THE singular most embarrassing moment of your life?

[OlympicProcrastinator]

You know, the one that pops in to your head at 3am 15 years later and you can still feel the burning shame?

I’ll start. Met a client at work and introduced myself, asked their name. It was a fairly unusual name so began making small talk about it / origins, someone I used to know with same name etc etc. Then….for some reason I just completely forgot what we were talking about and followed it up with, “So anyway, you haven’t told me your name”. Que a look of bemusement then disdain from him as he shook his head and said, “I think you’d better go away now”. It was just so awful. I shuffled off.
I saw him a few weeks later with a friend and he was pointing and laughing at me. That was 20 years ago. I Still cringe.

There was a cracking one on here a few years ago where a woman had gone to a wedding she didn’t like and was slagging it off by text to her husband. Except it wasn’t her husband. She’d accidentally text the bride!! Who promptly told her she was blocked forever.

Anyone care to share theirs?

I was at a gym some years ago, running on the treadmill. I needed to get off and stupidly tried to be clever and get off while it was still moving. I fell arse over face on to the floor and everyone turned to look at me. Still makes me cringe

@FortunesFave, that really made me laugh 😆

@Darlingx Clearly the sort of shoes that were designed to be worn by someone sitting down at a photoshoot, and never actually walked in!

I had an awful one. On holiday 2 years ago quite a lot heavier than I am now. I had bought a gorgeous vintage 60s style swimsuit and floppy hat, lazing on the sunlounger thinking I looked the bomb sipping on my pina colada with kindle in the other hand while DH and DC were in the pool.

All of a sudden I heard an almighty crack and the sunlounger collapsed underneath me and topped back! Head hit the floor, stylish floppy hat and kindle flying across the terrace, legs in the air and pina colada all over my face.

Two lovely women came running over exclaiming not to worry they were just cheap loungers (obviously knowing I knew it was my weight). One gathered up my things and got another lounger while the other fetched me another cocktail.

I was absolutely mortified but also so touched by their kindness.

@PepsiMax91

Oh and when i went into Specsavers a few weeks ago, went to sit down completely missed the chair and ended up on the floor.

There was about 6 other people there just asking me constantly if i was ok. The receptionist grinning away at me.

The chair was up against a wall and i dont know how i did it but i can see the funny side. just about

Oh my god I hope they use this for their next advert

waterlego
@FortunesFave
I think I was providing light entertainment for the diners that evening and felt too scared of wearing them out again but I learn my lesson sort of

Many years ago, people used boxed Flash to clean stuff. I was on a training course, for a uniformed, serious job. During break time, I thought it would be a bit of a wheeze to hide the box of flash under my uniform jacket, then open it, and go "Flash". As in flasher. This was in the days when there were more actual flashers as the ability to send a dick pic over the internet didn't exist...it was the 70's what can I say. All was going well until one of the bosses came in, also in uniform, and wanted me to do something. I had the choice of either clutching the Flash box awkwardly under my jacket or option B. I chose the B option, casually opened my jacket, put the box of cleaner on the side as if it was an entirely normal thing to do, and walked off to do his bidding. What can I say. I was 18. I styled it out as best I could.

In the eighties i was all done up looking really cool, (i thought) posing my way round a nighclub with a sunken circular dancefloor accessed by steps at various intervals around it. Caught the eye of a gorgeous young man so sipping on my drink maintained sultry eye contact as i sashayed along, straight into the gap where the steps were falling right down…. Never spilled my drink though 🙄

Not mine, but a former colleague. Many, many years ago.
Another miss-heard one.

Colleague, a Midwife, looking after woman in labour.
Labour not really progressing so colleague contacts Doctor to come and review the patient.
Doctor arrives, vaginal examination in progress, turns to colleague and says "What do you think of magicians?".
What a bizarre question under the circumstances thinks colleague, but maybe this is this particular Doc's technique of helping patient relax during examination ie. talk about something completely unrelated to the situation.

"Well, I can't say I've given it much thought, to be honest", says colleague, "I suppose Paul Daniels is not bad if you like that sort of thing".

Doctor looks at colleague as if she has completely lost the plot and says, "I said, what do you think of the position?" - ie. how is this baby lying/presenting.

PS. Mum and baby, both fine - I know you'd want to know, this being Mumsnet.

