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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

does this sound like a rubbish wedding?

149 replies

weddingquestion12 · 02/07/2021 10:40

name change as probably outing.

i’m wanting to get married next year but our budget is pretty low. tbh even if our budget wasn’t low i can’t see us being the big fancy wedding type as we’re both a bit awkward in settings like that.

we’ve agreed on ceremony at the registry office - 50 guests allowed (hopefully). followed by hiring out a bar and just having a sort of evening party with a buffet.

a relative has said it’s your wedding day you should be doing something nicer than that. are they right?

OP posts:
Justlovedogs · 02/07/2021 13:22

To paraphrase your relative: it's your wedding day, you can do whatever you like...
My wedding. Register office, 12 guests, lunch in a restaurant after for those attending, went home, party with disco, buffet and cake in the evening for 40 or so. And that was years before Covid...
Do what suits you, your budget and makes you happy. Smile

Fuckitfuckit · 02/07/2021 13:25

Not too dissimilar to the wedding we had.

We chose a restaurant / b&b which meant something to us.
Speaking to them we found out that a buffet would be more expensive than getting a buffet put together.

We had 36 guests. Very small affair. £1000 for food £600 behind the bar.
For that we got canapés, beers and cocktails,
A 3 course meal for each guest.
Mini fish and chips and beef sliders and wedges of the evening.

Included in this we got exclusive use of the restaurant, which serves some of the loveliest high quality but down to earth we have ever had...Still hear from people how much they liked the food.

We also paid for rooms for our guests, which set us back about £1400.

But we felt like it was a really nice little get together.

Other than that, we paid £250 for flowers, 6 table bouquets, 2 bouquets, and a flower wand, which contained some expensive roses (dolce vitas if I remember correctly)

Then the singer was £250.

It's perfectly doable to have a nice wedding on the cheap.

markmichelle · 02/07/2021 13:29

Bloke opinion: Probably trivial,
I like going to weddings and big family parties. One of the best was small, the ceremony was quite late in the afternoon, then we went to hotel for a buffet. A natural time of day to eat and drink. It worked.
At any wedding there are a bunch of blokes really wishing they were not there because they are only on the fringe. They would not complain if they didn't have to go. Don't worry about reducing the numbers, they will thank you.
I do hope you do not overpay for the photographer. Muggers with lenses!
ENJOY YOUR DAY,

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 02/07/2021 13:33

Sounds great op.
I dont know many people that massively enjoy the 'traditional' wedding format as guests - travelling somewhere remote to stay in a hotel that's way above your normal budget, hanging around for hours while photos are done, eating at awkward times etc

Bluesheep8 · 02/07/2021 13:35

A relative has said it’s your wedding day you should be doing something nicer than that. are they right?

No they're not right! Do exactly what you want. It sounds lovely to me.
Actually, if think about not inviting that relative if the day youve chosen isn't going to be nice enough for them!

SingingInTheShithouse · 02/07/2021 13:37

Just to add, we reduced costs further by asking friends to donate a bit of time to help out. A press photographer friend offered to take the photos & they were great, not traditional at all, way better. Other amateur photographer friends mucked in too. Film cameraman friend did a bit of videoing, musicians & a magician friend all did a short stint on stage to entertain, others got up & jammed with them. Others helped with flowers, invites & setting up the buffet & cake & decorating the pub. Made my own dress, friend made DHs suit (we provided cloth)The pub itself who were friends too, offered us free champagne if we had our buffet there as it meant a really busy day for them when they weren't a very busy pub usually

TheGoogleMum · 02/07/2021 13:41

Sounds good to me. The traditional wedding breakfast is very expensive! I think people who got married a long time ago don't appreciate just how expensive it is nowadays

Blossomtoes · 02/07/2021 13:41

It sounds lovely. Ours was very similar except we did it in church. We had a fabulous day.

Truenorthmum · 02/07/2021 13:46

That sounds wonderful, they couldn't be more wrong!

We had our wedding at a swanky hotel cancelled by covid and it was a blessing in disguise.

