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Original poster

does this sound like a rubbish wedding?

149 replies

weddingquestion12 · 02/07/2021 10:40

name change as probably outing.

i’m wanting to get married next year but our budget is pretty low. tbh even if our budget wasn’t low i can’t see us being the big fancy wedding type as we’re both a bit awkward in settings like that.

we’ve agreed on ceremony at the registry office - 50 guests allowed (hopefully). followed by hiring out a bar and just having a sort of evening party with a buffet.

a relative has said it’s your wedding day you should be doing something nicer than that. are they right?

OP posts:
SmellThat · 02/07/2021 20:24

It sounds utterly charming and intimate
All the guests would know how special they are to you
Although I'd probably have 49 guests after that comment

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 02/07/2021 20:54

@GlassOnTheLawn

I like relaxed weddings but not ones where it feels the bride and groom are stingy (eg not providing decent food and alcohol, having a pay bar, a venue that’s hard to get to or skimping on guests’ comfort at the expense of a photographer, extravagant bridal gown, lots and lots of guests instead of a few).

If you’re on a tight budget why not cut down the number of guests?

Remember many people travel a long way for weddings, pay for babysitters, hotels, feel obliged to give at least £100 as a gift.

The least any host can do is provide a comfortable accessible venue with plenty of seating, good quality range of food and drinks (buffet is fine) and not keep guests waiting for ages while you take photos.

I've never been to a wedding with a free bar!

Op I think it sounds lovely (and we have the same planned for next year!)

Ours will have a pay bar but it's a local rugby club so it's cheap!

newnortherner111 · 02/07/2021 21:08

Your wedding your choice. One less person to invite it seems.

twoshedsjackson · 02/07/2021 21:11

I agree that what you have planned sounds great; if your relative pursues the matter, you could explain about your limited budget and how you could only do more if some generous soul........people are sometimes inclined to make grand gestures on somebody else's dollar, I find.
Have a great day, don't spend money you don't have. The important thing is the rest of your life together, which I hope will be very happy.

cakecakecheese · 02/07/2021 21:23

Do want you want!

Nothing wrong with a big wedding if that's what the couple both want but I do think some big weddings are done because the couple are living up to other people's expectations and not going with what they actually want.

SingingInTheShithouse · 03/07/2021 13:59

I've only once ever been to a wedding with a free bar & that was in a field & more a mini festival with bands, free booze & free food vans .. fantastic wedding, definitely the best we've been too.

I've been to all kinds of weddings in my time, even minor royalty & various cultures. Never saw another free bar though Confused

Merryoldgoat · 03/07/2021 15:46

I think free bars are very much about your upbringing and culture.

I’m of West Indian heritage - a wedding is when people come in droves, celebrate and bring stuff with them. My grandma’s best friend turned up with a home made carrot cake which we added to the evening buffet.

Having a paid bar would be unthinkable for them but the general expectation would’ve been people would have contributed and then taken away what was left at the end.

I was uncomfortable with a paid bar so we hired a (very nice) hall and bought booze. It cost the same as a wedding in a fancy hotel but we prioritised that.

I have zero issue paying for drinks at a wedding where I’m a guest and expect to. I’ve probably only been to 3 weddings where there’s been an open bar.

kindaclassy · 03/07/2021 17:52

I have never been to a wedding outside of the UK with a paid bar Confused And only a few in the UK.

People host what they can afford.

I am not "offended" or reluctant to pay for my own drinks, but I do cringe a bit when I see money spent on flowers, invitations, decor... all for show and guests expected to pay their way.

JaceLancs · 03/07/2021 18:31

Do what you want to do!
I got married years ago when big weddings weren’t as much of a thing and we didn’t want to spend a fortune so had church wedding then lunch for under 50 - evening do for 120 at our home with buffet that DM and I did - best party I’ve ever had lol
DD is getting married next year - hired a glamping venue quite cheaply - marquee in case weather is bad for reception and a mixture of outside caterers including fish n chip van, pizza oven, falafel/wraps etc van, we will also BBQ
Venue does not have bar or onsite catering so we’ll provide wine beer and soft drinks and people can also bring a bottle

Sinthie · 03/07/2021 18:35

We had 3 guests at our wedding. No stress and exactly what we wanted. It’s your day, so do what you like. People go overboard these days.

