lounges/ living rooms being reserved for those we know well. Bedrooms gradually became private spaces where guests didn't enter. That has persisted until today, with the majority of people accepting the unspoken 'privacy rules.'
So, your sister is being intrusive if she expects to be invited into a private space."

Yes and no. We don't visit people in their bedrooms unless they're ill, but it's common to leave coats in a bedroom at parties.

Some years ago a friend from work visited and went upstairs to use the bathroom. While she was there she had a nose around - I knew she was up to something because she flushed the loo so had apparently finished, but didnt come back for ages. When she did it was "oh whats in that intriguing locked box on the landing window sill?". There had been no box there. We went to look and there was grandmas jewellery box which she had moved tjere from my bedroom!! I should have called her out on it but was so stunned that she thought I wouldn't know she had moved it (I lived alone). I just told her they key was lost so it was a family mystery!! Partly true. Key was lost but I knew how to get in and knew exactly what was in there!!
Needless to say I never asked her round again!!

My mum is like this. Thinks once she steps in my house she has a right to do whatever she wants, even when I specifically say, don't go in my room, or, please don't load the dishwasher (she has past form for smashing stuff in it when she slams the door or putting in precious things that are hand wash only and wrecks them). I don't get it. I also had a very bossy friend that thought that me saying "please don't go in that room as it;s my bedroom" was funny and she just went in anyway (she's the same friend who ignored me when I said "no, you don't need to bathe my kids, I'm fine" then dumped water over their heads and faces when I went to grab another towel, because she thought she knew best or something I guess?

I think locking a bedroom door is very odd behaviour. Almost paranoid

I think people like you just love coming on mn to deliberately try and make people feel bad.

Depends, have you just moved in or told her you recently decorated? Otherwise cheeky or what

But who has locks on bedrooms???

Your sister is very weird! But is it not also weird to have locks on bedrooms unless your in a shared student house?!

My mum does this and it drives me fucking wild. Nosy AF. She looks in my wardrobes, too. I haven't anything to hide but I don't want her going through my stuff. Same for anyone else!

@motogogo

But who has locks on bedrooms???

People, whose family are boundary-crossing and dysfunctional, generally. Of course OP might have her own oddities and have no reason to put a lock on other than paranoia, but I'd lean toward the former.

Er no, your bedroom is your private space.

Gosh where to start with this?! Why does your sister even want to go in your room, that is the weirdest part . I am very close to my siblings and we've all seen each others bedrooms loads of times for various reasons - in fact I've been in my DB's quite frequently as my DD often likes to go in there and he's fine with it and sometimes I go to his house and work there and when I do that it's in his bedroom if he's out because he has a good workspace there - which again he's fine with. However none of us would ever have any interest in just randomly wandering around each others bedrooms and what, inspecting each others stuff? What does your sister even want to do in your room? So weird. I sometimes close our bedroom door when we've got guests too but mainly because it's a tip and I feel embarrassed but it's never occurred to me that anyone would be at all interested in actually venturing in and looking around anyway tbh.

im not actually english although i have lived in this country a long time and so had my mum and in our country we dont close doors to our houses upstairs or down ,even if people come over , i dont get the big deal about having someone see in your bedroom , but then as my mum had said for years and i have to say i agree with her english people are weird and uptight about stuff

@bonfireheart so had your dmil come downstairs to let you in and not mentioned the naked man?
Or did you have a key and let yourself into the house?

@motogogo we have locks on our bedroom doors, they were already here when we moved in.
We very rarely lock a door but sometimes guests like to lock their bedroom door.
What I have never told them is that every lock and key is identical so not very useful.