One morning I couldn't find a clean bra, but quickly remembered that I'd hung a delicates wash out on the clothes horse in the conservatory.
Ran down stairs in just pants and when I couldn't see any neighbours in their gardens, I decided I'd take a chance and quickly grab said clean bra.
My chance didn't pay off - my male next door neighbour exited his back door just as I entered the conservatory. My initial reaction was to, of course, cover my boobs, but then (stupidly) my sociable, neighbourly brain took over, and I subsequently removed the hand off my right boob to give a polite wave 🤦🏼‍♀️.

And if that wasn't bad enough, at the same house, when we finally got a clothes drier, the only place for it was in our garage at the end of our 'shared' garden path. For a good week or so, whereas I had been avoiding moving the squashed dead crow that lay on the path, the neighbours couldn't understand why I wasn't picking up my (clearly dropped from the basket) black knickers, so brought them round FOR me.🤦🏼‍♀️

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

I've posted about this one before.

Years ago, before I was married, I was mad about this fella who use to shop in the local Co-op where I also shopped. I didn't exactly follow him about but I did keenly keep an eye out for him. Our eyes sometimes did meet across the baked beans and we'd smile at each other.

I, in my foolishness, decided to ramp this up a notch and hatched a cunning seduction plan. The next Co-op trip was to be D-Day and I dressed for the part of femme fatale.

All going well, I teetered around the shop very carefully (and slowly) awaiting my prey. He came in, I knew he'd probably stop by the bread so that's where I was headed. As planned, he came for bread, saw me, said 'Hello'. I half-turned to give him a winning smile, I was holding onto the edge of the shelf, stupidly thought I would do some sort of sexy 'bunny-dip', mismanaged my feet which slid out from under me and I crashed to the floor but not without first pulling that plastic shelf edging with me into an ungodly heap.

He looked shocked and concerned, offered to help me up. Wasn't that kind? Did I take up his offer? No I did not. I put my head on my arms and pretended to be asleep. I don't know how long I stayed like that but he was gone by the time I 'woke up'.

Lunacy! I used to like that Co-op too. Of course I can't go back there now.

God I remember that post. Loved it given and love it now. You are a LEGEND. For every part of it.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

I've posted about this one before.

Years ago, before I was married, I was mad about this fella who use to shop in the local Co-op where I also shopped. I didn't exactly follow him about but I did keenly keep an eye out for him. Our eyes sometimes did meet across the baked beans and we'd smile at each other.

I, in my foolishness, decided to ramp this up a notch and hatched a cunning seduction plan. The next Co-op trip was to be D-Day and I dressed for the part of femme fatale.

All going well, I teetered around the shop very carefully (and slowly) awaiting my prey. He came in, I knew he'd probably stop by the bread so that's where I was headed. As planned, he came for bread, saw me, said 'Hello'. I half-turned to give him a winning smile, I was holding onto the edge of the shelf, stupidly thought I would do some sort of sexy 'bunny-dip', mismanaged my feet which slid out from under me and I crashed to the floor but not without first pulling that plastic shelf edging with me into an ungodly heap.

He looked shocked and concerned, offered to help me up. Wasn't that kind? Did I take up his offer? No I did not. I put my head on my arms and pretended to be asleep. I don't know how long I stayed like that but he was gone by the time I 'woke up'.

Lunacy! I used to like that Co-op too. Of course I can't go back there now.

God I remember that post. Loved it given and love it now. You are a LEGEND. For every part of it.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe God I remember that post. Loved it given and love it now. You are a LEGEND. For every part of it.

God, you do go on @Shannith!

At work aeons ago, we had a Greek customer called Mr Ichianus.

Need I say more?

He was not pleased when I phoned him, and pronounced his surname incorrectly.

Same job, another client, called Chi-Kin Chung. We all used to refer to him in conversation as 'Chunky Chicken.' When I met him at an event, my bosses, due to the 'Mr Ichianus' incident, were terrified I would blurt out his nickname when I met him so they kept me away from him. (Sorry for the anticlimax).

Same job again, sent a letter addressed to Wiltshite Cunty Council. I only realised when I went to file the copy some days later. I re-printed and re-copied the letter and no-one ever know. I hope someone in the Council had a laugh anyway.

I was on an overnight flight. I had a really bad sick headache and suddenly realised I was going to be sick. We were in emergency exit seats and the loo was occupied. I was sick on the floor in front of our seats. The (BA) crew were so nice about it and moved us to other seats, fortunately the plane was not full.

thanks Shannith, I'm amazed you remember it, it was eons ago.