When we do get married we will be doing something very similar to you, the majority of my friends who had weddings booked during covid have cancelled the big do's and are now doing a small ceremony and big party in a bar/pub/back garden.

I'm so excited to go to them all as a guest and think they will be so much more enjoyable than the fancy all day shindigs that were planned!

It's your wedding and all that matters is that you're happy and it's something that you both want. If they don't like it they can RSVP no can't they, or even better don't invite them 😂

Doghead · 02/07/2021 13:48

Sounds perfect to me.

TheTeenageYears · 02/07/2021 14:27

Tell the family member you will gladly accept them paying for something they deem nicer but otherwise you are very happy with your plans and not wanting to get into huge debt to satisfy others opinions of YOUR wedding.

AryaStarkWolf · 02/07/2021 14:28

Sounds great to me, Congratulations and have a brilliant Day OP

drumandthebass · 02/07/2021 14:29

It's sounds a perfect day. I agree with others that you shouldn't invite the relative that has criticised your choice of wedding

Animum2 · 02/07/2021 15:17

OP that's the sort of wedding we had, it was just what we wanted and everyone who came said they enjoyed it, we had 40 at the actual wedding then another 30 for the reception

Echobelly · 02/07/2021 15:20

Sounds lovely.

Honestly I have been at weddings of all kindws from 100s of guests at the Savoy hotel to a registry do and then drinks down a really shabby pub, and honestly, I know which end I had the most fun at (gotta say, food at Savoy was wonderful, though)

Myusernameisnotmyusernameno · 02/07/2021 17:29

We're getting married in September. Registry office then a party in a social club with street food vans and a band.

Blossomtoes · 02/07/2021 17:35

@Myusernameisnotmyusernameno

We're getting married in September. Registry office then a party in a social club with street food vans and a band.
Can I come? It sounds amazing.
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 02/07/2021 18:04

I love simple weddings where it’s all about the vows rather that the whole big day.

Myusernameisnotmyusernameno · 02/07/2021 18:07

@Blossomtoes aah thank you. And yes haha

Ipreferwinter · 02/07/2021 18:12

I wish we'd done this OP!

I would have preferred a low key, relaxed scenario to fuss feat we ended up with.

RiderGirl · 02/07/2021 18:19

Ours was similar.. Registry office with 20 guests, we hired a pretty village hall and decorated it, had about 60 guests total, put loads of booze on the tables, we made 3 big vats of different curry plus other assorted things to eat, it was great, music and dancing... Dresses all off ebay etc etc, total cost £1500 ish. People always say what a great wedding it was. It has to be what YOU want at the end of the day!

WingingItSince1973 · 02/07/2021 19:12

That is like my 2nd wedding. Small guest list and we rented out a village pub which provided a lovely meal. Everyone said it was such a lovely relaxed wedding. My first one was too much. Church, big dress, tonnes of bridesmaids, big party after with lots of drinking and dancing. Looking back I just did what was expected of me and didn't enjoy it. Do whatever makes you and your DP happy.

GlassOnTheLawn · 02/07/2021 19:32

I like relaxed weddings but not ones where it feels the bride and groom are stingy (eg not providing decent food and alcohol, having a pay bar, a venue that’s hard to get to or skimping on guests’ comfort at the expense of a photographer, extravagant bridal gown, lots and lots of guests instead of a few).

If you’re on a tight budget why not cut down the number of guests?

Remember many people travel a long way for weddings, pay for babysitters, hotels, feel obliged to give at least £100 as a gift.

The least any host can do is provide a comfortable accessible venue with plenty of seating, good quality range of food and drinks (buffet is fine) and not keep guests waiting for ages while you take photos.

MrsJBaptiste · 02/07/2021 20:14

@GlassOnTheLawn Most wedding have a bar where the guests pay 🤔

I've only been to one wedding where it was a free bar all night (and had the hangover from hell the next day to prove it!)

Flippittyflopperty · 02/07/2021 20:19

The best wedding I ever went to was extremely low budget and there was about 15 of us. It was lovely and informal and the bride and groom and everyone else had a perfect day. It’s definitely not about cost.
Don’t feel pressured by anyone - oh and have a lovely day Smile