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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

does this sound like a rubbish wedding?

149 replies

weddingquestion12 · 02/07/2021 10:40

name change as probably outing.

i’m wanting to get married next year but our budget is pretty low. tbh even if our budget wasn’t low i can’t see us being the big fancy wedding type as we’re both a bit awkward in settings like that.

we’ve agreed on ceremony at the registry office - 50 guests allowed (hopefully). followed by hiring out a bar and just having a sort of evening party with a buffet.

a relative has said it’s your wedding day you should be doing something nicer than that. are they right?

OP posts:
Stichintime · 02/07/2021 10:42

That's exactly the kind of wedding I'd have!

Chocoqueen · 02/07/2021 10:43

Not at all, I think it sounds like a lovely day. Ignore your relative, it's your wedding day so you should do what you like.

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/07/2021 10:44

Do you want 50 guests? If not don’t have them. We had 12 and it was perfect. Low stress, low cost, meaningful, memorable and wouldn’t change a thing.

Smartiepants79 · 02/07/2021 10:44

Well, seeing as it’s YOUR wedding day and all, I think you have what you want.
There’s not reason why that shouldn’t be a lovely celebration.
Pick the venue carefully and make sure there’s enough decent food and (at least access to) enough drinks and it’ll be great!

DustyMaiden · 02/07/2021 10:44

You should do what you both want to do. It’s your day, your life.

Shoxfordian · 02/07/2021 10:45

Sounds good to me

Sciurus83 · 02/07/2021 10:45

No it sounds fab! Getting married is special, the pleasure of being with you on such an important day is what is special. All the other stuff is nice if you want it but it's not necessary

ClippettyClop · 02/07/2021 10:46

It sounds lovely! Your relative may just be worried that you're not having what you really want.

Sciurus83 · 02/07/2021 10:46

Also this sounds like perfectly normal wedding to me!

Sparklesocks · 02/07/2021 10:46

It sounds lovely, and you can do whatever you choose on your day. That person isn’t marrying you so their view doesn’t matter. The most important things at weddings are having people you love there, and everyone getting fed and watered in some way - everything else is up to you!

ApolloandDaphne · 02/07/2021 10:47

You do what his right for you. Your plans sound lovely.

MaggieFS · 02/07/2021 10:47

Definitely not rubbish! Just make sure you do what you can within what you can afford. If having all 50 is the most important thing, then what you've described is perfect. If secretly you'd really prefer a sit down meal, cut the numbers. Do not do anything because someone else thinks you should!

Original poster
weddingquestion12 · 02/07/2021 10:47

@Sparklesocks

It sounds lovely, and you can do whatever you choose on your day. That person isn’t marrying you so their view doesn’t matter. The most important things at weddings are having people you love there, and everyone getting fed and watered in some way - everything else is up to you!
that’s exactly how i feel. if we were to have a traditional wedding we could only afford about 15 guests maximum and i’d rather have more people there!
OP posts:
firstimemamma · 02/07/2021 10:48

Sounds great op! We had a small and simple wedding too. Fewer than 20 people in total. Registry office, lovely photos in some nearby gardens and a confetti throwing session then off to a restaurant for a 3 course meal. Done! The day was over before 7pm. I wouldn't have changed a thing. We had an excellent photographer but only hired him for 2 hours so it was only £300. We stayed in a lovely hotel as it wasn't local. No bridesmaids but 2 flower girls and a page boy. Monsoon wedding dress but with professional dress fittings / alterations. No speeches, favours or fussy stuff. It was a wonderful day with great weather and good food and drink and I love our photos so much. Total cost under £3000. Low-key weddings are brilliant, go for it Smile

Notsoaccidentproneanymore · 02/07/2021 10:48

It’s your day. You can do whatever makes you happy (obs within reason and not illegal etc…. )

A friend married a couple of years ago. It was registry office, followed by pub. Some of us went to get food, then went back to the pub. It was lovely.

FartleBarfle · 02/07/2021 10:49

I have attended loads of weddings and don't tend to find my enjoyment has been affected in the slightest by the budget. It's all about the people, access to food and drink, and hopefully some kind of dancing or socialising.

One of the best weddings I had was a register office, then the close family went for a meal and we sorted ourselves out before we met for a party in the evening which included a buffet and we paid our own drinks (but the bar was reasonable). They told me the budget was £1500. I hate weddings where they have a prestigious venue but don't factor in the prohibitive coat of drinks to guests that comes with that.

It's just a party for one day, and having your closest friends and family around will be what makes it special. Don't end up on debt or spending money that could be saved for a house and family one on day. Good luck!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 02/07/2021 10:50

Not at all rubbish, sounds fun. Just time it to minimise hanging around with nothing to do/eat/drink.

We had a more traditional wedding but chose to have it late in the day.

GlamGiraffe · 02/07/2021 10:52

If its is what's nice TO YOU its what you should have.
Similarly if you want to just have a dinner with four or five people in a local restaurantm or just do something alone thats perfect too. Its not for people to impose their opinions and choices on you.its actually about you and your partner getting married and not about a party or event.
Do what you would like to do. The person who commented has (or had)the opportuniy to do what they prefer for their own wedding.
Its your day, your choice.

Thingsdogetbetter · 02/07/2021 10:53

I had this exact wedding! It was a blast and we loved it - 'we' being me and dh as it was OUR day afterall. And anyone who questioned OUR choice for OUR wedding were told to have their own wedding they way they wanted. And I wore leopard print and had a leopard print cake. Dh had leopard print tie. And we didn't even have bridesmaids or first dance. And our wedding bans was punk.

Oh my god, the horror of not conforming to other people's ideas of what OUR day should be! ShockGrin

Twickerhun · 02/07/2021 10:54

That sounds like the wedding I wanted but got talked out of.

I always regretted not doing something simpler

3Britnee · 02/07/2021 10:54

@weddingquestion12

name change as probably outing.

i’m wanting to get married next year but our budget is pretty low. tbh even if our budget wasn’t low i can’t see us being the big fancy wedding type as we’re both a bit awkward in settings like that.

we’ve agreed on ceremony at the registry office - 50 guests allowed (hopefully). followed by hiring out a bar and just having a sort of evening party with a buffet.

a relative has said it’s your wedding day you should be doing something nicer than that. are they right?

Sounds great. This is what we did, but with less people. We only had immediate family. We got married in a rose garden at the registry office, lovely gazebo etc. Then went to a pub we'd booked, that they let us decorate, for a bbq and free bar. The garden already had 2 bouncy castles for the kids and they had a sound system. We didn't do speeches or a first dance or anything like that. We didnt do favours as it was a completely free bar all night. We did do cake though, obviously (we had 3 😂).
WhoDidAndWhy · 02/07/2021 10:55

Do what suits you. Sounds more elaborate than my wedding!

SGChome20 · 02/07/2021 10:56

I’d flip it around on your relative and say ‘it’s our wedding day, we should have the day we want’

Just10moreminutesplease · 02/07/2021 10:59

The best weddings I’ve been to have been lovely and relaxed! (The worst was incredibly stuffy and fancy... the poor bride never seemed to relax).

It’s your wedding so do what makes you happy Grin.

DoubleHelix79 · 02/07/2021 11:00

When I was younger and had friends still at university or working in entry level jobs I went to quite a few very low key weddings - ceremony at the town hall, then a party in someone's garden or down to the pub. They were brilliant and I enjoyed them much more than the elaborate, formal affairs that I've attended in more recent times. I think most people don't care about being in some influencer type over the top wedding l, they just want to talk to family and friends that they haven’t seen in a while, see the couple getting married, and have some food.