Cotswoldmama · 03/07/2021 18:42

Sounds great!

willstarttomorrow · 03/07/2021 18:50

I love small weddings. Two of my friends have got married recently and both say they had a much better day because of covid restrictions. One in particular was being pushed into the big day by family and she was miserable at thought of it. Good weddings are all about the atmosphere, a relaxed bride and groom, people there who really matter and wish them well and a day full of laughter and goodwill rather than stress. Ultimately it is one day and what matters are the years that follow. To much pressure for it to be perfect is likely to lead to disappointment.

Mamamamasaurus · 03/07/2021 18:55

That's exactly what we did, it worked really well for us

MaMelon · 03/07/2021 18:56

Small, informal weddings are the best kind imo - I love being part of a couple’s special day and always feel very privileged to be invited as part of a small group. I’m there to wish them joy, happiness and many years together and whatever form the wedding and/or reception takes is fine by me! It’s a chance to have a day or night out, put on a nice frock, catch up with people I haven’t seen for years and eat & drink too much. What’s not to love?

Enjoy your special day OP - it’s going to be fab. Many congratulations! Smile

sixthtimelucky · 03/07/2021 19:13

We had an evening wedding, wanted it to be a party! It was fantastic. We had a buffet, a DJ, no bridesmaids or ushers, no cake or wedding car (all the money went on venue, booze and my dress!).

sixthtimelucky · 03/07/2021 19:14

Oh and it wasn't a free bar, we put a couple of thousand behind the bar until it ran out (quite quickly I have to admit!)

MahMahMahMahCorona · 03/07/2021 19:18

Sounds awful. I would have fewer guests 🤣

Honestly - that sounds absolutely bloody lovely and the sort of thing I would envisage if OH asked me to marry them.

GlassOnTheLawn · 03/07/2021 19:28

@GlassOnTheLawn Most wedding have a bar where the guests pay 🤔

I’ve never encountered a pay bar at a wedding. Either the hosts pick up the tab or put money behind it to cover the cost of a few drinks per head (ime anyway).
Nobody was rolling around drunk at these weddings either.
Plus there was wine on the tables and champagne on arrival so I guess people had already had a few drinks by the time it got to the bar stage?

GlassOnTheLawn · 03/07/2021 19:37

I am not "offended" or reluctant to pay for my own drinks, but I do cringe a bit when I see money spent on flowers, invitations, decor... all for show and guests expected to pay their way

This!

If the bride tells you they spent 4K on their dress, hair and make up came to £500, florist bill was £200, cake £800, the photographer £2k including a special book of memories and the harpist another 1k, it would be a bit odd to charge guests for drinks at the bar.

Especially if guests are contributing around £100 each to the honeymoon and have spent a fortune on travel, hotel and childcare it’s a bit odd to pay for your drinks too!

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 03/07/2021 20:05

@GlassOnTheLawn

I am not "offended" or reluctant to pay for my own drinks, but I do cringe a bit when I see money spent on flowers, invitations, decor... all for show and guests expected to pay their way

This!

If the bride tells you they spent 4K on their dress, hair and make up came to £500, florist bill was £200, cake £800, the photographer £2k including a special book of memories and the harpist another 1k, it would be a bit odd to charge guests for drinks at the bar.

Especially if guests are contributing around £100 each to the honeymoon and have spent a fortune on travel, hotel and childcare it’s a bit odd to pay for your drinks too!

My thoughts too. We dispensed with most of the extras, had no two tier guests and covered the cost of food and drink.
Skysblue · 03/07/2021 20:35

It’s the people who make it fun or not fun. I’ve been to some hideous posh weddings in castles. The best was at a hotel where they had a civil ceremony in one room, party in another and we all stayed the night - was so relaxed no messing about with cars etc.

Do whatever makes you happy xx

vincettenoir · 03/07/2021 22:54

No.

omgthepain · 03/07/2021 23:03

@weddingquestion12
That sounds awful

My friend was on a budget she had a registry office and then hired a working men's club which was dirty, run down with the most disgusting toilets

To top it off the catering was a burger van w head to pay for

It was awful

We stayed an hour and made our excuses

coronafiona · 03/07/2021 23:18

The best wedding I went to was reg office then in a field with hay bales to sit on, home made cake and BYO drinks. They hired a burger van for the food. It's was great.

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