To think most women want to get married?

[RosieGuacamosie]

Idle and inconsequential conversation with a female (very feminist if that’s relevant) friend where I said that I think most women want to get married (especially when children are involved), be it for financial/romantic/other reasons.

She disagrees and pointed out 45% of babies are born outside marriage these days and that women are just as likely to be the high earner and are therefore disincentivized to marry. Also pointed out that the majority of the population have limited assets, so even if there’s as divorce as opposed to a separation, the wife still ends up with the square root of fuck all.

No axe to grind as I am neither married nor have children

Yabu - most women aren’t bothered
Yanbu - the majority of women still want to marry

Most do I believe. I don’t and never have but now I’m pregnant I would consider it if it is in the best interest of my child if we split. As it is I am the homeowner so I am not sure if it even is? My partner will be earning the majority whilst the child is young so maybe it is?

Most people I know who didn't get married before having babies vaguely intended to eventually but just didn't get round to it or felt pressured/wanteda big wedding they couldn't afford yet. Not sure if that's typical though. I'm approaching 40 and when we were in our 20s me andmy friends did generally want to get married. It wasn't our life goal but it was part of a larger plan.

Well this MN, so no one should ever consider getting up the duff without being married.

I wanted to get married before having kids. I don't think many people fully understand the legal consequences of not being married until its too late unfortunately.

I’m the high earner. I have teenager children. I have no particular interest in getting married.

Not married, by choice. Some of my friends are also not married by choice. A couple always felt strongly they wanted to be married and certainly before kids. Most of the others weren’t bothered but were proposed to and at that point were sort of swept up by their partner’s desire to “do things properly”. In no way have most of the women I know wanted to marry and/or been the driver of marrying.

Been with dp 20 years never had any desire to get married,I told him at the start he shouldn’t ever ask me cause I’ll say no,it’s just never been a goal for me.I didn’t grow up around many married people though so maybe that’s why.

Actually I don’t know anyone in my circle or at school who married before children. I think most people o know wanted to be married. I’m not married anymore and I have no interest whatsoever in being married again: I can’t see the point as an independent financially secure woman not planning any more children.

I mean who didn’t get married before children. I genuinely don’t know anyone who had children before being married!

Civil partnership all the way here. Marriage certificates only allowed space for the couples’ fathers’ name until last month (no mothers!) Sexist institution, I reckon.

Interesting one. Officially, I couldn't give two hoots and its all about the quality of the relationship. But insidiously, by my late 40s, I was exhausted by owning that space against a very different normal and just wanted to be one of the married ones for a break. Reader, I got married (kept my name) and still feel the relief of not having having an invisible question mark over me in public encounters. Interestingly being married has made me stick at a relationship that would otherwise have been a memory by now. There is a power on being normal, even for nonconformists.

I on the other hand come from family and a friend circle where getting married is the norm and everyone I know got married before having DC.

If I did get married I would elope also. The thought of a wedding is not me at all. That’s almost the worst part of it. But also I just sadly do not believe in ever lasting love. Nobody in my family has had a successful marriage it always ends in tears.

Like a pp, civil partnership over here. Purely cold financial reasons due to life circumstances having limited my earning power / impact on pension etc.
If not available for heterosexual couples wouldn't marry instead.
The history of it is far too marred in sexism and ownership of women. Just no way I could morally be ok with it.
And I've always felt this way.

I don’t think just women. I think most men and women do. But I agree with pp not everyone wants a wedding.

I had kids to an ex ( not married) before I met someone else and got married. I was never that fussed about being married and never saw it in my future, but all that changed when I met someone I wanted to be with forever.

You only need to see the amount of women on here that are waiting, sometimes for years, for their partners to propose. They'll have children, but a house but won't get married. Yes most women do. Not all, but most.

Onemoreforextra that’s interesting about marriage helping you stick at the relationship. I do believe it, I hear it a lot, but I also honestly believe having to “choose” to stay together as an unmarried couple rather than just being married to each other has similarly kept my own relationship going.

The majority of people get married at some point in their lives so presumably yes, most do want to marry.

My fiance cares more about the wedding than I do. So I think some men find it important, but in my circle of friends, I am the only one of the girls who hasn't been the one pushing to get married. So I agree OP. Generally, women find it more important, and I would say it's for security (real or perceived) more than for a big day.

I wanted to get married & am happy however I would be very careful if I was ever in the position to get married again as financially I wouldn't want to risk losing money.

I have never wanted to get married; I opted for a civil partnership as soon as it was legal for Hetero couples.

Legal protection without all the baggage of a marriage. We have twins and an older DC together.

We have sweet FA in assets though so that was never an issue

I couldn't have children and decided at the age of 15 that I would never get married. I had short as well as a couple of long term relationships but never married. I'm now in my 70s and as unlikely as it is that I would now be asked, the answer would still be no.

I think you'll get very answers to this question based on the demographics of the women you're asking.

Most unmarried women under the age of 40: maybe true.
Most women who earn less than their partners or want to stop working after kids: almost certainly true.
Most women who have been married once already: certainly not true.
Most women who earn more than their partners: most definitely not true.

Marriage is hugely oversold and most women feel under huge social obligation to get married. Once they've realised how badly it short-changes women the scales are likely to fall from their eyes. And once they're older and wiser, have been around the block and particularly if they are financially secure, I think women would have to be mad to put themselves through it again.

I also think that younger women these days (millennials and younger) are refreshingly savvy about it compared to older women and can see through the Disney lustre. And praise be for that.

I've been with dp for 33 years and have 2 adult children.
I have never ever wanted to be married.
We have shared finances.
The children have my surname.
It's just not something I've ever wanted to do.
I'm always bemused by wedding vows and the cost of the wedding.
Each to their own but it's not for me

I don’t and never have but I think most women do. Not always because they want to but just because they think it’s the norm and it’s what should happen.