I still cringe to myself when I think of it though.

The one that haunts me, I went to a boys (12ish?) house for tea. I was offered ketchup, and you better believe I fucking shook that bottle.
Yep, the cap was only balanced on top.
Walls. Curtains. Ceiling. Sofa. Fucking ornaments and mirrors.
And...
On his mums face
I apologised profusely , she grinned through gritted teeth, with a big dollop of sauce about to drip from her head, and said "don't worry dear, it's done now"

@NuckingFightmare

The one that haunts me, I went to a boys (12ish?) house for tea. I was offered ketchup, and you better believe I fucking shook that bottle. Yep, the cap was only balanced on top. Walls. Curtains. Ceiling. Sofa. Fucking ornaments and mirrors. And... On his mums face I apologised profusely , she grinned through gritted teeth, with a big dollop of sauce about to drip from her head, and said "don't worry dear, it's done now"

Ha, my best mate did that at our house too! We used to take turnabout whose house we went to before Brownies, and same thing - I'd handed the bottle to her with the lid only balanced on top and she shook it too, but only once. Huge streak up the wall, on the table, but didn't quite make the curtains thankfully!

Mine is nowhere near as great as a lot of them on here, but the ketchup thing reminded me of one time at work. I had taken a big bottle of pop in with me, but I can only assume it must have got shaken up a lot in the car. I tried to open it slowly, expecting a controlled fizz, but instead the top shot right off with an enormous bang and made the entire floor of probably 80-100 people (including multiple managers) scream and then go completely silent!

For all they knew, it could have been a bomb! The big dent in the ceiling was still there when I left several years later! It was like one of those impressive, spectacular experiments that chemistry teachers do at school - only they do it outside and everybody is watching and warned and expecting a loud bang

I got so unbelievably drunk at a work event that I started explaining the contents of one of the presentations from earlier in the day to the person who gave the presentation. I even said, "And Sandra said in her presentation that bla bla bla bla" and she goes ".....I know. I am Sandra".

Urrrrrgh doom doom doom.

I answered a call at work to someone who wanted to speak to my boss about hiring us for a project. He was awfully posh and being very patronising on the phone, I work in a male dominated industry so often get men treating me like a 'little woman'. I put him on hold and passed the phone over to my boss whilst saying "god he sounds like such a dickhead". Yep, you guessed it, I hadn't put him on hold and he heard everything apparently he said he'd been called worse and laughed it off, but needless to say we didn't get the contract and I can't believe I didnt get the sack

I was running a training course at a hospital abroad, and when I left the receptionist kindly ordered me a taxi.

When it arrived, I couldn't get the door to open, to get in. So I was banging on the window asking him to release the back door locks.

He did, and I leapt in and he turned round and said "Why are you hammering on my car? You're not my wife, I'm here to collect my wife."

It wasn't a taxi at all... in fact, it didn't even look like one. I don't know why I assumed the first car to pull up would be for me. I think I was just keen to get out of there asap!

Not long into lockdown, I was in a large and important 3-hour zoom meeting with various senior people from my organisation and another organisation (I'm also a senior figure). The discussion was really interesting but I really needed to pee so I popped my camera and mic off and ran to the loo - right next door to my home office - keeping both doors open so I could still hear what was being said.

Got back and realised to my horror that I hadn't actually turned off the mic. The loo is in such close proximity that there's no way they wouldn't have heard me peeing like a racehorse and then flushing and there were definitely some bemused, annoyed and trying to hold in laughter looks.

So, did I style it out? Apologise? Own it? Stay quiet? No, not me. I did none of those sensible things. Instead, and on the spur of the moment, I decided to tell them that there is currently a plumber in the house dealing with some problems with our pipes and they might, from time to time, hear some test flushing and water being poured down the toilet and sinks and I'm really sorry for any disruption this might cause.

Then I spent the rest of the meeting strategically disappearing to randomly run taps and flush the toilet. At one point I had an imaginary one way conversation with the "plumber" - "it's going to cost how much???"

It was patently obvious that nobody was buying it but I was so deep into the deception that I just kept going.

Want to shrivel up every time I think about it now. Worse when I have to face these colleagues.

The Zoom on the loo makes my top 3. Particularly the clearly making it even worse effort to style it out with the pretend plumber; genius....

What myself at work.

That is all.